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Refused access to my son

 
Broken DAD
User ID: 9869439
United Kingdom
12/10/2012 08:58 AM
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Refused access to my son
I have recently separated from my wife and she has my son. We have not yet commenced any divorce proceedings yet, we were planning on a quickie divorce to avoid crazy lawyers fees. However now she is refusing me access, claiming I only have a say once I pay child support......which i do pay. Not the £600 she wants on a monthly basis, but quite frankly that is half of what I clear on a monthly basis.

What can I do? No one has been granted custody and I do not want to involve social services or any such organization for fear of them just wanting to remove him from her care, but then also to not give him to me.

He is my life and I would not want to lose him for anything or anyone in the world
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13158115
United States
12/10/2012 09:03 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
Lawyer up man.
geminilion
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User ID: 12895036
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12/10/2012 09:03 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
Get a lawyer, sorry you are going through this. I hate when people break up and then deny the right for either one to see their children.

The kids get hurt by this and it's just mean and spiteful. Hope it works out for you. And make sure you have receipts of all the child support payments, she may try to say you don't give her anything if it comes to that.
..."The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny ... it is the light that guides your way."
Heraclitus
A Friend

User ID: 29547235
United States
12/10/2012 09:06 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
I can't stress this enough... Get a Lawyer now. If she keeps your child away from you and you allow it to happen the divorce judge can look at you and see that you have had no contact and that can be used against you. I'm serious!
I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is. -Albert Camus

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KateSask

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12/10/2012 09:07 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
I can't stand women that do this to the father, all it does is hurt the kids because they don't care about money, they just want love from Mom and Dad. Sorry you're going through this OP. :(
.


Candle Lake, CANADA in Pictures ~ [link to www.dennischamberlain.com]
Apocalypse Troll
Trollicus Apocalyptus

User ID: 4316
United States
12/10/2012 09:10 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
You can get a Court Order in less than 24 hours that will cause your wife to be in contempt of court if she does not give you access.

That same court will lower your child support as well, but at this stage I would try to get custody and have her pay the child support.
attxflag
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natasha77
DOOMSEXY

User ID: 28641059
United States
12/10/2012 09:12 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
This is wrong!! The child is the one hurt in all this.
Tell your soon to be ex to let you spend time with him, even if only in the back yard for now.
You shouldnt have to settle for that, but its better than nothing until you can make better arrangements.

Good luck to you and shame of your wife.
SPEAK UP. SILENCE IS DEADLY!

I am currently experiencing life at several WTFs per hour.

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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10783814
United States
12/10/2012 09:12 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
The same thing happened to my brother. OP you have to get a lawyer and protect yourself. My brother got depressed and gave up and got so royally screwed by his ex he never got to see his kids again. He literally ended up drinking himself to death over it.

I've seen men do this time and time again. Just lay down and give up.

I hope you are able to get a good lawyer and find the strength to fight for your child. Women who use to children to "get back" at a man are only hurting the child. Even in a divorce situation the child needs both parents.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17926276
United States
12/10/2012 09:13 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
dont pay any child support. she will eventually realize the error in her ways. or not. either way, you gotta stand up for what you believe in
Judethz
Israel is Eternal

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United Kingdom
12/10/2012 09:16 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
kitty I hope things work out for you. hf
SoundCurrent

User ID: 17372358
United States
12/10/2012 09:17 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
I am a mediator. I am not a lawyer, nor do I give legal advice. I don't know the law in UK so that is doubly good.

Check out mediation if you are trying to avoid costly lawyer fees. Chances are that you will be sent to mediation anyway if this gets to court with attorneys. Here in the states a lot of judges are automatically sending all contested divorces to mediation because they feel that you all are the experts in your lives and should be given every opportunity to work out custody issues/parenting plans, and property settlements.

Keep receipts of all paid child support. Here we have, state by state, on the internet, what your child support will be based on income and # of children. Courts generally always go by that....doesn't matter what your hardship might be. Couples can, however, work out alternate plans through mediation.

Google it. Lots of on-line info.

Oh, and if she won't talk to you, try a neutral 3rd party friend. Mediators are neutral 3rd parties but will not speak to either of you about the case before hand...thus remaining neutral.

Good luck.

Good luck.
"The elixir of the Shabda Flow is so overwhelming, so incandescent, that to be brushed by the strokes of God leaves an imprint for eternity."
Sri Gary Olsen
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 483639
United States
12/10/2012 09:17 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
dont pay any child support. she will eventually realize the error in her ways. or not. either way, you gotta stand up for what you believe in
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17926276


DO NOT follow this advice. Make sure you pay WHATEVER you can and document it. You cannot withhold payment as that will be held against you.

She has no right to withhold your child from you, regardless of your track record on paying support.

Pay. Keep records. Get a lawyer.

Right now, she is in the wrong. Don't join her. It will weaken your case.
Abi ~

User ID: 25045778
United States
12/10/2012 09:18 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
Yep, get a lawyer NOW...also make sure you have proof of child support you pay before it is settled in court because they will not count it, otherwise and you will have to pay it again...

In fact, until it is mandatory, I would not pay it..if your son needs something, then help but KEEP RECEIPTS!!!

Unfortunately, in situations like this, it does not pay to be the good guy...and I hate to say that, as I am a woman and was screwed royally in court, but....speaking from experience...

You want to INITIATE the court process...trust me...

You accept the love you think you deserve~~~

Love cannot live where there is no trust~~~

Truth has no temperature~~~
Abi ~

User ID: 25045778
United States
12/10/2012 09:23 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
Child support and visitation are 2 separate things...whether or not you pay has nothing to do with your visitation rights...that will end up biting her in the a$$ if she pulls that after you have court papers declaring your rights....

If she tries to with hold your son after the fact, make sure you take her to court over it...the judge soon sees what is happening and it will hurt her...and your son, as the children are always the victims..;(

do not count on police to help you, either...it is a civil matter and you have to get a lawyer and go to court every time she with holds visitation...once you have your rights established.. Good luck!!

You accept the love you think you deserve~~~

Love cannot live where there is no trust~~~

Truth has no temperature~~~
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28753988
United States
12/10/2012 09:26 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]
I was going through the same problem with my kid
this song should help you out
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28997948
12/10/2012 09:27 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
Lawyer up man.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13158115


Best advice. For all you know, she has one already. This woman is willing to deny her son his father- FOR MONEY.

That says something about what she prioritizes.

Better get custody yourself, and then allow her to visit him, so he has his mother.
Abi ~

User ID: 25045778
United States
12/10/2012 09:29 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
I am a mediator. I am not a lawyer, nor do I give legal advice. I don't know the law in UK so that is doubly good.

Check out mediation if you are trying to avoid costly lawyer fees. Chances are that you will be sent to mediation anyway if this gets to court with attorneys. Here in the states a lot of judges are automatically sending all contested divorces to mediation because they feel that you all are the experts in your lives and should be given every opportunity to work out custody issues/parenting plans, and property settlements.

Keep receipts of all paid child support. Here we have, state by state, on the internet, what your child support will be based on income and # of children. Courts generally always go by that....doesn't matter what your hardship might be. Couples can, however, work out alternate plans through mediation.

Google it. Lots of on-line info.

Oh, and if she won't talk to you, try a neutral 3rd party friend. Mediators are neutral 3rd parties but will not speak to either of you about the case before hand...thus remaining neutral.

Good luck.

Good luck.
 Quoting: SoundCurrent


Only use a mediator if you KNOW you can come to an agreement...otherwise, it is a waste of money...If the court orders it, than you have to ....otherwise, I would just stick to the lawyers...not to mention, if things get heated while in mediation, the mediator can and will end it...
You, of course, will not receive a refund...money and time wasted...
sorry sound current, this is not directed at you..just stating from experience....

plus, what is talked about in mediation cannot be used in court...remember that...;( meaning, the mediator cannot be a witness to anything that may be said or done..all they can say is, it was successful or not successful...

You accept the love you think you deserve~~~

Love cannot live where there is no trust~~~

Truth has no temperature~~~
natasha77
DOOMSEXY

User ID: 28641059
United States
12/10/2012 09:30 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
I am a mediator. I am not a lawyer, nor do I give legal advice. I don't know the law in UK so that is doubly good.

Check out mediation if you are trying to avoid costly lawyer fees. Chances are that you will be sent to mediation anyway if this gets to court with attorneys. Here in the states a lot of judges are automatically sending all contested divorces to mediation because they feel that you all are the experts in your lives and should be given every opportunity to work out custody issues/parenting plans, and property settlements.

Keep receipts of all paid child support. Here we have, state by state, on the internet, what your child support will be based on income and # of children. Courts generally always go by that....doesn't matter what your hardship might be. Couples can, however, work out alternate plans through mediation.

Google it. Lots of on-line info.

Oh, and if she won't talk to you, try a neutral 3rd party friend. Mediators are neutral 3rd parties but will not speak to either of you about the case before hand...thus remaining neutral.

Good luck.

Good luck.
 Quoting: SoundCurrent


I am a certified mediator also. I cant say i ever put it to use due to moving and life changes, but i think what we are taught is a very good way to resolve problems without the need of lawyers and court. Excellent system.
SPEAK UP. SILENCE IS DEADLY!

I am currently experiencing life at several WTFs per hour.

flatearth
KateSask

User ID: 15170057
12/10/2012 09:30 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
Lawyer up man.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13158115


Best advice. For all you know, she has one already. This woman is willing to deny her son his father- FOR MONEY.

That says something about what she prioritizes.

Better get custody yourself, and then allow her to visit him, so he has his mother.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28997948


Seems like black mail really.
.


Candle Lake, CANADA in Pictures ~ [link to www.dennischamberlain.com]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14408911
United States
12/10/2012 09:33 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
I have recently separated from my wife and she has my son. We have not yet commenced any divorce proceedings yet, we were planning on a quickie divorce to avoid crazy lawyers fees. However now she is refusing me access, claiming I only have a say once I pay child support......which i do pay. Not the £600 she wants on a monthly basis, but quite frankly that is half of what I clear on a monthly basis.

What can I do? No one has been granted custody and I do not want to involve social services or any such organization for fear of them just wanting to remove him from her care, but then also to not give him to me.

He is my life and I would not want to lose him for anything or anyone in the world
 Quoting: Broken DAD 9869439

Does she have a legal right to refuse you access or is she just saying 'You can't see him." Can't you just drop by and visit him or see him in a different location?
Abi ~

User ID: 25045778
United States
12/10/2012 09:54 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
I have recently separated from my wife and she has my son. We have not yet commenced any divorce proceedings yet, we were planning on a quickie divorce to avoid crazy lawyers fees. However now she is refusing me access, claiming I only have a say once I pay child support......which i do pay. Not the £600 she wants on a monthly basis, but quite frankly that is half of what I clear on a monthly basis.

What can I do? No one has been granted custody and I do not want to involve social services or any such organization for fear of them just wanting to remove him from her care, but then also to not give him to me.

He is my life and I would not want to lose him for anything or anyone in the world
 Quoting: Broken DAD 9869439

Does she have a legal right to refuse you access or is she just saying 'You can't see him." Can't you just drop by and visit him or see him in a different location?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 14408911


Op will have to be careful...he does not need her calling the cops to have him arrested for harassment or some other stupid stuff and it sounds like she would do that...just sayin...

he just needs to get a lawyer and get it done...QUICK!

You accept the love you think you deserve~~~

Love cannot live where there is no trust~~~

Truth has no temperature~~~
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29419800
Belgium
12/10/2012 09:56 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
I can't stand women that do this to the father, all it does is hurt the kids because they don't care about money, they just want love from Mom and Dad. Sorry you're going through this OP. :(
 Quoting: KateSask


+1

Only women do this and it's disgusting.

Best of luck, OP.
Abi ~

User ID: 25045778
United States
12/10/2012 10:04 AM

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Re: Refused access to my son
I can't stand women that do this to the father, all it does is hurt the kids because they don't care about money, they just want love from Mom and Dad. Sorry you're going through this OP. :(
 Quoting: KateSask


+1

Only women do this and it's disgusting.

Best of luck, OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29419800


actually, some men do it, too...not as much, but it happens...regardless, you are right, it is disgusting and selfish....the parent doing it does not put their children first...they are just being hateful and spiteful and trying to hurt the other person...

it hurts the kids the most...and it breaks my heart for all the little angels who are used in such a manner...;(

You accept the love you think you deserve~~~

Love cannot live where there is no trust~~~

Truth has no temperature~~~
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29419800
Belgium
12/10/2012 10:05 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
I can't stand women that do this to the father, all it does is hurt the kids because they don't care about money, they just want love from Mom and Dad. Sorry you're going through this OP. :(
 Quoting: KateSask


+1

Only women do this and it's disgusting.

Best of luck, OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29419800


actually, some men do it, too...not as much, but it happens...regardless, you are right, it is disgusting and selfish....the parent doing it does not put their children first...they are just being hateful and spiteful and trying to hurt the other person...

it hurts the kids the most...and it breaks my heart for all the little angels who are used in such a manner...;(

 Quoting: Abi ~


I know one thing: 65% chance of divorce. I will never get married.
SoundCurrent

User ID: 17372358
United States
12/10/2012 10:14 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
I am a mediator. I am not a lawyer, nor do I give legal advice. I don't know the law in UK so that is doubly good.

Check out mediation if you are trying to avoid costly lawyer fees. Chances are that you will be sent to mediation anyway if this gets to court with attorneys. Here in the states a lot of judges are automatically sending all contested divorces to mediation because they feel that you all are the experts in your lives and should be given every opportunity to work out custody issues/parenting plans, and property settlements.

Keep receipts of all paid child support. Here we have, state by state, on the internet, what your child support will be based on income and # of children. Courts generally always go by that....doesn't matter what your hardship might be. Couples can, however, work out alternate plans through mediation.

Google it. Lots of on-line info.

Oh, and if she won't talk to you, try a neutral 3rd party friend. Mediators are neutral 3rd parties but will not speak to either of you about the case before hand...thus remaining neutral.

Good luck.

Good luck.
 Quoting: SoundCurrent


Only use a mediator if you KNOW you can come to an agreement...otherwise, it is a waste of money...If the court orders it, than you have to ....otherwise, I would just stick to the lawyers...not to mention, if things get heated while in mediation, the mediator can and will end it...
You, of course, will not receive a refund...money and time wasted...
sorry sound current, this is not directed at you..just stating from experience....

plus, what is talked about in mediation cannot be used in court...remember that...;( meaning, the mediator cannot be a witness to anything that may be said or done..all they can say is, it was successful or not successful...

 Quoting: Abi ~

Hmmmmm....you sound like an attorney or someone burned. ADR is mediation....alternative dispute resolution. I have seen cases that attorneys tried in every way they cooul to settle and they could not, sometimes, simply because they were not comfortable with the messiness that sometimes/often comes up in mediation. A good mediator understands that sometimes this is necessary and will not let it get out of hand. Then the focus is on moving forward.

I have seen incredible outcomes when ALL parties come to the mediation table in good faith. Sometimes attorneys are there simply for discovery purposes and not true collaborative problem solving.

OP check out transformative and collaborative mediation. I still think you might be sent (mandated to go) anyway. Perhaps you all can avoid this getting any uglier. Something to at least check out on line. And any mediator you contact, be sure to interview as to their style and settlement rate.

The "no refund" clause is designed for everyone to at least sit down and give it a shot before you just get mad and leave. Otherwise, mediators would spend a lot of time and never get paid if it was that easy to leave. Money does talk. Oh, and people that get "free" mediations, often do not settle. There has to be an investment...a buy in.

Think about it OP.peace
"The elixir of the Shabda Flow is so overwhelming, so incandescent, that to be brushed by the strokes of God leaves an imprint for eternity."
Sri Gary Olsen
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9619751
Canada
12/10/2012 10:18 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
I have recently separated from my wife and she has my son. We have not yet commenced any divorce proceedings yet, we were planning on a quickie divorce to avoid crazy lawyers fees. However now she is refusing me access, claiming I only have a say once I pay child support......which i do pay. Not the £600 she wants on a monthly basis, but quite frankly that is half of what I clear on a monthly basis.

What can I do? No one has been granted custody and I do not want to involve social services or any such organization for fear of them just wanting to remove him from her care, but then also to not give him to me.

He is my life and I would not want to lose him for anything or anyone in the world
 Quoting: Broken DAD 9869439


My ex did this to me too. I was a broken man.

Pray lots and lots.

Get a lawyer and get in front of the court. It is a long process but never stop fighting for your son.

God be with you.

(((HUG)))

P.S.

Through God's help I got through it and got my son back.

Never stop fighting!!!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1490846
United States
12/10/2012 10:20 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
Pay. Document. Get a good lawyer.

Get a t-shirt that says "my lawyer can beat up your lawyer"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24567823
United States
12/10/2012 10:29 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
HAHA.

You are fucked, dumbass.

You should have thought about these things before you GOT FUCKING MARRIED.

I am not even christian! But I DO BELIEVE that MARRIAGE is a SACRED FUCKING VOW.

You broke the vow. You lose the kid.

In reality you should not have had a child with a woman you did not intend to stay with.

You fucked up.

Now you get to live with it.

No easy solutions.

Think about your choices in the future, dipshit.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29551499
United States
12/10/2012 10:32 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
Lawyer up man.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13158115


THIS

Don't waste any time.

Also, keep all receipts. Even if you buy him something like clothes.
Anonymous Coward
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Canada
12/10/2012 10:32 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
I have recently separated from my wife and she has my son. We have not yet commenced any divorce proceedings yet, we were planning on a quickie divorce to avoid crazy lawyers fees. However now she is refusing me access, claiming I only have a say once I pay child support......which i do pay. Not the £600 she wants on a monthly basis, but quite frankly that is half of what I clear on a monthly basis.

What can I do? No one has been granted custody and I do not want to involve social services or any such organization for fear of them just wanting to remove him from her care, but then also to not give him to me.

He is my life and I would not want to lose him for anything or anyone in the world
 Quoting: Broken DAD 9869439


child support is a % of your income.. she does not get to pick it also unless she has a good reason and proof of you being bad for the boy it will look real bad in court on her for not lettiing u see him
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29551123
United States
12/10/2012 10:35 AM
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Re: Refused access to my son
Hire the most ruthless SHARK lawyer possible.

See if someone in social services will give you a name.
They know.

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