I remember once when I was a kid. There were no presents because my mother and father told me that Santa was arrested for breaking into someone's house when he found that their chimney was blocked, so Santa, thinking he's immune to prosecution, goes and kicks in the front door, busting the door.

I went down to the police station aged 4 on that dark night in my Rupert the Bear slippers and pyjamas with a carrot and some cake and milk and asked to see Santa.

The desk officer asked me which one, as they had picked up 12 of them, all drunk.

I said, the one with the reindeers.
He said Santa isn't real and to piss off home and stop being stupid.

I went home devastated and beat my father up and robbed him of his wallet.