Godlike Productions - Conspiracy Forum
Users Online Now: 3,293 (Who's On?)Visitors Today: 2,194,426
Pageviews Today: 3,082,288Threads Today: 687Posts Today: 13,462
05:50 PM


Rate this Thread

Absolute BS Crap Reasonable Nice Amazing
 

Homemade chili - beans or no beans

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28786416
United States
12/03/2012 09:56 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
What a strange question. If you put beans in chili, it is no longer chili, but Chili beans. Chili does NOT have beans. Chili is meat and seasonings. Next you'll be talking about putting celery in chili.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28786416
United States
12/03/2012 10:03 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
I experienced chili doom last night,

I am from Texas. My girlfriend who is from up north made homemade chili last night, I think she put 3 types of beans in it. We got into a discussion about how chili shouldn't have beans in it.

So what do you think.. beans or no beans?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1490846


No beans, Texas red. No tomatoes either.
 Quoting: Nikola Tesla




Are chopped fresh onions and cheese allowed on top?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1243271
United States
12/03/2012 10:07 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
I've no idea the origination of this email or who wrote it, but it wasn't me. Enjoy!

INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

"Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges and (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me
two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that ugly bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lipsanymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided tostop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili?
FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4110531
United States
12/03/2012 10:12 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
It depends on how spicy you like your chili.

Gas and fire can be an explosive combination!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28785161
United States
12/03/2012 10:29 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
no beans in chili con carne. stupid yanks.
oscillator01

User ID: 1899433
United States
12/03/2012 10:40 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
With kidney beans
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28586482


YES! with red kidney beans.

thumbs
‹^› ‹(•¿•)› ‹^›
Nikola Tesla

User ID: 18230284
United States
12/03/2012 10:43 PM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
I experienced chili doom last night,

I am from Texas. My girlfriend who is from up north made homemade chili last night, I think she put 3 types of beans in it. We got into a discussion about how chili shouldn't have beans in it.

So what do you think.. beans or no beans?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1490846


No beans, Texas red. No tomatoes either.
 Quoting: Nikola Tesla




Are chopped fresh onions and cheese allowed on top?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28786416


Absolutely! Lots of onion and cheese on Texas Red is great.
“The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.” - Frank Zappa
Lady Jane SmithModerator
Forum Moderator

User ID: 1308429
United States
12/03/2012 10:43 PM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
No beans.
Life is karma and karma always reflects both past and present circumstance. Our time here is short, so choose carefully and behave well, for all of your tomorrows are presently being decided.

"Don't die on a small cross..." Saddletramp's Mom

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
-- William Shakespeare, born April 23, 1564.

Janebroom
Killer Bunny mockingjay
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29024278
United States
12/03/2012 10:47 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
I make it both ways depending on what sounds good at the time...beans add needed fiber to the chili...
but i just spoon it in my ass and rotate on cock.
 Quoting: BRIEF


hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19510487
United States
12/03/2012 11:12 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
Beans, beans, the musical fruit. Mmmmmm good the more the better!
 Quoting: Seeking 1437837


You won't toot if you soak them to a bit of a sprout first. Not everyone tolerates kidney beans, so pinto beans are softer and more digestible. I've also used adzuki beans (small and red).

At worst, beans are an extender for the meat.
Mister ObviousModerator
Forum Administrator

12/03/2012 11:14 PM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
Hi,
We have been together for about 10 years. We treat each other with respect. We never fight. We have both been thru alot together. I listen to her thoughts, views and ideas. She listens to mine. We don't have to agree about everything, No reason to fight about it. If we were exactly like each other that would be very boring. LOL.

We are in our mid-40's. After being ran thru the coals by socialpaths and other evils in the world, we got out if it together. Having each other's back is the only way. Like I said, we don't aways agree about everything and that is fine with both of us. Our core beliefs are the same.

There are some differences to keep things interesting... Last night it was beans. :)

I don't like beans in my chili.
She likes beans in her chili.
I respect that.
So does she,

We talked about it then watched some Walking Dead. We had a great night. Life is too short to look for drama everywhere. That is something we both believe in.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1490846



Well good then.

Glad to hear it.

Pat her on the ass for me.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1490846
United States
12/03/2012 11:59 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Homemade chili - beans or no beans
Well good then.

Glad to hear it.

Pat her on the ass for me.
 Quoting: Mister Obvious


I will,
She would like that.

hf

News