My marriage is in crisis

Most men I've known weren't excited about having children until they actually had one. Then they're jumping around with joy, holding their new baby, bragging to everyone they know.

Thread: Two Gay Dads find out they're going to be Grandpas! Priceless Reactions!



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these men are more of a man than you will ever be.
because at least these people are not lying cowards because they are afraid to be alone.

they live their life in an open way.
it may not be a way you approve of. but it's least it's not dishonest and cowardly.

have fun dying old and alone OP, you do realise kids grow up into adult? and then they have kids...grandchildren, family/ etc.

ask ANY old person what matters in life to them and they without a doubt will say "family"

kids = a waste of money? you got to be fucking kidding us, what is it that so important you already spend your money on?

internet? sky tv? toys?


LOL you sound like a grade A douchebag & see your marrage failing very soon. your wife sure picked a loser

there was a very short window of time when I thought I wanted kids, mostly because I thought that was the next step in being married and everyone else was doing it, and you have to keep up with the Joneses. I know my husband would have made a great father, I, however, would not have made such a great mother. I am way too selfish with my own needs, I love having a fit body and and like having all the free time I have to be with my husband and not be running around ragged dealing with kids...I am so glad I know this about myself and now, in our 40's we live like 20 somethings, carefree and very little stress about money or lack of due to kids and the high cost of having them. We travel, have sex whenever we want and still look 10-15 years younger than we really are. When I look at the friends and family that have kids, I see nothing but worry, frustration and parents living vicariously through their kids because their life was cut short with the responsibility of parenthood and now they want their kids to achieve their dreams (sports, college, etc...). Yes, I see joy at times, but mostly I see tired, worried parents who have become like ships passing through the night all in the name of making sure the kiddos are taken care of and have every new pricey gadget that comes out. Right now I am planning a summer 2013 vacation in Europe with the hubby for 3 weeks. My friends do get envious at times that they cannot just drop what they are doing and get on a plane to go do something fun. I travel on business with my husband often, something I could not do if we had kids. I do what I want, when I want. If you are somewhat of a free spirit, having children is a big damper to your lifestyle.

Not having kids was the best decision I ever made for me and it has made us closer, I believe. Communication is key. He was not 100% sure he wanted kids either. If either person is not 100% sure then you should not have kids. A child deserves to be wanted by both parents.

20+ years married and still we have so mush to see and do in this world. As for kids... if its meant to be, it will be. Forcing it probably means it was not meant to be.

OP, you obviously hate children, and it seems difficult for you to start loving one who isn't even yours. If you must have a child, why not try artificial insemination with a donor mom or some shit like that? At least that child will be yours, and so you will have to love him.

^^true^^

The problem is women want it all, the job, the kids, the husband. Once you start having kids its even more crucial to make sure you take care of yourself, exercise and wear pretty clothes. Women have children and a few years later look years older than their husbands because they gain weight and let themselves go. Then they wonder why the husband is cheating.

if you are going to have kids you need to be a stay at home mom and make sure you are taking good care of yourself so you can take care of everyone else. Trying to do it all will only result in failure in either the kids' behavior or neglect of the husband's needs.

Always need to keep the husband's needs first, then kids' needs and then if you have a job, the responsibilities of that... otherwise your home will be a mess. Working outside of the home will ruin what you hold so dear to yourself in the first place, the husband and the children. Just have to make sure your priorities are in order.

It's called surrogacy.

/thread

My wife of 17 years recently left me. We have 3 children together. I am not bitter anymore because I understand nothing is forever.
My advice to you is talk to her. If it is not resolvable then leave. Dont make concesions that you cannot live with. Nothing wrong with not wanting children in your life. There are those that make up for your lack of parental instict. In saying that most people grow into the role of parenting.
Peace to you and good luck. I pray so that you are shown all you need to see.

I have to consider what it would be like to have my spouse force me to have a baby when I did not want to...then raise it.

It really is not a place I would ever have wanted to be put into.

That is like demanding something that really should be wanted by the one you are trying to get it from by demand.

It is hard to demand certain things that should come naturally from some one.

I have had one close person who married and her husband was sterile she did not know this of course neither did he.

But she chose him over leaving his for a child of her own instead.

In the end they wound up taking in her sister children and raising them as their own from very little up.

I do no think they would have don this if they had of had a house full of their own.

The sisters children I have no idea where they would have wound up.

I to this day believe that his being sterile was long seen before the orphans were even born.

They even knew him as Dad their only Dad...and they loved him until he died.

He was a blessing in disguise he never even noticed he was...the man never even saw it that way.

I can not imagine what his arrival though the gates of heaven would have been like.
He would have surely been surprised.

He was a good fellow.

They still love him and keep him in their homes in photos and minds even dream about him still.

They called him the giant from Bunker Hill....he was so massive like a giant.

There are option op. I had a hysterectomy because of cancer 4 weeks before my wedding. We knew there were options. My little sister offered to be a surrogate for us. I still had my ovaries after surgery.Very long story short, I was placed on fetility drugs and then my sister carried my biological ( and hubby's) baby. =) Eighteen years later...... He's a man and going to college in the summer. There are amazing things our Docs can do. Dont give up, if its Gods will he will see you thru it . GL and GB

Surrogate host . Had ours at University Hospital Cleveland, Ohio. One of the best in the U.S. =)

Some women marry men they love, regardless of children. Some women want children and seek a man/husband to complete that.

Question is, what kind of woman is your wife?

This way it can be biologically both of yours.

Not for nothing, but how do you know? The wife could be a total jerk as well. You act like you know them. You don't.

I do agree they should not have kids though, it would be a huge mistake.

Kids?!

now?!

not!

Why wasn't this shit discussed before you got married?

Wanting kids is a pretty fundamental variable.

Unlike that Yosemite Sam dude, I don't think you're a selfish prick for not wanting kids, but I do think you're a dumb fuck for getting married without understanding what you actually want out of said marriage.

I've broken it off with a couple great potential moms simply because I'm not sure if I want kids.

Even though I love kids I'm leaning towards no, because this world is just too fucked up to bring kids into it in good conscience.

OP. Trust your gut and be honest with yourself and your wife. She has to respect your wishes too. Yes you don't want to loose your wife, but you also don't want to sentence your future to unhappiness.
You did your part, you tried, you went the AI route (well there is still the IVF route but expensive) but you are allowed to have limits as well.
Don't go along with it in the hopes that you'll change your mind and be happy about it later, because you are who you are and you probably wont be happy about it later.
Tough call man. Good luck.

they normally dont do that

For once I agree with Brief. Don't adopt a 3rd world kid. It won't fit in.

just heard the pope has some twitter feeds going on

@pontifix


hm..

or this

#pontifix

Yes, there is a limit to how far one must sacrifice in a marriage. I married young and my then-husband assured me he wanted 3 or 4 kids, for me to be a stay-at-home mom -- he lied, flat out, tellinf me what I wanted to hear. After the first baby he had a vasectomy at age 21 without even telling me. I couldn't believe the doctor would do that but husband lied to the doc and said he was single and had some genetic disease. He was a terrible father, never changed a diaper, left at 2 am to go to other women's houses when the baby was up crying or sick all night. By the time I divorced him he had given me a gynecologic infection (from one of his skanks) that rendered me infertile.

If the SOB had been honest from the start and said he didn't want kids we would have never married and both been saved a lot of grief. He did not give me that option by deceiving me about his real feelings.

Please, for the sake of your wife and future children, be honest with her and let her go find a man who is more suited to her needs. This will free you to find a woman more suited to yours as well. Everybody wins.

You should not have children with the idea that they will care for you/keep you company/etc in old age. They will have their own lives, and you need to have yours too...even into old age. This includes socially having your act together so your kids don't feel "responsible" for entertaining you/etc. and also financially so you are not sponging off of them.

Having children should be an act of love, altruistic in nature, and done for the sake of showing your bond/love for your spouse. Children are NOT responsible for their parents. If parents have been good, the children will naturally be involved in the parents' lives. But people who have kids to take care of them when they are old/live through the kids/sponge off the kids should be disowned anyway.

Parenthood should NOT be a self-interested thing.

Several points here:
1. Where this world is headed, only a person who is really selfish to have the privilege of raising a child without regard to what that child will suffer in the coming years would think about bringing a child into this world. In the next 1-2 years, many people who yearned to have children will seriously regret it due to events out of their control.

2. It would be better to adopt a child who is already here due to someone else's lack of foresight. They still need help. It is a real lottery on how it turns out.

3. You can't get over you. Your wife's longings are very important and not a bad thing. If she knew as I do how bad things will get in the world in the next few years, any regard for the suffering of a child would have her thankful she did not bring one into this world. Adopting a baby would be a good thing for her and the children are already here. Many adoptions turn into a really beautiful thing. But, if you cannot get over your selfishness to help her with her natural longings in maternal instinct and help another child, then you are the main one instigating a marriage crisis. Get over yourself.

I wasn't a "kid" person, most kids still irritate me. However, I wanted children and I love my kids like nothing else in this world. Kids are the most incredible experience, though very time consuming, scary, exhausting, etc, but also the most fulfilling. Since you already agreed to try the other way, why the suddenly brakes when it comes to adoption? You either need to be very honest with her and risk losing her, or agree. BUT, if you agree to it, you MUST do it with an open mind and heart and try and be the best parent you can. If you two adopt and you are an absent father, you think she will resent you for not having kids, adopting a kid and resenting her for it will DOOM your marriage. You must be totally honest with your hesistation. The fact that you haven't, makes me wonder what else do you hide so you can "keep" her. She has a right to know how you feel, it may change her mind about the child or about you.

You've gotta think though, you most likely will never get to see your grand kids become adults.

Especially if your children wait til they are even 25.

But it is more important to have children with the right person, than have them at a younger age.

How is it, you know he's out cheating. But you still sleep with him and don't use protection to boot?

Also most if not all curable std cause infertility after a good amount of time if they are not treated.

Plus his skanks are only skanks if they knew about you. But I'm guessing if he is such a liar, he didn't tell them he is a walking std and also married.

Just sayin.