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When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?

 
Justalittlebad
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User ID: 1391964
United States
12/18/2012 10:24 PM
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When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Honest question. I feel like loading my shit and leaving. No kids, just pets.
Justalittlebad/more or less
geminilion

User ID: 12895036
United States
12/18/2012 10:26 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
It's hard to say with so little information my friend. Can you stick around for the kids? Are they little?
..."The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny ... it is the light that guides your way."
Heraclitus
Justalittlebad (OP)

User ID: 1391964
United States
12/18/2012 10:27 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
It's hard to say with so little information my friend. Can you stick around for the kids? Are they little?
 Quoting: geminilion


No kids.
Justalittlebad/more or less
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30147726
United Kingdom
12/18/2012 10:27 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Time to get out the vibrator.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 12506015
United States
12/18/2012 10:27 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
A relationship takes two. Give 100 percent without expecting anything in return. If over time things don't change, THEN consider other alternatives.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28880325
United States
12/18/2012 10:36 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Been living that way for over twenty years. She has her tv upstairs and I have mine downstairs. It works for us.
geminilion

User ID: 12895036
United States
12/18/2012 10:37 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
It's hard to say with so little information my friend. Can you stick around for the kids? Are they little?
 Quoting: geminilion


No kids.
 Quoting: Justalittlebad


Duh, sorry...you already said that. I guess if you're really miserable and don't see any way at all to fix things you should.

Life is too short to waste on a relationship that you feel is going no where. Been there, done that and I regret it.
..."The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny ... it is the light that guides your way."
Heraclitus
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29097718
United States
12/18/2012 10:38 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
It's hard to say with so little information my friend. Can you stick around for the kids? Are they little?
 Quoting: geminilion


No kids.
 Quoting: Justalittlebad


Duh, sorry...you already said that. I guess if you're really miserable and don't see any way at all to fix things you should.

Life is too short to waste on a relationship that you feel is going no where. Been there, done that and I regret it.
 Quoting: geminilion


Agreed! Move on. No kids, so no reason to endure such a situation.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19490298
United States
12/18/2012 10:42 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
That's when real love kicks in. The party is over and hormones have been depleted. Look into the person you bonded with. Ask why you did it. Sex is over rated.

Familiarity breeds contempt. The third marriage works so well because the expectations are gone.

Do what you want, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Better to work with what you got. Don't get to middle age and discover this. Save what you can.
Omniscient1

User ID: 25801142
United States
12/18/2012 10:53 PM

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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Might I suggest a vacation or stay at a buddies for a couple weeks first before the move out.

See if absents makes the heart grow fonder, if a little time apart can't do it for you 2 then maybe it is time to completely move on. Mostly it sounds like you've fallin in to a uncomfortable routine.

Me and my girl take time off regularly now.

With the complete destruction of the family unit afoot I think whenever possible people should stick it out, but thats just me, some were never bent to be tied down.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1786837
United States
12/18/2012 10:54 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
20 years is a long time. I was married for several years, and when it became like that.. we both kind of knew and she ended it because I can't quit anything. If you guys no longer talk, and have tried. Then I would say to end it. It always seems like the end of everything, but things get better. If its truly just like having a roomate then I'm sure you won't miss it that much. Good luck to you.
I paid my ex to ship my dog to my new address, and she gave my Boston terrier to another family. That's the only thing that killed me about it.
I lost my dog, and that hurt worse than anything. Get your pets, and find someone who you get along with.... Or try to repair Shit.
Not enough back story on this one., again though, good luck.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13112276
Australia
12/18/2012 10:54 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
get off the glp, buy her some flowers and take her out to dinner.

problem solved.

goaway
Justalittlebad (OP)

User ID: 1391964
United States
12/18/2012 10:57 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
That's when real love kicks in. The party is over and hormones have been depleted. Look into the person you bonded with. Ask why you did it. Sex is over rated.

Familiarity breeds contempt. The third marriage works so well because the expectations are gone.

Do what you want, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Better to work with what you got. Don't get to middle age and discover this. Save what you can.
 Quoting: PokerFace


This is the second for both of us. 16 years this Dec. Part of the problem is I am married to a gal who has never had the time or room to have a kid. Barbie syndrome.

I am not guiltless. I do not blame her. The current situation is more my fault than hers. That being said, I am feeling like driving away back to my shop, and my hotel room 450 miles away, and let the chips fall where they may.
Justalittlebad/more or less
Justalittlebad (OP)

User ID: 1391964
United States
12/18/2012 10:58 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
20 years is a long time. I was married for several years, and when it became like that.. we both kind of knew and she ended it because I can't quit anything. If you guys no longer talk, and have tried. Then I would say to end it. It always seems like the end of everything, but things get better. If its truly just like having a roomate then I'm sure you won't miss it that much. Good luck to you.
I paid my ex to ship my dog to my new address, and she gave my Boston terrier to another family. That's the only thing that killed me about it.
I lost my dog, and that hurt worse than anything. Get your pets, and find someone who you get along with.... Or try to repair Shit.
Not enough back story on this one., again though, good luck.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1786837


hf
Justalittlebad/more or less
STU
User ID: 29583891
United States
12/18/2012 11:02 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Till death do you part no longer exists: economic changes, religious changes, the role of men and women in the income making division of the economy.

Is the other person one of the more palatable roommates you have ever had?

Are they more than a best friend?

Is sex still satisfying?

Do they still make you laugh?

When you leave for a weekend do you call? Want to call? Think about them with concern, desire, and longing if you don't call?

Do you still get jealous when a stranger of your gender talks to them?


If you answered any questions above as no than you should address this with them. I don't know anything about love.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29760064
United States
12/18/2012 11:04 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Been living that way for over twenty years. She has her tv upstairs and I have mine downstairs. It works for us.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28880325


The American Dream
JesseDart

User ID: 27977330
United States
12/18/2012 11:04 PM

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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Barbie only cares about Barbie. She does not care about you or your feelings, only what makes Barbie happy and comfortable. Knowing that you will be there for her to provide and put her on a pedestal is enough for her.

Clearly it's not enough for you. Shake her up in one way or another, you know what makes her tick. She's gotten far too comfortable and complacent, remind her that you have needs that need to be met too.

Be aware though, you might not get what you are after even if you play the game. Be prepared at any time to end it all.

Nobody cares about your happiness ultimately except for you, go get it because it isn't going to come find you.
MHz

User ID: 25505891
Canada
12/18/2012 11:04 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
You could always suggest cleaning out the room that never gets cleaned and ask her if she sees anything old and useless laying around. Her spontaneous reaction will be the only clue you need to decide your next move.
Justalittlebad (OP)

User ID: 1391964
United States
12/18/2012 11:08 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Till death do you part no longer exists: economic changes, religious changes, the role of men and women in the income making division of the economy.

Is the other person one of the more palatable roommates you have ever had?

Are they more than a best friend?

Is sex still satisfying?

Do they still make you laugh?

When you leave for a weekend do you call? Want to call? Think about them with concern, desire, and longing if you don't call?

Do you still get jealous when a stranger of your gender talks to them?


If you answered any questions above as no than you should address this with them. I don't know anything about love.
 Quoting: STU 29583891


Thank you for your reply.

I am away from home for the last six months trying to recuperate from a theft in my business in an other market. I lived in my shop bathing in a fucking horse trough for the last 6 months.

I am not looking for sympathy, just working for a pay off.
Justalittlebad/more or less
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1786837
United States
12/18/2012 11:15 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
From what I hear, sometimes as hard as you look, you never find someone that can make you happy. Maybe its some you time.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5586534
United States
12/18/2012 11:16 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Distance for too long can cause problems.
Milo Jeeder
User ID: 28700278
United States
12/18/2012 11:26 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
I'm sorry friend. Perhaps you chose the wrong flat mate?
Abalone in Arizona~

User ID: 12568239
United States
12/18/2012 11:35 PM

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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
May no chips fall!!
Hey.. 17 years here on the 2nd. I get it!
Get the movie Hope Springs! My man & I just watched it... it open up a fresh dialog between us :)

Last Edited by ^V^ on 12/18/2012 11:36 PM
get-bent~
it's a vibe~
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IssueX

User ID: 14348632
United States
12/18/2012 11:43 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
That's when real love kicks in. The party is over and hormones have been depleted. Look into the person you bonded with. Ask why you did it. Sex is over rated.

Familiarity breeds contempt. The third marriage works so well because the expectations are gone.

Do what you want, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Better to work with what you got. Don't get to middle age and discover this. Save what you can.

 Quoting: PokerFace


agree with this post, but I expect most won't

over decades marriages go through phases, some romantic, some distant and sometimes the friendship reignites and a new respect and appreciation reappears

my grandparents were married 75 years, not all of them easy but when my grandmother died my grandfather died within a week. The connection can run deep if not always hot

I think better to have the devil you know and better to have a room mate you can count on than a hot romance which turns cold fast

Seen too many friends and colleagues trade the dull and known for a new love who turns out to have a personality disorder or slowly turn into a crazy control freak after the honeymoon wears off

modern life is stressful, give your spouse space to deal with it sometimes...

giving unconditional love is much harder than we were told, and we tend to slip up as often as the other guy

I've taken a break sometimes, as long as a few months away working on a project and I was always glad to come back.

sometimes even a weekend away helps clear the mind, fwiw. Intelligent people may need a little room

good luck OP
Sloane

User ID: 27108958
United States
12/18/2012 11:47 PM

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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
I know alot of people complain about 'new agey' thoughts around here but I think this is something to consider:

You don't need to accept an undesirable or unpleasant life situation. Nor do you need to deceive yourself and say that there is nothing wrong with being stuck in the mud. No. You recognize fully that you want to get out of it. You then narrow your attention down to the present moment without mentally labeling it in any way. This means there there is no judgment of the Now. Therefore, there is no resistance, no emotional negativity. You accept the "isness" of this moment. Then you take action and do all that you can to get out of the mud. Such action I call positive action. ~ Tolle

Wishing you the best.

rose
IssueX

User ID: 14348632
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12/18/2012 11:48 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Distance for too long can cause problems.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5586534


this is very true too, no matter how much you think you'll be different and the relationship which doesn't change with distance

once there has been distance for too long, it's almost like you need to get used to being married again, re-learn each other's habits

people have to choose to give up some freedoms in order to stay married, but the romance and infatuation of the first courtship makes it easier. However later on, once one party has gotten used to the single life again it is rocky getting back into the saddle...but it is possible

just not always easy
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5586534
United States
12/18/2012 11:52 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
Distance for too long can cause problems.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5586534


this is very true too, no matter how much you think you'll be different and the relationship which doesn't change with distance

once there has been distance for too long, it's almost like you need to get used to being married again, re-learn each other's habits

people have to choose to give up some freedoms in order to stay married, but the romance and infatuation of the first courtship makes it easier. However later on, once one party has gotten used to the single life again it is rocky getting back into the saddle...but it is possible

just not always easy
 Quoting: IssueX


hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30022927
Australia
12/18/2012 11:54 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
It's hard to say with so little information my friend. Can you stick around for the kids? Are they little?
 Quoting: geminilion


No kids.
 Quoting: Justalittlebad


Smart person.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30022927
Australia
12/18/2012 11:55 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
I am away from home for the last six months trying to recuperate from a theft in my business in an other market. I lived in my shop bathing in a fucking horse trough for the last 6 months.

 Quoting: Justalittlebad


Now that is called trying really fucking hard to make a living

clappa
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27646015
United States
12/19/2012 12:15 AM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
No matter where you go, you are always there. Until you are feeling good and right with yourself, you will not be happy. Do what you love and you will love what you do...
get it?
Justalittlebad (OP)

User ID: 1391964
United States
12/21/2012 07:30 PM
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Re: When your spouse is no more than a roommate, is it time to go?
I am away from home for the last six months trying to recuperate from a theft in my business in an other market. I lived in my shop bathing in a fucking horse trough for the last 6 months.

 Quoting: Justalittlebad


Now that is called trying really fucking hard to make a living

clappa
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30022927


hf
Justalittlebad/more or less

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