I've been through the ringer the past 8 years and I am fed up. Every year I think it must get better, something's got to give, and it just gets worse. That being said, I have two children that are my reason for living. And they make my life that much more tolerable, because they bring sunshine into the black hole I've been sucked into through no fault of my own. My whole life has been a disaster full of tragedies and now I've got nothing except my kids, which is why I've been a mess since Friday. If I lost my kids, I don't think I could go on.

Bottom line, I want to live, I want a different world, I have just enough hope left to want that. I understand some people lost all hope and coming to that place scares me because I have been very close. I don't see things getting better though so you really have to try to disconnect and live as sheltered life as you can before it begins to really affect you. Little things like going to the river with my kids, grabbing a glass of wine and playing a video game with them, feeling the sunshine on my bare skin, smelling fresh pine trees, cheesy little stuff, that is what keeps us all going, imho.