You silly new-age fools. Buying 'salt lamps' to ionize the air and get rid of negative energy? Stop using drugs and expect qi and auras to work?

Get real. Here's why you feel so much pain and negativity: You utterly refuse to take even the smallest amount of responsibility for the circumstances in your life.

Events are external. Feelings are internal. If you feel sad, angry, or fearful it is because you allowed something to make you feel that way. You're the gatekeeper. Get some goddamn self-awareness.

Trust me, I know. I am just like you.