Guys, you've always been a source I feel I can come to if I can't work through something and I'm wondering if you can help me through a predicament.
It's hard to believe I'm 52 years old and am going on five years now of having no desire to form relationships with men.
I dated heavily during my 20's and 30's before finding the man I thought was my soul mate. I have been loyal to him for the past twenty years, even though he pretty much moved on in 2009. I kept thinking he would return to me one day and so I've waited.
I learned yesterday (via that evil FaceBook) that he got married in Cuba last weekend- something we had always talked about doing.
I'm kind of sick to my stomach this morning but feel if I don't soon address this issue and FORCE myself to go out into the world and even just attempt
to socialize then I might as well just hang it all up.
The problem is that my self esteem is pretty shot these days. I'm still the same person inside but I'm certain I don't project the positivity I used to feel and display.
I never used to have a problem going out alone for dinner or even to a wine bar to listen to a little jazz by myself but the thought of doing such things now absolutely terrifies me.
Fortunately, I don't have the money to do so now anyway.
But there are plenty of places I could venture out to over the next several nights if I could just get a boost of self confidence.
Is it even worth it? I mean, does a 50+ year old woman even have a chance in HELL of ever getting married one day? Could my REAL soulmate still be out there wondering where I've been all of his life? Is it pointless for me to even TRY at this late age of life?
I raked leaves yesterday and was given $20 which is a LOT of money for me- especially to BLOW when I could really use it for groceries.
But I feel like it's an investment into my future, as silly as that seems.
I'm not expecting to meet anyone really but I feel I must MAKE myself venture back out there. And I HATE the thought of doing this.
It's further complicated because this is such a small town I live in. Believe me, if I go out in this conservative town alone tonight it will be the gossip at the local Walmart all day tomorrow.
I don't have enough money to get a haircut or anything but I've still got nice clothes, makeup and a killer perfume.
Thank GOD for dark bars and a $3 lass of wine!
Anyone know of a killer, quick course on self-esteem or a motivational pep talk of some kind I can watch?
Any ideas on what I can do? Where I should go? What I should do if I suddenly have a meltdown?
I am a Christian but I enjoy a laugh-filled evening over a couple of beers as much as anyone.
Please be kind in your comments. I'm feeling a bit fragile at the moment.
Bless you, my dear friends on GLP.
PS. If this works out I'll have a friend snap my photo before I go out and change that awful 4-year old photo of me. You won't recognize the "new" Miggy. On second thought, I'd better keep the older one (taken in better days) up.