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Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?

 
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:07 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
55 gallon of old lady perfume.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30645546
Yes...This works but it costs a fortune to keep spraying her with it.

I was once tempted to cause a flood in the house just so she would be soaked and diluted a little bit, because that's how bad it's getting.

Even her cat seems to look at her all disgusted, or it seems that way.
It doesn't look happy.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:09 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
you g-ma may not even know because once youve smelled for awhil your nose gets used to it and you cant smell it at all, I wiuld just tell here because I consider a person that tells me if I have a buger hanging out my nose way more of a friend then a person that dosent tell you and lets you walk around with a bugr hanging out your nose
My Granny is 91 years old and quite active for her age and I help her out a lot, fixing things and stuff like that.

She offers me cooked breakfasts and sandwiches as I'm doing the work but I can't eat them and I'm always pretending I've eaten or I have a bad stomach.

The reason for this is, she absolutely stinks of strong ammonia , nose burning piss and it makes me gag.

I want to let her know that she reeks but I can't find the right words to tell her.

Any advice would be welcome because I can't keep refusing her meals and sandwiches as it hurts her feelings.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13025083
There could be something in this, because she calls Dolly, her neighbour, stinky drawers and says to me that she can't understand how Doris can't smell herself.

Can you see the dilemma I'm in?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:11 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
ahaha are you serius thats funny
Mail her an anonymous letter.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29301466

I tried that...this is what I wrote.

Dear Florence,
You smell a bit whiffy_infact, you stink of piss to be quite Frank and I implore you to get a wash and pay particular attention to your dribbly bits.

Lots of love, your neighbour, Dolly Cussins.


This was my big mistake because Granny was livid and walked out of the house with her cardigan sleeves rolled up.

The next thing I knew, she was rolling about in the street with Dolly, pulling at each others wispy hair and launching punches into each others face.

I went to drag them apart but the piss smell was so severe, that I fainted and cracked my head on the road and was rushed to hospital.

When I awoke from my coma, I found out that Granny and Dolly were up at court and were both fined almost 2 weeks pension money, each and now they won't speak to each other.

All because of me.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13025083

It's not the first time they've fought.
One day, a few years ago now, Doris threw a brick through Grannies window, so Granny went one better and caked a brick in dog poo and threw it through Doris's window, with a note on saying, " next time it'll be a base ball bat"

She's crazy like that and won't let no one get the better of her.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:13 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Buy some of these and leave them on the kitchen table.
If she doesn't take the hint you need to then just tell her outright she has a hygiene problem.

[link to www.mountainside-medical.com]
 Quoting: Useless Cookie Eater
I might sound soft here but she has beat me up a few times with her slippers.
Ok they're just slippers, yet one of her slippers had a big heel on it, due to her having a club foot and that's the one she uses when she gets angry.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:15 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
You 91 old gma make you breakfast and lunch and you dont even eat it!!? she 91 years old... she put all that effort into helping you, you need to man up, grow up
My Granny is 91 years old and quite active for her age and I help her out a lot, fixing things and stuff like that.

She offers me cooked breakfasts and sandwiches as I'm doing the work but I can't eat them and I'm always pretending I've eaten or I have a bad stomach.

The reason for this is, she absolutely stinks of strong ammonia , nose burning piss and it makes me gag.

I want to let her know that she reeks but I can't find the right words to tell her.

Any advice would be welcome because I can't keep refusing her meals and sandwiches as it hurts her feelings.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13025083

I put a lot of effort into putting new lightbulbs up for her but I never see her eating one of those.

I do all sorts for her and when she offers me food, I always say no, but she makes it anyway.

A few times, I've took it home, saying I'll eat it later and gave it to the dog and he even looks at me suspiciously.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:17 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
just ell her you dont want to eat them and stop haveing her work for nothing at 91
You 91 old gma make you breakfast and lunch and you dont even eat it!!? she 91 years old... she put all that effort into helping you, you need to man up, grow up
My Granny is 91 years old and quite active for her age and I help her out a lot, fixing things and stuff like that.

She offers me cooked breakfasts and sandwiches as I'm doing the work but I can't eat them and I'm always pretending I've eaten or I have a bad stomach.

The reason for this is, she absolutely stinks of strong ammonia , nose burning piss and it makes me gag.

I want to let her know that she reeks but I can't find the right words to tell her.

Any advice would be welcome because I can't keep refusing her meals and sandwiches as it hurts her feelings.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13025083

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 13025083
She still does a Jane Fonda workout 4 times a week.
Well, not the full work out, yet she does the full work out over 4 days.

She once kicked me in the chin from a standing slipper start.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:19 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
More importantly - how does she tell you about your breath?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30637602

She doesn't mix her words. She tells me I have shit breath and tells me to gargle with sewage as it would smell better.

That's when I get tempted to shout, " look at yourself, stinking gusset"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30562013
12/22/2012 02:19 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Just start pissing on her while she's sitting there and when she reacts, just act shocked and indignant, and try to explain that you thought she was wanting people to piss on her so the urea would soften the cloth fibers in her dress, because you smelled piss on her.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30562013
12/22/2012 02:20 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Tell her they do that in Yemen.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13982175
United States
12/22/2012 02:22 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
This is what you do with your time?

You know your civilization is on it's way out. Right?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:22 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Just start pissing on her while she's sitting there and when she reacts, just act shocked and indignant, and try to explain that you thought she was wanting people to piss on her so the urea would soften the cloth fibers in her dress, because you smelled piss on her.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30562013

I once tried that but with a bucket of piss and pretended I was gonna wash her windows, then pretended to trip and threw the bucket of piss over her.

She just sat there and turned the fire up till it dried into her clothes, which made it 100 times worse, so I won;t be trying that again.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27921992
United States
12/22/2012 02:23 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Old folks do lose their sense of smell. Tell grandma it smells like pee pee in the house.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:23 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Tell her they do that in Yemen.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30562013
I simply daren't tell her to her face that she absolutely reeks of dried stale piss and unwashed bum, as I know she will batter me with her slipper. (the big heeled one)
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:24 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Old folks do lose their sense of smell. Tell grandma it smells like pee pee in the house.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27921992

I done that a few times and she just blames the cat.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8240773
United States
12/22/2012 02:25 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Get her some help. She's 91 for Christ's sake, and someone should help her bathe, etc. She would never tell you she needs help. You will regret it when she's gone, and you know she needs it. SO HIRE SOME HELP FOR HER.
excellent
User ID: 1610510
United States
12/22/2012 02:25 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Thank you, OP. I really needed to laugh.





Mail her an anonymous letter.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29301466

I tried that...this is what I wrote.

Dear Florence,
You smell a bit whiffy_infact, you stink of piss to be quite Frank and I implore you to get a wash and pay particular attention to your dribbly bits.

Lots of love, your neighbour, Dolly Cussins.


This was my big mistake because Granny was livid and walked out of the house with her cardigan sleeves rolled up.

The next thing I knew, she was rolling about in the street with Dolly, pulling at each others wispy hair and launching punches into each others face.

I went to drag them apart but the piss smell was so severe, that I fainted and cracked my head on the road and was rushed to hospital.

When I awoke from my coma, I found out that Granny and Dolly were up at court and were both fined almost 2 weeks pension money, each and now they won't speak to each other.

All because of me.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:28 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Get her some help. She's 91 for Christ's sake, and someone should help her bathe, etc. She would never tell you she needs help. You will regret it when she's gone, and you know she needs it. SO HIRE SOME HELP FOR HER.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8240773
I tried all that and she says, "if you ever try to get me outside help, I'll curse you."

She's so independent with everyday things, it's just the fixing things in her home that she can't do.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:28 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Thank you, OP. I really needed to laugh.





Mail her an anonymous letter.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29301466

I tried that...this is what I wrote.

Dear Florence,
You smell a bit whiffy_infact, you stink of piss to be quite Frank and I implore you to get a wash and pay particular attention to your dribbly bits.

Lots of love, your neighbour, Dolly Cussins.


This was my big mistake because Granny was livid and walked out of the house with her cardigan sleeves rolled up.

The next thing I knew, she was rolling about in the street with Dolly, pulling at each others wispy hair and launching punches into each others face.

I went to drag them apart but the piss smell was so severe, that I fainted and cracked my head on the road and was rushed to hospital.

When I awoke from my coma, I found out that Granny and Dolly were up at court and were both fined almost 2 weeks pension money, each and now they won't speak to each other.

All because of me.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028

 Quoting: excellent 1610510
You're welcome.afro
getmeoutofhere

User ID: 30651415
Australia
12/22/2012 02:31 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
I realise that this is a prank post but it raises serious issues so will respond.

As someone else said, an elderly person might well have a bladder infection, they are common in the elderly.

Also, if granny has that amount of ammonia in contact with her fragile elderly person skin, she is no doubt experiencing skin irritation and possibly sores.

As a responsible and caring grandchild, and you are, I would hope, you need to contact the local aged care authorities and arrange a health and psychological assessment for her. She needs more assistance than you are able to provide for her, as urinary incontinence is a common problem.
SoundCurrent

User ID: 10544306
United States
12/22/2012 02:32 PM

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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Buy some of these and leave them on the kitchen table.
If she doesn't take the hint you need to then just tell her outright she has a hygiene problem.

[link to www.mountainside-medical.com]
 Quoting: Useless Cookie Eater


This. Be honest and loving and offer her a solution and some help.
"The elixir of the Shabda Flow is so overwhelming, so incandescent, that to be brushed by the strokes of God leaves an imprint for eternity."
Sri Gary Olsen
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29301466
United States
12/22/2012 02:42 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Can you see the dilemma I'm in?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028

Yes.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:49 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
I realise that this is a prank post but it raises serious issues so will respond.

As someone else said, an elderly person might well have a bladder infection, they are common in the elderly.

Also, if granny has that amount of ammonia in contact with her fragile elderly person skin, she is no doubt experiencing skin irritation and possibly sores.

As a responsible and caring grandchild, and you are, I would hope, you need to contact the local aged care authorities and arrange a health and psychological assessment for her. She needs more assistance than you are able to provide for her, as urinary incontinence is a common problem.
 Quoting: getmeoutofhere
I took some of her old face cloths over in a plastic bag to let them smell it and they came out to see her.
I specifically asked them not to say they have come because she stinks to high heaven as she would go crazy.

They hatched a plot to say they were giving away free cosmetics and pants and stuff, plus pads to all people over 70 and as her name came up on the list they were bringing her the stuff.

When they came, the nurse said she would need to check her out and strangely enough, Granny allowed her to do so.
When the nurse had finished, she came out to me (eyes streaming) and said that Granny had extremely strong urine and asked me what she drank.

I told her that she always drank very strong coffee and nothing else.
The nurse was about to tell me something but didn't get the chance, because my granny came behind her and walloped her on the head with the heel of her big slipper, twice.

The heel was a big solid rubber heel, due to her club foot and it split the nurses head open.

The nurse is still of work due to that incident to this day, which is 4 months later.

My Granny was jailed for 3 months but released after just one day because of her odour I think.

The nurse is claiming 100 grand compo from her, claiming she has lost some of her memory and has a big lump like a hunchback on the back of her head which makes her self conscious.

So there you go, it's not as though I haven't tried.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:50 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Buy some of these and leave them on the kitchen table.
If she doesn't take the hint you need to then just tell her outright she has a hygiene problem.

[link to www.mountainside-medical.com]
 Quoting: Useless Cookie Eater


This. Be honest and loving and offer her a solution and some help.
 Quoting: SoundCurrent
Can you suggest the best way of dealing with it, bearing in mind what she's capable of?

What would you do, given the exact same position?
.
User ID: 1610510
United States
12/22/2012 02:53 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
...she still has all her own tooth.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028




Really, which one?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 02:55 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
...she still has all her own tooth.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028




Really, which one?
 Quoting: . 1610510
One at the back.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29301466
United States
12/22/2012 03:08 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Can't you kill her or something?
.
User ID: 1610510
United States
12/22/2012 03:14 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
If you look at her floor closely, you'll see the splatter drops from her mobile dribbling.

I had a roommate who drank too much (booze) and she would leave piss tracks across the floor to her toilet.

It wasn't that she had a weak bladder so much as the fact she was so damn lazy and drunk, that getting up to pee was apparently a bothersome chore for her.

Because she was a filthy pig otherwise - her part of the house always had a loose drust of dust and dirt - so her dog would walk through it and leave little footprints all over the floors.

I did feel bad for her stupid little dog.
.
User ID: 1610510
United States
12/22/2012 03:18 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Because she was a filthy pig otherwise - her part of the house always had a loose drust of dust and dirt - so her dog would walk through it and leave little footprints all over the floors.


 Quoting: . 1610510



drust = crust

Pee mixed with dust/dirt creates a very slippery mud.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 16766028
United Kingdom
12/22/2012 03:19 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
Can't you kill her or something?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29301466
Stinking to high heaven of stale, unbelievably strong stale piss is no reason for her demise.

I think I might have found a solution.

I'm gonna buy her a chemical suit that covers her from head to foot, plus fitted helmet and tell her that there's a virus in the air from a botched lab experiment that attacks anyone over 90.

I'll have a little tap fitted at the bottom, so he can go out in the garden and empty any wee and stuff out, meaning I won;t smell anything.
Anon.
User ID: 26930182
United States
12/22/2012 03:21 PM
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Re: Granny reeks of piss. How do I tell her?
My Granny is 91 years old and quite active for her age and I help her out a lot, fixing things and stuff like that.

She offers me cooked breakfasts and sandwiches as I'm doing the work but I can't eat them and I'm always pretending I've eaten or I have a bad stomach.

The reason for this is, she absolutely stinks of strong ammonia , nose burning piss and it makes me gag.

I want to let her know that she reeks but I can't find the right words to tell her.

Any advice would be welcome because I can't keep refusing her meals and sandwiches as it hurts her feelings.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16766028


Shut up Jew, tired of your sick toilet humor. How do I know your a (fake) Jew? Because it's the mark of your people, going all the way back to your true ancestors, the Khazars.

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