HELP with my life !!!!!!!! good luck.

Contact CPS. Let them be the bad guy.

unfortunately the kids are older now. We had a restraining order but he can contact them now and he plays them like a fiddle

Last Edited by HJTRAS on 12/23/2012 07:28 PM

I want to say that I love my step kids like my own. I don't want them hurt by this asshole. I say truth hurts but when it comes to dad I am fucked. I just wish I Could say the truth but when I tried everyone hates me

The kids will always side with their biological father. It's natural. The kids are grown and there is not much you can do.

When they get older, they will reflect and see the truth as it is.

All you can do is step back at this point. Let them learn by the hard knocks of life. That's how most of us learned.

Looking back, there would be things I would have done different as a child.

This is the cold reality of life. Just continue to love them. They will eventually separate reality from truth.

Hang in there!

Been there done that. I'm not in that marriage anymore. Whatever you do protect your marriage as your number 1 priority. I let that bad situation destroy mine.

Take him out for a drink Just the dads!

Totally got your point but I want better for them than this BS. Your are right no win here I just sit back and watch his BS fuck them up. I have so much to offer them if only they looked to me. I would be a great role model I try.

priority my wife. Ill never change that. Even if I have to hold me tongue.

LMAO last time I tried that he said are you going to kill me and thru-up in my vehicle. He is a pussy but has control freak to a science.

OP, I would try talking to a professional. Your in awkward position for sure. I don't think us arm chair bandits can do much for you. Do you have a pastor? Do you have the means to get professional advice? I hope you do. I can really hear your misery come across.

Good luck to you and take care of yourself first.

Go to a couple ALANON meetings. Your wife might also find some peace, too. It is for people who are living with Addicts/Drinkers in their lives or are children of addicts/drinkers, etc.

Get him to swing on you. Take the first punch like a man to avoid charges and then pound his ass into a million little pieces.

Junkies aren't much on calling the cops anyway.

Rinse and repeat as necessary.

Violence isn't the answer. How many junkies do you know that could kick anyone's ass? They have irreparably damaged their own bodies and minds.

Tough spot, OP. Couple of questions.

How long have you been with your wife (and helped raise the kids)?

Is the father now off the dope or is he still an active heroin user?

If time allows, please advise.

Legalize drugs! Yeah, that will make it all better!

You got a weak spot for dipshit junkies?

Obviously op has tried talking. Time to let the motherfucker knows he means business or he'll continue to get the same bullshit.

You know it's the truth.

lol last time he took s swing on me I broke his sternum. that didn't work

its not me all I care is for the kids

Last Edited by HJTRAS on 12/23/2012 09:13 PM

been together 10 years. I don't know if he has been off drugs got busted and on probation but not sure if that means anything. I think he is still a junkie.

Totally the truth But he threw on me once and fucked him up doesn't matter he has a short memory.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this OP. God...i'm feeling frustration for you!

So the kids want to see him? Surely like another poster said - when they grow a little more surely they will see him for the hopeless control freak he is?

I guess you can only continue to affirm a healthy family environment...include the kids when you're doing a diy project - take them out for a fun day. Re-affirm to them that healthy family integration is something that creates true bonds, based on caring for oneanother, not based on control and threats.

If this guy comes around your property and violates any laws it might be wise to have a vid-cam handy - just to give yourself proof of his anti-social behaviour.
Anti-social behaviour is illegal within a family environment aswell as social - especially if it's uninvited.

I know i don't appreciate the full story but hope that all comments help give you some strength and support.

Take care

Yes I am very appreciative of the comments. My wife is awesome but she says I have to bite my lip when the kids are around. she is not wrong to a point.

Yeah, tough spot. They say if you have a drunken horse thief and take away the booze you still have a horse thief. So if the guy isn't doing anything, using the shit or not, he's probably still a knucklehead. They also say the difference between a junkie and a boozer is if a boozer steals your wallet he'll burn with quilt. If a junkie steals your wallet, he'll help you look for it. Real manipulative fucks. Seems that's what you're up against (and the fact that most kids love their parents no matter what fucked-up things they do - wired that way even if the calvary and white hats are at the ready).

Kicking his ass just makes you look like the asshole with the control issues. I'm sure, as you write, there is much you can add to the kids lives. Why does the ex have to sleep with the fish for that to happen. If the kids see you being a stand-up mother-fucker; a straight, solid, man it seems to reason that even with their love for him (albeit misguided, according to you, and destructive) they're going to be drawn to you and the stability and direction you can provide them with.

Good luck with it all. I wish your family all good things.

What's with the fangs LF? Yes, I used to house people trying to make it back from drugs. What have you done? Don't red me, I've got the power too.

I consider myself human and I do what I can to give people a hand up in life. My posts and my actions speak for itself.

Wait he masterbated on the kids beds? Why?! And how do you know this?? Not to disregard the whole issue, but that is the first thing that caught my eye!

that was amazingly true. been there "a junkie steals your wallet, he'll help you look for it. Real manipulative fucks"
Been there. He turned his oldest boy there. Spent 2 hours helping him look for his moms cell phone when he stole it all along.

Yes , biting your lip obviously helps - i guess the kids sense your hatred of the guy and any bad-mouthing unfortunately could turn them against you - which you obviously don't want.

So maybe instead of holding back bitchin' about him (i totally understand the urge!) perhaps you could be more wise and intentioned with your comments...like for example "i would love to see him clean up his life...there's a good guy in there somewhere but drugs and booze just ruin lives"

"I've never known anyone with severe booze and drug problems to achieve their dreams in life"

"what a waste of a life to give it up for drugs and booze"

You get my gist..

Comments that perhaps will encourage the kids to think about and maybe in turn try to encourage him to change his ways.

I've known alcoholics, drug addicts in life...some cruel bastards and other sweet people in despair.
I hate what addiction does to people and families.

I wish you and your wife luck...

Maybe move hundreds of miles away if it gets seriously difficult?

I get what your saying but drugs are a new lesson for me. Wow stealing, lying, guns and manipulation so different. alcoholics are a tame bunch compared to heroin addicts,

Last Edited by HJTRAS on 12/23/2012 09:38 PM

how do explain this my wife in her previous marriage noticed odd stains on the kids beds, she was very naïve. took pictures Wasn't sure what to make of it. she showed them to a councilor. she was informed that this was not unusual in a controlling relationship. Freaked her out but made her realize just how he controlled everyone in that house including her.

Last Edited by HJTRAS on 12/23/2012 09:56 PM

Maybe the kids would rather not visit or see him. Ever ask them about it? Maybe they are being forced to let this addict father be in their life. Can they divorce themselves from him if they want to? Kids should have that right.