OP- I have two assault fingers that could make you .......cold.
deadly weapon - n. any weapon which can kill. This includes not only weapons which are intended to do harm like a gun or knife, but also blunt instruments like clubs, baseball bats, monkey wrenches, an automobile or any object which actually causes death. This becomes important when trying to prove criminal charges brought for assault with a deadly weapon. In a few 1990s cases courts have found rocks and even penises of AIDS sufferers as "deadly weapons."
[link to legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com]

Police are called "1st responders" for a reason.... you responsible for your well being right till the moment police shows up.

For the rest of your issues listen to this guy:

You need right tool for a job.