Anyone that could help I'd forever appreciate

I'll just take your word on this one....cuz trust me...standing naked in front of a floor-length mirror while taking large doses of fish oil would ~not~ make me feel better

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. If the world was filled with people like you it would be a far better place.

What you need is unconditional love, which you never got from your parents or the girl you lost and you won't get it from most people.

So while you are waiting for that special someone who will bring you the happiness you seek, go to the shelter and adopt a puppy.

I guarantee that puppy will love you no matter what. That's what puppies do.
And with all the love that you have to give, that is going to be one very lucky puppy.

Instead of taking your life, save a little life and you will know joy.

Trust me, and let me know how it works out for you.

And remember this. If you act like a doormat, don't be surprised when people wipe their feet on you.

Find a simple, straightforward job. Get a small place, live a quiet life. No parties, no drugs, no drinking. Exercise, eat right. Deliberately let your life calm down. Take a whole year to do this - a whole year to calm down. save some money, keep your expenses minimal. Do not get into any relationships. stay away from family and former friends. Take the year for yourself, and don't try to figure anything out - just let yourself calm down, and rest. Try to spend time in nature. Stay offline as much as possible, and read books instead. You need a break - give yourself one. A year isn't too much, and you'll have your feet on the ground again. And think about God, in whatever way makes you feel loved. If it doesn't make you feel loved, throw it out. One year - give it to yourself as a gift. You deserve the time for yourself.

^^^^^^This, for real....just do it.

I don't have time to read all the pages, but I will give you the advice I have.

First of all, eventually change will come...this too shall pass.

You are not alone! Don't ever think u are alone.

I lost my son, and he was also my best friend, to suicide. He was the most beautiful boy in the world...a precious soul.

I have also tried to take my own life. I failed, and I have learned so much since that act. I have gotten stronger, and I would no longer consider that an action to rid my life of this pain.

I realize now I have to live with myself and my pain. The longer you sit and meditate on your situation....the more you will be closer to an answer. Go into a place of peace, and sit and meditate on your life until an answer comes.

It may just be to take a walk to a beautiful place, but whatever it is, it could bring about the change you need....just one small act could give you the strength you need.

Put yourself first for right now. Do something for yourself, even if it is a small thing...something for you.

Realize we are here to be...just to be...that is all. Our presence in this world changes so many things...we just have no idea.

I thank you for all you have done for mankind...now do for yourself the same. Love yourself.:uit:

OP, you got a lot of advice here. And some of us have been where you are. I hope some of it helps you. Good for you for reaching out. You already see what reaching out to the internet community did for you. Now I hope you find out what it can do for you in your environment.

I came back to give you this link in case you want to try to find a job in another location:
[link to www.couchsurfing.org (secure)]

I hope you will come back and tell us how you are. Post daily if it helps you. We all want to see you do well even if a lot of us disagree on what we think you should do.

meditation helps dissolve old karmas (those old patterns that seem to run one's life) into bliss awareness.

it doesn't happen overnight, but a consistent practice will improve your view on yourself and you will see this reflected in the "real world"

so.. how to meditate?

here's a link to an easy guide: [link to www.aypsite.org]

omg! I just re-read your original post...and you're right... not a word about naked-ism!

holy crap, I'm sorry! ...... and now everyone knows where my mind is now!

no more wine for annie! someone cut her off!

:efz:

I had a lot of breakthroughs in my life when I learned to pray with authority.

Check out this free teaching from William Lau:

www.theelijahchallenge.org

Tee hee!

Just gotta love people like you... lol.

You tell people this their whole lives, and even a month before they are lowered into their graves.

I was suicidal until I went to a holistic doctor she told me I was omega deficient
took huge doses of omega supplement everyday
suicide thoughts and depression gone

Believe in yourself, OP! If you become suicidal, you're made to believe they can.

First quit the medications/drugs. Go out in nature and feel the harmony of the universe. Never give up.

Accept the way you are, be yourself, and accept the way God might be. Without suffering, we cannot enjoy.

Peace and love for your lost soul!

The universe wants you to stay living. That must mean there is a place and a purpose for you. People can tell you to cheer up but you are of course, living in the vivid present - where all these feelings you have, seem to blur the view of any corner or crossroad on your path ahead.

The only way for you is up so, raise your head and keep your gaze high. There is a doorway ahead which leads to a life change .. there really is. < you know what I mean?

I.
LIKE.
THIS.
RESPONSE.
Too bad you aren't registered AC. I'd give you KARMA for this!

I'm in a similar situation OP. We both need to put our big pants on and rise above it. It's hard to do but hang in there and think about what AC just said. Sage advice from them.
Please take care.

My heart truly breaks for you since I know where your coming from....I'm there myself....I can testify of the yukky life...suicide, yes, I've tried that too...my feeling is God wants us around for some reason...., I'm leaving here in tears (again) to go play the game...but I will say my strength is in the Lord...frankly, I can't feel him, I can't see him, and most times I don't hear Him...but I know He's there...He's there for you too...one day at a time....just keep on going...till He comes for us....and He will....the only honest and true thing I've found is Jesus...and I don't say that lightly. I'll keep going if you do...and He'll rescue us in His time.....many blessings.....

Get on the next fraight train out going anywhere.Make sure you get on a grain car and enjoy the upcomming adventure!

Volunteer at a large Church with many needs...........work in their kitchen for food, etc....landscape for living quarters.....helping others will bring help to yourself............

Last Edited by Reader. on 12/24/2012 05:02 PM

Praying for you OP. It would be nice to know your first name if you can post it.

:hug9342432:

Well I too had been through everything you have. The best advice I can give you is too take personal responsibilty for your actions and realize it's your poor decisions that got you were you are. Once you realize you are good at making bad choices then all you have to do is the opposite.

You like to take the easy road....you like to make the decisions that give you instant gradifacation. It's time to do the opposite start making the choices you dont want to do because it's hard or because it's not fun. It take dicipline at first but after a few months it will become second nature and you will see your life snowball into success, just like it snowballed into failure.


Here is my story:

From a Google cache (search "Cloise Orand"):

Violent Crime Victim Turns Life Around

Cloise Orand is a business owner and now has written a novel.
By TRAVIS BAKER, [email protected]
October 9, 2005

Port Orchard -- Youthful Port Orchard businessman Cloise Orand doesn't remember the hours he spent on the operating table in 1987, being sewn back together as one of three victims of one of Kitsap County's most grisly crimes.

For that matter, he doesn't remember being found by police and medical rescuers, near death in a clearing near Dickey Road in Central Kitsap where he and two girls had been brutalized by Daniel Yates, a Bremerton tattoo artist now serving a 60-year sentence in an out-of-state prison for the attacks.

Orand's tongue nearly had been cut out and his cheeks slit outward from the corners of his mouth. He'd been shot once in the back and sexually assaulted.

He was 13, a runaway who had been living in vacant houses he and the two girls — also runaways — would break into. One girl died two months later of injuries suffered that day. The other's throat was slashed, but like Orand, she survived.

Orand, now 31 and the owner of four businesses, says the attack is "something I actually left back then and never really dwelled on."

Yet he recreates the violent Sept. 17, 1987, attack in nearly exact detail in a science fiction novel he has written and hopes to have made into a movie.

His main character, Mabus, the unfairly vilified Antichrist, is about his age and shares many of Orand's life experiences. But in the novel, he is the only victim of the brutal attack. The girls aren't mentioned.

Called "The Antichrist, Version 666," the novel is due out soon, at $24.95 a copy.

Orand was an unlikely candidate to be a business success or an author in his younger days.

Even after being nearly murdered by the man who picked up him and the girls up hitchhiking, he went back to the life of a runaway. He also resumed his Navy Yard City paper route for this newspaper as something of an inadvertent celebrity.

"The tips were good after that," he said. "I'd start with a bag of papers and come home with a bag of presents."

He made prosecutors nervous as a key witness in a murder trial because his whereabouts were never certain.

But he did testify, with the same detachment with which he still tells the story, detailing the atrocities committed against him matter-of-factly.

As an adult, Orand became a valued worker in the rough-and-tumble world of roofing but still lived life on the ragged edge.

In the midst of a custody battle with the mother of his two oldest children, "I was going out a lot, clubs and what not," he said. "Despite a decent income, it was spent before I got my check, I was in serious debt, using marijuana and alcohol.

"I had a box of comics and sleeping bag to my name, I was living on friends' couches.

"About eight years ago, I realized I was good at making poor choices. When my mind tells me I want to do it, it's probably the wrong choice and if it required discipline and integrity, that's probably the path I should take. So rather than blaming everybody else for my outcome, it was time I started making better choices."

He and Mike Holbrook left the Hanley Construction roofing crew and formed their own business, later adding Tom Cowan as an owner. Orand says he also has formed two property management firms to handle rentals as well as Port Orchard Publishing, which is publishing "The Antichrist, Version 666."

His wife, Michelle, played a key role in his reclamation, giving him reason to stay home and out of clubs, he said.

"She was a bit of a challenge to court," he said.

Until recently, Orand had become something of an absentee owner of Cloise and Mike Construction, which mostly does roofing jobs. Its bright yellow trucks are a fixture in downtown Port Orchard.

He was spending most of his days at home with Michelle, baby Savannah, 3-year-old Alexander, and, on weekends and in the summer, 11-year-old twins Stefan and Christopher. He watched a lot of the Discovery and Science channels, spent time online and read science magazines.

But the Mike in Cloise and Mike left the company Friday to start his own business, Orand said, so he's back at it full time.

Get OVER yourself and OUT of yourself. Go volunteer for those who really have it bad. I am not trying to be mean. I am speaking from experience. Though I never had depression issues I DID have a dysfunctional family and after waking up and realizing I was making myself crazy by absorbing all their negativity I cut everyone out of my life. Suddenly I had no more obligatory responsibilities. I didn't have to please anyone simply because they were family.

I was lonely at first but then I started volunteering and helping others who were truly appreciative. I gained a sense of self worth and realized that family didn't mean blood. I now have friends and a "family" who doesn't have expectations. I truly know what unconditional friendship is.

So, just as you were quick to assume that only 2% will take you seriously, I pray that you don't do the same thing and you take my words SERIOUSLY. If you don't then you really don't want to help yourself.

I've seen you bravely share this before. Thank you for the reality check again... For all of us out there who need it.

The highest vibrations available are Love and Gratitude!

My advice is simple...

Count your Blessings (and not curses) everyday !

Multiple times if/as necessary.

And humbly thank the Creator for your Blessings...

With Love and GRATITUDE !


Your list is much longer than you realize !


Blessings upon You and Yours, OP !

Yes. Just keep hanging in there and one day you'll realize what you should, could and would do to change one little thing, then another and pretty soon, you'll be in a different mind set viewing the world a little differently.

It's tough and life is not fair. But you are here. You can do this.

First post. Never felt compelled to post here till now. I relate to a lot of what you've been through OP. I attempted suicide between 15 and 20 times via various forms of overdose during a very emotionally turbulent teenage experience. Before said teenage life was over, all women in my immediate family had developed breast cancer, my best friend and the most righteous, caring person I've ever known died with her father in a car wreck while fleeing a psycho husband, 3 of the 5 most precious people in my life all died within a year, you get my point. I've always had my faith save for a few crucial moments of extreme doubt and, like you, I've struggled mightily with the question of why my God would not only let me suffer so, but actively INCREASE said suffering when I responded to it with more faith and acts of kindness to others. The answer? God tests us to prove whether or not we are worthy to walk with him. Or rather, not just worthy but whether or not our faith is able to be shaken. Don't forget the parable of the seeds, specifically those finding root in rocky ground. If we abandon faith due to the harsh realities of this world, even if we abandon the APPLICATION of faith, we're failing in our duties to our God, our fellow humans and ourselves.

Likewise, certain people are preordained to have weighty spiritual missions in both this life and next, therefore not only are these people more heavily tested than others by God but they are marked by the forces of evil to be lead astray and generally interfered with. THE BEST, MOST LOVING PEOPLE I HAVE EVER KNOWN ARE THOSE WHO HAVE KNOWN TRUE SUFFERING. Do not forget that you are a righteous, beautiful soul, a being of the light who was created to serve a purpose in our universe. It will never be easy. Just count your blessings and always emanate love and mercy. Prayers sent to you.

Repent and give your life to Jesus. Go to a church any church. You do not even have to be a member people there will help you. Good luck stay safe.

I am in the same boat. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because it would bring my x-wife gleeful pleasure.

Go to the dark side and embrace your evil and live.