OMG! A Secret JUST For the Women of GLP! Warning! This May Cause Strong Emotions!

It's not the only one, here's another:

[link to www.amazon.com]

This is hilarious.

Who knew such a secret was hidden in plain site?

My bottle of liquid ass arrived in the mail the other day. I wanted to try it at home before unleashing it at work. Entering the kitchen, I sprayed one tiny little "poof" and waited. Within one minute, the kitchen smelled as if an entire college football offensive line had overdone it at the taco stand the previous night.

It was so bad that the cat came into the kitchen and was scraping the bare tile floor with his paw as if he was trying to cover up a huge invisible turd! I've owned other fart sprays that didn't quite smell "right". But Liquid Ass really smells like the real deal.

One word of advice: This is best used in a room with more than 3 people. Crowded dance floors at weddings is ideal! For maximum enjoyment, do not overdo it. Only the worst of genuine human farts are capable of clearing a room. This stuff is extremely powerful so use sparingly to preserve realism. Also, do not let ANYONE know that you have this stuff. As soon as they find out, the fun is over.

Have fun!

[link to www.amazon.com]

'Ask your husband for some extra pocket money today!' Amazon shoppers' hilarious reviews of Bic's pen just for women

[link to www.dailymail.co.uk]

My personal favorite review:

The pens don't work for Math!, August 27, 2012

By KAV (Massachusetts) - See all my reviewsThis review is from: BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen, 1.0mm, Black, 16ct (MSLP16-Blk) (Office Product)

I am a female AP and Multivariable Calculus teacher and I prefer to use ink when solving problems. I guess, not surprisingly, these pens cannot be used to do math problems more complicated than 5th grade level. When trying to find a derivative or definite integral, the ball point simply stopped working

[link to www.amazon.com]

There are many features that make this binder so useful:

-The EZ-turn rings keep the women contained during the day, but make it so easy to release them at 5:00 to go home to make dinner

How could I have missed this for so long?

[link to www.amazon.com]

And one for the men's products:

[link to DON'T_USE_THIS.com]

[link to www.amazon.com]

and another one for milk! lol

[link to www.amazon.com]

He always brought home milk on Friday.

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.

Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?"

"Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."

That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy.

Ouch!

All this estrogen and only 3 stars for this priceless discovery of one of the profound secrets of time and space?

Astounding!

[link to www.amazon.com]

haha :)

"While on a my way to yet another tedious Board of Directors meeting in my demanding position as Chairperson of the Board. I realized I had left my Montegrappa Teatro La Fenice pen, (the one that I used to use to sign all of those phenomenally lucrative government contracts) back on my Gulfstream IV! My amazing assistant quickly came to the rescue. She jumped into the car and instructed the driver to rush to the nearest store. She later told me that as she tore through the aisles desperate to find a suitable writing instrument, the "BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen" seemed to call out to her personally its singular, pastel siren song.

Returning to the board room, she handed me the BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen. In front of our 1327 attending stockholders I impatiently grasped the instrument. Finally, I could sign the 143 page legal document and get back in the air on my way to the luxe charity gala I would be attending that night in Gstaad. As I took the pen in hand, I was immediately mesmerized by the soft, delicately feminine lines of the sensuously glistening shaft of this pen. Awakened by the Bic pens' alluringly pale blush of color I felt an involuntary catch in my breath. This was so unlike the bulky 18k rollerball I had up until then thought le plus ultra! When I touched the Bic pen to paper, the thick, silky ink flowed out of the pen like a sudden rush of champagne into a crystal flute on a moonlit night. The feeling of writing with this tool was so powerful, I was forced to close my eyes and faintly gasp in a shudder of ultimate pleasure. The unexpected release of female emotions almost made me weep. When I finally came out of my reverie, opened my eyes and lit that cigarette, everything in my world had inexplicably changed.

That was six years ago. Today I live on a quiet little farm on a cul de sac in Minnesota with my husband Al. We have four strapping sons (Gunnnarr, Mackx, And'rew,& Cohdee) and one beautiful daughter, Pheebie-Jaiyne. I spend my womanly days at home raising the children, tending the house, cooking up scrumptious meals for my family, inventing fun macaroni craft projects for the kids and thinking up new ways to please my handsome hubby. My BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen is of course always by my side.

When my daughter reaches puberty, along with a slap across the face to remind her of the pain of being a woman, she will receive her first BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen. What better gift could I give her on her path to true femininity?

Bic....I owe you! Because of your design and marketing team and the resulting colored plastic writing clichés, I now live the life that every woman never knew she dreamed of!

My assistant? Oh! She married one of the farm hands and works for us 5 days a week as our housekeeper. We are all so very happy! THANK YOU BIC!"

That's fantastic, lol thank you for sharing. I needed the laugh.

All this estrogen and only 3 stars for this priceless discovery of one of the profound secrets of time and space?

Astounding!

[link to www.amazon.com]

"My son Dirk recently came into contact with said product when girlfriend Chardonnay passed him one for an autograph as captain of our rugby team "The Humberside Twatters". Instead of his usual bloody thumbprint he instantly drew a flower with a smiley face, over the back of a boy's T-shirt. Thankfully I reached over and slapped him out of it before he asked for the glitter attachment. Dropping the pen the spell was broken, but for the scene of a stadium of shocked faces, and the lone, empty peal of an inconsolable child - needless to say Chardonnay has had her washing up liquid confiscated and now cleans with her mindless woman-tears.

However this was not the end of it. I am ashamed to admit although Dirk seemed right as rain within minutes - drinking pints of glass brew down our local uranium miners pub - I did notice his steely, predatory gaze occasionally glancing at the wallpaper, which to my unease was made up of multiple imprints of bluebirds tweeting over a sunrise. My concerns were confirmed when I finally caught him a week later watching an episode of Sex and the City under his covers, and giggling. It has gotten steadily worse since then. All I can say is he even unchained Chardonnay, and they are both getting 'glammed up' this very moment with a glass of rosé, some organic blueberry and cinnamon cupcakes and plans to watch Les Mis at the Palladium tonight. He even showed her how to use the telephone, buttons, and doorknobs for which I suspect she has had nightly access to areas outside the laundry and kitchen - notably the study. The absolute last straw was when I heard them whispering about a holiday to The Dordogne.

I have tried everything. Disowning him, disinheritance, electric toaster therapy, and recruiting his army and police friends to waterboard him in the back of our Hummer H1, yet he puts on that beatific face through the blows each time, and gargles "An eye for an eye, merely makes the whole world blind".

This pen simply MUST come with warnings attached. It just isn't safe for our country and we need to purge ourselves of this kind of migrant product. I will fight it on Hull beach when it comes. You science peoples at Bic, with all your dinosaurs and genes and claims of fancy marketing ideas, THE RESISTANCE STARTS HERE."

You girls have a genuine comedy vacuum. Why is sarcasm always considered so funny?

reminds me of a racy feminine joke I hear on the radio, but I refuse to tell it to anyone... PERIOD!

[link to www.amazon.com]

Last Edited by We Who Watch on 12/19/2012 03:09 PM

Okay, that was funny.

I'm still laughing. Thanks OP!

Hilarious!

I got lost in these for almost an hour!!!


.

Last Edited by Bluebird on 12/19/2012 03:25 PM

my life is finally complete


no more wishing...

no more waiting....

no more wanting.....

LMAO its so form fitting :):woo: