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my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 990751
United Kingdom
12/14/2012 01:25 PM
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my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
when i was nice to her, she abused me mercilessly, then dumped me. then a day or so later she'd be texting and phoning constantly begging for me to get back with her, saying she was suicidal. i eventually caved in and told her to fuck off, but this made her want me more. i learned that she wanted me and treated me like a king when she couldn't have me, or if i acted arrogantly towards her.

anyway all this shit felt fake, so i'd revert to being myself again, then she'd become cold, nasty, then dump me again.

i was with her for eleven months, and when i eventually had enough i turned my phone of for 2 weeks, so she would get the message. when i eventually turned my phone on, i received a shit load of nasty texts... she told me of guys she screwed behind my back and told me that the baby she had a miscarriage with was her bro's best friend's -- who she was screwing behind my back.

anyway, after slandering me on facebook to everyone, she immediately rebounded with a fat, older bald guy with 3 kids, and 18 months on she is still besotted with him and appears very happy.

i, on the otherhand, am still fucked up and unable to trust a woman. it seems that everytime i treat a woman with respect, i get shit on, but when i'm arrogant they want me. it doesn't matter what personality type they are, same shit always happens. i can't keep the arrogance act on because i feel fucking toxic inside -- and start feeling like a sadistic psychopath.

any thoughts?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1440319
United States
12/14/2012 01:28 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Lesson learned. Woman don't want some nice guy that beckons to her every call. Stop being such a pussy
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27560918
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12/14/2012 01:29 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Don't be a pushover
Anonymous Coward
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12/14/2012 01:29 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Lesson learned. Woman don't want some nice guy that beckons to her every call. Stop being such a pussy
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1440319


Yup.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7254491
United States
12/14/2012 01:30 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets,
and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the
sinner shall be taken by her. (Eccl. 7:26)

But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are
foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually
discerned. (1 Cor. 2:14)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25058562
Canada
12/14/2012 01:31 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
leave it.

the guilt will literally kill her.

saw my ex after a few years

she got FAT
icepack

User ID: 29341884
Germany
12/14/2012 01:31 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
it is a matter of attractiveness.
it is the nature in us all.

sorry, but now you have to start with getting more biological attractive.

sports, diet, education, etc.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27317240
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12/14/2012 01:38 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Nice guys don't finish last. Usually, if a "nice guy" thinks that girls just walk all over nice guys, it's because he isn't aware of all his other problems. A nice guy can still be a complete loser.

On the reciprocal of that, girls want a guy that challenges them, not aggravates them.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25058562
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12/14/2012 01:42 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
You will never be the same again.

I cried like a bitch when I was cheated on.

Happens to everyone.

It's one of those things you expect to happen to someone else but never you, like being diagnosed with cancer.

I am bitter. yes. but I try not to take my anger out on the next girl. Im just absolutely cold now.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 990751
United Kingdom
12/14/2012 01:51 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Nice guys don't finish last. Usually, if a "nice guy" thinks that girls just walk all over nice guys, it's because he isn't aware of all his other problems. A nice guy can still be a complete loser.

On the reciprocal of that, girls want a guy that challenges them, not aggravates them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27317240


how come women love a guy who is a challenge? is it because a challenge = masculinity?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25058562
Canada
12/14/2012 01:59 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Nice guys don't finish last. Usually, if a "nice guy" thinks that girls just walk all over nice guys, it's because he isn't aware of all his other problems. A nice guy can still be a complete loser.

On the reciprocal of that, girls want a guy that challenges them, not aggravates them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27317240


how come women love a guy who is a challenge? is it because a challenge = masculinity?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 990751


people think the only way to have a relationship is to treat the female like shit.

no.

what he means by a challenge is someone who encourages them to try at life, don't sit around and smoke pot all day. make the effort and prove that your worth a damn. be that father figure.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 990751
United Kingdom
12/14/2012 02:00 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
You will never be the same again.

I cried like a bitch when I was cheated on.

Happens to everyone.

It's one of those things you expect to happen to someone else but never you, like being diagnosed with cancer.

I am bitter. yes. but I try not to take my anger out on the next girl. Im just absolutely cold now.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25058562


sorry to hear it. i think that by being unpredictable and keeping a woman on her toes, it excites them and gets them addicted to the adrenaline rush, to the point where they are literally mesmerised by you and think about you non stop.

i think they get bored when we're too nice and predictable.
Alufiend
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12/14/2012 02:12 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
don't worry. give it a year and the new boyfriend will be treated the same way you were.

sounds like "self destructive disorder". needs to be put on meds.

oh and you have "can't take it like a man disorder" needs to be put on meds.

BTW i have "can't stop giving advise disorder" already on meds. need to up dosage.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29536914
Canada
12/14/2012 02:16 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Nice guys don't finish last. Usually, if a "nice guy" thinks that girls just walk all over nice guys, it's because he isn't aware of all his other problems. A nice guy can still be a complete loser.

On the reciprocal of that, girls want a guy that challenges them, not aggravates them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27317240


how come women love a guy who is a challenge? is it because a challenge = masculinity?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 990751



Women don't want to date women. They want men. Men don't put up with bullshit, they assert themselves, they take care of the situation, and they provide. If you're a little bitch (what most men call a "nice guy") you're going to get walked all over, then dumped. Women are repelled by nice guy cause they know they're just mangina's.

If you cannot be a man, then expect to be treated like a bitch plain and simple. The past 70 years is pretty much the only time in human history that women could walk all over men, and the men that allow it are chewed up and spat out. Put your balls on.
Anonymous Coward
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12/14/2012 02:16 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
when i was nice to her, she abused me mercilessly, then dumped me. then a day or so later she'd be texting and phoning constantly begging for me to get back with her, saying she was suicidal. i eventually caved in and told her to fuck off, but this made her want me more. i learned that she wanted me and treated me like a king when she couldn't have me, or if i acted arrogantly towards her.

anyway all this shit felt fake, so i'd revert to being myself again, then she'd become cold, nasty, then dump me again.

i was with her for eleven months, and when i eventually had enough i turned my phone of for 2 weeks, so she would get the message. when i eventually turned my phone on, i received a shit load of nasty texts... she told me of guys she screwed behind my back and told me that the baby she had a miscarriage with was her bro's best friend's -- who she was screwing behind my back.

anyway, after slandering me on facebook to everyone, she immediately rebounded with a fat, older bald guy with 3 kids, and 18 months on she is still besotted with him and appears very happy.

i, on the otherhand, am still fucked up and unable to trust a woman. it seems that everytime i treat a woman with respect, i get shit on, but when i'm arrogant they want me. it doesn't matter what personality type they are, same shit always happens. i can't keep the arrogance act on because i feel fucking toxic inside -- and start feeling like a sadistic psychopath.

any thoughts?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 990751


Sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. Go google it and see if it fits. BPD people were basically raised by narcissists and have no idea how to have relationships with normal people. Either they treat their "loved" ones like shit or they are treated like shit by their loved ones.

You were unlucky and its not your fault. Just remember the only reason she's treating her new man well is because he is not treating her well.
Brian Moser

User ID: 27317240
United States
12/14/2012 02:39 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Nice guys don't finish last. Usually, if a "nice guy" thinks that girls just walk all over nice guys, it's because he isn't aware of all his other problems. A nice guy can still be a complete loser.

On the reciprocal of that, girls want a guy that challenges them, not aggravates them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27317240


how come women love a guy who is a challenge? is it because a challenge = masculinity?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 990751


people think the only way to have a relationship is to treat the female like shit.

no.

what he means by a challenge is someone who encourages them to try at life, don't sit around and smoke pot all day. make the effort and prove that your worth a damn. be that father figure.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25058562


27317240 here. Forgot to log in... Anyway...

Opposites attract for a reason. You can be great friends with someone who is just like you but I would guess that your best relationships are with people who make you see the world differently and in turn, you make them see the world differently. You both become better people by knowing each other.

When someone is too much like you, you tend to hate the same things in them that you subconsciously hate about yourself (otherwise, you wouldn't be the way you are). For example, you say you have a hard time trusting women; I would imagine if a woman doesn't trust you, that would be quite frustrating.

Platonic relationships follow the same dynamic as romantic ones except that you can have lots of "friends" without it being a problem. Just think about how many girls you were real cool with until it became a relationship.

Most relationships fall to shit because of expectations, mainly that she wants him to change and he wants her to stay as "perfect" as she was when they met. What happens (especially in younger couples) is that a girl falls for the "bad boy" because she thinks she can turn the proverbial frog into a prince. Guys figure out this type of "girls only want an asshole" bullshit and forget where to draw the line between being a "bad boy" and just a complete jerk.

Ultimately, both sexes enjoy a challenge. I mean, would you rather be with a woman who fucks you on the first date or one that you probably know for a few weeks (or even months\years) before she reveals that side of herself to you? The latter is the kind of girl that we know is worth the wait.

I'm not trying to give advice but rather, perspective. We all have trust issues. We all have had at least one relationship that ended with both people trying to hurt each other for no reason other than to feel like "the winner". The best thing is to realize that people only try to hurt you when they know they can and that applies to both sides. You can't control other people but you can control how you react to them.

You don't strike me as someone who is comfortable with being "the asshole" so all I can say is that if it's not you, don't waste your time being that because then you're only attracting people who are going to expect and provoke that side.

There's a whole world of logic when it comes to human behavior but really, it's just common sense - be you, don't be a jerk and when someone is no longer worth your time, just move on.

Anyway, I didn't mean to go on and on but I think you get the idea. It's all about finding what you want instead of avoiding what you don't want.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1490846
United States
12/14/2012 02:46 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
That sucks, OP

She probably has decided that she likes giving head now too..
Muffinheadicus
User ID: 15215384
United States
12/14/2012 02:59 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Her leaving you was a gift to YOU.

She gave you the 'gift of goodbye'.
Accept it.

You have no idea how much future trouble this woman couldve gotten you into. This is God's way of protecting you and showing you your value.
If you dont know your own value, people will ALWAYS take advantage of you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1218376
Denmark
12/14/2012 03:08 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
I see some ppl that say she should be put on drugs. It makes me sad.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6420210
United Kingdom
12/14/2012 09:43 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
when i was nice to her, she abused me mercilessly, then dumped me. then a day or so later she'd be texting and phoning constantly begging for me to get back with her, saying she was suicidal. i eventually caved in and told her to fuck off, but this made her want me more. i learned that she wanted me and treated me like a king when she couldn't have me, or if i acted arrogantly towards her.

anyway all this shit felt fake, so i'd revert to being myself again, then she'd become cold, nasty, then dump me again.

i was with her for eleven months, and when i eventually had enough i turned my phone of for 2 weeks, so she would get the message. when i eventually turned my phone on, i received a shit load of nasty texts... she told me of guys she screwed behind my back and told me that the baby she had a miscarriage with was her bro's best friend's -- who she was screwing behind my back.

anyway, after slandering me on facebook to everyone, she immediately rebounded with a fat, older bald guy with 3 kids, and 18 months on she is still besotted with him and appears very happy.

i, on the otherhand, am still fucked up and unable to trust a woman. it seems that everytime i treat a woman with respect, i get shit on, but when i'm arrogant they want me. it doesn't matter what personality type they are, same shit always happens. i can't keep the arrogance act on because i feel fucking toxic inside -- and start feeling like a sadistic psychopath.

any thoughts?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 990751


Sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. Go google it and see if it fits. BPD people were basically raised by narcissists and have no idea how to have relationships with normal people. Either they treat their "loved" ones like shit or they are treated like shit by their loved ones.

You were unlucky and its not your fault. Just remember the only reason she's treating her new man well is because he is not treating her well.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21160675


yeh, i was actually on a bpd support forum after the split. she fit all but two of the diagnostic criteria, and i was expecting her to fuck with the next guy in the same way, but no sign of them splitting 18 months on.

and to the guy who told me to find my balls and man up; i told you already, that when i became arrogant and cold, she 'adored' me, but i felt like i was turning into a sadistic psychopath, and i didn't like it.

i can walk into a nightclub and use solid masculine body language and draw in lots of sexy women, but they're only whores who think i'm a gangster.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29760064
United States
12/14/2012 09:54 PM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Bigger cock

DUHHHH!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27766780
United States
02/25/2013 01:28 AM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Almost all of the Western women in the past 40 years have been ruined psychologically by propaganda.

You have to have a very good knowledge of history to understand just how anomalous today's Western female is and how this type of mass psychosis is a relatively recent phenomenon.

It's frustrating to me to see men try to communicate with these diseased individuals. Write them off. All of them.

Aim for an Asian, Eastern European, or South American girl. These are normal girls who weren't programmed by Western media propaganda. Once you find said girl, you have to make sure she doesn't become Westernized or Americanized.

It's a constant battle, but these are truly historic times we are living in, in terms of the widespread mental disease, among women particularly. It is a time that, once it has seen its end, I don't think we will ever see again.
Anonymous Coward
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02/25/2013 01:31 AM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
he has a bigger cock and tears it up face down!!
Anonymous Coward
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02/25/2013 01:34 AM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Size matters
Earth Daughter

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United States
02/25/2013 01:37 AM

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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Could be you just had a different chemistry with her than she has with the new guy. Sometimes people just seem to fit, and sometimes they don't. Don't think there is something wrong with you - there was just something wrong with the two of you together.

I remember when I divorced over a decade ago, we both agreed that we didn't like who we were when we were with each other. We had become a couple who seemed to push each other's buttons without even trying - like a bad habit.

You'll find your perfect fit someday, OP. It just wasn't her.
"Arrows of hate have been shot at me too, but they never hit me, because somehow they belonged to another world, with which I have no connection whatsoever." - Albert Einstein
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/25/2013 01:41 AM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
02/25/2013 01:42 AM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
Yeah, some wome are just narcassistic fuckup loosers.

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. I got caught in a similar situation with an ex and broke up with her but found it really difficult to cut her out of my life entirely because i was worried that she'd end up commiting suicide. I wasted a year of my life trying to help her. The worst thing about it was that i'd sacrificed my own happiness to help her and it wasn't until she was gone for good that i realised how manipulative she'd been over the whole situation.

Some people just aren't worth helping, no matter how much you care about them.
icyman61

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02/25/2013 01:43 AM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
when i was nice to her, she abused me mercilessly, then dumped me. then a day or so later she'd be texting and phoning constantly begging for me to get back with her, saying she was suicidal. i eventually caved in and told her to fuck off, but this made her want me more. i learned that she wanted me and treated me like a king when she couldn't have me, or if i acted arrogantly towards her.

anyway all this shit felt fake, so i'd revert to being myself again, then she'd become cold, nasty, then dump me again.

i was with her for eleven months, and when i eventually had enough i turned my phone of for 2 weeks, so she would get the message. when i eventually turned my phone on, i received a shit load of nasty texts... she told me of guys she screwed behind my back and told me that the baby she had a miscarriage with was her bro's best friend's -- who she was screwing behind my back.

anyway, after slandering me on facebook to everyone, she immediately rebounded with a fat, older bald guy with 3 kids, and 18 months on she is still besotted with him and appears very happy.

i, on the otherhand, am still fucked up and unable to trust a woman. it seems that everytime i treat a woman with respect, i get shit on, but when i'm arrogant they want me. it doesn't matter what personality type they are, same shit always happens. i can't keep the arrogance act on because i feel fucking toxic inside -- and start feeling like a sadistic psychopath.

any thoughts?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 990751


Id never date another American, they are really messed up. Id suggest you find a nice church going woman from south America.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7851468
United States
02/25/2013 11:43 AM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
I would love to go into detail about the psychology behind this, although I'll spare you the majority of reasoning for her behavior.

What you have is a classic case of dominating personalities
And how women view the past, and separate themselves emotionally, in order for their feminine mechanism to kick in, if you will.

There are two instances where we would see this behavior, first being a person who goes into a relationship regarding the partner with optimism, positivity, then subsequently leaves the relationship showing signs of remorse and a lack of respect. While transitioning into the next relationship, her instincts will have her looking for the opposite of what she believes her last relationship to be. Once convinced she has found it, will try her hardest to ensure that the positivity remains with the new partner.

The other instance we see this is when a female has been in, and then left a relationship seeing the other as less dominant role than her instincts require. So it is possible that your personality was never dominant enough for her. So eventually she will convince herself that finding this more dominant personality in a new partner will 'fix' whatever she found wrong in the previous one

Which ever you find yourself in, do not blame yourself. There is no pretending in dominance struggles, best advice is to remain yourself, and not try to become more dominant, instead look for someone who views your dominance as more than sufficient. That's the formula for a healthy relationship.

-The AC known as Novel.
Anonymous Coward
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02/25/2013 11:47 AM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
its simple- its chemistry

wasnt there for you two, could be there for her and him- tough to say...

what i can say is this, just because you 'buy' a pair of shoes that end up being uncomfortable and wrong for you- does that mean that you never buy another pair of shoes? does that mean that you hate all shoes because of one shitty pair?


its a weird analogy but you know what i mean, and yes im aware that relationships require a lot more of an investment that shoes so to speak- but nonetheless, thats life right, you move the fuck on....
Anonymous Coward
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02/25/2013 11:48 AM
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Re: my ex treated me like shit, but treats her next guy like a king
when i was nice to her, she abused me mercilessly, then dumped me. then a day or so later she'd be texting and phoning constantly begging for me to get back with her, saying she was suicidal. i eventually caved in and told her to fuck off, but this made her want me more. i learned that she wanted me and treated me like a king when she couldn't have me, or if i acted arrogantly towards her.

anyway all this shit felt fake, so i'd revert to being myself again, then she'd become cold, nasty, then dump me again.

i was with her for eleven months, and when i eventually had enough i turned my phone of for 2 weeks, so she would get the message. when i eventually turned my phone on, i received a shit load of nasty texts... she told me of guys she screwed behind my back and told me that the baby she had a miscarriage with was her bro's best friend's -- who she was screwing behind my back.

anyway, after slandering me on facebook to everyone, she immediately rebounded with a fat, older bald guy with 3 kids, and 18 months on she is still besotted with him and appears very happy.

i, on the otherhand, am still fucked up and unable to trust a woman. it seems that everytime i treat a woman with respect, i get shit on, but when i'm arrogant they want me. it doesn't matter what personality type they are, same shit always happens. i can't keep the arrogance act on because i feel fucking toxic inside -- and start feeling like a sadistic psychopath.

any thoughts?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 990751


Sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. Go google it and see if it fits. BPD people were basically raised by narcissists and have no idea how to have relationships with normal people. Either they treat their "loved" ones like shit or they are treated like shit by their loved ones.

You were unlucky and its not your fault. Just remember the only reason she's treating her new man well is because he is not treating her well.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 21160675


yeh, i was actually on a bpd support forum after the split. she fit all but two of the diagnostic criteria, and i was expecting her to fuck with the next guy in the same way, but no sign of them splitting 18 months on.

and to the guy who told me to find my balls and man up; i told you already, that when i became arrogant and cold, she 'adored' me, but i felt like i was turning into a sadistic psychopath, and i didn't like it.

i can walk into a nightclub and use solid masculine body language and draw in lots of sexy women, but they're only whores who think i'm a gangster.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6420210


the issue is not with her or with you.
There's a formula for a very good relationship, and it based on respect yes, but Moreso on dominance. And not in the nagative way you are hearing this word. The power struggle is often won by chosing a partner who is more submissive than you. Think about these things. I have far more advice that I believe I could depart on you, but not here. If you would like more on this, let me know. I'm a licensed psychologist, so I'm more than qualified to give advice.

-novel.

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