Christmas Party

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: Dec. 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Last Edited by Sleeping Giant on 12/14/2012 08:15 AM

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: Dec. 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Last Edited by Sleeping Giant on 12/14/2012 08:15 AM

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: Dec. 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Last Edited by Sleeping Giant on 12/14/2012 08:18 AM

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: Dec. 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian dolts!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing weirdoes can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Last Edited by Sleeping Giant on 12/14/2012 08:16 AM

Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: Dec. 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery at Alberta Hospital and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

lol, unfortunately this could be a very real memo... this is what happens when you try to mix tribes and force diversity and multi-culti. you please no one, but you do build a great deal of resentment.


:nav1:

Yep, you can't please everyone, the world is too diverse....

But, by trying to not offend certain groups, you offend other groups.

Merry Christmas!

:happychristmas:

Merry CHRISTmas!!!

A perfect example of the type of mentality that drives me INSANE!!


Merry CHRISTmas everyone!

Priceless!!

and BTW- Merry Christmas!

One reason I hate the "Holidays". Bah fuckin humbug. I wish i could just climb in bed to cry and sleep until it is all over with. I have no idea why i get so depressed this time year; it really sucks.

TU for the brief comic relief op! Now back to my black depression

Merry CHRISTmas to you!

Snap outta that depression!

The rest of you f*%^ing weirdoes can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die

Best part...

Last Edited by ArunaLuna on 12/14/2012 12:25 PM

And many Happy Generic Seasonal Greetings to you as well!

No that's fine, people can call it what they want. I'm talking about going overboard trying not to offend anyone. It ends up ruining everything. People like to whine and complain no matter how you try and accommodate them.

Never will everyone be happy. So if you want a CHRISTmas party, then have a CHRISTmas party and not worry about whiny people. If you want to have a generic seasonal holiday party, then have at.

Well said, my friend!

Thanks for the chuckle.

Reminded me of this...


[link to www.youtube.com]

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas to you!

Great demonstration of p.c. absurdity.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you!

Oh My God..(oh sorry, I meant Oh My God or Allah, Buddha, HaShem, Et Al).

This is so true though. Too funny. Thanks for giving us a "HOLIDAY" laugh.

:fdhfhsfrthrtrt:

OP, I've seen this before, funny stuff! Thanks for posting.

Big 5

Merry Christmas to all!