Anyone want a free upgrade? Best joke wins!! - Winner = notinfallible

No rush, still plenty of time competition ends 8:30PM GLP time

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town.
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stoic blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereo-type woman that way?"

She continues..." what does the colour of a persons hair have to do with her worth as a human being?....it's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person...because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!! "

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, then the blonde yells...

"You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little shit on your knee!"

:-)

How many kids with ADHD does it take to replace a lightbulb?
Hey....lets go ride our bikes.

WE are Maximus Family,welcome!!! DOoMminicus and Anus

Who robbed the tampon factory?



Some bloody cunt..

leader so far

What's the worst thing a black man can be starts with a n ends with r









Neighbor ha

You gotta love this one even if you've never lived in Melbourne.

Some of you (pilots...) will enjoy this more than others.... Victorians can be so polite!

Melbourne Tower : "Saudi Air 511 -- You are cleared to land on runway 9R."

Saudi Air : "Thank you Melbourne. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R – Allah be Praised."

Melbourne Tower : " Iran Air 711 - You are cleared to land on runway 27L."

Iran Air : "Thank you Melbourne. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 27L. - Allah is Great."

Pause...

Saudi Air : " MELBOURNE TOWER - MELBOURNE TOWER !"

Melbourne Tower : "Go ahead Saudi Air 511..."

Saudi Air : "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE . ... .. .. ... INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE!"


Melbourne Tower : "Proceed to your destination and tell Allah we said "Hi".
.

The three shortest books ever written:

Italian War Heroes
Jewish Business Ethics
Negros I've Met While Yachting

What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair? Rolaids.
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How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None... he fell.
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How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake.
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What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist asshole!
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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing... you already told her twice.
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What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.

New leader

What's the difference between Batman and a black man... ?


Batman can go out at night without robbin...

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Why cant women be trusted?


Don't trust anything that can bleed for 7 days and still lives....

What do you call an Eskimo Lesbian?
A Klondike.

Why don't San Francisco Cheerleaders where skirts?
When they do, their balls hang out.

Why do Nipples have bumps on them?
It's Braile for "Lick Here"

Why isn't there any toilet paper in KFC?
Because it's Finger licking' good!

What do you find in a clean nose?
Finger prints.

Did you hear about Divorce Barbie?
It comes with all of Ken's Shit.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s ass?
A mechanic.

Why do girls fart after they pee?
They can't shake, so they blow dry.

What is the difference from Out-Laws and in-laws
Out-Laws are wanted.

Why do dogs lick their ass?
Because they know, in five minutes they will be licking your face.

How can you tell if your sperm count is high?
If a woman has to chew before she swallows.

What's grosser than gross?
Having a dream about eating pudding and waking up with a spoon in your ass.

Why cant packies( pakistani) play hocky?























Every time they go into the corner they open up a store.

What could a bench do that a Mexican dad cant.

















Support a family.

Two bums were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one bum said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a $100. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other bum said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first bum. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other bum said, "No, I never found her head."

Why are black people the best in basketball?


















Because they can steal, shoot and run.

True newspaper report:
Intoxicated man questioned after a single car accident. Police officer asked what happened. Man answered "I don't know, that telephone poll just jumped out in front of me!"

:cruiselarge:

New leader for sure.

Joke- when is it bedtime at Micheal Jackson's house?

Punchline- when the big hand touches the little hand.


Jk- What did the Mexican kid down the street get for Christmas?

Pl- My bike.

Jk- wife says to husband " dear, there's a blown lightbulb in the barhroom, could u fix it?"
Husband says "who the fuck do I look like? Bob Villa?"
The next day the wife says " Hun, the door knob is broken, could u fix it please?"
The husband replies "who the fuck do I look like? Bob Villa?"
The Next day the husband gets home from work and the wife says "Hun the fridge is broken, could you fix it?"
Again the husband replies "who the fuck do I look like, Bob fucking Villa? FUCK!"
The next day the husband comes home and see's that everything is fixed. He's in a bit awe and asks his wife if she fixed it all.
She replies, " actually no, there was a knock on the door and it was Bob Villa! He said he'd fix all of it for a baked pie or a blowjob"
The husband replies "that's great! What kind of pie did you make?"
The wife replies "who the fuck do I look like, Betty Crocker?!?"

Jk- why'd the pervert cross the road?

PL- his dick was stuck in the chicken.

What is the most positive thing in harlem? HIV.
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Why do Jewish girls like to fuck doggy style? They can't stand to see somebody else have a good time.
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In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common? Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.
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What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? Drowns
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Why did the redneck cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
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What's black and blue and hates sex? A rape victim.
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What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike? Ethiopian
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How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl? Throw them a basket ball.
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What do you get wne you cross a black man and a Mexican. A person who's too lazy to steal.
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What was good about the million man march? Only three people missed work.
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What's the useless skin around a vagina called? The woman.
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Why is Tylenol white? It works.
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What's the new definition for mass confusion? Fathers day in Harlem.
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What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year? They don't fucking listen

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These are just funny jokes, I am not racist at all.

We are all humans, so therefore, we are all the same.

Last Edited by notinfallible on 12/17/2012 04:51 AM

What do you call a black chick with no brothers?


A virgin!

Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assaulted.

why are you being vulgar??? Can't you save that for the bad guys?

What's do Michael Jackson and K-mart have in common?












They both have little boys underwear half off.

A baby seal walks into a club.

I'm a woman, but damn that was pretty good!

An elderly couple sitting in church, the wife turns to the husband with a mortified look on her face, and says "I just did a silent fart, I hope it does not smell."

The husband looks at her and says, "You need to turn your hearing aid on"

You know what they say about black guys right?

Once you go black, you're a single mother.

Where do you hide a Mexicans pay check?
In His work boots.



What's the difference between a fridge and Madonna ?

A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out...

Last Edited by Smashy76 on 12/17/2012 05:01 AM