Sperm bank robbed, authorities baffled

[link to articles.latimes.com]

Los Angeles, CA (Associated Press)- Authorities are drawing a big blank after it was reported that a sperm bank was robbed early Friday morning. A middle-aged man entered shouting with what appeared to be a revolver with a pink handle, threatening the clerk and demanding access to the storage area.

Witnesses described the man as having an abnormally large forehead, a golden blond lion's mane haircut and a thin build. Surveillance footage shows the man tiptoeing lightly wearing loafers, khaki pants and a light blue button-up shirt. Witness also described the man's voice as being very soft, almost feminine.

No injuries were sustained during the ordeal, but one man reported being threatened by the assailant. "He looked at me and said, 'you wanna get 'cocked in the face?' and then I just backed away slowly fearing for my life". The bank clerk noted that the robber seemed zealous, almost fanatical in his pursuit of the sperm samples. The clerk observed the robber at one point opening a sperm jar and tasting it with his finger, apparently to verify the contents.

A getaway car was spotted by a street vendor who described the vehicle as a mid-90's Subaru station wagon with a San Francisco Gay Pride bumper sticker. Authorities are asking that anyone with additional information come forward to assist the ongoing investigation.

Consumer Alerts

In other news, motivational speaker and author David Wilcock has been accused of fraud and is under investigation by the FDA after marketing a new "Ascended Healing Facial Ointment" on his website, Divinecosmos.com and by mail order. The FDA alleges that David Wilcock has repeatedly refused to disclose the ingredients in his new product line. Consumer watch dog representatives have called Mr. Wilcock a "complete fraud and charlatan" as well as a "snake oil salesman". Surprisingly, the gay community has "come out" vociferously in support of David Wilcok, vehemently defending him as "one of their own"