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| 08:19 PM | ||
| Users Online Now: 2,222 (Who's On?) | Visitors Today: 1,279,914 | |
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| 08:19 PM | ||
How Do YOU deal with Loved Ones who often show No Common Sense? | |
| Frusty User ID: 16338720  United States12/08/2012 10:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 14105059 United States12/08/2012 11:00 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
BEX30  User ID: 28992177  United Kingdom12/08/2012 11:11 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello Everyone, Quoting: Frusty 16338720 I am in need of advice and was wondering : How do you deal with a loved one who doesn't seem to use their head (think things through) all the time ? I do love this person and realize each of us are wired differently, & have different IQ's, etc. Yes, we all all unique and are wonderfully made individuals , ea. on different spiritually levels of course-- God's creation (imo). My problem child , i.e. often just assumes things are so and so- which doesn't automatically make them correct: This often causes other problems because he doesn't use his head to think things through or ask a question. ( I'm like, "Hello...? .. anybody in there?") Seriously, I have tried everything , just about everything possible to help, Reminding him to slow down, stop and think before acting. There are numerous things I could go into but I'll refrain. It could very well be adult ADD: I could be wrong though. My loved one has seriously gotten himself into a heap of trouble in the past and to this day, still often causes me a headache- lol- just about everyday! To mention: He is NOT a DRUGGIE WHATSOEVER or I'd be calling him on that ! This is not the problem. I don't know what the true underlying problem is - it could just be he is a little " slower" - lower IQ ? (I HAVE worked with mentally challenged individuals. Could it possibly be this? or ADD?) My job was easier with them! Anyway, I do find myself frustrated often and get very impatient in just having to deal with the "crap" of "unnecessary stresses" that he often brings on himself into our lives! I do love him - I just have a hard time respecting his judgments with reason !! Reaching out after 20+ years of this ...in need of serious advice/help in dealing. Oh and I VERY seriously could write a book!!!! about all these wonderful adventures .. Thanks for allowing me the vent and if anyone else is out there like me, who is married to one of these things (lol) I say this in jest ... please let me hear from you. How do YOU deal? Frusty ;) Clever people often lack common-sense I have noticed. Everyone wants to be happy. No one wants to be in pain. But you can't have a rainbow without any rain. LET IT RAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 29163876 United States12/08/2012 11:13 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 11:21 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello, Isaac, Thanks for the post. Reading your links now, bless your heart. Very interesting. Healed of cancer in one day? Wow. Praise the Lord if what you say is true! This is my first thread btw. If I posted in the wrong forum,I am truly sorry about that. |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 11:23 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 14105059 United States12/08/2012 11:25 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hello, Isaac, Thanks for the post. Reading your links now, bless your heart. Very interesting. Healed of cancer in one day? Wow. Praise the Lord if what you say is true! This is my first thread btw. If I posted in the wrong forum,I am truly sorry about that. So you are a mother ? |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 11:26 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 11:29 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 21425114 United States12/08/2012 11:31 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 11:33 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 11:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 11:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 7570540 United States12/08/2012 11:46 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Impulsiveness is often caused by ADHD. Sometimes it's not diagnosed in school because it's not affecting his/her academic performance enough to trot the kid off to the doctor, and impulsivity in children is often considered normal. When the person is grown, their choices are just that - their choices - even if they are stinky. If you think it is ADHD, you might recommend an evaluation with a neurologist. Otherwise, all you should really do is advise them - don't try to come in on your white horse and solve their problems. He'll never grow up if you do that. Let him take his knocks as they come and he'll eventually develop coping strategies. |
| StormeyGoddess User ID: 22004193 United States12/08/2012 11:54 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | People with high IQ's are usually dolt's, lol. Einstein was so scatterbrained and absent minded, he had his door painted red, so he could know which house was his, if I remember the story correctly. I'm the one in my family who acts like the dolt, so I speak from experience and my mother had/has the same complaints about me and I'm almost 40. Part of the problem could be ADD. I read somewhere that people with ADD tend to be smokers and have high IQ's. I don't know if there is a "cure" for your loved one. The only reasonable "cure" is going to be a change in you. It may never get better, so a change in your reaction may at least help alleviate your frustration with your loved one. Good luck to you and yours. Hopefully, with time, things will get better...and if not, just tie him up and lock him in the closet. :-) "Don't look back, you're not going that way." "As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 29344717  Netherlands12/08/2012 11:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 29344717 Netherlands12/08/2012 12:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 12:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Impulsiveness is often caused by ADHD. Sometimes it's not diagnosed in school because it's not affecting his/her academic performance enough to trot the kid off to the doctor, and impulsivity in children is often considered normal. When the person is grown, their choices are just that - their choices - even if they are stinky. If you think it is ADHD, you might recommend an evaluation with a neurologist. Otherwise, all you should really do is advise them - don't try to come in on your white horse and solve their problems. He'll never grow up if you do that. Let him take his knocks as they come and he'll eventually develop coping strategies. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 7570540 Bless you. Thank you for this post. Believe me, I have HAD to step back and let him learn on his own and slowly , he is learning but it is a slow go and this is only in SOME areas . I am in total agreement with your post about stepping back. I CANNOT live his life for him (It is NOT MINE to live): He has to be able to stand on his own too feet -independently! I DO fear though, what would truly happen to him if he were left to himself on his own (without parent or me looking out). We've possibly been enablers at times...When things he does affects me though is when I HAVE to step in to protect myself or home or whatever! I know I need wisdom in this and do have to trust the LORD in ALL these things .We really don't have the money for doc tests. At present, we are struggling financially with hospital bills, etc. No insurance here. Again, only when things directly affect me - I HAVE to jump in ... It's either fight or flight... and I wish to honor God and my vows. Divorce is an EASY out and I don't /won't consider such unless my life is in danger or something. Appreciate ya. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 29344717 Netherlands12/08/2012 12:03 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 29344717 Netherlands12/08/2012 12:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 12:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | People with high IQ's are usually dolt's, lol. Einstein was so scatterbrained and absent minded, he had his door painted red, so he could know which house was his, if I remember the story correctly. Quoting: StormeyGoddess I'm the one in my family who acts like the dolt, so I speak from experience and my mother had/has the same complaints about me and I'm almost 40. Part of the problem could be ADD. I read somewhere that people with ADD tend to be smokers and have high IQ's. I don't know if there is a "cure" for your loved one. The only reasonable "cure" is going to be a change in you. It may never get better, so a change in your reaction may at least help alleviate your frustration with your loved one. Good luck to you and yours. Hopefully, with time, things will get better...and if not, just tie him up and lock him in the closet. :-) Thank you , Stormey. Appreciate your thoughts , well- wishes and that last line *laugh for the day lmao:) |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 29344717 Netherlands12/08/2012 12:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 12:20 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Aww...thank you. I'll check back later, you guys. I need to get busy here. Just knowing that folk care and having someone to talk to is of great help! Sometimes we just need to bounce things off one another and/or just plain old VENT! Appreciate you all. I'll be back asap. Thanks again! |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 15534724  Canada12/08/2012 12:36 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | As for me with my similar situation I try not to react in any way but positive and if it is something serious then hope and pray that nothing serious will happen in the future because of the decisions that have been made. Things are getting better in many ways. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 27834680  Panama12/08/2012 12:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I used to be that way, intelligent but with zero common sense. I had to learn all my lessons through "the school of hard knocks". Fortunately, I was a good student and didn't need to learn too many lessons twice. Life will teach one the value of needing to use common sense rather quickly if there is no one else around to intervene. In my case, I was on my own in my late teens/early twenties and very far away from home. I did not have anyone there to save me from my stupid mistakes, so I had to learn the hard way through suffering from the consequences of my actions. In the end it all worked out. After a few years of the world kicking my ass, I developed common sense in spades. Now I would say I have more common sense than most people. Fortunately, I was not married at that time, so the only one harmed by my ignorance was me. |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 02:19 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | As for me with my similar situation I try not to react in any way but positive and if it is something serious then hope and pray that nothing serious will happen in the future because of the decisions that have been made. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15534724 Things are getting better in many ways. You too? Sorry to hear you have a similar situation. :( I hear ya -same here- Hope and pray! Admittedly, I've tried being nice, loving/positive- to mad and yelling. None of this will do a bit of good until things ''click'' -''register'' in their brains. They have to learn some of life's lessons the hard way it seems...which is hurtful to all of us and sad to have to witness. I grieve a LOT , unnecessarily. It does get old. Glad to hear things are getting 'somewhat' better for you! I now know there is HOPE for us. There is ALWAYS hope as long as we have breath! lol , thanks for helping me remember to breathe. ;) Truly appreciate your sharing. Keep the prayers going up! I have always believed in the power of prayer /God. My best to you and yours...May it keep on getting better and better! |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 02:30 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I used to be that way, intelligent but with zero common sense. I had to learn all my lessons through "the school of hard knocks". Fortunately, I was a good student and didn't need to learn too many lessons twice. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27834680 Life will teach one the value of needing to use common sense rather quickly if there is no one else around to intervene. In my case, I was on my own in my late teens/early twenties and very far away from home. I did not have anyone there to save me from my stupid mistakes, so I had to learn the hard way through suffering from the consequences of my actions. In the end it all worked out. After a few years of the world kicking my ass, I developed common sense in spades. Now I would say I have more common sense than most people. Fortunately, I was not married at that time, so the only one harmed by my ignorance was me. Bless your heart....so happy to hear that you have learned from your past mistakes . My spouse is learning but still doesn't seem to shoulder his responsibilites or manage finances well. Question: Are you responsible and able to manage a bank account? A simple task imo. This is one area, I have had to step in - oversee. At present, I cannot trust him with this responsibility. We all dO live and learn ...just unsure you were at that level. Most likely NOT! Truly appreciate any/all your responses, all. Thank you so much. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 27834680 Panama12/08/2012 03:27 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I used to be that way, intelligent but with zero common sense. I had to learn all my lessons through "the school of hard knocks". Fortunately, I was a good student and didn't need to learn too many lessons twice. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27834680 Life will teach one the value of needing to use common sense rather quickly if there is no one else around to intervene. In my case, I was on my own in my late teens/early twenties and very far away from home. I did not have anyone there to save me from my stupid mistakes, so I had to learn the hard way through suffering from the consequences of my actions. In the end it all worked out. After a few years of the world kicking my ass, I developed common sense in spades. Now I would say I have more common sense than most people. Fortunately, I was not married at that time, so the only one harmed by my ignorance was me. Bless your heart....so happy to hear that you have learned from your past mistakes . My spouse is learning but still doesn't seem to shoulder his responsibilites or manage finances well. Question: Are you responsible and able to manage a bank account? A simple task imo. This is one area, I have had to step in - oversee. At present, I cannot trust him with this responsibility. We all dO live and learn ...just unsure you were at that level. Most likely NOT! Truly appreciate any/all your responses, all. Thank you so much. I'm very responsible with finances now, but I was not responsible with money at all back then. The lessons I learned were so hard and painful that ever since, my behavior has been very similar to that of someone who lived through the Great Depression Era. I definitely learned my lessons, but I must admit it also damaged me in a way. My sufferings did not cause me to just correct my behavior, but to overcorrect it. How old is your husband? If he's young, I'd say there's hope for him. But if he's in his 40's and still can't be trusted, then I'm sorry but I think you're stuck on lifelong babysitting duty. |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 05:35 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I used to be that way, intelligent but with zero common sense. I had to learn all my lessons through "the school of hard knocks". Fortunately, I was a good student and didn't need to learn too many lessons twice. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27834680 Life will teach one the value of needing to use common sense rather quickly if there is no one else around to intervene. In my case, I was on my own in my late teens/early twenties and very far away from home. I did not have anyone there to save me from my stupid mistakes, so I had to learn the hard way through suffering from the consequences of my actions. In the end it all worked out. After a few years of the world kicking my ass, I developed common sense in spades. Now I would say I have more common sense than most people. Fortunately, I was not married at that time, so the only one harmed by my ignorance was me. Bless your heart....so happy to hear that you have learned from your past mistakes . My spouse is learning but still doesn't seem to shoulder his responsibilites or manage finances well. Question: Are you responsible and able to manage a bank account? A simple task imo. This is one area, I have had to step in - oversee. At present, I cannot trust him with this responsibility. We all dO live and learn ...just unsure you were at that level. Most likely NOT! Truly appreciate any/all your responses, all. Thank you so much. I'm very responsible with finances now, but I was not responsible with money at all back then. The lessons I learned were so hard and painful that ever since, my behavior has been very similar to that of someone who lived through the Great Depression Era. I definitely learned my lessons, but I must admit it also damaged me in a way. My sufferings did not cause me to just correct my behavior, but to overcorrect it. How old is your husband? If he's young, I'd say there's hope for him. But if he's in his 40's and still can't be trusted, then I'm sorry but I think you're stuck on lifelong babysitting duty. I can feel your pain.. bless your heart again. God help you - God help us all! Am glad you are able to manage your finances, etc and have overcome so much-I can only imagine You recognition of over-correcting, is really a good thing too. As you'll be able to begin to balance this. We are both in our fifties. The damage has been done - and it is a bit late for me to be reaching out. I am only now coming out of my shell. Better late than never, I say! Truly , I appreciate your sharing your life experience. I am sure that takes guts too. Thank you. We ALL have to struggle at times to keep balance in life : It's very difficult! We'll manage. ...Again, so sorry for what all you went through/your suffering , etc. but I ,thank the Lord, you have learned to overcome! I am very proud of you. guess I am stuck ..lol.. Seriously, I often wonder if I am just put here on Earth fOR this task. Anyway, thanks for reading , listening and sharing :) My best to you and yours! Jehovah -Jirah! |
| Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 16338720 United States12/08/2012 06:03 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Question: I wish to look into alternatives to ADD meds. Are there any such things that could possibly help that is natural? I wish to try - I am sure he would try the natural before he would the other! I know 'they say' a healthy diet is also of most importance! Thanks so much. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 29351796  Romania12/08/2012 06:09 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
