I just found out I have herpes

I'm only 19, and my last girlfriend gave it to me. She didn't know she had it. I've only slept with two people. Ive had things with quite a few more, I just respect woman... Is my sex life over? Ive had sex several hundred times so its not like I haven't enjoyed it, its just hard to fathom that I'm never going to be able sate my need for somebody to share my life with... To live is is to be slowly born, a single event can awaken within us someone we did not know existed prior. I don't necessarily like what this awakened in me - it turned an optimist into a realist.

And before anyone says, just end it? Its not like I haven't "THOUGHT" about it, its a means to an end that I do not want out of fear of not knowing, that coincidentally shares a dichotomy with something I'd give anything to get. Away from this loneliness I'm feeling. Somebody tell me what to do, I've become an alcoholic and started smoking consistently as a crutch.

I want a relationship with someone more than anything in the world, I need someone to hug and to take care of again. It's just right now, it feels like an impossibility, and with that being an impossibility it feels as if I'll never again be able to be happy in this realm. I can never have intercourse without fear of transmitting the virus - nobodies going to think I'm worth the risk to date...


The only thing that can make me smile right now is knowing that just like there can't be shadow without light, in order for me to be sad I had to have felt happy in one point... Please say something to make me happy, make me think, or make me realize. And please don't ban me for my vent.