Kate Middleton: The Things I Hear Her Say in The Hospital

As the official royal eunuch in charge of Kate Middleton, I have been charged with writing down the perennial wisdom uttered from her lips. Together she has empowered me to instill in her devotees the wisdom she has discovered from pregnancy:

1. All Life is Suffering.

2. Childbearing is Suffering.

3. There needs to be a zero child policy, wherein world peace may finally be achieved.

4. Through her advanced practices in meditation, Kate Middleton has entered the divine state of the Spinal Tap,
wherein bliss is finally achieved. She stated to her followers that this is salvation, and that such high states of attainment do exist.

Kate Middleton is set to give birth next year. She will give birth to the child Emperor of the New World Order. Although this information has not been officially received yet by world audiences, it is her hope that a child emperor would inaugerate a new age, wherein it would readily be concluded that a zero child policy is desperately needed.

Thus spoke Kate Middleton.