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dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!

 
Don'tBeAfraid

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01/14/2013 03:52 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
@Don´tBeAfraid:

I should and will rename this thread to "dating&romance advice" - you´re doing such a good job on this, more people should read it!

i can´t thank you enough for taking the time and pointing all these things out !

hf
 Quoting: phoenixe


You're welcome. The only difference I see in phoe's behavior and another Lady is that she's currently undergoing a loss of self-worth versus another Lady who is currently affirmed, respected, valued, and loved.

The majority of Ladies undergo a moment of doubt or LOTS of moments.

As guys we could help them find balance, or we could put an anchor on them and help them drown. Which is more spiritual? The first. Which is darkness? The latter.

As men, we have a responsibility to help them. They are our sisters, our mothers, our aunts, our cousins, our friends, and maybe our lovers and wives. That's partially what it means to be a Man, a real Man.

Since half of the people of the Earth are women, and this can so easily be done, then it is LAZY not to help.

Now if they would take as much time to understand our needs as MEN, then the world would be full of joy, wouldn't it?

Since Men are physically stronger, and can be rugged and stout hearted, then we have a chance to help them. But if they tear us down, then wonder, "Why is it I am so alone?" then maybe the problem is from them and from us.

Since women generally are sensitive and kind hearted, then mostly they are trying to understand us. Some don't, just as some men don't.

As a guy, you may think phoe is whiney. Well, ok, that's your prerogative. How about you take care of the women in your life by doing some of the things I mentioned above instead? If you do, you may have the best sex and romance and friendship of your life with your wife. You might have the best tenderest understanding and relationship with your Mom and sister too. All for moments of your time.

If you're a woman reading this post, but not spiritual, then suspend disbelief and watch this video by Superchick. It's about believing in your self-worth. If a guy, then still watch it, for if you understand this simple principle, then you could be a better friend and lover to women. Believing in God is not the point. In fact, she doesn't mention God at all even though she's a Christian. That's something else entirely, but she (Superchick) is a very excellent singer and communicator.


1 in 3 women will develop an eating disorder because she believes she's not beautiful enough because she doesn't look like a model and hence "beautiful". They're hurting themselves and we as men are perpetuating a lie.

1 in 3 women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. They put themselves in bad situations. We as men are hurting them. It's a failure of human dynamics and relationships and EVIL.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/14/2013 04:37 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
The problem most women have is wish fulfillment

Sigmund Freud was an unusual early scientist in the proto-science of psychology. He felt that most neurosis had a sexual basis. Early in life, some sexual event caused arousal. When it did, it caused patients to be fixated upon that event. Later in life, over and over, they sought to achieve that same arousal again, for it was exciting.

While I don't subscribe to his overwhelming focus on this,(for I am more Jungian in belief) there is some obvious truth to it. Sex, especially when it is novel (has newness) is exciting and even a little taboo based upon the initial age of the patient.

Throughout your early life, some things that you experienced ...when you noticed the people you are attracted to, those elements will continue to attract you. They're neural pathways you initially made, and memories were created, and therefore your mind and feelings tend to focus upon them when attracted to another. You can't help it. You can replace other neural pathways by having new experiences, but some things stick like glue.

Watch this video. It has a lot of elements in which women will be attracted to the main character.


Why is this TV series made? Because of wish fulfillment.

It is the satisfaction of inner desires, even though unaware of them (unconscious mind), and in which is repressed (held in check) by your Super-Ego (the morals given you by your upbringing) and your Ego (your normal conscious self). Dark desires come from the Id.
[link to en.wikipedia.org]
The Hero in the clip is a bad boy (acts from his ID mostly), who is damaged by isolation and hence “brooding”. Women want to understanding him and comfort him (invokes maternal instinct). He is wealthy so appeals to the central need of core female identity which is “security”. He has absolute symmetry in his face and perfect Golden Ratio in his muscular body (perfect beauty).

He's probably only 1% of 1% of the world's population (7 billion x 0 .01 x 0.01= 700,000. Since most women are not gay, then let's assume 50% of the world's population are men and hence 350,000. Then let's assume a lot are old or not available. 35,000 men who might fit that profile.

If you're desiring to be one Lady who can find one of those 35,000, well you can bet there will be a lot of competition. Yes?

Even that is a lie, for he's pretending to be this one dimentional idea of a man, so he doesn't make mistakes, not real ones. You can bet the real person who portrays him, was bullied once, had bad break-ups, has self-doubt at times, has trouble maintaining a relationship, can't always pay his bills, etc.

If you watch the show he has conflict with his mom, but ends up in the end caring for her (appeals to older women). He has issues with his sister, but comes to her aid (appeals to sisters). He loves one woman and thinks of how he messed up, but wishes he could get with her, and dates other women, but always comes back to his first love, but never can make it work (unrequited love with conflict and drama and really NONSENSE!). (Appeals to 100% of women).

He's a vengeful warrior who takes the law into his own hands to protect his city, and hence appeals to the second most important female core need (The Defender and Protector).

Most men don't look like that guy. They're like you! They're real fragile fallible human beings.

Why does the TV series have that guy on the program? Well, since he is handsome, muscular, and can “act” like a cartoon character of a man, then he'll appeal to women (and some men) and advertisers can sell products during the commercial break.

It's rather asinine, isn't it?

Have realistic ideas, and look for people who have reasonable qualities, and who notice your beauty inside. They'll notice you because you have high self-worth, improve yourself, are aware of your surroundings and them and yourself. Then sincerely communicate your attraction, flirt with them, and then they'll really be aware of your beauty (10x more) and then be attracted (10x). Make sense?

Look for guys who will affirm you, respect you, honor you, cherish you, and are aware, have high self-worth, improve themselves, are honest, and sincerely communicate and flirt with you.

It's that simple. It's not hard. It is frustrating though and requires bravery.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/15/2013 11:29 PM
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As someone who's taken an enormous amount of portrait photography over the years, I can tell you honestly that the vast majority of women do not believe in their beauty. Quite a number of guys don't believe in their handsomeness. At best, for a tiny period in their lives, they thought, “I look okay.”

Trust me. A photographer sees the crestfallen look in a woman or some guys when they must pose for the camera. Their faces betray their inner struggle at the lack of self-worth.

While some do, it's usually only for an abbreviated time period in which they believe (have self-worth) in themselves.

Some felt cute in childhood, but then even by age 15 or so, they lost their self-worth. They were inundated by images on TV, film, and magazines. They looked in the mirror, saw the changes in their bodies , and thought, “I can never look like those people. When people praise me, they're just being nice, or they want something so they compliment me.” Jaded by age 15, it's tragic isn't it?

Then some grow very handsome or beautiful, past an awkward stage. They stand erect; they feel genuine pride in their appearance; some even cultivate beauty or handsomeness because people noticing is like an intoxicating drug. Some aspects of themselves are ideal and match the images they see. The praise increases.

By age 25, a lot of them feel a decline in their physical form. They feel they “peaked” and now even if attractive, then “their time is over”. Realistically, if they were models and sometimes actors, then they would get less and less callbacks and be noticed less. Some, even think they're no longer young! The fact that they're not models or actors is besides the point in their minds, which is both sad and humorous at the same time.

By thirty, the overwhelming majority feel a dramatic decline in their physical appearance. It takes a toll, particularly on women. Some feel like giving up and stop improving themselves. A lot of women use artificial means to “boost” their appearance: collagen injections, breast implants, tummy tucks, butt implants, cheek implants, hair extensions, very expensive makeup, perfumes, and on and on.

Because a lot of guys exercised up until then (but perhaps in far lesser amounts than their youth), then due to the presence of testosterone, the guys maintain a more youthful appearance. Other guys gain a lot of weight.

Women produce testosterone in their adrenal glands. It's why they feel sexual attraction. It triggers it. Those who produce more testosterone, will look younger. Since testosterone creates sexual desire, they have sex more often. More on that later.

Estrogen can in youth create a soft appearance and a glow, and you've seen that in pregnant women. As someone gets older, abdominal fat actually starts producing estrogen. It makes people look prematurely older. We don't know why.

By age 35+, the fat pads in the face begin to decline. Small hairlike fibers called suspensory ligaments act like scaffolds and help oppose gravity. They're all over your skin, and as they buckle from abuse to the skin, the skin sags. Faces lose their tautness.

A lot of people start noticing more and more gray hair. Their lack of exercise starts catching up with them. Since their body is not focusing on muscle development, the body spends it's time processing the bad food put in their bodies. Much of that is trying to metabolize fat, and since it's in excess, it goes to the belly. Less glycogen goes to the muscles and they begin to really lose their tone. People start to feel old.

Some even rationalize that they're effectively middle aged since they could possibly die by age 70.

All of these things destroy self-worth. The internal picture of physical appearance, which is self-image, that grows warped in the mind, and often Depression manifests in behavior.

What's the problem? What's the solution?

The problem is, beauty is noticed when you have high self-worth. You only have high self-worth if you believe in yourself. When others see that you do have high self-worth, then they believe it too. This is the overwhelming source of beauty, not physical appearance.

If you have high self-worth then it becomes self-confidence. If it continues to increase, now you hold yourself in higher esteem (a very high value of something) and so have self-esteem. Only a poet notices the nuances of language. Those are the differences in those three words.

A lot of people may project high self-esteem in public (lawyers for example and some doctors), but in the night, at 2:30 am, they feel false and lying and a fake or a fraud. They can't maintain the “facade” and it crumbles. They don't really believe in their self-worth, they just pretend they do.

Believe in yourselves. You are all beautiful and handsome. You are especially those attributes when you sincerely communicate in warm ways to each other. You logarithmically (the graphed line curves sharply upward to the SKY) have those attributes when you flirt and connect with someone.

When you do that, others notice. They can't help it. It's part of the human instinct, the imprint inside of us that makes us human.

Now read back over those statements about awareness, intimacy, communication, and flirting. I think they will make more sense now. More about connection later.

By the way, the topic is related to conspiracy. It is the greatest conspiracy there is. It is why you are sheep and controlled by the corporations. They play upon your wish fulfullment and your lack of self-worth. As long as you don't believe in yourselves, you will give power to corporations because your think, "If I buy their products, I will be beautiful or that thing will give me self-worth...and it never does."

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/16/2013 05:52 PM
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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:16 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Don'tBeAfraid

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All well said. Now I have a vain question for you! Since you are a photographer, why is it some people are photogenic and some are not? I am not photogenic at all and I want to know why! Seriously, I'm not the ony one who thinks that. My family will take pics and i will say holy shit do I look like that. Lol. And they say no. Oh and they mean it too. They tell me how bad I look in pics compared to real life. Wtf is up with that? And I'll look in the mirror, look acceptable in my standards, someone will take a pic and I'm thinking OMG wth! This is depressing! I have a couple family members who are gorgeous but they look terrible in pics, and vice versa. I seriously don't even bother editing them, although I was told lots of people are sing software before they send them out to the universe. Hee hee. I will add color or sharpen when they are blurry.
 Quoting: PENG


OH MY GOODNESS! ARE YOU SERIOUS? I've seen a photo of you PENG, even sincerely praised you. You're lovely! At least I believe it was you, I scrolled back at the GLP member pics topics looking for it to put your name to your face to jog my memory.

EDIT: The very scrumptious PENG can be seen here:
Thread: GLP member pictures (Page 214)

Here's what happens in real life as an amateur photographer. I might take 20 pics of one person in a portrait photo (by definition, a shot which is focused upon them or perhaps ones that they like and so a group shot of three).

1 in 20 is good. I don't show the bad ones. Most people show all of their photos, which is AWFUL and bad for self-worth! A lot of times a person blinks, talks, breathes, loses focus, etc. As such, their attention to look into the eyes of the camera is distracted and hence unflatterings.

A lot of flash photography is harsh on skin tones. It pales out people. Fluorescent lighting creates a "green cast". Some use the wrong film speed and get a too yellow cast. A good flash can adjust the diffusion of light and add warmth. This eliminates the flash being caught in tiny skin crevices and enhancing wrinkles. That's why some people hate a flash photo.

A lot of people's skin sags as they age. You tell them to tuck their chin. Try that in the mirror. It looks more confident.

Many times, a good photo can be taken when standing above. Then the effect of gravity is not weighing on the skin. A ton of celebrity portraits are taken that way and it makes them look younger.

Some people hate some aspect of their face, and so they try to hide it, and that makes them lose focus with the camera. It screw up a very good pic because they think, "Oh I hate the proportion of my nose to my face. My smiles is too big. I hate my teeth. Oh my eye makeup needs to be touched up, I need to...(snap). Crap! Screwed up another photo!"

When taking a photo, create a strong channel of affection and connection with the subject. Build them up. Tell them, "Oh what do you like to do? What are your passions? Don't you have very fine skin (if they do)? Your eyes are so hauntingly lovely. You must get complimented about that daily. You are so toned. I can tell you're very disciplined. Your posture is so fine."

Now they will be thinking about the things that excite them, the praise you gave, and NOT THE POOR SELF-WORTH they have plus the terror of everyone seeing that in their photos.

Because of Photoshop(expensive) or GIMP (free), you can cut and paste people's faces into a group shot. You sometimes can fix a little imperfection like a pimple they had that day. Since that imperfection was temporary, I feel it's fine to remove, but would never fake a photo, for that crushes them.

Then they see a good photo, because the photographer deliberately created a positive situation and produced one from them.

And, again PENG, you're stunningly attractive.

Many times, a person has low self-worth, and so they stoop or sag as the photo is taken. They hate having their photo taken. So that is transmitted in the photo. Make sense?

I once took 40 pics of one very lovely Southern belle who couldn't keep from blinking during the shot. I taught her to close her eyes, imagine being serene, feeling confident, then on the count of three, opening her eyes as I took the shot. It took a lot of time, but I got a great shot.

Photographers know all of this. They often will use a remote trigger (held in their hands) and then step away from the camera, engage the person, have them look straight ahead at the camera, but build them up the whole time, "That shot was great!. You looked so confident that time. Well done! Aren't you incredibly beautiful?" You have to be careful because it must be sincere.
[link to www.techradar.com]

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/17/2013 06:46 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
Facial Symmetry

Most people don't have facial symmetry
[link to www.youbeauty.com]

Look at these folks. They do. However it's not perfect even among them.

Some part of their face is more attractive. The same is true on anyone. It's why you look at a photo and think, "Hmm, that's my good side." or maybe when a photo is taken at one angle, "Hey, when I turn my face that way, my chin is not so pronounced. My nose is not so angular..."

Have someone take lots of pics from many angles and sides. Then when you post a pic somewhere, you'll post the most favorable one. It's still you, so it's not being disingenuous.

When you find one you like, put it up in your room. Focus upon that one, not an unflattering one. Believe in your self-worth. Flirting and sincere communication is the Equalizer for the perception of beauty. It overwhelms the brain's senses in a guy.

Flirting with women is a Science and an Art. It's not like flirting with a guy.

The former is highly complex based upon a desire to connect and based upon the relative attraction of the woman based upon the Alpha male aspects of that man: Security, Protection, Strength, Confidence, Humor, Sincerity, then all the mundane ones like "He's got a tight butt. His face is so symmetrical. Look at those shoulders!"

The latter (flirting with a guy) is very uncomplicated. It's about doing things that make Him feel very high self-worth and respected. Good flirting is often a double-entendre
[link to en.wikipedia.org]
The meaning could be one thing or another. It implies sexual play. It is exciting. In a guy's mind, he thinks, "Hmmmm what does that mean? Is she playing with me? Is she....attracted to me? Oh my gosh! Does she like me?"
It's a very successful way to flirt.
Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
Chasing the Other

[link to en.wikipedia.org]

There is a Greek myth you need to read to understand intuitively the process of dating and courtship.

There was a woman who was very independent and strong. Perhaps even wild and untamed. She was like Artemis in many ways.
[link to en.wikipedia.org]

Modern women are like Artemis, for certain.

She didn't want a normal life. She wanted to have freedom. But her dad wanted her to marry. He made a contest. Since Atalanta was both lovely and a superior athlete, if anyone could race faster than her, then he could ask for her hand in marriage.

BUT...if they failed, they would be put to death.(Rejection is the death, see? It's what we fear.)

There was one man who really really was attracted and brave. He knew though, that despite all his talents, he couldn't persuade her, and he couldn't beat her. He could almost race faster, but not quite do it. He petitioned the gods for help. One gave him some magical apples which anyone would desire.

As he ran, and got close, he dropped one. Atalanta knew she was faster, so she paused to get one, then redoubled her efforts and got in front of him easily.

He ran like the wind. His lungs ached. His sides hurt. She was winning. He dropped the second apple.

Atalanta was amused. Here was a man who was handsome, charming, an athlete, and offering gifts (compliments and flirting) and just about her equal in speed. She paused and grabbed the second apple.

He ran until he thought his heart would break. He ran to the limits of his being. She was closing with him, and the finish was near. He dropped the third apple.

Atalanta smiled. She paused and took the third apple. She didn't mind losing to one such as he, and finished a millisecond behind him. Losing that way didn't diminish her.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/17/2013 07:46 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
The Chase contines...always

Most people chase Others, but is the chase desired?

In a woman, when a guy pursues her, then if he has the Alpha male qualities (attraction), or if he has them quietly but can slowly make them known, then he can pursue her. (revelation of attraction...i.e. "Oh, hmmm, he's really cute, isn't he? I didn't think so at first, but now since I know him, he's pretty terrific.)

However some women don't connect with that guy even if attracted. Some impediment (see previous postings) keeps her away or him away. (connection)

Sincere communication creates and fosters connection. It can increase attraction as it becomes intimate.

If the person is attracted, and desires a connection, then sincere communication coupled with flirting results in 10x more perception of beauty plus 10x more attraction. Flirting is like throwing gasoline (petrol) on a fire. It creates a conflaguration (massive fire) that can become uncontrollable desire (love).

Why do we like puppies?
Puppies give us unconditional love. We love them for that, but don't want to marry a puppy or date one. Why?

There's no chase in it. Don't accidentally become a puppy. If so, you are committing self-sabotage of a potential relationship.

Constant presence of anything is not desired. Desire is created by the momentary possibility of achieving something.
Example: If you could have an orgasm, you will feel pleasure. If you have another instantly, it might not give you as much pleasure. If you had ten orgasms in a row, each will probably result in less pleasure and may even be unpleasureable depending upon your SuperEgo (taught morals which repress the Id). It depends upon the sophistication of the lovers. [Note advanced lovers can actually create overwhelming orgasms by timing them and creating desire and create BLISS. More about that later. No one will voluntarily leave from Bliss.]

Giving constant pleasure diminishes desire. How strange is that? It is however True.
A woman wants to be pursued like Atalanta. So do men really in lesser ways, but still they desire compliments, sincere communication, and flirting from brave confident women (really Ladies. More about that later).

When a woman constantly pursues a man, she becomes a puppy and is not taken seriously. She appears needy, not self-confident.

A man wants to pursue a woman. It's in his instinct. When it's the oppposite, then he feels he's missing some crucial aspect of dating and courtship. Make more sense now?

Because women desire to be pursued, then if too much pursuit is there, they feel like they're being hunted. That isn't love or wanted.

A smart guy will flirt a little, and slow down. The woman is curious by the initial flirting. If she flirts back, then a guy will flirt a little and chase her. Then he slows down. She's attracted. She flirts back.

He flirts some more, and offers gifts. Gifts imply an excess of wealth. Gifts imply financial security and ability to provide. Excessive gifts are bad. They repell women in the end. They think the guy has low self-worth and must use dangling presents to attract her.

Excesive gifts make the woman feel in control at best, and so not chasing the guy but always being chased (hunted). Excessive gifts at worst make the woman feel like a prostitute and not a Lady. As such, the Lady is repelled.

She likes the flirting, pursing, and the gifts. She likes the sincere compliments of an Alpha male. She flirts more. She may decide to offer her body in some way as a gift. She surprises him by initiating romantic kissing (brave flirting).

He withdraws some. He wants to maintain a tension. When dancing, have you ever seen two people clinging to one another? It's bad dancing. When two dancers are taunt and springing towards and away from other, there's a tension. That leads to desire and a notice of their courtship made into an Art-form.

She chases him a little. His self-worth goes up. She makes him feel like a handsome attractive Alpha male. He chases her back. He flirts again.

She runs away. She knows, if she is smart to just dance away or run out of his reach, but she still flirts back.

He chases harder. She resists but lets him catch her. She kisses him. He kisses back.

She may think, "If I make love to him, will it make him more attracted, or is he the kind of guy that will be less attracted afterward?"

That's very complex and a worthy discussion topic.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/17/2013 08:02 PM
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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:16 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Don'tBeAfraid

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Well, you're really very kind. And thanks for replying! IMO I think you nailed it with me... It's the flash/lighting. In most pics I am paled out and skin tone is uneven. That is exactly what is wrong. My fatal features are off also, which this I don't understand. And sometimes it is bad. :-/. I'll have good makeup on, but OMG I look like I have nothing on, but when I wear very little, sometimes I look much better.

Frankly, I don't know why it irritates me. Really? Self worth? Why would i care what i look like in a pic? Yikes. I am very ordinary. Maybe unattractive to some, and pretty to others, but I am humble. Make sense? I rarely felt I am better looking than another, I guess because if I felt otherwise it would be quite pretentious of me. Sometime I'll post another pic and you can tell me wth is wrong? LOL. I need a therapist. ;)

I LOVE what you have posted. I am going to reread and think on it. I hate being superficial as there are bigger things in this world to think about. I'll work on that. :)
 Quoting: PENG


"Poor PENG. Shhh listen I will tell you secret. Come close and I whisper it in your ear. Are you listening? It's important."

You are lovely. When someone tells you that, you say, "Thank you for the compliment." Then you believe in their sincerity and accuracy, because you cannot assess your own physical form.

Even assessing your own soul or interior beauty is difficult if not practically impossible. That's an advanced psychic skill. That word "psychic" throws people because it's become a silly meaningless word. Psyche means soul. A psychic person uses their soul (Whole being: The summation of all of them.) to perceive some phenomena.

More about that later.

No one has perfect skin by definition of the word perfect. Even that is a misnomer. Really what we mean by the skin is the epidermis (the outer five layers). Unhealthy skin is skin that has been mistreated by lack of nutrition, lack of clean pure water, lack of exercise, poor diet, etc. A light mist of pure water using an atomizer with some treatment of jojoba oil after cleaning the face, restores the oil that was stripped out by cleaning products.

Never ever use soap on your face. It's harsh.

Poor pallor is the result of bad diet, lack of sleep (to renew cellular regeneration), and bad circulation. To improve your pallor, do daily facial massages that are gentle. The body sees the increase in circulation, creates new blood vessels, carries away cellular debris and toxins, and therefore creates better coloring.

Are you using a ground mineral makeup? Those are light and don't weigh the skin and yet even skin tone.

If you have a bad outer layer of skin which is like armor(the Stratum corneum)
[link to www.rci.rutgers.edu]
That outer layer when gently (I mean that) removed will result in the brain saying, "Oh! The protective armor is gone. Push up the epidermis with fresh layers.Spend more energy making fresh skin."

This fools the brain into creating more of a healthy glow. A lot of people exfoliate, but don't massage, or moisturize with water and oil. People spend an enormous amount of money on lotion. The idea is water, right? To moisten with water.

A good way to improve the epidermis is with a simple old fashioned poultice of herbs which are good for the skin and push moisture from the herbs and water into the skin. Hydrate it and herbs to encourage new cellular regeneration and maintain it.

Do practical inexpensive things first. I laughed one time before an Oscar awards. All of these celebrities were actually doing an cheap poultice of herbs and hot water to lift the face instead of very expensive chemical treatments. I thought, "Well about time you came to your senses!"

Example: [link to www.spafreshmag.com]
You do this on a friend or do it yourself. Doing it for a good friend and having them do it to you, results in therapeutic touch, and "centers you". This is way cheaper than an expensive spa treatment. Do it once a week or every two weeks.

Skip the bronzing section. Jump to the 6:30 minute mark.

You probably don't need a therapist. You need to do things which build you up (improve yourself), be around people who are NOT TOXIC, be around a community that energizes you.

Suntanning is ok. Vitamin D is good and you get that in sunshine. Too much results in something called thymine dimers. It's mutations caused by excessive tanning. It prematurely ages the skin. A lot of young women have the skin of a woman a decade or more (!!!) than their chronological age. DON'T use tanning beds.

You're mutating your skin, and your DNA replicating process must rush to fix it all. If your diet is bad, your circulation is bad, your amount of damage is bad and on-going, you overwhelm the repair of the damage.

Throughout history, those who didn't tan resulted in very youthful skin even when getting older. Eating lots of fresh greens, low calories berries, results in very good Vitamin C. Vitamin C is essential, I mean totally essential to skin tone. No collagen can form without adequate levels. You can use fruit acids, made yourself cheaply, don't spend gobs of money on expensive treatments.

Doing a good toning exercise like yoga, especially Bikram yoga which is in a hot room results in a loss of toxins, very tight toning to improve the suspensory ligaments of the body and skin, and well being.

If you're a Christian, and you are worried about yoga, well mostly it's physical not spiritual. If not, and an intellectual and think, "Yoga is kooky. I'm not doing silly things." Well ok, do some exercise instead that trains the core like dancing with your Honey.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 12:15 AM
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How to kiss and flirt


The first kissing is scary. That's why is it thrilling. Since we fear doing it, and they are nervous too, it can be enormously satisfying and passionate.

Watch the very tender and excellent way Amelie does this. She stops him from talking and creates a moment (mood). She draws him inside. (Creates a space for them, not her alone). She gets closer. She searches his eyes to see if this is the right moment and communicates with her eyes. She is brave and kisses to connect to his skin. She does it thrice, for three times is perfection in human myth. She then silently asks him to reciprocate. Then he does play the game. She is fulfilled and swoons. Their hearts pound and it becomes more. They embrace. They make love, but they are connected the whole time.

You could learn from their depiction. There's enormous Truth in it.

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Self-worth and the spiritual effect on Others part one

You've met people who are self-centered. They outwardly appear very confident, even swaggering if a guy. The women while physically have very symmetrical faces and often their bodies display the Golden Ratio, once they open their mouth, then for a lot of guys, their bad attitude is repugnant.

On the other hand, if you get to meet them, a lot are pretending. Inside they think, “Yeah, OK. I'm attractive now. What about in five years? They compliment me with shallow phrases like “Hey Babe. You're gorgeous.”, but then they stare at my tits the whole time. I feel like a thing, not a person. Screw them.”

That desperation for real romance gets warped. They fear the future, for they "know" that they'll get ugly. They then try to get the best one they can. It makes them mercenary.

They get hardened hearts. Then end up being hunted so men can have trophy wives. Neither partner is happy in the end. They wanted love, respect, admiration, affection, tenderness. They got some passionate sex, boredom because there's no connection, heartbreak, affairs, and divorce.

Rinse repeat. For a lot, they never learn, and so three marriages later, some of them wise up and do some of the things I discussed earlier. Maybe on their long term fourth relationship, they get it right.

Guys like being players for the media takes a real Alpha male and turns him into a cartoon to sell products. The string of sexual conquests is exciting. Of course it is. It is for the same reason a first kiss is exciting. The problem is it's not nourishing to the soul.

Even the most obtuse guy, he sees children being born to couples; he sees true sincere tenderness in Real Ladies; he sees families reciprocating and resonating with each other. He envies them.

He may keep on doing what's working, for there's a perpetual stream of lonely women from divorce.

The divorced women? They improve themselves to increase their self-worth, then lose weight, feel more attractive, feel more beautiful, and then to prove it, sleep with a player. It's low commitment with high transitory passion. No strings attached.

Then they wonder, “Why do I feel hollow and sadder?” They're expending energy to lure a player, and then not chased any longer. That's why.

The player feels more and more lonely. He become older. He finally does flirt with a younger woman and she mocks him instead of rebuffing him. He feels what it's like to be rejected.

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Self-worth and the spiritual effect on Others part two
The world is a lonely place fraught with wrongness, or at least 90% perceive it that way.

I was watching a video by the brilliant astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. He's one of the most intelligent people on the planet. He could probably speak eloquently about any subject.

In the video, he's warmly welcomed by the audience of the intelligensia. He begins to discuss how there cannot be an Intelligent Design to the Earth. There just is too much bad engineering here. Too many awful diseases. Too many ways that we could die from weather, astronomical effects, poverty, war. That the human body is poorly designed, and hence it shows no great Architect.

The audience's response begins to decline. It grows less humorous. It resonnates less. It rings false.

Why?

Well for one, he's not using the right instrument to perceive the Universe, the Earth, and the species which call it Home. He's using his incredibly creative and talented intellect.

What he should be using is his soul.

He's an agnostic, and thinks that there might be a great Architect that created all the Universe and all life, but he thinks it's possible that such a being might be evil and out to get us. After all, the ones who are powerful, are also menacing in their power and application of it.

I think he's brilliant. I cannot deny it, but his ideas don't resonnate with me despite how great a person he is.

It's also not what the Earth is really like. The Earth is a beautiful planet full of incredibly diverse beautiful species in a complex relationship with one another: bacteria-plants-fish-animals-humanity.
...
In friendships and dating, you're going to meet people who are like you. Often that similarity sparks an interest. It's the initial ignition of a potential friendship.

The longer they speak, the more opportunity they will have to sincerely communicate. If the ideas presented are the same or even different, but are persuasive, then we often feel resonnance.

If I take a tuning fork and strike it, it communicates a frequency. The vibration in the metal tuning fork begins to oscillate by the primary action of whomever initiated it(for fun, let's label that as "flirting"). Then it shakes the air molecules around it. If I then place a tuning fork that is “tuned” to that same frequency, then the second tuning fork will also “sing” with the vibrations. This is called in physics “sympathetic response


In real life, we are seldom the same to another, but some aspect of them resonnates with us. If there's a lot of resonnance, then it can create a very strong friendship. That will continue usually until they do something to silence the communication that's inducing sympathetic response.

That's what is called a beat frequency. Their communication ressonated with you. In response you communicate back. It becomes self-perpetuating for a brief time.

If one communicates sincerely, has high self-worth, is someone who improves themselves, flirts with a person who caused sympatheric response (resonnance) then usually the Other feels attracted 10 x more, and perceived the beauty of the complimenting person 10x more.

This is one reason we date others.

If you use part of yourself, say your physical attributes to attract another romantically, then for awhile that will create a connection. It's a weak connection, but it will arouse or stimulate a response.

If you use your whole being to resonate with another person, then it can induce romatic attraction and a much more sustained response.

No scientist believes in a soul. That's a spiritual word, so they don't like it. However, many people have died, and there was no detectable brain activity, and yet, the person lived on as some consciousness. That's indisputeable for most scientists. Then somethings changes, and their consciousness re-inhabits the physical body, and there's renewed brain activity and heartbeat.

I chose to call that the soul, the whole being of a person, and the same as consciousness.

CS Lewis said, "You are not a body. You are a soul inhabiting a body." That is Truth.

When dating or sustaining a relationship, if you want it to last, you must use your whole consciousness (soul) to make it work. Those folks make great lovers.

The Greeks called the living spirit inside a person, Psyche. It also was the word for heart. A person without a heartbeat is dead.

In friendship and romance, we feel our heart and we sense their heart .We're not speaking of the two portion pump that sends blood to the lungs and body. Nope. We're speaking truly about their soul.

When you sense deep friendship, when you meet another woman who is like you, understands you, affirms you, then you feel like she's your soul-sisters. (Speaking to the women who probably are 95% of the readers of this post.)

When you meet a lover who affirms you, respects you, make you feel beautiful, cares for you tenderly, makes love to you to the depths of your being, you say, “I have met my soul mate.” That's only true if you do your part and do all of that to the Other.

This is the true connection we are meant to feel with each other. It requires bravery and trust.

The biggest impediment to finding a soul mate is yourself. You sabotage your self. You make yourself feel worthless. You make yourself small. You become afraid (and hence my name Don'tBeAfraid) and unrationally believe that, “If I flirt with them and then they reject me, then I will prove I am worthless, and I will be crushed and die.”

It's not the rejection you fear. You fear the rejection proving your worst fears. The thing you are irrationally afraid of more than the darkness.

No, that's wrong. "If you fail to believe in yourself, you will slowly wither and die. That's the truth."

If you find someone you resonate with, and then... there's a lack of more beat frequency continuing, then maybe you stopped communicating sincerely, or maybe they stopped too.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 09:24 PM
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Don'tBeAfraid > 1,000 GLP misogynists. I hope if you're not already happily ensconced that you meet a wonderful lady someday.hf
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Don'tBeAfraid > 1,000 GLP misogynists. I hope if you're not already happily ensconced that you meet a wonderful lady someday.hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 32491347


Thanks for the praise. I'm currently not taken. Maybe someday it will happen again.
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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:20 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
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Motivation

Listen to the clip the whole time. If you can download it from youtube (easily done) then you should listen to it every day. [If using Firefox, then there's aps like download helper to save youtube clips.]

Motivation has it's origin in the Latin word motivus “to move”. You are trying (and I am trying) to move you in another direction. I am nudging you in the direction of the right or correct path.

Have you ever had a very heavy box? It was too heavy to lift. You had to slowly scoot it by pushing one direction to get it in the right direction, then you got behind it and pushed forward? That's exactly what I'm trying to do.

You've been on a journey, but you got side-tracked, off on a tangent. All I am doing is slowly helping you by making you “aware” (there's that word again) of your current situation, then coaxing you to gently move a bit in this direction instead.

I am not trying to make you like me. You don't have to believe the things I believe. There's Free Will, a powerful concept given by the Mysterium Tremendum, but hold that thought. [That's a secret. Shhhhh, you're not ready for it.]

For decades of your life, you have been convinced by family and friends (sometimes well meaning) that you are less than perfect. Of course you are. If perfection exists, it's an idea. It's something to reach for as a goal. By definition it is impossible to attain.

For all of that time, you have convinced yourself that you are small because you are not perfect. Since the world will always point out your flaws, over time, you will grow more and more persuaded of the veracity(truth) of those observations.

Are they really True though? NO! NO! NO!

I wish I could dump a gallon of cold icy water on your head. You'd probably sputter, look like a drowned mouse, gulp, get mad, but then might listen. “But...but...but...I'm small!”

No, you're not. Stop sabotaging yourself! ARGH!

You were made with unlimited potential. For whatever reason, the Universe or God (it matters not what you believe for the moment) created YOU because YOU were needed to accomplish some task. That task might be in two weeks a homeless person will need a meal, and you go buy her one. Because that happens, she gets out of her funk and decides to believe in HERSELF.

Our purpose in life is not to necessarily do grand things. It may be a tiny action at the right moment.

Suspending disbelief for a moment, is it possible that the reason the Earth is screwed up is that people are supposed to do little things to keep it running, but instead are self-absorbed in their lack of self-worth? YES! That is Truth! All of you are failing to do what you're supposed to be doing.

First though, you must believe in your self-worth by using your soul to practice becoming psychic (see previous postings).

When you finally decide to do self-improvement to lift yourself up, if you keep doing that, your soul begins to open up to possibilities. You feel the connectedness to all species. That includes other people.

Listen to the clip. You should do this once a day. Close your eyes. Let the applause come in and penetrate your soul. It sounds stupid but I bet what's more asinine is all of the decades of garbage you have been listening to and weighing yourself down with.

How many sad love songs about lost loves have you been filling your soul with? Those songs resonate with us, because all of us have not found “perfect love” or lost what seemed to be “perfect love”. More about that later.

Let the clip lift you up instead. You need a balance.

Find some way to motivate yourself NOW. If you can motivate yourself, then when the exercises seem tough and your muscles are sore, then you'll say, “OK. My back hurts. I can't do back exercises. I will sit down with good posture, and work my biceps and triceps instead.” When you're hungry and want to eat potato chips and cheese, then instead say, “Hmmm. Those foods are killing my chances. They're adding on weight that weighs me down from my goals. They're PAIN, because the more I eat them, the harder and harder I must exercise. I won't have to exercise as much if I stop eating them. I'll eat a salad and some fresh sweet berries instead. I'll eat delicious filling food, but not eat food that damages me or impeded relationships from happening.”

Everything I teach you is a secret.

A long time ago, a teacher told me, “In older times, a teacher would either charge an enormous fortune, because then people would really listen intently to get their money's worth; or they might charge nothing, for if they did, then the poorer students would value the sacrifice of the teacher's time, talent, and loss of treasure.

I choose to not charge you. You are worth the cost of my time. Now, move yourselves to the right path. Your boxes are heavy and numerous and it's going to take a lot of time of either empty the boxes of the garbage inside them, or to really PUSH with your entire soul.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 07:08 PM
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Interesting stuff. learn somethng new everyday. :). Well, I wear very light makeup, use essential oils, don't tan, and eat very well. Used to be a personal trainer. Water is an issue. Hmmmm, I'm just ugly. LOL. Seriously though, this is great info and thanks for posting it! I used to do yoga and really need to get back into it. I loved it! But I'm type A and seriously distracted. All or nothing personality.

Now I am reading all of this and thinking where did you learn all of this? Your like the jack of all trades! :))
 Quoting: PENG

Sweetest PENG, if you persist in lying by saying false things like "I'm just ugly..." then I will be forced to stop teaching you.

1) You are not ugly by any stretch of the imagination.
2) Ugliness, the real kind, is a scar upon the soul.
3) Some people can see those things in others (rare but happens in an epiphany)
4) Some people can see ugliness in themselves (usually false and causes impediments as a result. Occurs in 99% of people)
5) Saying a false thing gives it power. So does writing it. Because we first say false things in our head, before writing them, then your action of saying, "Hmmmm, I'm just ugly. LOL." is really a CURSE.
6) A curse is a powerful psychic weapon, a real one, and never should be uttered. It's dangerous. It gets into the soul of the listener. It gets into the soul of the one saying it.
7) To un-do or un-make a curse, even a small one, requires ENORMOUS psychic power. Take it back, now.
8) Right now, you probably chuckled. I'm as serious as a heart attack. Don't curse yourself.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 06:57 PM
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The Razor's Edge

There's an exceptional film called The Razor's Edge. It's a condensed version of the book by Somerset Maugham
[link to en.wikipedia.org]

It was made into a movie with Bill Murray back in 1984. It's very hard to find.
[link to en.wikipedia.org]

It is a masterpiece of cinema. A person trying to understand the Soul should see it.

Th protagonist is searching for meaning, the meaning of Life. He finally ends up looking in a Tibetan monastery. He's close to discovery of the Truth, but he is missing something. Something in his books is not telling him the Truth.

The teacher tells him to gather his books, travel far away to the top of a mountain. It's cold there, bitter cold, and there's no wood. His fire goes out. He's freezing. Finally, he realizes why he's there.

It's not that books are bad. Book are the beginning of knowledge. However we don't live in books. We live in real life. Books are the doorway, but we don't live in doorways.


Some of you have very limited ideas about love and romance and friendship. As such, your search has been limited by things you read in books. Some of that, or even these words will allow you to open your mind. Don't rely upon my words. Apply them instead.

In the last scene, Isabel is madly in love with Larry. She interfered with Larry's profound love for Sophie, and as a result she caused her death. Larry is one of the finest most honorable men, and he loves Isabel deeply, but chose Sophie, despite her flaws. Isabel crushed the one chance for Larry to have a soul mate. Still, Larry loves Isabel, because he's enlightened and feels compassion for her muddled attempt to find love, even if its destructive to him personally.
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Looking for Jack

In English myth and fairy tales, there's frequently a character named Jack.
[link to en.wikipedia.org]

Jack is that rare hero who uses his wits. He's deliberately cultivated the knowledge of many skills over time. He knows many things. He's wiser than his years.

He's an archetype of a good Alpha male. For men reading these words, if you desire to discover, meet, encounter, and be intimate with good female beings, then you should become like Jack. He should be a role-model.

All cultures have an archetypal hero like Jack.

Some call him a trickster. I disagree. He may act in paradoxical ways, like some rather famous real personages in history. Hmmmm. Didn't Yeshua use paradoxes, have real skills as a Man, was compassionate, could communicate with all people regardless of status or gender?

If you're a Lady reading these words, then I would bet that you've been looking for your Jack all of your life. He's out there. Not all guys are misogynistic. A true Alpha Male is balanced, studies everything, learns skills, feels the closeness of Nature, and probably feels close to something profound and mysterious, and what some people call God. But, he's not judgmental. In fact, Jack is the first person to aid anyone, regardless of whether he agrees with them or not. That last part is very compelling to a Lady, for she has been judged her whole life.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 09:12 PM
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If someone upgrades me, it would allow me to send you personal pms to help you with private concerns. I also would be willing to help you with tailored dating tips. However you should protect your privacy always.
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Iron Hans
[link to www.pitt.edu]

Many years ago, a wise man named Robert Bly wrote a commentary on Iron John. It's a little-known fairy tale by the Brothers Grim, but often excluded because it's more harsh than a children's story. Those tales had great meaning, but were diluted in order to be made more palatable.
[link to en.wikipedia.org]

There's great wisdom in the story. You should read it. It's brief and might take only 20 minutes of your time.

To Mr. Bly's credit, he made an audiobook of it freely available.
[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]


Men have changed into weak effete caricatures by the media. Women desire strong Alpha males(this is their innate desire), but they also watch the media and believe that men should be just sensitive compassionate creatures(this is learned behavior). However, men are wild spirits, just as women are wild spirits. Tame an animal species long enough, and the docility penetrates the Soul. Too much will result in weakness.

The dichotomy of what women desire and what they ask for, confuses men ...terribly. It cripples men. Don't raise your sons to be weak. If you do that, for many mothers are single mothers, then you're dooming the next generation.

Iron Hans is about having both the wild Iron Hans, inside of men to attract women and to have fortitude and strength, but also being tender, cultured, and intelligent. Having both results in a chivalrous, brave, courageous individual. That Alpha Male is the partially the Jack you are seeking to be (if a Man) and the one ideal Man that a woman is seeking to be in a long-lasting relationship with.

Gay relationships are very complicated, and not being gay, but understanding them, I can't begin to counsel them.

Regular men need to find their Iron Hans. Fathers should cultivate that in their sons, but can't... unless they find him themselves.

A lot of women are desperately looking for a man who can be both an Iron Hans and a Jack.

A lot of players attempt to be Iron Hans, and it will work albeit briefly to find a lonely beautiful woman. Of course it will. It's an archetype of an Alpha male, but it's only part of the picture in a relationship. It won't ultimately satisfy them.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 09:08 PM
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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:21 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
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You're right, I did laugh. :-D
I really don't mean it like that. :). I just banter a bit and don't mind making fun. I'm okay with it, I promise. I don't take myself too seriously.
Now, I have to read through the rest. Your posts are very interesting. :)
 Quoting: PENG


I feel a psychic connection with people sometimes. A foolish person would say, "I can read minds.". Well maybe, but mostly if you are sincere and try to put yourself in the soul (not the mind) of the Other person, and then resonnate with their Soul, then there's the potential for great discernment of their Nature (their natural self, not the complex self of the combination of natural self + learned behavior).

That was very complicated, and advanced stuff, but your tuning fork is sending a beat frequency to mine. So is phoe's responses. Most people can sense them; most discount them. Children innately feel them.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 10:16 PM
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Self-deprecating behavior should be BANISHED
or at least seldom used

When things get serious, then sometimes someone says truth in their words. That's usually ignored. When someone says Truth in their words, it can cause the mood to become very serious, and so a typical human instinct is to use humor. I try to use both, for humor can communicate Truth without making people get tense, while Truth being serious, can make people tense.

Because the majority of people have low self-worth, when another uses self-deprecating humor, then it resonates with others. However it also devalues the speaker, and can not only lower the estimation of themselves, but also lower the estimation of them by the Other.

I can only think of one time to use self-deprecating humor. It's when a powerful person is self-assured, and they're leading People who are afraid. Then they will use self-deprecating humor so the others will laugh at the Leader's expense, cast off the unrational fear (afraid), but only after they've completely solidified the People in the leader's strength of character.

In dating, it's self-sabotage to use self-deprecating humor. It will ruin your chances. Even if the Other overlooks it, it will cast doubt on their assessment of your attributes. It will interfere with the chasing process. It will lower attraction. It will lower their estimation of your beauty or handsomeness.

9 time of 10, the reason a guy can't get a phone number from a Lady is because he didn't connect with her and worse, he used self-deprecating statements or humor, and it demolished his careful strategy to win her over.

In a woman, since many guys are dominant personality types, using self-deprecating statements or humor will result in lower and lower estimation of her value. Some guys will then grow bored and seek more exciting “prey”.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 10:30 PM
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The appearance of attraction, or the estimation of Beauty, can be altered by consensus

There are a lot of actors and actresses who are very handsome or beautiful. If you actually get to hear them in an honest interview, not when pushing a movie, but when they're just being themselves, they'll admit that when they were unknown, they had just as many dating problems as everyone else has.

What happened?

As more and more people become aware of you and see your self-worth and notice you by others communicating your self-worth, then the consensus determines that you are more attractive and more beautiful.

Read back if you don't understand the difference between attraction and beauty. They are not the same.

The actors are lucky. They have Public Relations departments and Publicists who work with media outlets. The companies sell products, in this case...film, they have invested a lot of money. So they deliberate create a persona. That persona is not the actor. Nope.

A player will create a persona. Then use that in 10 minutes or less to persuade a woman then say, “Hey, I feel a connection with you. You feel it too, don't you? Let's get of here, so we can talk more privately.”

This works probably 80% of the time. They've honed their lines using the complex art called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and so it becomes very compelling.

There's nothing wrong with NLP. In fact, you could use it to have very successful relationships. It's a tool, like a gun. A gun can protect, help you hunt, or it can kill, or worse murder someone.

You don't have a PR department. Smart women and guys will use “wingmen” instead. A wingman is an aeronautical term for fighter pilots. They cannot protect themselves well. They fly in tandem in formations. That wingman protects the rear (the area behind and around or flank) and so the fighter pilot can focus on their target. In relationships, a wingman is a person who helps you approach others.

When a person is approached by not one, but two or more beautiful people, it lends a consensus of attraction of those people. Why? When one person comes, then they are perceived as interested in meeting you. When two or more come, it appeals to our vanity. We feel suddenly beautiful, and it creates confusion and is dizzying. SNEAK ATTACK that appears to be FRONTAL ASSAULT.

The wingman or wingmen (or women) then establish sincere communication, flirt, and sing the praise of the one person they're supporting. Women do this innately. Few are good at it. Some will help their friend, but often they screw up and end up selling themselves because the guy connects with them. That's complex.

An alternative is to deliberately bring a wingman of the opposite sex with you to a party. They're just your friend, and probably a close friend. When a beautiful person hangs around another beautiful person, then everyone in the room who is “aware”, then notices that one person more. (Or perhaps both).

Then, they split up or meet the desired person. Sing their praises, then split up. The desired person usually says, “Hmmm, I thought you two were together?” This is an opening that the Other is attracted. You then reply, “Oh we're just friend, close friends. I noticed you, and wanted to meet you. You're unique because_____” This greatly appeals to the Ego and Id and Unconscious layers of the personality of the Other. It implies, “Hmmm, they left one beautiful attractive person...for me?!?!”

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 10:56 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
DBA, do you think it's possible that there are some out there who see past the wingmen/wingwomen, NLP, flirting, and know when it's being done on purpose, and what is underlying the rehearsed behavior? Had to ask out of curiosity. I understand there are many out there who do not see past courting behavior and patterns. Wondering about your thoughts on this. smile_kiss
Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
DBA, do you think it's possible that there are some out there who see past the wingmen/wingwomen, NLP, flirting, and know when it's being done on purpose, and what is underlying the rehearsed behavior? Had to ask out of curiosity. I understand there are many out there who do not see past courting behavior and patterns. Wondering about your thoughts on this. smile_kiss
 Quoting: Junkyard Lily


The loneliness of someone who has low self-worth is so compelling an instinct that literally most people will jump at the chance to feel intense passion that a player offers. It's a narcotic that feeds the Ego, Id, and Unconscious in general, and ignores the SuperEgo. Of course it does.

It's immediate validation without judgement and usually offers a whopping dose of dopamine, a powerful neurotransmitter that's released based upon fear, sexual desire, and orgasm. It floods the brain with pleasure.

Dopamine is usually the neutrotransmitter released when you use a drug like Meth, or Crack, so you're competing with that.

Most people preyed upon have no chance.

However, one could learn NLP, learn to be aware, improve themselves, learn to sincerely communicate, flirt well, and catch a feller.

Yup.

EDIT: By the way, when people say "DBA", I immediately think of Doing Business As (DBA) and laugh!

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/18/2013 11:40 PM
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01/19/2013 11:11 AM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
DBA, do you think it's possible that there are some out there who see past the wingmen/wingwomen, NLP, flirting, and know when it's being done on purpose, and what is underlying the rehearsed behavior? Had to ask out of curiosity. I understand there are many out there who do not see past courting behavior and patterns. Wondering about your thoughts on this. smile_kiss
 Quoting: Junkyard Lily


The loneliness of someone who has low self-worth is so compelling an instinct that literally most people will jump at the chance to feel intense passion that a player offers. It's a narcotic that feeds the Ego, Id, and Unconscious in general, and ignores the SuperEgo. Of course it does.

It's immediate validation without judgement and usually offers a whopping dose of dopamine, a powerful neurotransmitter that's released based upon fear, sexual desire, and orgasm. It floods the brain with pleasure.

Dopamine is usually the neutrotransmitter released when you use a drug like Meth, or Crack, so you're competing with that.

Most people preyed upon have no chance.

However, one could learn NLP, learn to be aware, improve themselves, learn to sincerely communicate, flirt well, and catch a feller.

Yup.

EDIT: By the way, when people say "DBA", I immediately think of Doing Business As (DBA) and laugh!
 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


About your DBA comment, I can understand that! :-)

Thank you for answering my question, I really appreciate it. I am coming from a perspective where, I will say, I came from an abusive childhood, and my father was a master at the above behavior with other women, even while being married to my mother. I have forgiven my father, but not the behavior. I do not enjoy foolery. I suppose I am very sensitive to it, and thought I would put out a subtle warning, in that, I know there are women (or men) like myself who are sensitive to behavior patterns. And really do not like them.

I do not date partially for the reason that I find a sick sense of joy (almost) in finding players and demolishing their outer armor. So, the player becomes my prey. I know exactly how to lure and how to get in, and then at the right time, turn the tables. I understand it is manipulative. It is done with the best of intentions, but still, I understand where it is coming from, my own childhood issues. In a way, it is an attempt to fix the other person (even though logically I understand no one can fix/save another person, it must come from within). A want to destroy the facade, because I do not from my deepest depths understand how a human can be happy living that way. I am trying to get past it.

Thank you for your words of wisdom on this thread for others' sake, it is very altruistic of you. hugs
PENG

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01/19/2013 11:29 AM

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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:21 PM
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