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MATRIX MACHINE IS ON FULL THROTTLE - CHEAP JOKES AND TOTAL B.S.
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User ID: 20029266
12/07/2012 06:37 AM
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THE Prime Minister has delivered a chilling message confirming what many people around the world feared: the Mayans were right. Julia Gillard's 50-second message addresses her "dear remaining fellow Australians". She steps in ahead of CSIRO scientists to foreshadow the world's impending doom. Ms Gillard lists the likely doomsday bringers to be flesh-eating zombies, demonic hell-beasts.... or K-Pop. But not the carbon price.
According to the Mayan calendar, the world will meet its fiery end on December 21, 2012. Which means that, according to Doomsdayers, we've got a cool 15 days left to check everything off our bucket lists. NASA has even taken the unusual step of publishing a fact sheet called Beyond 2012: Why The World Won't End.
OK, so it's just a commercial for a Triple J breakfast show but, more importantly, SAVE YOURSELVES. With clinical, emotionless delivery, Ms Gillard warns us all, says she will always fight for us and closes by saying: "good luck to you all". Oh and "at least this means I won't have to do Q & A again".
When contacted, the Prime Minister's office said: "What Australian doesn't mind a laugh from time to time? Anyway, the world's going to end tomorrow so shouldn't you be writing about that?"
It's Dr Karl Kruszelnicki's fault the PM is spooked - he came up with the theory the world will end tomorrow, two weeks earlier than the far-more-popular prediction of December 21.
Dr Karl, the prolific science writer and author of 50 Shades of Grey Matter, said he came up with the date after developing a complex algorithm using the Mayan calendar, the Gregorian calendar, mathematics, and comedy.
Unfortunately the algorithm was far too complex for most of us to understand, but suffice to say the logic behind it is as rock solid as the logic behind the idea that because a Mayan calendar runs out on December 21 the Earth will come to some sort of devastating end.
"I was using science for the purposes of science and comedy," Dr Karl said.
"On the 21st of December, inconveniently only two shopping days before Christmas the Mayan calendar will click over.
"But to say the world will end is like saying today’s date is the 29th and therefore your cut lunch will turn into a shoe. That's how rational and logical it is."
"So I tried to turn December 21 back into December 7."
[link to www.heraldsun.com.au]
[link to www.abc.net.au]
[link to www.youtube.com]
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