Life is better than you're realizing at the moment. To you, your situation seems dire. To me, it sounds like FREEDOM. You may now do whatsoever you wish. That's the meaning of the "new age". For you, it got here a little early. Congratulations.

Anyway, there's plenty of time for you to die. Right now, how about LIVING with no boundaries? I have died before. I had a heart attack. I had the classic near death experience with the light, a life review, seeing old relatives--the works. But guess what. I still chose to come back. One of the things I learned was that life here is like a "game" or a funny joke. Don't take it so seriously. It's like a rollercoaster with many ups and downs--a wild-ass ride!