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Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?

 
Legendary
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User ID: 29232119
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12/08/2012 10:48 PM

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Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Just wondering!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29376211
Japan
12/08/2012 10:52 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Because they hate themselves and thus think anyone who loves them must be weak and pathetic?

Because they take that love for granted and think they can act in an infantile manner without restraint around those who love them?

Because they were abused when young by a loved and trusted person and have trouble separating the emotion of love from the emotion of meanness?

All of the above?
Anodyne339

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12/08/2012 11:00 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Because they can get away with it. If they tried it with a random stranger, they'd be risking a punch in the nose.
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 11:03 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
well they've got names for many of these things now. My sister has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I believe she is also psychotic, possibly bi-polar. She oscillated between being verbally and emotionally horribly abuse to her family and the most wonderful person in the world for years. We had to cut off contact because she won't get help and we can't take the abuse anymore. Sad part is her poor children don't realize that's not how life is supposed to be. Her husband (their father) left her a few years ago.
myeyesropenow42

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United States
12/08/2012 11:08 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Because people are seeing each other as the truth of who they are so it can mean one of two things. Either what you are is disturbing to them or what they are is disturbing to them. You know the answer to that because you know yourself

Last Edited by myeyesropenow42 on 12/08/2012 11:13 PM
Ralph--a house dog

User ID: 25802009
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12/08/2012 11:08 PM

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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Found this in Psychology Today --seems relevant to your question. Here's a snippet from the middle of the article. It goes on to explain further.

"However, the explanation for deliberately hurting the person you love is far more complex. Certainly, one major factor in hurting the beloved deliberately is related to the central role that mutual dependency plays in love."

[link to www.psychologytoday.com]

Found a cool site with recording of Willie Nelson singing "You Always Hurt the One You Love", but got a GLP warning in red letters about posting copywrited song lyrics. Oops!
Here's the site minus the song; you can look it up.

[link to www.elyrics.net]
"Who decides?"
---Robert A. Heinlein

[link to www.westcoasttruth.com]

"Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night.....Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
----Dylan Thomas
Legendary (OP)

User ID: 29232119
United States
12/08/2012 11:17 PM

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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Found this in Psychology Today --seems relevant to your question. Here's a snippet from the middle of the article. It goes on to explain further.

"However, the explanation for deliberately hurting the person you love is far more complex. Certainly, one major factor in hurting the beloved deliberately is related to the central role that mutual dependency plays in love."

[link to www.psychologytoday.com]

Found a cool site with recording of Willie Nelson singing "You Always Hurt the One You Love", but got a GLP warning in red letters about posting copywrited song lyrics. Oops!
Here's the site minus the song; you can look it up.

[link to www.elyrics.net]
 Quoting: Ralph--a house dog


Dependency is the issue with me. I see my Mom buying new cars and house while i have been homeless for 2 years.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6493463
United States
12/08/2012 11:27 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Because they hate themselves and thus think anyone who loves them must be weak and pathetic?

Because they take that love for granted and think they can act in an infantile manner without restraint around those who love them?

Because they were abused when young by a loved and trusted person and have trouble separating the emotion of love from the emotion of meanness?

All of the above?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29376211


Those are good.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6493463
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12/08/2012 11:28 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Because they can get away with it. If they tried it with a random stranger, they'd be risking a punch in the nose.
 Quoting: Anodyne339


So's that.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12582603
Canada
12/08/2012 11:33 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
because they don't love them and are using them. they play a good game at pretending to love someone in order to keep that person believing that they do love them.
Parabola

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12/08/2012 11:39 PM

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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Dependency is the issue with me. I see my Mom buying new cars and house while i have been homeless for 2 years.
 Quoting: Legendary


Legendary, I saw you posted four threads tonight asking thoughtful questions.

It's hard to give good advice without knowing details, but I wanted to applaud your quest for insight and I hope that you find some helpful suggestions.

Re. this question, there are lots of good answers here. Also, perhaps you might want to distance yourself from your mother as much as possible until you are feeling stronger. Seek comfort from supportive people in the meantime. You won't be able to help her, or yourself, so long as you are dependent on her.
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 11:39 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
If she's buying new cars and a new house and you're homeless that tells you that she doesn't care. This is sad, depressing, and discouraging. You need to find your own strength. You need to focus all your energy on your own life. build yourself up. Don't let your energy get sucked away worrying about why someone doesn't care about you. Let it go. People can't have power over you unless you let them.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
12/08/2012 11:43 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Because they can get away with it. If they tried it with a random stranger, they'd be risking a punch in the nose.
 Quoting: Anodyne339


truth

as they say "you always hurt the one you love...."

and the unspoken part of that line ....

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY'LL TAKE IT
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22263508
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12/08/2012 11:45 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Because they can get away with it. If they tried it with a random stranger, they'd be risking a punch in the nose.
 Quoting: Anodyne339


truth

as they say "you always hurt the one you love...."

and the unspoken part of that line ....

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY'LL TAKE IT
Legendary (OP)

User ID: 29232119
United States
12/08/2012 11:47 PM

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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Dependency is the issue with me. I see my Mom buying new cars and house while i have been homeless for 2 years.
 Quoting: Legendary


Legendary, I saw you posted four threads tonight asking thoughtful questions.

It's hard to give good advice without knowing details, but I wanted to applaud your quest for insight and I hope that you find some helpful suggestions.

Re. this question, there are lots of good answers here. Also, perhaps you might want to distance yourself from your mother as much as possible until you are feeling stronger. Seek comfort from supportive people in the meantime. You won't be able to help her, or yourself, so long as you are dependent on her.
 Quoting: Parabola


IM asking for everyone.
Legendary (OP)

User ID: 29232119
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12/08/2012 11:48 PM

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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
If she's buying new cars and a new house and you're homeless that tells you that she doesn't care. This is sad, depressing, and discouraging. You need to find your own strength. You need to focus all your energy on your own life. build yourself up. Don't let your energy get sucked away worrying about why someone doesn't care about you. Let it go. People can't have power over you unless you let them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 12582603


Says she does. Actions speak louder then words
I am all these.
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 11:51 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
I was just thinking about this today, so funny. I came to the conclusion that those we treat badly are those that we know truly love us and if we are moody, upset or in a funky mood, we know they will genuinely still love and forgive us.

But, it is always a good thing to go back and say sorry and give big hugs.

p.s. Anyone else would just sucker-punch us in the face and be done with us.
Anonymous Coward
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12/08/2012 11:52 PM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Those that hurt you the most , will be those that are closest to you: FACT
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17421537
United States
12/09/2012 12:12 AM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Sounding/pounding board...

They can unleash on the ones who love them the most because its their safe zone person.

I live it,almost daily because of my daughter and if i dont get away from her i will be in the hospital before long.

Im getting older and my nerves/mind-body can no longer do this,im all she has but its killing me inside.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 105726
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12/09/2012 12:34 AM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Just wondering!
 Quoting: Legendary


If you desire true insight.

Turn it around.

Why do people most love the ones who treat them mean?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1513449
Canada
12/09/2012 12:46 AM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Maybe we mistreat those we love as a way of striking back at God/The World when we don't mean it, we just do it to express how we feel at the moment.

We also take their love for granted, we treat them like their always going to be there for us, like we already won their attention so we no longer need to try.

We also expect other people to be on the same wave length, some people can handle the abuse and others can't. Theirs no way to gauge how someone else will react.

Some people are so lost in their own thoughts they "casually insult" others while unaware of what their saying.

Some people are just evil. Some are momentarily evil.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21160675
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12/09/2012 12:48 AM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Sounds like you're dealing with mentally disordered people. Narcissists or BPD. Basically these people don't understand love. They just sap attention from relationships.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1513449
Canada
12/09/2012 12:49 AM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Just wondering!
 Quoting: Legendary


If you desire true insight.

Turn it around.

Why do people most love the ones who treat them mean?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 105726


For hateful people its a power struggle.

For good people its trying to set an example to change them.

Ultimately its people trying to will their reality's to themselves.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1513449
Canada
12/09/2012 12:50 AM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Sounds like you're dealing with mentally disordered people. Narcissists or BPD. Basically these people don't understand love. They just sap attention from relationships.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21160675


Which is like 25% of the population these day's.
Legendary (OP)

User ID: 29232119
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12/09/2012 01:10 AM

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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
Just wondering!
 Quoting: Legendary


If you desire true insight.

Turn it around.

Why do people most love the ones who treat them mean?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 105726


Sounds like you're dealing with mentally disordered people. Narcissists or BPD. Basically these people don't understand love. They just sap attention from relationships.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21160675


Which is like 25% of the population these day's.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1513449

I am mean to my loved ones and they dont talk to me so i got the reverse. I dont know if i am BP or narcisist i think i will go self diagnos myself on a random website i find in google.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25044356
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12/09/2012 01:19 AM
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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
As a personal experience, it comes from frustration. I sometimes yell but have been working on catching myself. I usually apologize afterwards. Sigh... long ways to go... whip
Legendary (OP)

User ID: 29232119
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12/09/2012 01:25 AM

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Re: Why are people mean to the ones that love them the most?
As a personal experience, it comes from frustration. I sometimes yell but have been working on catching myself. I usually apologize afterwards. Sigh... long ways to go... whip
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25044356


I have burnt the bridge with my loved ones because i am selfish.