Removing barriers, but keeping things mysterious

When first the Fox saw the Lion he was terribly frightened, and ran away and hid himself in the wood. Next time however he came near the King of Beasts he stopped at a safe distance and watched him pass by. The third time they came near one another the Fox went straight up to the Lion and passed the time of day with him, asking him how his family were, and when he should have the pleasure of seeing him again; then turning his tail, he parted from the Lion without much ceremony. Aesop c. 620-564 B.C.

Familiarity breeds contempt. You've heard it said. You've seen it happen in others. You've had it happen to you or you did it as a result of being with someone long enough.

Why does it happen? The dirty secret is humans get bored too easily. How many times have you as a teenager or as a parent of a teenager hears your teen say, “I'm bored...”? They're bored because of familiarity.

We can't change that. It's an essential aspect of being human. We innately wish to be entertained with progressive newness and sometimes desiring shocking things to startle us.

It's why horror films, comedy, drama, tragedy, action, tear-jerkers, etc are all entertaining. They are newness in a world that seems staid and boring. We don't want stability, we want something novel.

Aha! This should be an epiphany moment. This should be like icy cold water in the shower on a Winter morning in an unheated cabin.

Women desire stability and will work really hard to get it. Men don't want stability and will resist it. When it happens in a relationship, there's momentary catharsis from the struggle and then relief and bliss and often tears, but then things get slower and slower and less interesting and people yawn, and then....a breakup.

Despite what you know to be true, you'll read some stupid book on “How to be your husbands' best friend”. You'll replace the sexy chased seductress that enticed him with the girl next door and become a doormat.

Or for the guys, you'll read endless magazines written for women to women, and then think that is you understand women and can become their best friend, then you can catch a hot one. What happens, you caught the kiss of death, and then you'll hear in horror the worst thing a woman can say, “I don't feel attracted to you that way...let's just be friends. You're such a great guy friend.” ARGHHHHHHHH!!!

You need to keep things off-kilter. You need to make things mysterious. You need to make things novel. You need to run to them, then run away, and so the chase is perpetual.

As long as a relationship is an eternal sense of wonder about the Other, then they will keep coming back for more. If you make all your mystery dissipate, then they will be bored and move on. They will especially move on if a guy.

NOTE: We don't keep secrets from one another, for that is not good and is an impediment to intimacy. But you also don't reveal every little minutia that demystifies the supernatural attraction that she feels for you and likewise the magical attraction that you feel for her will be diminished if you know everything about her. Don't do it.