Last week I went on vacation to Disney World, which used to be one of my favorite places, a place where imagination and dreaming rule. Before I left, I felt like I'd come really far in my development and felt the pull to switch to a mostly raw diet, but I knew that it wasn't going to be practical on this trip (sparing the details but the situation just didn't call for it). I thought that in this "magical" place I would experience even higher levels of bliss, and thought it wonderful to have 12-12-12 land smack dab in the middle of this trip.

What I found was a deep immersion into a 3D reality, one that I had almost lost familiarity with in my previous solitude that enabled me to keep my head in the clouds. I wasn't able to meditate or eat lightly or get as much sleep as I felt I needed. I did notice a definite shift in my demeanor and my ability to stay calm and centered even in the midst of another's rampage. Though I even had trouble with that towards the end of the trip when I physically fell apart.

Moments of bliss came in waves, but only in those brief in-between moments when I could stop and center. They were far fewer than before the trip and what I'd expected for this time.

The first half of the week maintained the flow, and I spent a night in lucid and intense clearing. After the 12th things went downhill, and by Friday I felt sick...now and for the last two days of the trip I've been running a fever with muscle aches and no other symptoms. I went through an ascension flu type intense clearing just before 11-12, and I thought I'd come so far since then!

This trip is really a turning point for me in my countdown to 12-21, my 26th birthday. As soon as I got home, reeling with fever, I emerged myself fully into my favorite sources for reading about current events (far from msm) and found a sort of fear-mongering in these usually light places. I spent all night in a lucid state of being in-between dark places. I found no mention of any significance behind 12-21 which is only days away, and this is a pretty drastic change from the information that has been coming through...my whole life!

I feel like this experience upon returning home is a result of my reimmergance back into the 3d lifestyle during this trip. Like by taking time off of my path towards that goal brought me into a reality where it's not really happening like it was, since I've been living like I don't really believe it while around others who are unnaccepting.

I write all of this because I've really come into a place of confusion, despite my previously clear and strong intentions and beliefs. Am I really just making all of this up in a delusional attempt to escape a reality that I don't want to be a part of? Is darkness taking over the light in some external power play that's bringing me down? It sounds silly as I write it. Is this darkness an aspect of myself that I'm succumbing to, have I brought myself into a place of fear that noting is happening? Is this another intense clearing that I need, just another step in my path? I'm leaning toward that one because I truly do believe that everything is in it's right place and the numerology behind my birth wants to prove that this process is bigger than me. As time flows past I notice more and more that I don't hold onto it, but see it as part of the experience. It had to happen and thank goodness the moment is fleeting because I actually don't want to stay in any one of those places forever. I want to experience, to just be! But integrating BEing into doing a constant stream of mundane tasks in order to heat my home is not easy!

That's my current experience, I welcome feedback. I'm not able to share any of this with anyone I know...thank you for creating this thread!