HELP with my life !!!!!!!! good luck. | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19490298 United States 12/23/2012 07:25 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 07:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | unfortunately the kids are older now. We had a restraining order but he can contact them now and he plays them like a fiddle Last Edited by HJTRAS on 12/23/2012 07:28 PM RAS |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 07:43 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19490298 United States 12/23/2012 07:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The kids will always side with their biological father. It's natural. The kids are grown and there is not much you can do. When they get older, they will reflect and see the truth as it is. All you can do is step back at this point. Let them learn by the hard knocks of life. That's how most of us learned. Looking back, there would be things I would have done different as a child. This is the cold reality of life. Just continue to love them. They will eventually separate reality from truth. Hang in there! |
He Is Risen Indeed User ID: 28631986 United States 12/23/2012 07:56 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
andawg221 User ID: 30730135 United States 12/23/2012 07:58 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 08:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The kids will always side with their biological father. It's natural. The kids are grown and there is not much you can do. Quoting: PokerFace When they get older, they will reflect and see the truth as it is. All you can do is step back at this point. Let them learn by the hard knocks of life. That's how most of us learned. Looking back, there would be things I would have done different as a child. This is the cold reality of life. Just continue to love them. They will eventually separate reality from truth. Hang in there! Totally got your point but I want better for them than this BS. Your are right no win here I just sit back and watch his BS fuck them up. I have so much to offer them if only they looked to me. I would be a great role model I try. RAS |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 08:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 08:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19490298 United States 12/23/2012 08:13 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Good luck to you and take care of yourself first. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27778286 United States 12/23/2012 08:19 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | First I must say my wife is beautiful and I love her with all my heart but our lives are complicated. First she has a heroin addict ex husband that wants full control of his kids. I have a lip ban after going off a couple times. So I keep my lips closed and watch him fuck my step kids heads up. I watch the kids have controlling relationships because there dad is a controlling ass wipe and the kids look for that in a relationship. I Can not put my foot down because I will be viewed as a asshole. So I have to kick back and watch this crazy douche bag ruin the lives of good kids. Quoting: HJTRAS so how do I put my foot down removing the dad without being hated? explaining what a healthy relationship is all about. My hands are really tied. Not only do they have the dad but the unhealthy relationships too. We are talking about a guy that masturbated on his kids beds. He is so fucked up but he controls the kids who are now all over 16. How do I fix this. Go to a couple ALANON meetings. Your wife might also find some peace, too. It is for people who are living with Addicts/Drinkers in their lives or are children of addicts/drinkers, etc. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 16289677 United States 12/23/2012 08:20 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19490298 United States 12/23/2012 08:26 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Get him to swing on you. Take the first punch like a man to avoid charges and then pound his ass into a million little pieces. Quoting: LunaticFringe Junkies aren't much on calling the cops anyway. Rinse and repeat as necessary. Violence isn't the answer. How many junkies do you know that could kick anyone's ass? They have irreparably damaged their own bodies and minds. |
BxMac User ID: 18472095 United States 12/23/2012 08:31 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
BRIEF User ID: 30633412 United States 12/23/2012 08:34 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 16289677 United States 12/23/2012 08:41 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Get him to swing on you. Take the first punch like a man to avoid charges and then pound his ass into a million little pieces. Quoting: LunaticFringe Junkies aren't much on calling the cops anyway. Rinse and repeat as necessary. Violence isn't the answer. How many junkies do you know that could kick anyone's ass? They have irreparably damaged their own bodies and minds. You got a weak spot for dipshit junkies? Obviously op has tried talking. Time to let the motherfucker knows he means business or he'll continue to get the same bullshit. You know it's the truth. |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 08:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Get him to swing on you. Take the first punch like a man to avoid charges and then pound his ass into a million little pieces. Quoting: LunaticFringe Junkies aren't much on calling the cops anyway. Rinse and repeat as necessary. lol last time he took s swing on me I broke his sternum. that didn't work RAS |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 08:53 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | OP, I would try talking to a professional. Your in awkward position for sure. I don't think us arm chair bandits can do much for you. Do you have a pastor? Do you have the means to get professional advice? I hope you do. I can really hear your misery come across. Quoting: PokerFace Good luck to you and take care of yourself first. its not me all I care is for the kids Last Edited by HJTRAS on 12/23/2012 09:13 PM RAS |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 08:56 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Tough spot, OP. Couple of questions. Quoting: BxMac How long have you been with your wife (and helped raise the kids)? Is the father now off the dope or is he still an active heroin user? If time allows, please advise. been together 10 years. I don't know if he has been off drugs got busted and on probation but not sure if that means anything. I think he is still a junkie. RAS |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 09:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Get him to swing on you. Take the first punch like a man to avoid charges and then pound his ass into a million little pieces. Quoting: LunaticFringe Junkies aren't much on calling the cops anyway. Rinse and repeat as necessary. Violence isn't the answer. How many junkies do you know that could kick anyone's ass? They have irreparably damaged their own bodies and minds. You got a weak spot for dipshit junkies? Obviously op has tried talking. Time to let the motherfucker knows he means business or he'll continue to get the same bullshit. You know it's the truth. Totally the truth But he threw on me once and fucked him up doesn't matter he has a short memory. RAS |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 30717274 Ireland 12/23/2012 09:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm sorry you're having to deal with this OP. God...i'm feeling frustration for you! So the kids want to see him? Surely like another poster said - when they grow a little more surely they will see him for the hopeless control freak he is? I guess you can only continue to affirm a healthy family environment...include the kids when you're doing a diy project - take them out for a fun day. Re-affirm to them that healthy family integration is something that creates true bonds, based on caring for oneanother, not based on control and threats. If this guy comes around your property and violates any laws it might be wise to have a vid-cam handy - just to give yourself proof of his anti-social behaviour. Anti-social behaviour is illegal within a family environment aswell as social - especially if it's uninvited. I know i don't appreciate the full story but hope that all comments help give you some strength and support. Take care |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 09:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm sorry you're having to deal with this OP. God...i'm feeling frustration for you! Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30717274 So the kids want to see him? Surely like another poster said - when they grow a little more surely they will see him for the hopeless control freak he is? I guess you can only continue to affirm a healthy family environment...include the kids when you're doing a diy project - take them out for a fun day. Re-affirm to them that healthy family integration is something that creates true bonds, based on caring for oneanother, not based on control and threats. If this guy comes around your property and violates any laws it might be wise to have a vid-cam handy - just to give yourself proof of his anti-social behaviour. Anti-social behaviour is illegal within a family environment aswell as social - especially if it's uninvited. I know i don't appreciate the full story but hope that all comments help give you some strength and support. Take care Yes I am very appreciative of the comments. My wife is awesome but she says I have to bite my lip when the kids are around. she is not wrong to a point. RAS |
BxMac User ID: 18472095 United States 12/23/2012 09:19 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Yeah, tough spot. They say if you have a drunken horse thief and take away the booze you still have a horse thief. So if the guy isn't doing anything, using the shit or not, he's probably still a knucklehead. They also say the difference between a junkie and a boozer is if a boozer steals your wallet he'll burn with quilt. If a junkie steals your wallet, he'll help you look for it. Real manipulative fucks. Seems that's what you're up against (and the fact that most kids love their parents no matter what fucked-up things they do - wired that way even if the calvary and white hats are at the ready). Kicking his ass just makes you look like the asshole with the control issues. I'm sure, as you write, there is much you can add to the kids lives. Why does the ex have to sleep with the fish for that to happen. If the kids see you being a stand-up mother-fucker; a straight, solid, man it seems to reason that even with their love for him (albeit misguided, according to you, and destructive) they're going to be drawn to you and the stability and direction you can provide them with. Good luck with it all. I wish your family all good things. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19490298 United States 12/23/2012 09:20 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Get him to swing on you. Take the first punch like a man to avoid charges and then pound his ass into a million little pieces. Quoting: LunaticFringe Junkies aren't much on calling the cops anyway. Rinse and repeat as necessary. Violence isn't the answer. How many junkies do you know that could kick anyone's ass? They have irreparably damaged their own bodies and minds. You got a weak spot for dipshit junkies? Obviously op has tried talking. Time to let the motherfucker knows he means business or he'll continue to get the same bullshit. You know it's the truth. What's with the fangs LF? Yes, I used to house people trying to make it back from drugs. What have you done? Don't red me, I've got the power too. I consider myself human and I do what I can to give people a hand up in life. My posts and my actions speak for itself. |
GreadyGeniu$ User ID: 25206264 United States 12/23/2012 09:23 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 09:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Yeah, tough spot. They say if you have a drunken horse thief and take away the booze you still have a horse thief. So if the guy isn't doing anything, using the shit or not, he's probably still a knucklehead. They also say the difference between a junkie and a boozer is if a boozer steals your wallet he'll burn with quilt. If a junkie steals your wallet, he'll help you look for it. Real manipulative fucks. Seems that's what you're up against (and the fact that most kids love their parents no matter what fucked-up things they do - wired that way even if the calvary and white hats are at the ready). Quoting: BxMac Kicking his ass just makes you look like the asshole with the control issues. I'm sure, as you write, there is much you can add to the kids lives. Why does the ex have to sleep with the fish for that to happen. If the kids see you being a stand-up mother-fucker; a straight, solid, man it seems to reason that even with their love for him (albeit misguided, according to you, and destructive) they're going to be drawn to you and the stability and direction you can provide them with. Good luck with it all. I wish your family all good things. that was amazingly true. been there "a junkie steals your wallet, he'll help you look for it. Real manipulative fucks" Been there. He turned his oldest boy there. Spent 2 hours helping him look for his moms cell phone when he stole it all along. RAS |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 30717274 Ireland 12/23/2012 09:32 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Yes , biting your lip obviously helps - i guess the kids sense your hatred of the guy and any bad-mouthing unfortunately could turn them against you - which you obviously don't want. So maybe instead of holding back bitchin' about him (i totally understand the urge!) perhaps you could be more wise and intentioned with your comments...like for example "i would love to see him clean up his life...there's a good guy in there somewhere but drugs and booze just ruin lives" "I've never known anyone with severe booze and drug problems to achieve their dreams in life" "what a waste of a life to give it up for drugs and booze" You get my gist.. Comments that perhaps will encourage the kids to think about and maybe in turn try to encourage him to change his ways. I've known alcoholics, drug addicts in life...some cruel bastards and other sweet people in despair. I hate what addiction does to people and families. I wish you and your wife luck... Maybe move hundreds of miles away if it gets seriously difficult? |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 09:37 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Yes , biting your lip obviously helps - i guess the kids sense your hatred of the guy and any bad-mouthing unfortunately could turn them against you - which you obviously don't want. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30717274 So maybe instead of holding back bitchin' about him (i totally understand the urge!) perhaps you could be more wise and intentioned with your comments...like for example "i would love to see him clean up his life...there's a good guy in there somewhere but drugs and booze just ruin lives" "I've never known anyone with severe booze and drug problems to achieve their dreams in life" "what a waste of a life to give it up for drugs and booze" You get my gist.. Comments that perhaps will encourage the kids to think about and maybe in turn try to encourage him to change his ways. I've known alcoholics, drug addicts in life...some cruel bastards and other sweet people in despair. I hate what addiction does to people and families. I wish you and your wife luck... Maybe move hundreds of miles away if it gets seriously difficult? I get what your saying but drugs are a new lesson for me. Wow stealing, lying, guns and manipulation so different. alcoholics are a tame bunch compared to heroin addicts, Last Edited by HJTRAS on 12/23/2012 09:38 PM RAS |
HJTRAS (OP) User ID: 26396568 United States 12/23/2012 09:55 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Wait he masterbated on the kids beds? Why?! And how do you know this?? Not to disregard the whole issue, but that is the first thing that caught my eye! Quoting: GreadyGeniu$ how do explain this my wife in her previous marriage noticed odd stains on the kids beds, she was very naïve. took pictures Wasn't sure what to make of it. she showed them to a councilor. she was informed that this was not unusual in a controlling relationship. Freaked her out but made her realize just how he controlled everyone in that house including her. Last Edited by HJTRAS on 12/23/2012 09:56 PM RAS |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 14408911 United States 12/23/2012 10:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |