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Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1310035
New Zealand
12/17/2012 07:59 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
What's the difference between a welder and a pig?






A pig won't get drunk and fuck a welder...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 4257157


laugh
afistfullofsand
User ID: 20426880
Canada
12/17/2012 08:00 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
65 year old texan walking in vegas down the strip on a friday see's this model walking alone who is 28 years old.
He stops the model and says " darling, your the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world, are you single? she nods her head yes. Well i would like to buy you a diamond ring for the most beautifull girl in the world. NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
so they enter the jewelry together. The texan says to the jeweler. Bring me your finest diamond rings as i would like to buy a ring for this beautiful women. So he brings out a box of diamond rings and says all of these start at 5k to 20k. The texan gets all upset at the jeweler. Sir this is the most beautifull girl in the whole wide world, is this the best you got. The model blushed. so the jewler comes out with a box and says "sir all of these start at 100k to 250k. the old man says "darling choose any ring you want. the model who diddnt want to look like a gold digger chooses a 100 k ring. The texan says i would like to pay by check. The jewler says to the old man. sir it's 10 minutes to 5 on a friday and the banks close. There is no way i can run to the bank and cash your check. So what i'm going to do is hold this ring for you till monday and first thing in the morning when it clears i'll call you and you can come by to pick it up. monday morning comes and the jewler phones the old man and says " sir you have no money in your bank account, how do you expect to pay for it. the 65 old texan responds" i know iknow iknow, but let me tell you about my weekend.
Totoo

User ID: 1757163
Australia
12/17/2012 08:21 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
How do you tell when your girlfriend is in love with you?

When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like your feeding a horse!

Last Edited by Totoo on 12/17/2012 08:22 PM
Dapurps

User ID: 30138682
Canada
12/17/2012 08:21 PM
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A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.


What is the definition of a Wife? An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
"What you perceive to be becomes your reality."

:ftwpanda:

dapurps
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30053416
United States
12/17/2012 08:28 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
Superman had a day off from fighting crime, so he flew over to Batman & Robins cave to see if they wanted to hang out, they were busy crime fighters and so Superman decided to fly over to Wonder Woman's building.

Wonder Woman lived in a nice Metropolis condo, the huge bay windows left open as to have a nice evening breeze. Wonder Woman was laying nude on her back, spread eagle on the bed, when all of a sudden...WHOOSH, BAM, WHOOSH. Wonder Woman said, "What in the hell was that"? The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts"?
Frater

User ID: 1193197
United States
12/17/2012 08:36 PM

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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
So This Guy Goes To Hell


So this guy goes to hell and he's not happy about it.
So he goes to the Devil and voices his concerns:
"Devil Dude Sir, I don't think i belong here; I mean I was always nice to people, helped old ladies across the streat, gave money for good causes, worked hard to pay for stuff honestly, I even went to church every Sunday."
The Devil takes notice and says:
"Their may have been a clerical error and I'll look into it but how do you know you won't like it here? We have a lot of fun! Do you like to drink?"
"Oh yes i like to drink."
"Good! Every Tuesday night we drink till we puke, we drink bourbon, beer, wine, scotch, tequila, you name it we have it all."
"Oh well, I must say that does sound like fun."
"Do you like to smoke?"
"Oh yes I like smoking."
"Good, every wednesday we smoke our brains out, we smoke weed, crack, cigars, pipes and cigarettes untill were green, all night!"
"Wow, maybe I will like it here!"
"Well don't jump the gun, are you gay?"
"Oh no, I'm not gay!"

"Your gonna hate Thursday."

LOL
LVX!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1310035
New Zealand
12/17/2012 08:37 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
Without a doubt notinfallible is the winner.

Congats :).


I wish GLP'ers all the best for the next week as its going to be interesting, and you never know you may see me again(positive thinking).

To all my GLP friend, thank you for the past few years it has been a blast.

Stay close to your family and be prepared and stay safe.

Good luck my friends :)
Dapurps

User ID: 30138682
Canada
12/17/2012 08:39 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
Without a doubt notinfallible is the winner.

Congats :).


I wish GLP'ers all the best for the next week as its going to be interesting, and you never know you may see me again(positive thinking).

To all my GLP friend, thank you for the past few years it has been a blast.

Stay close to your family and be prepared and stay safe.

Good luck my friends :)
 Quoting: Doommincus Maximus


tissue
"What you perceive to be becomes your reality."

:ftwpanda:

dapurps
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19490298
United States
12/17/2012 08:42 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
Ah, bummer. Just wanted to add...

What do West Virginians do for Halloween?

They pump kin!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30053416
United States
12/17/2012 08:45 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
Nasa spent millions of $'s developing a pen that could write in 0 gravity for use in space. The Russian's just used a pensile.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5755635


That's funny because it's more than likely true.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30053416
United States
12/17/2012 08:48 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
What is an easy way to remember that the first mass produced "tooth brush" was invented in England?

If it was invented anywhere else it would be called a "teeth brush".
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1310035
New Zealand
12/17/2012 08:56 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1310035
New Zealand
12/17/2012 08:59 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
ZZZZZ VTJQL JLLJM TGNOJ LUFKE QXOTD UFJOK VFKUG XEIUQ IHGPT TANUI
EDAVH FHDQT PPQEB PFCJR BFPUG KTWOA SWKMS ENJEI GWFIV MAOMN IBXHT
COKXI TUHVC QNQKX UORPF NJVUA LVIMP LBWBC JPMIT VEFRI URQOB BKTFI
WRPNO OKFDM AQUGO PGXWS CTMPO UOTTE JEOSF NHLDQ EVFDF ESGLF UIIGP
AQXTU CSQVD QCCTF AJFIP FMVTQ OSKVT XCENW ARCPK PRUEG GPCMI LGQLB
GQXLR WEEWW QWRJP NHLWB LHKCF TMPLM MOAXS MKFIF ITEDH UBOWB ACNIR
CVVVH GODPL HUULC HFQBF FWBTP QPBID BJSLX AKTFU JWPPV FAJFK FAQDR
RJTXL CAVDU XTAJE LWSDJ PUHWC ULHWW SDVFF NHCOJ NTFNL UGXSN QRWPG
SFBRA OWODC QLHWU DUIXC PHGOW TBPQJ NTMWV NWNTK DPSJH YYYYY
Dapurps

User ID: 30138682
Canada
12/17/2012 09:04 PM
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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
ZZZZZ VTJQL JLLJM TGNOJ LUFKE QXOTD UFJOK VFKUG XEIUQ IHGPT TANUI
EDAVH FHDQT PPQEB PFCJR BFPUG KTWOA SWKMS ENJEI GWFIV MAOMN IBXHT
COKXI TUHVC QNQKX UORPF NJVUA LVIMP LBWBC JPMIT VEFRI URQOB BKTFI
WRPNO OKFDM AQUGO PGXWS CTMPO UOTTE JEOSF NHLDQ EVFDF ESGLF UIIGP
AQXTU CSQVD QCCTF AJFIP FMVTQ OSKVT XCENW ARCPK PRUEG GPCMI LGQLB
GQXLR WEEWW QWRJP NHLWB LHKCF TMPLM MOAXS MKFIF ITEDH UBOWB ACNIR
CVVVH GODPL HUULC HFQBF FWBTP QPBID BJSLX AKTFU JWPPV FAJFK FAQDR
RJTXL CAVDU XTAJE LWSDJ PUHWC ULHWW SDVFF NHCOJ NTFNL UGXSN QRWPG
SFBRA OWODC QLHWU DUIXC PHGOW TBPQJ NTMWV NWNTK DPSJH YYYYY
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1310035


SOMEONE DECODE THIS NOW damned
"What you perceive to be becomes your reality."

:ftwpanda:

dapurps
notinfallible

User ID: 30134138
United States
12/17/2012 09:43 PM

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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
5a

suicide
To be upset over what you don't have, is to waste what you do have...
notinfallible

User ID: 30134138
United States
12/17/2012 09:45 PM

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Re: Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible
I appreciate the upgrade!

Peace!
To be upset over what you don't have, is to waste what you do have...

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