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Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?

 
DGN
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12/22/2012 03:17 PM

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Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?
"“Then the kingdom of the heavens will become like ten virgins that took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 Five of them were foolish, and five were discreet. 3 For the foolish took their lamps but took no oil with them, 4 whereas the discreet took oil in their receptacles with their lamps. 5 While the bridegroom was delaying, they all nodded and went to sleep. 6 Right in the middle of the night there arose a cry, ‘Here is the bridegroom! Be on YOUR way out to meet him.’ 7 Then all those virgins rose and put their lamps in order. 8 The foolish said to the discreet, ‘Give us some of YOUR oil, because our lamps are about to go out.’ 9 The discreet answered with the words, ‘Perhaps there may not be quite enough for us and YOU. Be on YOUR way, instead, to those who sell it and buy for yourselves.’ 10 While they were going off to buy, the bridegroom arrived, and the virgins that were ready went in with him to the marriage feast; and the door was shut. 11 Afterwards the rest of the virgins also came, saying, ‘Sir, sir, open to us!’ 12 In answer he said, ‘I tell YOU the truth, I do not know YOU.’ Mt25:21
DGN (OP)
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12/22/2012 04:21 PM

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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?

charlie
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12/24/2012 06:32 AM
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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?
Boring twat
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12/24/2012 06:37 AM
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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?
Boring twat
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30766333


clappa
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12/24/2012 06:52 AM
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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?
Boring twat
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30766333


clappa
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30755991


rockon
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12/24/2012 01:30 PM

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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?

Yup......
User ID: 29553012
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12/24/2012 01:33 PM
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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?
Yeshua can not be bought nor sold. ...just like LOVE. Love IS! WE are FREE! Thank you Lord Yeshua!yoda
DGN (OP)
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12/24/2012 01:41 PM

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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?
Yeshua can not be bought nor sold. ...just like LOVE. Love IS! WE are FREE! Thank you Lord Yeshua!yoda
 Quoting: Yup...... 29553012


The clergy's other 'Jesus' however is for sale;
" But I am afraid that somehow, as the serpent seduced Eve by its cunning, YOUR minds might be corrupted away from the sincerity and the chastity that are due the Christ. 4 For, as it is, if someone comes and preaches a Jesus other than the one we preached, or YOU receive a spirit other than what YOU received, or good news other than what YOU accepted, YOU easily put up [with him].
..... For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. 14 And no wonder, for Satan himself keeps transforming himself into an angel of light. 15 It is therefore nothing great if his ministers also keep transforming themselves into ministers of righteousness. But their end shall be according to their works.' 2Cor11:4
DGN (OP)
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12/24/2012 04:24 PM

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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?

Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 05:06 PM
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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?
Oh, yes! Have we got a special for YOU. Yes, YOU. For absolutely free, yes, FREE!, you can have eternal life. Yes, eternal life.

No Ginsu knives, not second pair of blenders come with this deal. Just one thing is promised: ALL who come to Jesus to request forgiveness of sins will receive it.

You must believe in your heart and you must seek to know God and to know Jesus. Don't fear: we know it is not possible with man, but by the Grace of God, all things are possible.
DGN (OP)
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User ID: 30782865
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12/24/2012 09:28 PM

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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?
Oh, yes! Have we got a special for YOU. Yes, YOU. For absolutely free, yes, FREE!, you can have eternal life. Yes, eternal life.

No Ginsu knives, not second pair of blenders come with this deal. Just one thing is promised: ALL who come to Jesus to request forgiveness of sins will receive it.

You must believe in your heart and you must seek to know God and to know Jesus. Don't fear: we know it is not possible with man, but by the Grace of God, all things are possible.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28997948


That sounds great, a little simplified maybe but a 'sure deal'. What about that tithe deal the clergy promote where I send them a hundred bucks and God sends me a grand back, can I sign up online for that, kind of like a test run for starters? Also what about that 'jesusDeLasVegas.com' deal, anyone score on that, cause I don't even have a cross or nuthin for insurance?
DGN (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:13 PM

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Re: Pardon me Mr clergyman but is your church selling any online 'salvation specials' for Jesus week?
Oh, yes! Have we got a special for YOU. Yes, YOU. For absolutely free, yes, FREE!, you can have eternal life. Yes, eternal life.

No Ginsu knives, not second pair of blenders come with this deal. Just one thing is promised: ALL who come to Jesus to request forgiveness of sins will receive it.

You must believe in your heart and you must seek to know God and to know Jesus. Don't fear: we know it is not possible with man, but by the Grace of God, all things are possible.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28997948


That sounds great, a little simplified maybe but a 'sure deal'. What about that tithe deal the clergy promote where I send them a hundred bucks and God sends me a grand back, can I sign up online for that, kind of like a test run for starters? Also what about that 'jesusDeLasVegas.com' deal, anyone score on that, cause I don't even have a cross or nuthin for insurance?
 Quoting: DGN


Mr clergyman, can you serve as a bookie for me on that ten to one tithe deal?

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