Sort of depressed - life without purpose

Hi fellow GLPers.

I'm 36 and feel that life is going nowhere. I lost my dream job last year after a senior manager took it upon themselves to engineer my dismissal because I constantly demonstrated that they couldn't do their job. I got a handsome payoff not to sue them, but had to start from scratch careerwise.

My girlfriend left me soon after as well.

I started work at another place right at the bottom and have quickly worked my way up to a managerial position just by avoiding office politics, working hard and helping out fellow workers who were struggling.

But it all just feels so pointless. People would look at me and think, "Oh, hasn't he done well. He's honest, hard-working and helps other people," but I can't help feel that I'm just going to be shat on again.

I've not made the mistake of opening up to anyone at work. It's strange how people feel comfortable enough to confide in me (and I would genuinely never betray their confidence) but they know very little about me apart from my 'work persona'.

Outside of work, my friends are all married up with kids so no-one goes out much. I just come home, go on the internet, sleep, wake up, go to work, come home, round and round. I did try joining a few clubs outside of work, but got a bit bored.

I don't feel as if I can trust women anymore either.

I still talk to my close family, but my parents have spent so much of the last decade bombarding me with their woes and not taking any notice of mine that I'm just not bothered about them anymore. Don't get me wrong, I do love them, but tired of being an emotional sponger for them when it should be the other way round.

I just feel empty. My cat makes me happy, and I like sci-fi shows.. I like coming on here and laughing at Hagel and Valugua etc. But these things are so little.

When I look at how desperately sad things are in the world with so much suffering and despair... I dunno.

I'm probably just tired, but it's good to let it out. I know there are good things and good people out there.. but I just can't connect with it anymore. How do I connect with it in a genuine way, and not just pretending so as to appear normal? I can only fake the smile so much.