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Anyone else grow up without their faither?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25401697
United States
12/08/2012 02:12 AM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
sure, lack of guidance can side track a person.

my effects? reserved demeanor that morphed into a hedonistic outlook on life, then finally realizing to analyze desire and weighing the needs of self and others, at a late age...mid 20's, but hey i learned on my own.

Most people are chained with expectation, some of us were born free of that kind of expectation. I answer to no man, on a personal level anyway, but my bosses never fucked with me. I am efficient so that helps.

like the one guy said though, face to face conversation makes me uncomfortable. Mostly because people don't stop talking to me if i look them in the eye, so i kinda avoid it.

all of my adopted male role models have been fictional characters i chose qualities to try to follow.

The me that is used to being me would never change it, and people generally treat me different knowing i grew up without a father, kinda like a half orphan.

I'm sure a fathered me would be more ahead than the current me. But i respect the fact that i had to father myself. Lousy a job that i've done, what more can you expect from a kid.

I'm very attracted to women who lack a connection with parents as well.

mother was there, but worked a lot and had me stay with family most of the time, until i could babysit myself. About 8.

bottom line, affection from Anyone who isn't a lover or a pet makes me very uncomfortable, be it family or friends.
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 02:13 AM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
luke skywalker
 Quoting: mrmuffins69


Anonymous Coward
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United States
12/08/2012 10:11 AM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
All I will say is this, I have only one father, he is the father of all creation and I'm trying real hard to get to know him.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 3064678


this^^
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29269292


^^ DITTO ^^
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29173816
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12/08/2012 10:40 AM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
I'm talking about like your father leaves when you're baby and hasn't made any effort to contact you even now as an adult.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29274067


I got a woman pregnant once. We had an argument. She moved. I found her once. I called her. she wouldn't talk with me. I tried to look her up on the internet. I couldn't find her. What did she tell the kid? Where is she? Where is the kid? Nof effort? I've been here all along. In the same city. In the same phone book.
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 10:43 AM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
What kind of effect did it have on you?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29274067


It turned me into a monster.
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 12:46 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
I'm talking about like your father leaves when you're baby and hasn't made any effort to contact you even now as an adult.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29274067


I got a woman pregnant once. We had an argument. She moved. I found her once. I called her. she wouldn't talk with me. I tried to look her up on the internet. I couldn't find her. What did she tell the kid? Where is she? Where is the kid? Nof effort? I've been here all along. In the same city. In the same phone book.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29173816


This is a hard thing to deal with.


Of course she will tell the child you abandoned them, all sorts of terrible things will be attributed to you.

The child will likley have a hell of a time in life with out a proper male role model in the home.


YOU will be blamed for it.


In any case feel lucky if they have not tried to take all your finances as well.

It is a shame, you seem the type that would have done your best. It is not YOUR fault. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
Martin Farbles

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12/08/2012 01:00 PM

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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
My father left when I was 2 years old and it had a dramatic affect on me. I did finish college and have a good job/family but there will always be a hole. He was an alcoholic and never took responsibility his actions. He finally shot himself in the head February 2012, good riddance!
I believe you believe this is important
ryan
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12/08/2012 01:03 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
My father left my mother because she was pregnant with me.
She was young and always worked so I was left completely alone for the most part. I was walking before I turned one, talking at age one, doing math and changing my own diapers at two. I spent my childhood alone except for one friend I had. I rose myself and have no father and see my mother as a glorified babysitter/older sister. Now I'm 27, have no job, no money, no education, and I'm basically just existing off of others, which totally contradicts my beginnings.

Anyway, my life has been one nightmare after the other since day one when I realized I wasn't invited here. Born with nothing and no one, and I'll die the same.
ItSeesThroughEyes

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12/08/2012 01:07 PM

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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Yeah, I did. He was/is an alcoholic
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 01:13 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
What kind of effect did it have on you?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29274067


My Dad died when i was 7 Years old and he was sick for the
last years of his Life.

I totally missed the whole male Side,
i can't fix my Bike, i am not hard enough and Super-Sentimental!
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 01:15 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
My father left when I was 2 years old and it had a dramatic affect on me. I did finish college and have a good job/family but there will always be a hole. He was an alcoholic and never took responsibility his actions. He finally shot himself in the head February 2012, good riddance!
 Quoting: Martin Farbles


That is very cold and hateful.


Have you every wondered WHY he left? Perhaps the mother made it so damn miserable on him he had to.

Perhaps shooting himself had something to do with the pain he endured by the sepration.

A common theme on this thread is to demonize the men. Most dont care to even attempt to put themselves in someone elses shoes.

I am sure most fathers even if flawed attempted to do the right thing.


Did you ever talk to him about it? Do you not think he may have been hurt by the whole thing as well. He stayed till you were 2. That probably means he had feelings for you. What made him leave?
Taruwah

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12/08/2012 01:36 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
I was 15 when my father died of cancer at 41, curiously enough it did not really hit me until my own children were teenagers and I realized how much they still needed me that I realized what a loss in my life my father was.

I had lost my security, there was nobody who was looking out for my interests, whilst my mother tried, she was too timid and badly educated to make things work.

So I had to learn to make my own decisions, and I made them badly because I did not have a pair of giant's shoulders to stand on.

But it came out reasonably in the end.
Seek FIRST the Kingdom of YHWH and His knowledge of Good and Bad (righteousness) , for He says "My ways are not thy ways"
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 02:16 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
My father left when I was 2 years old and it had a dramatic affect on me. I did finish college and have a good job/family but there will always be a hole. He was an alcoholic and never took responsibility his actions. He finally shot himself in the head February 2012, good riddance!
 Quoting: Martin Farbles


That is very cold and hateful.


Have you every wondered WHY he left? Perhaps the mother made it so damn miserable on him he had to.

Perhaps shooting himself had something to do with the pain he endured by the sepration.

A common theme on this thread is to demonize the men. Most dont care to even attempt to put themselves in someone elses shoes.

I am sure most fathers even if flawed attempted to do the right thing.


Did you ever talk to him about it? Do you not think he may have been hurt by the whole thing as well. He stayed till you were 2. That probably means he had feelings for you. What made him leave?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25028055


What is wrong with you? You say "A common theme on this thread is to demonize the men" and yet here you are trying oh so hard to demonize the mothers.....

Of course she will tell the child you abandoned them, all sorts of terrible things will be attributed to you...
In any case feel lucky if they have not tried to take all your finances as well...

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25028055


Of course she will tell the child you abandoned them?? and you know this HOW exactly?


Many fathers who feel increasing anger at their marginalization in their children’s lives respond by leaving.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25028055


Again, suggesting this marginalization IS the reason why many leave and guess what, it's the mother's fault! Really????


Over 70% of divorces and seperations are initiated by the mother.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25028055


Oh yes, it's the mother's fault, right?? Yet you fail to quote any of the reasons why these divorces are initiated.


Your agenda here is apparent. You should be ashamed of yourself.

OP's question is "anyone else grow up without their father?" - and how did it affect them. The question is to the CHILDREN and when the children answer, you attempt to stifle the validity of their circumstances with more hatred.

Perhaps you're not aware of just how many children have grown up without fathers in the home and how it has affected these children, and society. Do you think your stance of 'laying blame' on the mothers will magically take away all those years without a father?

There's a very real issue here, one that needs addressing by all of humanity. ALL fathers AND mothers have flaws - we reach closer to our potential when we can overcome them - not sit around pointing fingers of blame.


Kismet
geminilion
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12/08/2012 02:22 PM

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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Though my father was living in the home it was almost like I didn't have a father. He was a violent, raging alcoholic with mental illness.

I think it's really important to have a dad around and it's something that I always wished I had. I remember my dad hugging my just once, don't know what came over him.

He died a few years ago..I forgive him for the hell he put me through because he was sick. My brother never could forgive him which was his right I guess.
..."The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny ... it is the light that guides your way."
Heraclitus
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/08/2012 02:38 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Though my father was living in the home it was almost like I didn't have a father. He was a violent, raging alcoholic with mental illness.

I think it's really important to have a dad around and it's something that I always wished I had. I remember my dad hugging my just once, don't know what came over him.

He died a few years ago..I forgive him for the hell he put me through because he was sick. My brother never could forgive him which was his right I guess.
 Quoting: geminilion


Sorry to hear that. I feel like never knowing my father caused me to be more timid around people, like in high school when all the other kids in class were talking about sports and baseball and stuff with the coach I was totally out of the loop and they made fun of me for it, the "sensitive" guy". I especially hated the christian kids with their big families and church on sundays mentality. Plenty of jargon about how I'm not a real man cause I don't know who's doing well in the playoffs. And I always had trouble trying to make relationships work because I never had that modeled for me at home. Also, most of the other kids I was friends with who grew up without their dad are either on drugs or in prison.
Sigh
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12/08/2012 02:58 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Unfortunately, my abusive, alcoholic father WAS in our lives. He made my mother and us kids miserable.

We would have been MUCH better off if he had been out of the picture. All my therapists have confirmed that having the parent around who ignores and abuses their children -- and their other parent -- is much more harmful than him being OUT of the picture.

That relationship did tons of damage. It has been a real struggle for me to connect with nice men. My sister still --- to this day -- hooks up with abusers and losers.
geminilion
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12/08/2012 02:59 PM

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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Though my father was living in the home it was almost like I didn't have a father. He was a violent, raging alcoholic with mental illness.

I think it's really important to have a dad around and it's something that I always wished I had. I remember my dad hugging my just once, don't know what came over him.

He died a few years ago..I forgive him for the hell he put me through because he was sick. My brother never could forgive him which was his right I guess.
 Quoting: geminilion


Sorry to hear that. I feel like never knowing my father caused me to be more timid around people, like in high school when all the other kids in class were talking about sports and baseball and stuff with the coach I was totally out of the loop and they made fun of me for it, the "sensitive" guy". I especially hated the christian kids with their big families and church on sundays mentality. Plenty of jargon about how I'm not a real man cause I don't know who's doing well in the playoffs. And I always had trouble trying to make relationships work because I never had that modeled for me at home. Also, most of the other kids I was friends with who grew up without their dad are either on drugs or in prison.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29274067


I really do believe it is so important for a girl/boy to have a positive male role model, ideally a dad. It is what is is kid..sorry you have that "hole" but you'll be okay.

hf
..."The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny ... it is the light that guides your way."
Heraclitus
geminilion
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12/08/2012 03:00 PM

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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Unfortunately, my abusive, alcoholic father WAS in our lives. He made my mother and us kids miserable.

We would have been MUCH better off if he had been out of the picture. All my therapists have confirmed that having the parent around who ignores and abuses their children -- and their other parent -- is much more harmful than him being OUT of the picture.

That relationship did tons of damage. It has been a real struggle for me to connect with nice men. My sister still --- to this day -- hooks up with abusers and losers.
 Quoting: Sigh 28872856


I totally get that, I thought it would get easier as I got older but it's actually gotten harder.
..."The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny ... it is the light that guides your way."
Heraclitus
Sigh
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12/08/2012 03:00 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Though my father was living in the home it was almost like I didn't have a father. He was a violent, raging alcoholic with mental illness.

I think it's really important to have a dad around and it's something that I always wished I had. I remember my dad hugging my just once, don't know what came over him.

He died a few years ago..I forgive him for the hell he put me through because he was sick. My brother never could forgive him which was his right I guess.
 Quoting: geminilion



I can really relate to your post.

I am in the same place as your brother. My dad isn't "mentally ill" per se but does have narcissistic personality disorder. He is a liar, never admits that he's wrong, etc.

God bless.
NhinXa
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12/08/2012 03:04 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Thank you all for such great insights. I feel that you all should go to make speeches as high schools and collages to give a viewpoint to everyone who plans on having sex as to how important it is to do it responsibly and to be a real parent to their children.

Just think of how much you could accomplish by helping others to ensure that they grow up in good families. Heck, one of the main reasons why some of you didn't have a father or a good father, is because your fathers never had anyone to teach them what it means to be a dad.
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 03:12 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
I think a lot of the problems in society today can be blamed on the lack of a positive male role model in the household. And yet, these stupid women keep having kids with these jobless drug dealer losers.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29274067


Most problems with women can be traced back to their fathers, or lack thereof.

When I was seven, my Dad was talking and laughing with his friends and called me over. He handed me what appeared to be a stick and I took it.

Then it shocked me very badly, it turned out to be a cattle prod.

He and his friends laughed and he said, just goes to show you, you can't trust everybody.

I remember thinking, but you are my Dad.

Turns out, it was the best lesson I ever learned.

I would have been better off in life by far had I never dated at all.

I officially quit at 36, way too late. That was 6 years ago and these have been the happiest and most financially secure years of my life. I will never go back.
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 03:28 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
My dad has childhood abuse issues and he still takes it out his family. He is 85. Totally emotionally absent - all he thinks about is himself. Physically and verbally abusive to this day.

Result? With no father's protection and guidance, I ended up marrying abusive men, but before that, I screwed every man I could, married or not, ALMOST to the point of prostitution. I was just looking for someone (a father figure) to help me out but all they wanted was sex. This should have NEVER have happened to me. I had no choice. I had no resources, no real-world skills. It was horrible.

Even though I was a 4.0 GPA student in high school and wanted to further my education (I was labeled as 'gifted'), I was kicked out of the house at 17 and told I was good only for popping out some kids and nothing more.

Further result? Am not a lesbian, but I hate men.

It saddens me to see women of my age who had loving fathers that encouraged them to be all they can be. Because I should have been one of them. verysad

There's no happy ending to a fatherless child. Ever.
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
12/08/2012 03:34 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
I'm talking about like your father leaves when you're baby and hasn't made any effort to contact you even now as an adult.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29274067


Actually, in most cases, it is not the father who is not making attempts at contact but the mother who is inhibitating contact.
Its just that it is well hidden and the child is too young to see past the fact that mum is "perfect" in their own eyes.
Maybe you should initiate contact and be OPen to another side of the story.
Many children have had their Illusions blown wide apart when they are open to another side of the story.
Take it from me
Anonymous Coward
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Japan
12/08/2012 03:36 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
I think that the Government should provide
much more help when the Father suddenly
dies, my Mother was really alone and i have
a Brother and a Sister.

My Mother worked Non-Stop from 6am until
10/11pm and our Problems did not let her
sleep well!

Money was a relative huge Problem even
with the Widow-Pension.

The Government should provide much more
help, not only with Money but also Day-Care
and Holiday Trips for the Kids so they are out
of the House and the single Parent have Time
for her self!

My Family survived and we are all "Free People"
but many other Friends are not that fortunate!
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 03:38 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Never met him.

sincerely,
a introverted empath
Anonymous Coward
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Germany
12/08/2012 03:44 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
What kind of effect did it have on you?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29274067


i got money from him and never really saw him much, as he was too busy cheating on my mom and running his company.

effect? just an empty void of a memory that was never there. and of course abandonment issues.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28867210


good for you. I never saw a dime.
I'm the son of an honorless US fuck.
the effect: I became a maverick. I trust no men, no women, no beast.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18647453
Canada
12/08/2012 03:46 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
I grew up without a mother and a father...

Now what?
Triskele

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12/08/2012 03:49 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Hmmmm. Yes but I was close to my maternal grandfather who pretty much raised me as if he was my dad, along with my mom and grandma so no ill effects here. I never went ONE day without seeing him or talking to him and bought the house right next door to take care of him and my grandma until they both passed away a couple years back (4 months apart from each other). I never wanted to find my father. He disappeared after the day I came home from the hospital with my mom...good riddance!!
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 03:51 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Father? What is that?
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
12/08/2012 03:56 PM
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Re: Anyone else grow up without their faither?
Over 70% of divorces and seperations are initiated by the mother.


Many fathers are not allowed to be a father, only a part time parent and generally a misundertood one at that.


Men feel much more deeply about their children than they are given credit for. In many cases the seperation emotionally damages the man.

To the point were sometimes they think the kids would be better off without them and many during the times they do see the childrn have trouble always having to say ggodbye over and over.


For many men it is to much.

As you get older think about what your fathers went through. Most men do not have kids if they dont want them. In most cases the men would have preferred to have been there. But, alas, sadly women make this almost impossible. With the help of the courts they generally suck every penny out of him, and use him up completley emotionally and financialy for the womens benefit.

Men go through a hell most children never understand until very late in life.

The facts are in, most men do not leave, they are forced out and destroyed. It is no wonder many just simply find a hole to crawl into and disappear.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25028055


This is the reality.....though children see it through egocentric eyes.
The truth is the majority of the "Blame" should be place squarely on the shoulders of the legal/Court system who deem it financially more benifitial(in the case of seperation) for them to ensure such outcome.

UNless the law creates equality this will repeat and repeat and.......

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