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Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?

 
Anonymous Coward
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12/05/2012 02:43 AM
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Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
When I was 17 I met the girl of my dreams. I came over to a friend's house and my eyes were immediately drawn to a girl who I thought was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Before that I never put much stock into the whole "love at first sight" thing but when I saw her it changed my life. I fell so deeply in love that I knew I would be with her for the rest of my life; and if it was left to my choice alone I still would be. I had my whole life planned out with Pauline and by the time I was 19 we had gotten engaged and moved in together. I was the happiest I had been in my whole life and looking back it was still the best times of my life.

As everyone knows life is full of problems and my 19 year old intellect just really wasn't ready to deal with it all. We both came from broken homes and we were doing the best as we knew how. If I would have known how to be a better person I would have done my absolute best to be a better man for her. I was always willing to work things out and stay together but eventually she decided to part ways. I took it about as hard as a person can take it and I saw my world fall apart in the blink of an eye. I very seriously contemplated suicide but I ground things out and moved 800 miles away to try to fix the pain. We never talked again, and not for a lack of trying on my end. Now, I'm 32 and I still think about her everyday even though I am happily married and am very in love with my wife. As much as I try I just can't get fully over the entire situation and often wake up from nightmares involving Pauline. For years I was so mad at her but I have gotten to the point that I don't blame her for anything anymore and pretty much shoulder the blame alone. More than anything I just wish I could tell her that I'm sorry and that I would do anything to make up for fucking up one of the best things I ever had. No matter how much I try to "get over it" I just can't seem to do it. It is still a pretty major source of depression for me at this point in my life. Nobody I ever met drew me in to the same affect that she did and I feel that we were soul mates who just couldn't find a way to make things work.

Why so often does it seem that so many people look back at the first time that they fell in love like this and never seem to be able to totally clear from their head? It's not even that I want her back as much as I so desperately wish I could go back to that point in my life and live there forever. Life has been hard and I know too much and I wish I could just go back to being a stupid 19 year old again with my first love. I have fallen in love several times in my life but she always sticks out the most. I used to wish that I could just stop feeling but I know that there is no way to do that, I have always been a sensitive guy. What is it about truly falling in love for the first time that does this to us?

I always hate when people say "live with no regrets," because if I had it all again I would change it all. Life would be so much easier if we could live it backwards because the best times seem to be when you hardly know a thing about life and then by the time that you do, you are so bitter and burnt out that you wish you didn't know and feel so much.

The naive must be the most happiest people on the planet...
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/05/2012 02:45 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Anonymous Coward
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12/05/2012 02:47 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
it's like your first high, then you're just chasing the dragon...ride the snake.
Anonymous Coward
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12/05/2012 02:47 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I think it's because they were the first ones, outside of the unconditional love our families, to acknowledge us as worthy and lovable, human beings. They also challenged our hearts to experience this, true love thing and for some it was their first sexual experience, which, hey, one just will never forget because most of us sucked so badly at it.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/05/2012 02:53 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I think it's because they were the first ones, outside of the unconditional love our families, to acknowledge us as worthy and lovable, human beings. They also challenged our hearts to experience this, true love thing and for some it was their first sexual experience, which, hey, one just will never forget because most of us sucked so badly at it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28386399


I guess that could be why it seems to hurt so much more than it should. I didn't get the unconditional love from a mother or a father so I must have shoved it all into one person; so when that fell apart, everything else went with it.
Anonymous Coward
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12/05/2012 03:08 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Op I'm here for you bid right now it's hard for me as well I'm 24 years old I met my first love at age 15 we both loved the band korn like you we both came from broken houses. I met her we had the same korn shirt on I was crying and she came up to me asked me what's wrong I was like instantly healed, the girl gave me her number I called she said she wanted to hang out. I went to and her friends were like would you like to kiss her. She runs to me junps on me and French kisses me. Lol I tried this with my next girl I got a kick in the ass. Okay we'll she was like perfect. I came from a house that my grandmother lived in ww2 Germany. She became a nazi Christian that did whatever it took to make my life miserable. So I became kinda a submissive male we went out a dude hit on her she punched him and got knocked out and she said she was with me I was shocked even my family would not act like that for me. Sure enough I screw her over by flirting with another girl I regretted it since. We still talk every year and either hang out or just talk on the phone. I love her I want her so bad. Last time I talked to her I dreamt of her and I had like an awkward dream with her. I get so emotional around her. She's always a step right near me in life the house I moved in is across the street from her old college job.
Anonymous Coward
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12/05/2012 03:13 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I think it's because they were the first ones, outside of the unconditional love our families, to acknowledge us as worthy and lovable, human beings. They also challenged our hearts to experience this, true love thing and for some it was their first sexual experience, which, hey, one just will never forget because most of us sucked so badly at it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28386399


I guess that could be why it seems to hurt so much more than it should. I didn't get the unconditional love from a mother or a father so I must have shoved it all into one person; so when that fell apart, everything else went with it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28891989


Or, she was just the right person, at the right time in your life when you needed someone and we just hold a place for them in our hearts. They teach us the good and bad in relationships and being the first, become the measuring line for everyone else who comes along after.
Aunty Flo

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12/05/2012 03:16 AM

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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
When you are young everything new and fresh, when you are older to have a different perspective.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/05/2012 03:20 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Op I'm here for you bid right now it's hard for me as well I'm 24 years old I met my first love at age 15 we both loved the band korn like you we both came from broken houses. I met her we had the same korn shirt on I was crying and she came up to me asked me what's wrong I was like instantly healed, the girl gave me her number I called she said she wanted to hang out. I went to and her friends were like would you like to kiss her. She runs to me junps on me and French kisses me. Lol I tried this with my next girl I got a kick in the ass. Okay we'll she was like perfect. I came from a house that my grandmother lived in ww2 Germany. She became a nazi Christian that did whatever it took to make my life miserable. So I became kinda a submissive male we went out a dude hit on her she punched him and got knocked out and she said she was with me I was shocked even my family would not act like that for me. Sure enough I screw her over by flirting with another girl I regretted it since. We still talk every year and either hang out or just talk on the phone. I love her I want her so bad. Last time I talked to her I dreamt of her and I had like an awkward dream with her. I get so emotional around her. She's always a step right near me in life the house I moved in is across the street from her old college job.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23444054


I think it's because they were the first ones, outside of the unconditional love our families, to acknowledge us as worthy and lovable, human beings. They also challenged our hearts to experience this, true love thing and for some it was their first sexual experience, which, hey, one just will never forget because most of us sucked so badly at it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28386399


I guess that could be why it seems to hurt so much more than it should. I didn't get the unconditional love from a mother or a father so I must have shoved it all into one person; so when that fell apart, everything else went with it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28891989


Or, she was just the right person, at the right time in your life when you needed someone and we just hold a place for them in our hearts. They teach us the good and bad in relationships and being the first, become the measuring line for everyone else who comes along after.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28386399


When you are young everything new and fresh, when you are older to have a different perspective.
 Quoting: Aunty Flo


This is the real reason I can't ever leave this forum. We can argue about doom, aliens, The Illuminati, left/right paradigms, The Holocaust....

But when it comes down to it some of the most insightful and emotional things I read all week come right here from this website.
William_the_Bloody

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12/05/2012 03:25 AM

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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I'm 40, and I can still recall what her lips tasted like. I can still hear the sound of her laugh like music. I can hear the exact sound of her voice and put myself in her house as if it was yesterday. I remember entire conversations, letters and most of all I remember the electricity of it...the day we met like a lightening bolt, and I remember the frustration when I realized that I wasn't going to be able to keep going with her because her mom just interfered too much.

She fell in with the wrong guy after that, one that wouldn't stand for an agressive mom, and before I even knew it she was across the country in a talibanic relationship that frightened her Mom and brother so bad that they warned me off trying to contact her for fear of the maniacal jealousy and what he might do to her.

I recall someone telling me to call her, that she desperately wanted to talk to me, and I got her on the phone for a few minutes. THAT conversation I can't remember, but I remember the impression that by calling her I'd gotten her into trouble and that was it.

WTF??? I never had any clue what happened to her after that, in spite of trying a few times to contact her Mom and brother to find out. Eventually they moved, and that was that.

Even with Myspace and Facebook, the best I could do over the years was find her brother, and he never wrote back or friended me and he disappeared for years.

Finally, I found him again, looked at his profile, found his wife, and on his wife's friend list...there she was! New last name, and a different spelling on her first name than what I remembered, but her for sure.

She added me right away and I get to catch up tomorrow.

The timing of your post OP really hits home.

I too am happily (ish) married with kids and stability and all that, but just knowing she's okay...shit, I think I can leave this place now. That's all I ever wanted to know.

It's unbelievable how spellbound I've been by her over the years, she's always in the back of my mind.
Lada D

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12/05/2012 03:30 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Reconnecting is so therapeutic, even if it does nothing else but completly destroy the spell a person had/has on you.

I've reconnected with a couple of lost loves, and one is like "Okay, I can see why this didn't last..." and one turns out to be a solid friend vibe...both shut down that little question mark in the back of my brain/heart and a small bit of clarity in my life's narrative is gained.
Perseus7

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12/05/2012 03:33 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
ive got 9 muses apparently and I can name each one all the way back from kindergarten..how's that for an impression...
1s 2s 2p 3s 3p 4s 3d 4p 5s 4d 5p 6s 4f 5d 6p 7s 5f 6d 7p
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/05/2012 03:36 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I'm 40, and I can still recall what her lips tasted like. I can still hear the sound of her laugh like music. I can hear the exact sound of her voice and put myself in her house as if it was yesterday. I remember entire conversations, letters and most of all I remember the electricity of it...the day we met like a lightening bolt, and I remember the frustration when I realized that I wasn't going to be able to keep going with her because her mom just interfered too much.

She fell in with the wrong guy after that, one that wouldn't stand for an agressive mom, and before I even knew it she was across the country in a talibanic relationship that frightened her Mom and brother so bad that they warned me off trying to contact her for fear of the maniacal jealousy and what he might do to her.

I recall someone telling me to call her, that she desperately wanted to talk to me, and I got her on the phone for a few minutes. THAT conversation I can't remember, but I remember the impression that by calling her I'd gotten her into trouble and that was it.

WTF??? I never had any clue what happened to her after that, in spite of trying a few times to contact her Mom and brother to find out. Eventually they moved, and that was that.

Even with Myspace and Facebook, the best I could do over the years was find her brother, and he never wrote back or friended me and he disappeared for years.

Finally, I found him again, looked at his profile, found his wife, and on his wife's friend list...there she was! New last name, and a different spelling on her first name than what I remembered, but her for sure.

She added me right away and I get to catch up tomorrow.

The timing of your post OP really hits home.

I too am happily (ish) married with kids and stability and all that, but just knowing she's okay...shit, I think I can leave this place now. That's all I ever wanted to know.

It's unbelievable how spellbound I've been by her over the years, she's always in the back of my mind.
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody


I am both jealous and very happy for you at the same time. I don't know why I posted this tonight but I had a glass of lime vodka and some sad songs playing on Youtube so it kind of put me in the mood. I hope you get some answers tomorrow and please come back and post what the experience was like for you. I tried contacting Pauline on Facebook after completely leaving her alone for almost 8 years and was met with a blocked profile within 2 days. I don't even understand it. I feel like if she could just give me an hour or two of my time I could really move on from some dark places.
FLUFFY PUPPY

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12/05/2012 03:36 AM

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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Good question. I totally understand. First time you'd ever experienced those deep feeling. All experiences after need to measure up to that first one. A first time experiencing anything can be a true rush. When we are younger we experience everything in a much more intense way.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/05/2012 03:39 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Reconnecting is so therapeutic, even if it does nothing else but completly destroy the spell a person had/has on you.

I've reconnected with a couple of lost loves, and one is like "Okay, I can see why this didn't last..." and one turns out to be a solid friend vibe...both shut down that little question mark in the back of my brain/heart and a small bit of clarity in my life's narrative is gained.
 Quoting: Lada D


I recently had this with an X that I broke up with back in the early 2000s. I had no interest in contacting her but she added me on Facebook and wanted to call me. We talked for a few hours and I realized that I had absolutely nothing unsettled with her. She was obviously still a bit hung up on me so I said everything I could think of to say that would give her some sort of peace; like that I obviously wasn't the right guy for her. We made some posts back and forth on Facebook less than a dozen times and I haven't heard from her in a few years. I assume she eventually found someone that was better for her than I was.
Anonymous Coward
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12/05/2012 03:43 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Someone might of said this already, it's because of our
innocence
. That's why.

How do we get the innocence back for the youth?

Seee...courting, marriage, a vow for life given to one person.

God knows the way that is best.
William_the_Bloody

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12/05/2012 03:48 AM

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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I am both jealous and very happy for you at the same time. I don't know why I posted this tonight but I had a glass of lime vodka and some sad songs playing on Youtube so it kind of put me in the mood. I hope you get some answers tomorrow and please come back and post what the experience was like for you. I tried contacting Pauline on Facebook after completely leaving her alone for almost 8 years and was met with a blocked profile within 2 days. I don't even understand it. I feel like if she could just give me an hour or two of my time I could really move on from some dark places.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28891989


Hopefully you didn't come on too strong and spook her. In my case, I think I come off as "Safe" because of my many pictures of my kids...I think I project the idea that I won't be any real bother to her outside of Nostoligia...kind of the way people don't like the new stuff from their favorite bands.

I'm glad we didn't have time to catch up tonight, because I probably would've blubbered about like a crazy person. She might be remembering me as a 7 and I'm remembering her as an 11 on a ten scale, you know? The only time I ever loved anyone as much as her it was not mutual.

Just at a glance, I can see my concerns and impressions over the years were misguided. She looks healthy, comfortable, and has many cute kids and seems to have found her way back in state.

Considering she was completely off the grid/radar over the years, I've had lots of times to imagine worse case scenarios, including that she was dead and that was why her brother simply did not want to talk to me about her.
Lada D

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12/05/2012 03:51 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Reconnecting is so therapeutic, even if it does nothing else but completly destroy the spell a person had/has on you.

I've reconnected with a couple of lost loves, and one is like "Okay, I can see why this didn't last..." and one turns out to be a solid friend vibe...both shut down that little question mark in the back of my brain/heart and a small bit of clarity in my life's narrative is gained.
 Quoting: Lada D


I recently had this with an X that I broke up with back in the early 2000s. I had no interest in contacting her but she added me on Facebook and wanted to call me. We talked for a few hours and I realized that I had absolutely nothing unsettled with her. She was obviously still a bit hung up on me so I said everything I could think of to say that would give her some sort of peace; like that I obviously wasn't the right guy for her. We made some posts back and forth on Facebook less than a dozen times and I haven't heard from her in a few years. I assume she eventually found someone that was better for her than I was.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28891989


I like those conversations...they always start out with many !!!!! and by the end it's ...
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/05/2012 04:02 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I am both jealous and very happy for you at the same time. I don't know why I posted this tonight but I had a glass of lime vodka and some sad songs playing on Youtube so it kind of put me in the mood. I hope you get some answers tomorrow and please come back and post what the experience was like for you. I tried contacting Pauline on Facebook after completely leaving her alone for almost 8 years and was met with a blocked profile within 2 days. I don't even understand it. I feel like if she could just give me an hour or two of my time I could really move on from some dark places.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28891989


Hopefully you didn't come on too strong and spook her. In my case, I think I come off as "Safe" because of my many pictures of my kids...I think I project the idea that I won't be any real bother to her outside of Nostoligia...kind of the way people don't like the new stuff from their favorite bands.

I'm glad we didn't have time to catch up tonight, because I probably would've blubbered about like a crazy person. She might be remembering me as a 7 and I'm remembering her as an 11 on a ten scale, you know? The only time I ever loved anyone as much as her it was not mutual.

Just at a glance, I can see my concerns and impressions over the years were misguided. She looks healthy, comfortable, and has many cute kids and seems to have found her way back in state.

Considering she was completely off the grid/radar over the years, I've had lots of times to imagine worse case scenarios, including that she was dead and that was why her brother simply did not want to talk to me about her.
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody


I used to be a really intense guy and I was young and dumb but life came around and chilled me out. All I do is write, I've never called her since 2001, I've never tried to show up at her house or her work or anything stalkerish at all. I though 8 years of backing completely off would eventually provide me with some answers, you know playing the patience game. Was I a dipshit when I was a kid? Absolutely. I'm the kind of person who has learned most of my lessons the hard way. I know that and I am the first to admit it. I've tried all the least intrusive ways to contact her that I can think of. While, I'm here and somewhat buzzed I'll throw out a why the hell not. If anyone wants to send her a message on Facebook and simply ask her to read this thread it would take dump truck loads off of my conscience.

[link to www.facebook.com]

I can't do anything more about it and I can't force her to read my letters or my Facebook messages so why the hell not throw that out there.

Back to your situation...

I know exactly what you mean about thinking the worst. When you are left with no other options or information your mind just tends to go to dark places. My X looks happy too from her pics on Facebook and seems to have found a nice guy. I don't even know if she was aware that I moved 800 miles away after she dumped me. I just took what I could and got the hell out of there. I hope tomorrow works out well for you and you get what you need from it. Sometimes it only takes one conversation to really give someone closure. Either that or maybe you stay friends since you have so much of a past. I can't think of anyone else from my past that I would even want to talk to let alone reconnect with. It sounds awesome and hopefully tomorrow is a good day for you.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/05/2012 04:06 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Reconnecting is so therapeutic, even if it does nothing else but completly destroy the spell a person had/has on you.

I've reconnected with a couple of lost loves, and one is like "Okay, I can see why this didn't last..." and one turns out to be a solid friend vibe...both shut down that little question mark in the back of my brain/heart and a small bit of clarity in my life's narrative is gained.
 Quoting: Lada D


I recently had this with an X that I broke up with back in the early 2000s. I had no interest in contacting her but she added me on Facebook and wanted to call me. We talked for a few hours and I realized that I had absolutely nothing unsettled with her. She was obviously still a bit hung up on me so I said everything I could think of to say that would give her some sort of peace; like that I obviously wasn't the right guy for her. We made some posts back and forth on Facebook less than a dozen times and I haven't heard from her in a few years. I assume she eventually found someone that was better for her than I was.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28891989


I like those conversations...they always start out with many !!!!! and by the end it's ...
 Quoting: Lada D


Yup, definitely more therapeutic for her than for me. She even mentioned some intimate things on the phone right after I told her that I'm married now which was a bit uncomfortable. The way I figured it though is that if I can't get the closure I need from someone then at least I can give someone else the closure that they need. You are very right though, by the end of the telephone conversation there really wasn't much more to say. Sure, I said call me again whenever, but it didn't happen and I'm cool with that.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/05/2012 04:39 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
bump
Aunty Flo

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12/05/2012 04:45 AM

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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I'm 40, and I can still recall what her lips tasted like. I can still hear the sound of her laugh like music. I can hear the exact sound of her voice and put myself in her house as if it was yesterday. I remember entire conversations, letters and most of all I remember the electricity of it...the day we met like a lightening bolt, and I remember the frustration when I realized that I wasn't going to be able to keep going with her because her mom just interfered too much.

She fell in with the wrong guy after that, one that wouldn't stand for an agressive mom, and before I even knew it she was across the country in a talibanic relationship that frightened her Mom and brother so bad that they warned me off trying to contact her for fear of the maniacal jealousy and what he might do to her.

I recall someone telling me to call her, that she desperately wanted to talk to me, and I got her on the phone for a few minutes. THAT conversation I can't remember, but I remember the impression that by calling her I'd gotten her into trouble and that was it.

WTF??? I never had any clue what happened to her after that, in spite of trying a few times to contact her Mom and brother to find out. Eventually they moved, and that was that.

Even with Myspace and Facebook, the best I could do over the years was find her brother, and he never wrote back or friended me and he disappeared for years.

Finally, I found him again, looked at his profile, found his wife, and on his wife's friend list...there she was! New last name, and a different spelling on her first name than what I remembered, but her for sure.

She added me right away and I get to catch up tomorrow.

The timing of your post OP really hits home.

I too am happily (ish) married with kids and stability and all that, but just knowing she's okay...shit, I think I can leave this place now. That's all I ever wanted to know.

It's unbelievable how spellbound I've been by her over the years, she's always in the back of my mind.
 Quoting: William_the_Bloody


Wow, that is an interesting story. Her family sound like arseholes for blocking you out from finding out how she was. Sounds like they didn't care about their daughter too much. I'm glad you and her both have found happiness and would love to hear how your meet up goes.
Brian Moser

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12/05/2012 04:59 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
There is a neurological reason. Whether you want to know it or not is up to you.

Basically, after our bodies have been adjusted to going through adolescence, our emotions are at their highest because of the hormones. However, between the ages of 17 and 24, your neural connectors are still developing between the frontal lobe and the rest of your brain.

What this comes down to meaning is that you're driven to feel things more intensely but lack the insight to see your actions in a consequential context. Around that age is when most people go through a relationship and fall hard because they've never experienced something like it before and it sets the bar for all future relationships. That person, for the good and bad, becomes what you convince yourself is the "love of your life".

Through neuroplasticity, our brains develop who we are. Everything from learning how to control our fingers to becoming addicted to cigarettes is the result of experience and repetition. We form habits for our brains to make us continue being the way we are, regardless if it's beneficial or not. For example, a pessimistic person will continue being cynical until they accept that they make themselves be that way and break from that addiction. The same can be said for people with strong faiths (although I'm trying not to turn this into a religious discussion). Breaking from those habits can parallel the challenge of breaking from chemically induced addictions.

So, in a nutshell, you'll never love someone as emotionally as you did when you were younger but that's not to say you won't appreciate a different person in a different way later on.

*cues The More You Know music*
acuk
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12/05/2012 05:11 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all my friend.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 28891989
United States
12/05/2012 05:13 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
There is a neurological reason. Whether you want to know it or not is up to you.

Basically, after our bodies have been adjusted to going through adolescence, our emotions are at their highest because of the hormones. However, between the ages of 17 and 24, your neural connectors are still developing between the frontal lobe and the rest of your brain.

What this comes down to meaning is that you're driven to feel things more intensely but lack the insight to see your actions in a consequential context. Around that age is when most people go through a relationship and fall hard because they've never experienced something like it before and it sets the bar for all future relationships. That person, for the good and bad, becomes what you convince yourself is the "love of your life".

Through neuroplasticity, our brains develop who we are. Everything from learning how to control our fingers to becoming addicted to cigarettes is the result of experience and repetition. We form habits for our brains to make us continue being the way we are, regardless if it's beneficial or not. For example, a pessimistic person will continue being cynical until they accept that they make themselves be that way and break from that addiction. The same can be said for people with strong faiths (although I'm trying not to turn this into a religious discussion). Breaking from those habits can parallel the challenge of breaking from chemically induced addictions.

So, in a nutshell, you'll never love someone as emotionally as you did when you were younger but that's not to say you won't appreciate a different person in a different way later on.

*cues The More You Know music*
 Quoting: Brian Moser


Very well put my friend. I think that this might end up on my quote wall...

I have another one for you. Probably the single greatest quote I have ever read about love.

“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”

Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29125644
China
12/05/2012 05:19 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I was 17 too when I fell in love, the first (and only) time, and have not been able to have the same experience since.

I'm nearing 40, and haven't 'been in love' since, even though the relationship when I was 17 only lasted a few months in essence. I've had a lot of girlfriends since.

I was hoping I would meet someone and fall head over heals, but it still hasn't happened and I'm thinking of marrying a 'best friend' type I am in a relationship with.

Is it worth going single again and hoping for true love, or do you pack it in at my age and settle in a harmonious (but lacking that intense love feeling) relationship that is comfortable? I don't know.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28913631
12/05/2012 05:19 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
Someone might of said this already, it's because of our
innocence
. That's why.

How do we get the innocence back for the youth?

Seee...courting, marriage, a vow for life given to one person.

God knows the way that is best.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 20541213


The Lord is Great Forever

Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28385893
United States
12/05/2012 05:34 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
op, they don't -- you're simply being rhetorical and it's a dumb premise
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29126621
United States
12/05/2012 06:00 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I had the same problem except it was with 30 different girls. Now I can't have a Facebook because my wife would see how many chickies I inseminated which is in the hundreds.

But I don't need those crazy hoes. I found the top bizzo and made she my wife.
natasha77
DOOMSEXY

User ID: 28641059
United States
12/05/2012 06:20 AM

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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
I married my first love and i've been sorry every day of my life practically.
I dont believe in divorce, and i passed up many admirers because this one was my true love.

It doesnt always work the way you think.
SPEAK UP. SILENCE IS DEADLY!

I am currently experiencing life at several WTFs per hour.

DEAL WITH IT. WE ALL HAVE OPINIONS. RESPECT MINE.
Lada D

User ID: 20712268
United States
12/05/2012 09:13 AM
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Re: Why do our first loves seem to be so much more real than the rest?
There is a neurological reason. Whether you want to know it or not is up to you.

Basically, after our bodies have been adjusted to going through adolescence, our emotions are at their highest because of the hormones. However, between the ages of 17 and 24, your neural connectors are still developing between the frontal lobe and the rest of your brain.

What this comes down to meaning is that you're driven to feel things more intensely but lack the insight to see your actions in a consequential context. Around that age is when most people go through a relationship and fall hard because they've never experienced something like it before and it sets the bar for all future relationships. That person, for the good and bad, becomes what you convince yourself is the "love of your life".

Through neuroplasticity, our brains develop who we are. Everything from learning how to control our fingers to becoming addicted to cigarettes is the result of experience and repetition. We form habits for our brains to make us continue being the way we are, regardless if it's beneficial or not. For example, a pessimistic person will continue being cynical until they accept that they make themselves be that way and break from that addiction. The same can be said for people with strong faiths (although I'm trying not to turn this into a religious discussion). Breaking from those habits can parallel the challenge of breaking from chemically induced addictions.

So, in a nutshell, you'll never love someone as emotionally as you did when you were younger but that's not to say you won't appreciate a different person in a different way later on.

*cues The More You Know music*
 Quoting: Brian Moser


Yeah, but still...

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