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dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!

 
PENG

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!


Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:25 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
Yes, you're right. I had to think for a second and realized I made a mistake. Oh shit! Okay... Here how about this.... Maybe, my issue lies more so that I recognized why she was the way she was. Now I remember thinking that for her, looks and money meant control. No question about that. Even today, she uses her wealth to control many situations and people. I was the ONLY one who got away from it. Everyone else is still there. And guess what? The control attempts are still at play, even though I am not physically near her. And it's actually a very dangerous game to play with her as she is persistent and has the means to take down people. It is much easier to give it up to her and I've placed myself in an interesting situation.

Now that stems from childhood. From way back. So maybe I'm protecting myself on a subconscious level?

Now I'm really confused. ;) because this is all about fighting the self worth comment you made. And I've fought hard to sustain that because I see it in so many people and I think it can take just one person to take it all away if one allows it. And I think it's easy for people to allow that, so I try to remain aware of people and their intentions.
 Quoting: PENG


You became "aware".

You rejected her values(her SuperEgo)

You avoid being within her sphere of influence.

This is why therapy is about the patient talking long enough that they actually tell themselves what is wrong. That same aspect is a part of any shaman practice.

You should journal this, PENG.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/20/2013 08:34 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!


Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:25 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
Yes, you're right. I had to think for a second and realized I made a mistake. Oh shit! Okay... Here how about this.... Maybe, my issue lies more so that I recognized why she was the way she was. Now I remember thinking that for her, looks and money meant control. No question about that. Even today, she uses her wealth to control many situations and people. I was the ONLY one who got away from it. Everyone else is still there. And guess what? The control attempts are still at play, even though I am not physically near her. And it's actually a very dangerous game to play with her as she is persistent and has the means to take down people. It is much easier to give it up to her and I've placed myself in an interesting situation.

Now that stems from childhood. From way back. So maybe I'm protecting myself on a subconscious level?

Now I'm really confused. ;) because this is all about fighting the self worth comment you made. And I've fought hard to sustain that because I see it in so many people and I think it can take just one person to take it all away if one allows it. And I think it's easy for people to allow that, so I try to remain aware of people and their intentions.
 Quoting: PENG


You don't become your mom. You became a unique being who is aware of your mom's SuperEgo, the moral center that drives her behaviour, which by the way isn't necessarily moral. It's the framework which governs her day-to-day behavior.

You may find though as you age, that because humans are mostly passive, that you naturally start emulating your mom. That creates inner conflict. I hope it doesn't happen.

And yes, protecting yourself in psychology, that happens through defense mechanisms.
[link to en.wikipedia.org]

Defense mechanisms are about our awareness of "reality" and then protecting ourselves from that reality or preventing a someone else's reality from happening to us and transforming us.

The apex of that model is Mature Defensive Mechanisms like
"
Altruism: Constructive service to others that brings pleasure and personal satisfaction.
Anticipation: Realistic planning for future discomfort.
Humour: Overt expression of ideas and feelings (especially those that are unpleasant to focus on or too terrible to talk about) that gives pleasure to others. The thoughts retain a portion of their innate distress, but they are "skirted round" by witticism, for example Self-deprecation.
Identification: The unconscious modelling of one's self upon another person's character and behaviour.
Introjection: Identifying with some idea or object so deeply that it becomes a part of that person.
Sublimation: Transformation of negative emotions or instincts into positive actions, behaviour, or emotion.
Thought suppression: The conscious process of pushing thoughts into the preconscious; the conscious decision to delay paying attention to an emotion or need in order to cope with the present reality; making it possible to later access uncomfortable or distressing emotions whilst accepting them.
"

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/20/2013 08:41 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
You became "aware".

You rejected her values(her SuperEgo)

You avoid being within her sphere of influence.

This is why therapy is about the patient talking long enough that they actually tell themselves what is wrong. That same aspect is a part of any shaman practice.

You should journal this, PENG.
 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


Ha! Bingo. Love it! How much do I owe you?
Oh, and if you held a gun to my head, I'd choose Jung over Freud any day. But both were crazy. Lol
 Quoting: PENG



If you learn anything, my reward is you finding as much happiness and fulfillment as possible when dating or in your relationships.

Some green karma or an upgrade would be always appreciated.

First a patient can discover better behavior methods (coping strategies for most come in crisis), a good counselor will then mostly listen. Point out what the patient said. Listen some more.

No one will accept advice. No one. They will only change when they decide an idea is worthwhile, and usually from their own inner contemplations. So a patient talks long enough that the patient comes to that contemplation and decides they need to change or asks for help.

Then the shaman says, "Why not try this?"

Then the patient spend time contemplating that and practicing it. When they decide it's effective to do it and actually do it, then usually the patient is in a better place then when they first entered the cave of the shaman.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/20/2013 08:51 PM
PENG

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!


Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:25 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Don'tBeAfraid

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1- I'd like to call that "survival mode". Lol
2- really??? You're determined to get me to admit to low self worth. I just won't have it! :D

I'll give you some karma! I always forget about that. I should check mine to see if I ave any trolls. And I promise to upgrade when I get the points. Not sure what I have. I'll check. I only used my points once to get rid of a bad karma because they said I was a Jew hater! What the hell. That pissed me off. I can see how this karma stuff can mess with people's minds. Haha.... Hmmm now off to check mine. ;).

Sooooo, lets talk about you. You are wayyyy too smart. You're too smart to come for therapy on glp!


Oh my god! Alright, first I have 27 points, so it's gonna be awhile. And I'm only allowed to give one karma a week? What the hell?
Some shithead gave me green karma and commented I'm obviously alone. LOL. That troll didn't leave their name. Little brat. ;)
 Quoting: PENG


Nope, I'm not determined to tell you have low self-worth. Not at all. I wouldn't curse people like that. I ask people if their estimation of themselves is too low. Probably 95% say yes.

Isn't it funny that trolls give bad karma or even green karma and then are anonymous? It's far more fun to say it honestly and identify yourself. So cowardly, so many people are afraid. Why?

There's only two reasons I'd like to be a member: 1)to exchange pms with people I really like or that have private issues to discuss (for many people have been abused and harmed. You'd be shocked if I told you how many. 2)to protect myself from bans. I get banned a lot. I think because of all my verbose posting.

Talk about me, nah, that's the juicy stuff I save for dating with a person who becomes intimate with me. If I give away all my private details I won't be mysterious.

I came to GLP because I got interested in an issue and found a link. GLP has changed. It's gotten very "lite" in some ways. Full of Nazis and racists, which surprises me because there's obviously a lot of very young people here.

Anyway, because I'm mystical but also well read and educated, then I find many posts interesting. Sometimes people are mystical, but lack logic and an ability to accept science. It's silly because you need both to understand Ultimate Reality.

I'm spiritual, but most believers ignore the mystical parts and science. They have the condemnation and judgement down pat, which is odd since that's counter to what the Bible teaches and specifically what Yeshua taught. Then they come up with loopy ideas and throw science completely out the window too.

That means I walk between all of those worlds and part of none of them, well maybe peripherally.

I'm just a country boy and Nature lover. Obviously that can be ascertained by my sig.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/20/2013 10:16 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
Eat hard boiled eggs, and smoked chicken for about a week.

Then go out with him and rip a big nasty one in his car, or apartment.

He'll really Love You then?
PENG

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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:26 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
When I tried to give you karma I saw where you were from. I have family there in different areas though.
I keep looking for your sig.... Isn't that at the end of your post? I see a link though.
Your very fun to talk to... I'm a little smarter now. :-D
 Quoting: PENG


You're sweet. Kentuckians get a bad rap. They think we're the ridiculous characters on Justified and all mountain people from the Appalachian Mountains (pronounced locally as Apa lah cha).

Yes, there's a link about prepping. I've discussed MacGuyvering ways a country boy can use to cope with no water, electricity, communicate, preserve food, find medicinal herbs, etc. Plus tips on being a better husband and father too.

You were already smart. I can't do anything about that. Just teach you some tricks.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/20/2013 10:11 PM
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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:26 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
When I tried to give you karma I saw where you were from. I have family there in different areas though.
I keep looking for your sig.... Isn't that at the end of your post? I see a link though.
Your very fun to talk to... I'm a little smarter now. :-D
 Quoting: PENG


You're sweet. Kentuckians get a bad rap. They think we're the ridiculous characters on Justified and all mountain people from the Appalachian Mountains (pronounced locally as Apa lah cha).

Yes, there's a link about prepping. I've discussed MacGuyvering ways a country boy can use to cope with no water, electricity, communicate, preserve food, find medicinal herbs, etc. Plus tips on being a better husband and father too.

You were already smart. I can't do anything about that. Just teach you some tricks.
 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


Yes they do! And with family in northern, central, and north eastern KY, they are also some of the most friendly and down to earth people I've known.

I have read several pages on that thread. Very helpful! Thank you!
And now I see the other sig. :).
 Quoting: PENG


While there's always mean folks, most Kentuckians I know are really down-to-Earth spiritual people who would invite you to supper if hungry, look for some spare clothes if you were poor and needed them, would help you find work, will go out of their way to help you fix something, help you if you're lost, bake you a pie, fix up you with their children, etc.

Good people for the most part, not the stereotypes on the TV. Strong country women. Stout-hearted men. A little wild and freedom-loving. Lots of Scots and Germans and English here.
PENG

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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:26 PM
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Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
...


You're sweet. Kentuckians get a bad rap. They think we're the ridiculous characters on Justified and all mountain people from the Appalachian Mountains (pronounced locally as Apa lah cha).

Yes, there's a link about prepping. I've discussed MacGuyvering ways a country boy can use to cope with no water, electricity, communicate, preserve food, find medicinal herbs, etc. Plus tips on being a better husband and father too.

You were already smart. I can't do anything about that. Just teach you some tricks.
 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


Yes they do! And with family in northern, central, and north eastern KY, they are also some of the most friendly and down to earth people I've known.

I have read several pages on that thread. Very helpful! Thank you!
And now I see the other sig. :).
 Quoting: PENG


While there's always mean folks, most Kentuckians I know are really down-to-Earth spiritual people who would invite you to supper if hungry, look for some spare clothes if you were poor and needed them, would help you find work, will go out of their way to help you fix something, help you if you're lost, bake you a pie, fix up you with their children, etc.

Good people for the most part, not the stereotypes on the TV. Strong country women. Stout-hearted men. A little wild and freedom-loving. Lots of Scots and Germans and English here.
 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


Those are the people I've met. And honestly, I learn more from them than others. I can't explain it other than I feel more connected... Hmmm can't find the right words. It just seems more meaningful. There's more substance there than some would think.
 Quoting: PENG


It's a slower pace here. In places it's very diverse. Walk down the Highlands on Bardstown Road in Louisville, and that's one of the most diverse places I've been as a world traveller. Lots of culture in Louisville. The Kentucky Derby, museums, jazz, hip hop, rock, funk, bluegrass, country. Lexington is like that too, but also lots of artisans.

I was in Louisville once and a guy (very urban shall we say African-American who looked nothing like me) asked me for change for bus fare, so I did what I what do here, "Hey hop in, I'll give you a lift." He laughed and looked at me, "You're not from around here, from a big city, are you?" He was panhandlin'

People wave to strangers here. Urban folks find that unnerving. We're waving, "Howdy" and they're looking at us like we're the aliens.

When someone comes over for a meal and to visit, then when it's time for them to go home, we all go outside with them and stand and wave goodbye until they're far off and out of sight. Hospitality is important here.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/20/2013 11:00 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
The rational way to lose weight

The first and easiest way to improve yourself is to lose weight. You do this based upon evaluating your body mass index (BMI). If you're an athlete, you can't use a BMI. They're used for regular folks, and your density of muscle tissue results in a skewing of the numbers.

You need not lose weight too extremely. That's a misconception. This is especially true for women, for if you suddenly lose weight, you'll harm the body, plus trick your endocrine system and stop ovulating. Don't do reactive dangerous things.

Guys like women who are natural. There's no need to modify your body artificially. If you're small busted, then women worry all the time. Honestly breast size has no impact upon sexual pleasure. They just create sexual attraction somewhat.

The reason I mention breasts is a lot of women worry about losing breast mass on a diet. Go slow, and it will be less of an issue.

One very good diet is the rotation diet.
[link to www.weightlosscentral.org]

Here's why it works. When a person begins to starve themselves, then the body immediate notices a change. It then lowers the metabolic rate to cope with what it thinks is an emergency situation. First, glycogen is used up, so your muscles shrink, then water is lost and you get dehydrated, then after two weeks, you start burning fat. But your metabolic drops more and more and so it takes a lot of exercise to get your heart going and compensate. The same process saves you in the wilderness because you starve slower, but that's a terrible nuisance when trying to lose weight.

In the rotation diet, you begin a fast, but after a few days you increase the food in calories. This fakes out the brain because the food supply is increasing. The brain goes, “Oh, there's not an issue. Let the metabolic rate stay normal.” More weight is lost this way.

That diet allows you a day off too, but don't blow it by going crazy. It's a perfect way to slowly lose weight and meet your goals.

Another diet that works safely is the Caveman diet.
[link to en.wikipedia.org]

You eat what a caveman would have eaten. You avoid complex carbs, for cavemen were hunter-gathers. Very very simple to do. Highly satisfying as long as you're not vegetarian.

It took a long time to gain the weight. It will take a long time to lose the weight. You're losing the weight so you purchase one outfit that's more flattering. You're not losing the weight because you're not beautiful, you're losing the excess weight much like looking your best and becoming more confident for a job interview. That's what dating is. People will assess you in the first 5 minutes. You have a very tiny window to keep them interested. That means beginning the process with your best foot forward.

Now, don't get hung up if very overweight. You're still beautiful. Think about it like a mine. There's treasure inside you. Gold buried. There's a six pack of rock hard abs buried inside your belly, you just have to mine for it. Make sense?

As you mistreat your body, it causes the suspensory ligaments to stretch. Rapid weigh loss will result in stretch marks. We don't want that. We want slow and steady loss.

To maximize your weight loss, don't over do cardio. That's a classic mistake. Why? Beginners don't know what to do at the gym. They spend too much money on the membership or exercise equipment at home. Then, they don't bother to learn how to use it. Ask. Asking is about meeting strangers. Meeting strangers is what your goal is. Kill two birds with one stone.

Maybe you actually meet someone, but read back, women don't feel pretty at the gym, so they're not at their best, guys. Cornering them at the gym, and you may screw up a very potentially wonderful chance to go out. Talk to them before they come in and say hi, especially after already connecting before. Maybe make a coffee date before working out, that's very low commitment and non-threatening and maybe a joy.

A woman especially needs to do weight bearing exercise, both to strengthen her skeleton, but also because the more you lift, the more testosterone will be developed (within reason). That will give you a mental lift, it causes well being. It makes you have more sexual desire. It makes fat burning easier. It tones the arms and legs while fat is being melted away.

You need to do a program such that you rotate your body parts, otherwise you'll build up lactic acid in muscles, cramp, tear muscle and get sore, and then quit. Do arms one day, then stomach, then legs, then back, then chest, then arms again. This keeps you from getting sore.

You will get sore. Don't be a wimp. Don't be crazy and lift too much. A lot of body builders lift lots of reps of low weight. Powerlifters lift a ton of weight a few reps. You need to do both to build tone(the first way) and explosive power (the latter way).

You've done thus before, right? You lost the weight, you starting exercising, things were good, bought a couple of outfits, and then you got injured. You stopping exercising, you started to eat more, you gained it all back, and maybe more.

A lot of cardio is hard on your knees and lower back. You can injured very easily. Go slow. Do the elyptical, not the treadmill. The elyptical is working your upper and lower body. You're pushing and pulling, so working and tightening the arms, and we all know that the “waddle” from fat pulls down. You want to remove that. You want to remove fat deposits around the sides of your outer breasts that poke through and are just fat.

Guys, you need to aim for slow muscle gain. Don't cheat and take something. Shoot for a reasonable amount of muscle gain. You don't want "roid rage".

Using something like an assisted chest/dipping/pull up machine is great for anyone. You add on weight so it assists you to do exercises that you are not ready to do now, but can “cheat” by lifting half your weight.

Try doing very simple things like standing in a doorway and leaning in at 45 or 60 degree angle and doing standing up pushups since at first you won't be able to do many.

Try an ab wheel to slowly go out and slowly come back in and strengthen your abs.

For abs, posture is as important as exercise. Sit up straight all your waking time. Don't slough while on the computer. Don't slouch at your office job. Pull yourself up, especially guys. Bad posture makes you look weak. All of you want to look powerful and magnetic.

The most important thing to do is use the webcam on your computer. Take a picture from the back, side and front especially the face. Then password protect them, hide them, whatever but update them by cutting and pasting them into a journal entry on your word processor program. Once a week, include the photos so you can watch yourself get thinner.

Include daily a short journal entry about:
1) Over mental health
2) Physical challenges
3) Soreness
4) What you ate generally
5) Did you cheat? If you did, don't beat yourself up. Fix it. Get back on the horse.
It's that simple. You might want to weigh yourself. Personally I don't think it's very helpful. People weigh too often. You're gaining muscle too, so that's confusing.

As you lose weight, you may start using some whey protein powder in milk and a little juice. I also recommend you use a blender and chop up carrots and some berries. This adds a lot of sweetness from the fructose. You want to watch too much fruit. It's loaded with calories but berries are very low calories and nutritious.

This is a very good way to build muscle. The body likes caesin protein. It shows a surplus so muscle development can occur.

This program works. Do what works. Crash diets fail every time. They make your blood sugar too low. It makes people especially women get dizzy and pass out.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/21/2013 02:34 AM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
Wearing suitable clothing
Most people are not good at choosing the right clothing that best enhances their appearance. It's not a natural skill. We're not objective creatures who can see ourselves well.

Try this at home. Open your closet. Is there any outfit you purchased in haste at the store, and then returned home and never wore it in public? I bet that's so. We thought it looked fine, but then realized, “Ugh, I would be embarrassed to wear that because it doesn't fit. It doesn't enhance my body. The colors are wrong. I need to lose weight first.”

We're not subjective. Women will ask their best female friend (BFF) but oddly, BFFs are terrible about lying or worse being catty and picking on their friends. I've seen that over and over.

All dating people must read a book specifically about clothing style. I'll leave you to make that choice. I'm sure there's a best seller in your country and based upon norms in your society.

Certain skin tones look better in certain colors. This is often called “seasons”.
[link to www.style-makeover-hq.com]
Certain colors in cultural myths evoke feelings. Often these are universal like white being purity, red for life and blood. Black for power and death. This is why people wear certain colors to invoke feelings in the Other. You should carefully study this as much as you study scent and perfume/cologne. It has a major effect on the Other, and allows you to make a positive (or negative) impression.

Just like scent, the color that looks the best on you as perceived by the Other may NOT be the color or scent you would wear. Women you know this is true by lipstick color. Women consistently chose lipstick color that appeals to other women, not men. How strange is that?

A lot of women don't understand male sexuality. The hint of decolletage is alluring. You want to catch his eye. But showing too much induces lots and lots of male attention (not only from him but also the entire room of men) and therefore subtracts from the attention on your face. Don't blow your chances by evoking raw sexuality and therefore pushing the sexual button too soon. Let him chase you instead. If you do it this way, you can excite the Other by revealing a little more and ramping up desire, but then knowing the myth of Atalanta, you want to create pauses to ramp down. The oscillation of hot and cold creates desire and passion. Constant decolletage actually dampens desire.

More is less. Less is more. This is why an appetizer is so delicious. You want to whet his appetite (literally sharpening it).

Have you ever watched a premiere or watched a celebrity awards ceremony and thought, “Oh my gosh! What was she thinking? That looks so expensive and trashy at the same time! How is that possible? It looks awful on her!” And yet, we do that all the time to ourselves.

Take pictures of yourself from multiple angles. Then look at them in an hour and think, “OK, do I really look good or bad now? Is there a better outfit that has better color, fits better, is more flattering to my shape, etc?”

Don't wear clothing that doesn't fit your age. A lot of women wear styles which are very dated and so they look older than their years. Others wear outfits that make them look old because older women wear those styles. Other women look silly because they want to appear young and so they wear a style that's worn by young women. We laugh at them. Don't shoot yourself in the foot this way.

All people can find an elegant style. Almost always that style of elegance will enhance your beauty or handsomeness. If you're the most classy dressed person, you'll stand out. It's not overdressing, few people will think that. Maybe your competitors will think that, but the object of your attention will think, “Wow! He look sharp. She has a sense of style among all these other women. His clothing choices show a superior eye.”

Having this sense of style causes a resonance in the Other, they think, if He is so discriminiating in style choices, if He picks me, that means I'm highly valued as being more beautiful than the others. He's careful about his choices." Make sense now?

You should become an expert at this. It's the easiest way to boost your self-worth. When you wear something flattering, then you feel more confident.

Don't waste money though. Be prudent and believe in your natural appearance, but by working on improving your body shape, then you can then reward your discipline by slowly acquiring clothing with better taste.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/21/2013 08:45 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
Becoming more aware and becoming lively (if only for a moment)
Most people are not aware at a party. They're passive and unsure of what to do. They watch people, but really are immersed in their own inner world. They're largely self-aware of their failings, and yet hoping that a beautiful stranger will come into the room and liven things up.

Be that person for the party yourself. You have talents inside that you can communicate to others. If you do that in an animated way, then you can actively engage the people there and make an impression.

“But...but...but...that's scary!”

Yes it is. It is the first time. It is the tenth time. But each time it's less scary.

Dating is about bravery and taking risks. As a community, we admire risk takers. It sets those people apart who display it. It's an admired attribute, especially since it evokes instinctual behavior and response in humans.

They'll notice your actions and be charmed at least by your liveliness and bravery, and then their perception of your beauty will go up. Then they'll be attracted.

Being lively can be easy for some people. Are you naturally good at reading body language? If so, then glancing around the room and using your awareness of the way that people feel, you say things to connect to them. It shows insight, tenderness, and establishes interest in them. Then stay for five minutes and then move to the next person. Do it again. People will notice this. In sales, it's called "working the room". A salesperson is looking for buyers and passing around contact information. A person looking for relationship is speed dating because the initial gut feeling you have in the first five minutes creates a long sense of attraction or not.

Most of us have at least one good story in us. Learn to journal your experiences. Relate them in response to things other people say. It establishes two things: 1)lively passionate expression of experiences (something very attractive to all people) and 2) good communication skills. Whispering imparts an air of secrecy. Saying it in this way, demonstrates candor and intimacy. It also gives you an excuse to draw closer and that enhances sexual attraction. Doing this over and over around the room builds up trust.

Never tell a self-deprecating story in a social situation like this. The only people who can are wildly Alpha Males and Females whose character strength is unquestioned.

Learn to know a little about everything. Literally everything. I highly recommend reading this book. It's probably in your public library:
An Incomplete Education
[link to www.amazon.com]

This one book gives you a concise 2-3 page summary of most of the topics anyone could possibly discuss. By learning it, memorizing it, and then doing a little outside reading, you can literally discuss any kind of Art, politics, religion, famous people, music, world culture, etc.

Having read and studied that, you will have a wealth of things to talk about in response to things people say. They'll think, “Wow she's really well read. He's so interesting. She's different. He understands this topic when few do.” It creates resonance and beat frequencies (see previous postings).

Sensitivity is advanced awareness. Learn body language by picking up a book on it. Then most importantly, practicing it all the time. What people think and what their subconscious is actually thinking is different and revealed in their postures, gestures, twists of the mouth, glances of the eyes, etc. You're missing half the conversation if you don't cultivate this. Maybe this lack of discernement is why you lose the connection with your ex-lovers?

Become a detective. Notice five unique things about their appearance like: callouses on their hands, the bruising on the neck of a violinist, the scent they wear (what does it say about their personal likes and identity), the volume/pitch/intensity of their voice, their pallor, the quality of their hair, the color of their fingers and fingernail bed. All of these things a physician would use to assess their health. A detective would use them and the dilation of their eyes to detect lying. A player will use them to determine attraction to him and vary his methods to acquire the most connection by blush response, darting eyes that look down (shows submission) then up into his (shows acceptance of dominance).

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/21/2013 09:52 PM
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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!


Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:26 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
Hair Style

How long has it been since you updated your hair style? Many people will neglect this, and yet we know that the length of the hair, the manner in which it's styled, the cut, all of these things cause a visceral response like, “Ohhh he's so edgey! Her long hair makes my knees weak. He's kinda wild with that long hair. She looks so confident in that short hair style. Her ringlets! Those curls are magical. I love his buzz cut hair, it makes him look masculine and strong.”

There's lots of websites that allow you to look over a style, but then, you take that picture to your barber or beautician and they don't cut it the way in the picture. Change who's cutting your hair, you Dope!” Find someone who not only can cut your hair well, but also is aware of your shortcomings and can say, “Well the shape of your skull won't be favorable for a crew cut. Since your face is square, then cutting it this way will make it more square. Let's try this instead. How about I cut a little so you can see what I mean?” Those are the kinds of artists you want to enhance your beauty. TIP THEM! They're worth a fortune.

You have to be brave sometimes. Often we cut our hair to change our personality. We need the change, not anyone else. It boost our confidence. However, we make dumb decisions, so go slow. It takes a long time to grow out your hair, at best ¾ of an inch a month.

Watch your weight. Often that will influence how your hairstyle looks because your face is too full for that style. You can cheat a little while talking by sucking in your cheeks (like the leaner wolfish appearance of models) a little while they are talking, and then talking normally, then doing it again. It makes your face less full, and that's what they'll notice. It creates allure.

Learn about the right hair product for your hair. Does it weight it down and reduce volume? Is your hair dry? Try jojoba oil at nighttime to rapidly add back oils that were stripped out from shampoos. Don't over wash it. Often a model won't wash their hair before a photoshoot.

The smell of clean hair is important. That freshness is very exciting. It's immediately noticed by men. Just don't overwash it.

When making love, a woman on top and dangling her hair down onto the chest of a man is so captivating that it greatly enhances sexual pleasure. If you have long hair, you have to really take care of it by vitamins, brushing perhaps with an ionic brush to reduce breakage, specially treat it with additives if African-American, etc.

A woman tossing her hair is a great way to add emotion as a gesture. It implies freedom and spirit. It also greatly enhances femininity and carefully cultivated self-care.

A man when cutting his hair in layers looks more refined and yet dashing.

Very cropped hair implies discipline and order and a warrior look.
Don'tBeAfraid

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...


While there's always mean folks, most Kentuckians I know are really down-to-Earth spiritual people who would invite you to supper if hungry, look for some spare clothes if you were poor and needed them, would help you find work, will go out of their way to help you fix something, help you if you're lost, bake you a pie, fix up you with their children, etc.

Good people for the most part, not the stereotypes on the TV. Strong country women. Stout-hearted men. A little wild and freedom-loving. Lots of Scots and Germans and English here.
 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


Those are the people I've met. And honestly, I learn more from them than others. I can't explain it other than I feel more connected... Hmmm can't find the right words. It just seems more meaningful. There's more substance there than some would think.
 Quoting: PENG


It's a slower pace here. In places it's very diverse. Walk down the Highlands on Bardstown Road in Louisville, and that's one of the most diverse places I've been as a world traveller. Lots of culture in Louisville. The Kentucky Derby, museums, jazz, hip hop, rock, funk, bluegrass, country. Lexington is like that too, but also lots of artisans.

I was in Louisville once and a guy (very urban shall we say African-American who looked nothing like me) asked me for change for bus fare, so I did what I what do here, "Hey hop in, I'll give you a lift." He laughed and looked at me, "You're not from around here, from a big city, are you?" He was panhandlin'

People wave to strangers here. Urban folks find that unnerving. We're waving, "Howdy" and they're looking at us like we're the aliens.

When someone comes over for a meal and to visit, then when it's time for them to go home, we all go outside with them and stand and wave goodbye until they're far off and out of sight. Hospitality is important here.
 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


Probably because we have lost trust with society. Everyone is looking out for ulterior motives... Nothing comes for free or as an act of kindness. Certainly not like it used to be. I like the slow pace, the nature, the quietness of nature. It's my favorite place to be.
 Quoting: PENG


PENG, don't you love it when you meet someone you think is being "real and genuine"? They're being themselves. People say,"Just be yourselves", but it's the most difficult thing to do. We're nervous about trusting that deeply,for then "They might see who I really am", but then if you meet someone that you magically connect with, you don't have to talk all the time, and a smile or raised eyebrow, immediately connects with you.

Yes, I agree, avoid ulterior motives ultimately. It makes you look calculating and false. Like someone with guile.

Yes, I can tell I'd love to meet you and your family. You seem very genuine and sincere and likeable.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/21/2013 10:17 PM
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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:27 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
Why are you looking for love?
Motivation

Each soul has some measure of strength and self-worth. While becoming more aware and improving ourselves offers satisfaction, it is limited. It's not that the soul is limited, for we have unlimited potential. It is that we cannot satisfy our inner longings. We need to be around people, at least almost everyone save those with schizoid personality disorder or severe autism. Those folks want relationships, it's just that they haven't developed the behavioral skills to achieve them and mostly their behavior impedes relationships.

The rest of us are lonely. We want to connect with others. We especially desire to find the “One”. And in that person we think we'll achieve something very special: a soul mate. A soul mate is a unique being or soul whose pattern is so full of beat frequencies and causes an endless cascade of resonance.

But they're more. The soul mate is so connected to us that we want to achieve more, be more, and this all ever more enhances and enmeshes us with them.

What other reasons are there to seek that soul mate? It isn't just about holding loneliness at bay. If that's all you're looking for, then I bet you've had brief flings in order to temporarily find connection and always been disappointed. Sexual conquest is not enough, nor is being sexually dominated for though some women may enjoy yielding to a man, then they also want more.

What do you want? What's your motivation for finding a soul mate?

A long time ago, a mentor asked me that question. I started to answer, but then stopped. I didn't want to give the wrong answer, but I did want to give an honest answer. I also wanted to give a complete answer.

I want you to journal about what is your motivation for seeking a true connection in a soul mate. I want you to deeply peer into your soul and examine yourself. Think about what you wish for, but also why you wish for those things.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/21/2013 11:17 PM
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...


It's a slower pace here. In places it's very diverse. Walk down the Highlands on Bardstown Road in Louisville, and that's one of the most diverse places I've been as a world traveller. Lots of culture in Louisville. The Kentucky Derby, museums, jazz, hip hop, rock, funk, bluegrass, country. Lexington is like that too, but also lots of artisans.

I was in Louisville once and a guy (very urban shall we say African-American who looked nothing like me) asked me for change for bus fare, so I did what I what do here, "Hey hop in, I'll give you a lift." He laughed and looked at me, "You're not from around here, from a big city, are you?" He was panhandlin'

People wave to strangers here. Urban folks find that unnerving. We're waving, "Howdy" and they're looking at us like we're the aliens.

When someone comes over for a meal and to visit, then when it's time for them to go home, we all go outside with them and stand and wave goodbye until they're far off and out of sight. Hospitality is important here.
 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


Probably because we have lost trust with society. Everyone is looking out for ulterior motives... Nothing comes for free or as an act of kindness. Certainly not like it used to be. I like the slow pace, the nature, the quietness of nature. It's my favorite place to be.
 Quoting: PENG


PENG, don't you love it when you meet someone you think is being "real and genuine"? They're being themselves. People say,"Just be yourselves", but it's the most difficult thing to do. We're nervous about trusting that deeply,for then "They might see who I really am", but then if you meet someone that you magically connect with, you don't have to talk all the time, and a smile or raised eyebrow, immediately connects with you.

Yes, I agree, avoid ulterior motives ultimately. It makes you look calculating and false. Like someone with guile.

Yes, I can tell I'd love to meet you and your family. You seem very genuine and sincere and likeable.
 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


Yes I do. And it is difficult being ones own self. And it is all about trust. You know, it took me to the age of 35 to say screw it, I don't care. :) so there is much I leave unexposed. Frankly I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about who I am anymore. Well, maybe a few things. ;) ha. Seriously, what I found was that if you let your guard down, most people start to let their guard down. Now I can usually spot who has ulterior motives and sometimes I don't let on, I just watch. And sometimes I know, but I don't care... As long as I know what they are up to.

Thanks, I am genuine and sincere. I have no reason not to be. I love people and I like visiting here because I get alot of laughs from some clever and crazy people. :) it's an interesting place with people from all over the world, which I LOVE. I belong to another group (not conspiracy) which has members around the world. It is so fascinating to learn about others that I wouldn't normally be able to do if it weren't for the group. I'm aware of GLP but I don't care so much. I think people might mistake loneliness for curiosity about the world. I find your posts very interesting and enjoyable. There is def something for everyone on this site. Haha.

Likeable? Ha, well that depends. I know, self worth. ;-P
 Quoting: PENG


We all care. It's instinct. We want to be noticed, valued, adored, cherished. Then when a real person who lacks guile and only honestly wants a connection, then we think, "A true friend. A genuinely sweet guy or girl. A real old soul."

If we're really lucky, we find the soul mate through all of that.

Yes, GLP is an odd quirky place. At times very international and pluralistic at others so full of or at least it seems a focus on loud noisy gongs who proclaim the Truth. Some of that makes us laugh. Sometimes in some of it we seem glimmers.

When you accept that Ultimate Reality makes no junk, then you will accept your worth on your own without coaxing.
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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:27 PM
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Don'tBeAfraid

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01/21/2013 11:41 PM
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True. We all care. Just some are willing to extend a branch and leave it out there, accepting you may get your hand bitten off, but that's okay. Lol. Make sense? It's worth the risk. IMO. What's the worse that can happen? Hurt? Humiliation? Deception? Well, brush yourself off and move on. Who wants to live life like that? It's much more fun to take a leap of faith in people. Now, it's different online because its a safety zone in a physical sense. I made the mistake of being too kind to the bug man and he kinda became a stalker. Not flirting, just friendly and that went badly.
 Quoting: PENG


That's funny! I imagined the Johnny Lee song "Looking in love in all the wrong places sung by an exterminator..."


Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/21/2013 11:43 PM
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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:27 PM
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Don'tBeAfraid

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Re: dating&romance advice - see Don´tBeAfraid´s tips/explanations - edited to have only the useful information for ya!
True. We all care. Just some are willing to extend a branch and leave it out there, accepting you may get your hand bitten off, but that's okay. Lol. Make sense? It's worth the risk. IMO. What's the worse that can happen? Hurt? Humiliation? Deception? Well, brush yourself off and move on. Who wants to live life like that? It's much more fun to take a leap of faith in people. Now, it's different online because its a safety zone in a physical sense. I made the mistake of being too kind to the bug man and he kinda became a stalker. Not flirting, just friendly and that went badly.
 Quoting: PENG


That's funny! I imagined the Johnny Lee song "Looking in love in all the wrong places sung by an exterminator..."

 Quoting: Don'tBeAfraid


Love it. Awesome. Song. Most country songs make me cry though. Lol
hf

Lmao.... I actually think he was looking to stab me!
 Quoting: PENG

But seriously, Ladies need to establish good boundaries. A lot of guys are so lonesome that the smallest rare attention from a beautiful young lady really confuses them. They lack good awareness and confuse kindness with attraction. It's good to be crystal clear even when simply offering a kind compliment.

Younger people especially can find the allure of an older person...very entrancing. There's nothing new about a young lady dating an older man, or vice versa. The initial attraction often comes from the younger person who's confused respect and experiences with love and attraction.

Working together in an office, you can work on a project with a person of the opposite sex, and in time begin what you think is harmless flirting. That can be very confusing to both people. Affairs easily begin this way.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/21/2013 11:57 PM
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Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:28 PM
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Don'tBeAfraid

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Yes that's right. I guess maybe that's why people are also guarded. For fear of giving the wrong signal?

The bug man was just a little unstable. He was my age I suspect... But... I actually did sense that in him immediately, but I couldn't be mean to him... I just went out and asked about snakes one day and boy that was a mistake. Lol. But anyway, he had the creepy factor from the get go.
 Quoting: PENG


Yes, fear is a big part of dating. I'm going to write about ways to cope when you flirt and are rebuffed and it gets awkward.

PENG, all of us can tell horror stories about stalkers. There's a lot of people with mental issues which become impediments to dating anyone. They get more and more isolated and so less and less social skills. Then they get their nerve up, and it's awful to explain that there's no mutual attraction. Keeping it brief and clearly cutting it off is best.

Last Edited by Don'tBeAfraid on 01/22/2013 12:09 AM
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Yes that's right. I guess maybe that's why people are also guarded. For fear of giving the wrong signal?
 Quoting: PENG


Last Edited by PENG on 01/27/2013 03:01 PM
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."

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