End of the world drunk and posting Jokes till I am told to stop.

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer buys one young cock from the market and puts it in the pen with the old cock and the hens...

Old Cock: Welcome to the farm. We'll work together towards productivity.

Young Cock: Whattya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old Cock: Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young Cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old Cock: In this case, I challenge you to a competition and, if I win, you let me have one hen. If I lose you have them all.

Young Cock: Okay. What kind of competition?

Old Cock: 50-yard dash. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 yards. Young Cock: No problem! We race tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young Cock allows the Old Cock to start off and when the Old Cock crosses the 10-yard mark, the young cock chases him with all his might. He was right behind the old cock in a matter of seconds and -- BANG! Before he can overtake the old cock, he is shot dead by the farmer, who sighs and says, "Damn. That's the fifth gay chicken I bought this week."

How long can you keep this up?

One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "

Stop

People are telling apocalypse jokes like there is no tomorrow

stun gun him

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"

Q. What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.

Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

That awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize that no one's listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything

A bird is the only animal that can whistle through its pecker.

The OP, a rabbi, a priest and a midget walk into a bar.
The bartender says "what is this? some kind of joke??"

Keep going. Im drunk and bored.

99 year old man is about to turn 100. Son( who's like 70 or 80, I dunno) decides he's gonna get the old man a lady of the night for one last go round.

So son buys the old man the woman, and gives her the address and date when to show up to knock the old man's socks off.

Day arrives, and the professional lady shows up to the old man's house. knocks, and old guy finally opens up. After a minute to focus, old guy notices he has a pretty young lady standing on his doorstep.

"who are you?" questions the centennial.

"Oh... I'm the lady here to give you some SUPER SEX!" says the man-eater.

the old man, after a moment of thought, looks at the lady and says

"I'll take the soup."

Stop.

Haha LMAO


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