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'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America

 
smilesun
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12/16/2012 01:03 PM

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'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am Jason Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness. Read all [link to www.huffingtonpost.com]
Abalone~

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12/16/2012 01:13 PM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
EXCELLENT article!! Thanks OP!
Work the Waves!
smilesun (OP)

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12/16/2012 01:17 PM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
EXCELLENT article!! Thanks OP!
 Quoting: Abalone~


Thanks you
Smiley
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2012 01:21 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
Thank you for posting.
SwanSong
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12/16/2012 01:30 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
Why Society Is Nuts by Dr. William L. Pierce 2:
[link to www.youtube.com]

Benjamin H. Freedman Warns America:
[link to www.youtube.com]

Truth will set you free John 8:32
MuskMan

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12/16/2012 01:31 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
So your acting as someone else mother? Thats a federal crime now.
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2012 02:21 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
I agree - the parents need help because they are normally unprepared and lack the knowledge of how to deal with such children. Often times they are just as crazy as their kids and create the situations they must then have to deal with. This is what I see working with such kids:

Normally, when the child is very young, the parents think their child is just a little demanding and they give in because it's easier and they expect it to be a phase that the child grows out of. So, they let the child play with whatever games he wants, feed him what he demands, buy him all his desires. After all, the child is bright and so cute and lovable there couldn't be anything really serious wrong.

Then, the child gets into elementary school and the teachers don't let that child do whatever he wants - he destroys the place. The parents come charging in, blaming the school and the teacher. There is nothing wrong with my child!

Other times, the parents do realize the child has an issue and they seek comfort from other adults through the old, "Look at all I have to deal with" story. This is usually the mother, and she does go out and get the child meds. But the meds cause side effects and they get more meds and more meds until the child is taking several heavy-duty prescriptions at the same time. Sometimes they have multiple doctors and multiple similar prescriptions.

If the parent has enough money, he/she will bring in all sorts of advocates and make all kinds of demands on the schools. They don't want to be bothered with the child at home but by God, the school better fix him!

Eventually, though, the parent will go through a kind of grieving period where they realize it really isn't the school's fault and that wishes, rationalization, and demands aren't going to make their child normal. But by this time the child is in junior high, and big and dangerous. Then what does that parent do?

So, often times the parent actually adds to (if not down right creates) the situation, but they are still stuck with a 13-year-old who is out of control.
smilesun (OP)

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12/16/2012 03:01 PM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
Thank you for posting.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 17442072


Tks you.
smilesun (OP)

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12/16/2012 03:08 PM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America

No one wants to send a 13-year old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, “Something must be done.”
Kurdish Shepherd
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12/16/2012 03:56 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
 Quoting: smilesun

No one wants to send a 13-year old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, “Something must be done.”


Thanks for sharing the article, while I do not doubt the humble nature of the mother who was willing to speak about the much belittled subject of mental illness, it's quite sad that mother doesn't seem to understand that the problem is in the society and the environment and not so much with the kid.

The mother seems to be out of options and has really no clue what so ever what she is dealing with, so her initial reaction is that of giving him medicine to deal with his chemical imbalance in his head, and this only further fucks the kid up.
Giving kid medicines that

The kid as bright as he appears to be is growing in world that is deceptively beautiful, but cunningly deadly and full of misery and suffering, something that ADULTS doesn't seem to recognize or just plainly deny, instead of realizing they live in the world build upon lies and deception, they do anything to force this sick reality upon their own child.

Most of these so called "mentally ill" kids are just hyper-sensitive to all the bullshit that is going around them, and they also react to it much more harshly once forced upon them, they have within them intuitive knowledge that something is really wrong with the world, and once being unable to accept the fucked up reality what grown up people do is suggest medicating them with pills and medicines, and this is where things really start to take much more disturbing nature.

I have seen what mental medicines can do for most innocent and sweet person, and any parent who is willing to put their kid on medicines, show how irresponsible and ignorant they are.
N3m3s1s

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12/16/2012 04:03 PM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
I cannot imagine having to go through that. It must be heartbreaking.
smilesun (OP)

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12/16/2012 04:15 PM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America

Can we arm ourselves against guns?
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2012 04:24 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
A statement from the article:

"With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill."


^This^

They need to reverse the current trend of closing mental hospitals...

Until they do,
1. the public continues to be in danger of incidents like this
2. the mentally ill are not getting the treatment they need
3. The jails are growing over crowded and becoming overwhelmed
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2012 04:26 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
If you read the article, you would know that her son threatens her and threatens himself with violence 9Knives etc) That is too much for a mom to deal with.

Here in Canada, a cop and a psych nurse will come and pay you a visit if someone calls 911 on you. They chat with you a bit to see if you are a 'danger to yourself and anyone else'.

If you threaten your mom with a knife, or repeatedly threaten to kill yourself, then you are a danger to yourself or someone else. You are not thinking clearly if you violent like that.

People with mental health issues need a lot of help. But it is so draining for the family. And that is why sometimes they need help from the outside. I work with people with mental health issues, and I find it very draining. I can't imagine what it must be like to live with a teenager who is unstable and violent.
smilesun (OP)

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12/16/2012 04:27 PM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
I cannot imagine having to go through that. It must be heartbreaking.
 Quoting: N3m3s1s


Yes, it must be heartbreaking. God bless those children.
smilesun (OP)

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12/16/2012 04:31 PM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America


For this reason it is important to eliminate weapons.
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2012 04:33 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
We still don’t know what’s wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

Maybe keeping your young child more doped up than a Grateful Dead parkling lot vendor on a coctail of psychotopic meds is part of the problem and not the solution.
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2012 04:37 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
Honestly it sounds like the kid feels powerless, but isn't dangerous.

Notice, there was no talk about how he stabbed anyone and the woman was able to take a knife away from him. She doesn't sound like a ninja, so I'm thinking the kid gave it to her. (Try to take a knife from me. I promise I won't use any skill, I'll just swing it around like a madman. Yeah, it's possible, and yes, you just got cut 90% of the time...)

The problem, if that's the cause, is that the woman keeps taking power from the boy in ways that he feels damages him, so he tried to take it back, desperately snatching at more and more extreme things to prevent himself from being emasculated. When he starts to feel successful, doing anything that seems to be taking a small bit of power back from her, she calls in armed thugs (police) to do the work for her, further stripping his sense of sovereignty away.

The more they attack that, the harder he'll be forced to fight.

He might have a mental disorder (notice how no one can find one?), but, honestly, it sounds a bit like it's the mother that has the real problem and it isn't her child.

After all, she started an argument over pants. Pants. And turned it into an excuse to have the kid committed.
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2012 11:14 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
I saw this article floating around Facebook earlier, and it kind of pissed me off, especially the title. She is not a murderer's mother, at least not yet, but is trying to get attention for it, anyway. She is trying to make a profit by comparing her son to murderers! Adam Lanza hasn't been reported to have a history of anger issues; he is reported to have Asperger's, which is not linked to crime and violent tendencies. That lady needs to get her kid off of all those drugs for a start. Cut out all chemicals from his environment and food, don't give him more. And another thing, if my son ever called me a stupid bitch I would take his computer away for alot longer than a single day.
Useless Cookie Eater

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12/16/2012 11:16 PM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am Jason Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness. Read all [link to www.huffingtonpost.com]
 Quoting: smilesun


THIS SHOULD BE READ BY ALL.


It is what REALLY needs to be dealh with to stop the school violence.


Great post OP.


kewlman

Last Edited by Useless Cookie Eater on 12/16/2012 11:16 PM
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2012 11:20 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
If your kid is a mental case, DON'T turn him into
a sharpshooter.
Put him in the nuthouse where he can't hurt
himself or others.

We need more prisons, and more nuthouses.

MANY MORE
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2012 11:24 PM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
Honestly it sounds like the kid feels powerless, but isn't dangerous.

Notice, there was no talk about how he stabbed anyone and the woman was able to take a knife away from him. She doesn't sound like a ninja, so I'm thinking the kid gave it to her. (Try to take a knife from me. I promise I won't use any skill, I'll just swing it around like a madman. Yeah, it's possible, and yes, you just got cut 90% of the time...)

The problem, if that's the cause, is that the woman keeps taking power from the boy in ways that he feels damages him, so he tried to take it back, desperately snatching at more and more extreme things to prevent himself from being emasculated. When he starts to feel successful, doing anything that seems to be taking a small bit of power back from her, she calls in armed thugs (police) to do the work for her, further stripping his sense of sovereignty away.

The more they attack that, the harder he'll be forced to fight.

He might have a mental disorder (notice how no one can find one?), but, honestly, it sounds a bit like it's the mother that has the real problem and it isn't her child.

After all, she started an argument over pants. Pants. And turned it into an excuse to have the kid committed.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 536850



No kid should be waving around a knife in a threatening way. Never, ever should that happen. It doesn't matter if she was able to get it back from him. No 'normal' kid would do something like that.

It sounds like YOU are the one with issues with your mother, and are unnecessarily blaming her.
smilesun (OP)

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12/17/2012 10:37 AM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America


Tks. Yes, this should be read by all.
Anonymous Coward
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12/17/2012 10:44 AM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
what kind of butterfly is that?
Anonymous Coward
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12/17/2012 10:53 AM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
what kind of butterfly is that?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25752934


Monarch butterfly

Reminds me of monarch programming...
Evil Cretin

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12/17/2012 11:09 AM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
 Quoting: smilesun


For this reason it is important to eliminate weapons.


Are you referring to knives and scissors?
Evil Cretin Heretic

Free speech is never free.
Anonymous Coward
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12/17/2012 11:14 AM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am Jason Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness. Read all [link to www.huffingtonpost.com]
 Quoting: smilesun


excellent article, OP

5 stars for you.



i have two kids, both of them have mental illness. i provide an excellent home life for them both and there is nothing wrong with my parenting. My kids' brains are wired different. Runs rampant on their dad's side of the family. And all of us are good, healthy, loving families, who care deeply for our children. they aren't spoiled, neglected, abused, etc etc etc.

it's mental illness. it's gray matter matters.

while my older kid (extremely gifted and high IQ, ADD and meets some criterion for Aspergers) did not respond well to meds, as a result, i implemented diligent efforts to help make his life as successful as possible. it wasn't easy and consumed a good bit of our daily life.

my youngest is on meds. without them she is in torment. she has Oppositional Defiant, ADHD (severe), and also has an advanced and gifted intellect for her age. not only are the meds necessary for her sanity, without them she is miserable and quite frankly, it's like she's driven by a demon. we did not find the right one right away. and ALL of her med trials were done in medical setting. i also implement very stategic parenting style that empowers her in a healthy way and offers functionality and success in her daily life.

luckily, my daughter has medicine that actually helps her. without them, she behaves exactly like Michael from the article you posted. i have been thru everything she describes (prior to meds and therapy for her).

it isn't easy. people don't understand what life is like with kids with mental illness. most parents live with false judgments, scrutiny, etc etc. if a child doesn't behave "properly" it's always the mother's fault. "just spank them more" or "they are spoiled". I know, i've heard it all.

none of it is true. being the mother of special needs children means my job as a parent is double, maybe triple as challenging than in a standard home. any parent who has a child like this and doesn't put in the effort that it takes to care, nurture and teach their child, is not qualified to be a parent. and.... it takes a village.

my kids are gifted. kids like this need their gifts properly channeled and parents that are diligent, present, and steadfast. having special needs kids means you have to work much much harder as a parent. if a parent is not willing to put in the effort and the time then they will have kids who are tormented and fail in the societal structure.


i totally relate to this mother.

Thread: I am the parent of a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder/ADHD. There is relief for parent AND child.
Coma Patient #7

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12/17/2012 11:24 AM

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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
These will give you an idea of what's like to hear and see things. A couple minutes don't seem to bad, but having that in your head 24/7 is got be a bitch.

Auditory hallucinations.
[link to www.youtube.com]

Audio and visual.
[link to www.youtube.com]
Through will of thought we control our emotions and thoughts are often no more difficult to control then we make them to be.
Anonymous Coward
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12/17/2012 11:32 AM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
More than anything, we need to bring prayer back to the schools. Let us bring GOD back into our lives. Life is not a video game SHEEPLE! WAKE UP!
Get rid of the cable and satalite tv's. The high end phones that track you. If God didn't make it, don't eat it! And teach your kids some morals. Kick them out on their asses and make them find work! Stop taking prescription pills! Get out side and work or play. It is a beautiful world out there.
Anonymous Coward
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12/17/2012 11:40 AM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
We still don’t know what’s wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

Maybe keeping your young child more doped up than a Grateful Dead parkling lot vendor on a coctail of psychotopic meds is part of the problem and not the solution.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30067337


This. and well said.
Anonymous Coward
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12/17/2012 11:42 AM
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Re: 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
We still don’t know what’s wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

Maybe keeping your young child more doped up than a Grateful Dead parkling lot vendor on a coctail of psychotopic meds is part of the problem and not the solution.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30067337


This. and well said.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 10783814


it's thinking like this that keeps the problem alive.

nobody wants their kid doped up on crazy pills.

you don't get it.

News