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Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17090286
United States
12/10/2012 06:38 AM
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Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
I'll start:

"So Grandpa got an anus tattoo..."
Face Palmer
Yo mamma pulls catapults to gondor

User ID: 29535982
Germany
12/10/2012 06:40 AM

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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Well, how exactly would you know about that, OP?!
"The world will soon wake up to the reality that everyone is broke and can collect nothing from the bankrupt, who are owed unlimited amounts by the insolvent, who are attempting to make late payments on a bank holiday in the wrong country, with an unacceptable currency, against defaulted collateral, of which nobody is sure who holds title."

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29523091
Australia
12/10/2012 06:41 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
mum.. dad.....i'm gay
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4451587
Germany
12/10/2012 06:41 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
So, you guys ever thought about worshipping a real religion?
RF
User ID: 1287633
United States
12/10/2012 06:49 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Before this day is over, I'm going to have killed every last one of you mother fuc%ers!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29541351
United States
12/10/2012 06:50 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Caught my girlfriend in the bathroom with the turkey baster.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17090286
United States
12/10/2012 06:50 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Well, how exactly would you know about that, OP?!
 Quoting: Face Palmer


He probably told you, or worse.
RF
User ID: 1287633
United States
12/10/2012 06:54 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
I read something really interesting yesterday and I' d like to hear what you all think. Billy, go grab my satanic bible from my car.
RF
User ID: 1287633
United States
12/10/2012 06:56 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
I'm dieing.
omar

User ID: 28470059
United Kingdom
12/10/2012 06:56 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
:spyda:
ANHEDONIC

User ID: 26795689
United States
12/10/2012 07:00 AM

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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Excuse me for a moment, there's chocolate pudding in my pants!

oops2

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17090286
United States
12/10/2012 07:06 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
"She's not my fiance, she's a hooker."
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17090286
United States
12/10/2012 07:08 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Alternatively...

"She's not a hooker, she's my fiance."

or

"She's a hooker AND she's my fiance."
geminilion
We need more cowbell!

User ID: 12895036
United States
12/10/2012 07:08 AM

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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Remember when the cat disappeared last week? Hope you enjoyed the stuffing.
..."The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny ... it is the light that guides your way."
Heraclitus
Swan Song

User ID: 28505443
Australia
12/10/2012 07:09 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
"excuse me may I go to the bathroom?"..........


To the world I am just a number, but the Lamb of God He knows me by my name.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29291921
United States
12/10/2012 07:09 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
So Im engaged to a black girl named Shaquanna. Shes 24 and has 3 kids..... all from previous fathers.
Devoted Follower
User ID: 28055738
United States
12/10/2012 07:14 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
As of tomorrow I will no longer be a post op transvestite.

I will be the woman God wanted me to be all along!

Pass the gravey please.

5a
stella stevens

User ID: 1490898
Canada
12/10/2012 07:17 AM

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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
hope you didn't sexually abuse
that turkey
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17090286
United States
12/10/2012 07:17 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
"All the food you see here was grown from a fertilizer made from our own feces. Enjoy!"
Swan Song

User ID: 28505443
Australia
12/10/2012 07:24 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
mmm yummy this food tastes soooo good, and who knew that you could get all this food from diving into the grocery store dumpster ?
To the world I am just a number, but the Lamb of God He knows me by my name.
~Spaze*Man~

User ID: 8342409
United States
12/10/2012 07:26 AM

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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
mmm yummy this food tastes soooo good, and who knew that you could get all this food from diving into the grocery store dumpster ?
 Quoting: Swan Song


haha nice!
zestor

User ID: 3295117
United States
12/10/2012 07:28 AM

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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Those spiced apple cookies are made with breast milk, wonderfully healthy
Prepare to Self-Sustain.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 17090286
United States
12/10/2012 07:29 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
"Grandma's last request was that her ashes be baked into an apple pie. I hope you enjoyed it!"
zestor

User ID: 3295117
United States
12/10/2012 07:35 AM

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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
As many of you know, we are on our spiritual journey, this will be the last Christmas we are spending in this house, we have sold all our possessions to live with the bishop. The Bishop has agreed to take my wife as his own, and to accept me as his man servant.
Prepare to Self-Sustain.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29138220
12/10/2012 07:38 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Doctor says I have no control over my bowels. Lets eat!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29540384
Norway
12/10/2012 07:48 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
We shouldnt celebrate this. Lets read from The Watchtower instead.
Thor's Hamster

User ID: 27883645
United States
12/10/2012 07:55 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
I'll start:

"So Grandpa got an anus tattoo..."
 Quoting: Leslie Zevo


lmao
Apollo astronauts couldn't have passed through Van Allen's Belt. Van Allen wore suspenders.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29138220
12/10/2012 07:56 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
I will need a big enema after this meal to get my bowels cleaned out.
Canadian Psycho
User ID: 25935062
Canada
12/10/2012 07:56 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
I'll start:

"So Grandpa got an anus tattoo..."
 Quoting: Leslie Zevo


I know one...."Happy Hanukah"
Canadian Psycho
User ID: 25935062
Canada
12/10/2012 07:58 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
I'll start:

"So Grandpa got an anus tattoo..."
 Quoting: Leslie Zevo


I know one...."Happy Hanukah"
 Quoting: Canadian Psycho 25935062


Or......."Here come sit on Santa's lap,we will talk about the first thing that pop's up."
Thor's Hamster

User ID: 27870033
United States
12/10/2012 08:02 AM
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Re: Things you never want to say over a Christmas dinner.
Every one of these posts are hilarious. In lieu of laughing at each one individually, I'll give it one, all-encompassing...

cruise1rof1lollmaorofllaughlolsignlolatu
Apollo astronauts couldn't have passed through Van Allen's Belt. Van Allen wore suspenders.

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