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How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.

 
Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 04:36 PM
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How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
I never really showed the guy I liked him. He showed me shy signs he was interested, but he had a girlfriend. After I found out he had a girlfriend, I cut him out. I stopped talking to him. , I quit looking at him. Then two months after that, he became engaged.

He has tried to talk to me again, but I can't seem to open up. I am clueless on how to react.

He was so kind to me, but I feel sick.

I feel like this guy in this video...like Enough already...I need to move on....but he laid out his cards at least. Will he gain closure from this?



Two co workers think he's unhappy, and always seemed happier when talking to me. He works with the fiancee. She seems controlling, they think. But of course, we don't know. But no one I know gets engaged to someone they don't love.

I can't seem to move on. I talk to other guys, but none of them I like.

Will talking to him help me move on? I just wanted to ask what his intentions were. Everyone could tell he liked me. Even a lady who barely knew English told me she could tell.

Most will say, well, he didn't dump the fiancee, so it's pretty clear who he loves. Is it that black and white? Yes? I have no idea.

How do I gain closure? I have pursued art, volunteered, helped friends out, but I always want to see him. I always wish I would run into him.



Never thought this scene would apply to me...but the ending where he sees the ring...and the whole world turns to sadness...I get it.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/24/2012 04:53 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Please...anyone?
Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 04:54 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Send him a link to this post so he will know how you really feel
Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 04:59 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
You've posted this before and if I remember right many people told you to talk to him.

And it's almost too late now to talk to him. I would talk to him soon just because of the slight chance he chose the other girl because you showed no interest.

In a perfect, fairy tale world he would tell you that it is you he wants and breaks his engagement.

But more than likely he just has a cheating heart and would only use you but still stay engaged.

You'll only know for sure by talking to him and telling him how you felt/feel. If after that he tells you he has "broken" it off with her get confirmation from other friends before acting on it. And, likewise, if he says he wants to be with the other girl then walk away totally. If still hard for you at work then maybe a new job or transfer? If you didn't have to see him at work you might have been well along on your healing/recovery from it. As it is you have co-workers stirring things up.

He has the answer and you'll only know the answer by talking to him & being honest. Just be careful you don't become a player in a "cheater's game". You wouldn't want it done to you so don't do it to someone else.
Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 05:01 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Please...anyone?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


like the song...get a brand new boyfriend ...go to the beach wearing nothing but a tan..caribbean
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/24/2012 05:07 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
You've posted this before and if I remember right many people told you to talk to him.

And it's almost too late now to talk to him. I would talk to him soon just because of the slight chance he chose the other girl because you showed no interest.

In a perfect, fairy tale world he would tell you that it is you he wants and breaks his engagement.

But more than likely he just has a cheating heart and would only use you but still stay engaged.


You'll only know for sure by talking to him and telling him how you felt/feel. If after that he tells you he has "broken" it off with her get confirmation from other friends before acting on it. And, likewise, if he says he wants to be with the other girl then walk away totally. If still hard for you at work then maybe a new job or transfer? If you didn't have to see him at work you might have been well along on your healing/recovery from it. As it is you have co-workers stirring things up.

He has the answer and you'll only know the answer by talking to him & being honest. Just be careful you don't become a player in a "cheater's game". You wouldn't want it done to you so don't do it to someone else.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30780953


So it's most likely he's a player by his actions? I don't want to become a joke at work, too. I don't understand why he keeps looking at me. My one friend thinks he's just seeing if I'm interested in him for sex, that's it. Like, I am clueless in this. So a guy constantly looking is looking for just a side thing when he's engaged? He did keep ignoring me after I ignored him. I prayed to God for closure, then the guy started up again. So I don't know what to think.
Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 05:21 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
You've posted this before and if I remember right many people told you to talk to him.

And it's almost too late now to talk to him. I would talk to him soon just because of the slight chance he chose the other girl because you showed no interest.

In a perfect, fairy tale world he would tell you that it is you he wants and breaks his engagement.

But more than likely he just has a cheating heart and would only use you but still stay engaged.


You'll only know for sure by talking to him and telling him how you felt/feel. If after that he tells you he has "broken" it off with her get confirmation from other friends before acting on it. And, likewise, if he says he wants to be with the other girl then walk away totally. If still hard for you at work then maybe a new job or transfer? If you didn't have to see him at work you might have been well along on your healing/recovery from it. As it is you have co-workers stirring things up.

He has the answer and you'll only know the answer by talking to him & being honest. Just be careful you don't become a player in a "cheater's game". You wouldn't want it done to you so don't do it to someone else.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30780953



So it's most likely he's a player by his actions? I don't want to become a joke at work, too. I don't understand why he keeps looking at me. My one friend thinks he's just seeing if I'm interested in him for sex, that's it. Like, I am clueless in this. So a guy constantly looking is looking for just a side thing when he's engaged? He did keep ignoring me after I ignored him. I prayed to God for closure, then the guy started up again. So I don't know what to think.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


I didn't say a cheater's game is what he is doing for sure. It's just that I've run into that scenario too many times. There is the chance he only chose her because you ignored him. But the only way you'll know for sure is to talk to him - NOW, before it's too late to even do that.

All I'm saying is to be careful that he is not just a cheater. You won't know until you talk to him. Talk to him.
hapless moran

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12/24/2012 05:28 PM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Sorry OP,sometimes there is never closure. I am still pinning for the woman who left me for someone else 23 years ago. You do the best you can.
free your inner baboon.
Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 05:34 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
she's controlling, but you are obsesive- there are 7 billion people on this planet, there just has to be someone else for you out there- go look.
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
12/24/2012 05:35 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
OP: you really need to become comfortable with yourself. I know you're not because you're confused and "waiting for something to happen".

Never mind this bloke, get to know yourself and build your self confidence first. Once you've done that, you'll probably have more choices about who you date. Nobody is attracted to weakness and uncertainty.

Good luck and merry Christmas!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/24/2012 05:40 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
she's controlling, but you are obsesive- there are 7 billion people on this planet, there just has to be someone else for you out there- go look.
 Quoting: SpiderJones


I don't mean to be obsessive. I wish I could drop it. I have tried, prayed to God for the power to overcome. I want TO MOVE ON. And no one knows for sure if she's controlling. I have looked for other guys, but they don't compare. I went on a dating site, tried to keep the conversations going, but most didn't click with me, or I wasn't for them. I can't seem to make myself like them. I don't try to rush it. I try to give them a chance, but there's nothing. I always think of him. I see now how dumb it is to keep your feelings inside. Makes a life full of regret. And I am usually outspoken, but when it comes to love, I am useless.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/24/2012 05:51 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
OP: you really need to become comfortable with yourself. I know you're not because you're confused and "waiting for something to happen".

Never mind this bloke, get to know yourself and build your self confidence first. Once you've done that, you'll probably have more choices about who you date. Nobody is attracted to weakness and uncertainty.

Good luck and merry Christmas!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23900733


Thank you. :)

I just feel such sadness. It's hard to forget him, since I see him a lot at work.

I wish I never met him, but I'm afraid I'll never feel this way again.

I don't understand why I am holding on mentally.

I have been building my self confidence. He helped me with that, too, which isn't good, I know. But it's nice to be given attention.
Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 06:01 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
OP BE LIKE BRUCE WAYNE SINGLE AND LONELY, AT LEAST YOU WONT GET YOUR HEART BROKEN.SOME THINGS ARE JUST MEANT TO BE.
Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 06:22 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Get over it and go out with somebody else
miabelieves

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12/24/2012 06:27 PM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Sorry OP,sometimes there is never closure. I am still pinning for the woman who left me for someone else 23 years ago. You do the best you can.
 Quoting: hapless moran


my story too..it was just 21 years ago :(
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Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 06:32 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
You have exactly two choices in this....

You can confront him about your feelings, or even sit down and pour your heart out in a letter. Give it to him and let him know you will not distrupt his relationship in any way, but you just wanted him to know YOUR feelings. You will wish him the best in whatever decision he choices. And then, you MUST leave him alone and not push anything anymore. It will be his call, and his call only. Nothing wrong with telling someone how you feel in this situation, but you say your peace, and let things happen as they will. If he has doubts about his current relationship...you will know, as he will come to you to talk.

Otherwise, you must move on. Other posters are correct, there are way too many good people out there that you will meet. I don't believe there is just one person on this earth for us. Most of us have been through heartbreak, only to find the love of their life that they never would have without the painful breakup.....me included. I thought it was the end of the world, but I am with the greatest girl and very happy.

Hang in there, think positive, remain open to others, and you will move on...the more you dwell, the more you remain stagnet...
Anonymous Coward
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12/24/2012 07:42 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Sorry OP,sometimes there is never closure. I am still pinning for the woman who left me for someone else 23 years ago. You do the best you can.
 Quoting: hapless moran


my story too..it was just 21 years ago :(
 Quoting: miabelieves

You have to talk to him OP, I'm just like these two guys, mine was 7 years ago.
Gigolo Jesus
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12/24/2012 07:43 PM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Just go out and get pounded a few times
"The man who reads nothing is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers." ~Thomas Jefferson

"God is indeed a jealous God
He cannot bear to see
That we had rather not with Him
But with each other play"
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Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/24/2012 10:08 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Sorry OP,sometimes there is never closure. I am still pinning for the woman who left me for someone else 23 years ago. You do the best you can.
 Quoting: hapless moran


my story too..it was just 21 years ago :(
 Quoting: miabelieves

You have to talk to him OP, I'm just like these two guys, mine was 7 years ago.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27467561


Have you guys tried to connect this person? So most people have this? Is it due to regret, or sometimes you can't get closure, even though you try?
hapless moran

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United States
12/25/2012 12:15 AM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Sorry OP,sometimes there is never closure. I am still pinning for the woman who left me for someone else 23 years ago. You do the best you can.
 Quoting: hapless moran


my story too..it was just 21 years ago :(
 Quoting: miabelieves

You have to talk to him OP, I'm just like these two guys, mine was 7 years ago.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27467561


Have you guys tried to connect this person? So most people have this? Is it due to regret, or sometimes you can't get closure, even though you try?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


Love can be a horrible curse, to love so fiercely, to be completely accepted in ways never experienced before, and then to be rejected.It scars your soul,imprints so strongly on your heart that the longing and regret are hardwired into you, and with every pump of your heart,the memory of a kiss,an embrace,courses through your body,simultaneously reminding you of bliss and the most excruciating existential pain.

I did reconnect over the internet 15 years later,discovered that the marriage to the jerk she left me for fell apart after years of abuse, that there was a time when she actually went looking for me, and when not able to gather the courage and contact me,met some north Georgia goober, some cracker one step up from a cretin in Deliverance.
We exchanged Neruda poems, actually talked on the phone once. But she had settled for Goober and a way of life that no longer included the dreams we had shared.


free your inner baboon.
pool
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12/25/2012 12:22 AM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
If you can muster the courage, tell their fiance.
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Light to Go

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12/25/2012 12:39 AM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Learn to love yourself, and to embrace what life unfolds. If you say these two things each day you will be fine. 1) Every thing happens for a reason 2) Every thing leads to something better. Believe it!
Truth Seeker
A Predatory Species of Human Animals Have Created A System That Gives Them Power & Control Over All Others.
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hapless moran

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12/25/2012 12:43 AM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
5 stars for the pain
free your inner baboon.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 12:56 AM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
I'm in the exact situation right now, just reversed.

Worked with a girl who I liked a lot as a person. She was engaged, they started having problems, she confided in me for my opinion etc.. then one night after work she came on to me. We kissed and she, well not to sound cliche, fell in love with me.

Now, since then. She has not had the courage to leave her boyfriend, however, she did break off the engagement. I talked to him. I've spoken to her countless times and finally as of 3 days ago broke it off completely. He is controlling, a liar, and a manipulator. On top of it all; she felt guilty and told him after the kiss and I almost lost my job because of it. However, I still do like her, even though she has no idea I really do. I looked at it as if she didn't have enough self respect to remove herself from a relationship that she was being mentally abused in, I had no reason to be with her.

At the end of the day, I believe I made the right decision. However right it is it doesn't feel right, but that is life.

I wish you the best. I would just move on. I'd rather be alone then in bad company.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 01:45 AM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
I never really showed the guy I liked him. He showed me shy signs he was interested, but he had a girlfriend. After I found out he had a girlfriend, I cut him out. I stopped talking to him. , I quit looking at him. Then two months after that, he became engaged.

He has tried to talk to me again, but I can't seem to open up. I am clueless on how to react.

He was so kind to me, but I feel sick.

I feel like this guy in this video...like Enough already...I need to move on....but he laid out his cards at least. Will he gain closure from this?



Two co workers think he's unhappy, and always seemed happier when talking to me. He works with the fiancee. She seems controlling, they think. But of course, we don't know. But no one I know gets engaged to someone they don't love.

I can't seem to move on. I talk to other guys, but none of them I like.

Will talking to him help me move on? I just wanted to ask what his intentions were. Everyone could tell he liked me. Even a lady who barely knew English told me she could tell.

Most will say, well, he didn't dump the fiancee, so it's pretty clear who he loves. Is it that black and white? Yes? I have no idea.

How do I gain closure? I have pursued art, volunteered, helped friends out, but I always want to see him. I always wish I would run into him.



Never thought this scene would apply to me...but the ending where he sees the ring...and the whole world turns to sadness...I get it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322




Move on. Find someone new and interesting. He's taken.
wisc_natureboy

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12/25/2012 01:52 AM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
I never really showed the guy I liked him. He showed me shy signs he was interested, but he had a girlfriend. After I found out he had a girlfriend, I cut him out. I stopped talking to him. , I quit looking at him. Then two months after that, he became engaged.

He has tried to talk to me again, but I can't seem to open up. I am clueless on how to react.

He was so kind to me, but I feel sick.

I feel like this guy in this video...like Enough already...I need to move on....but he laid out his cards at least. Will he gain closure from this?

tube] [link to www.youtube.com]

Two co workers think he's unhappy, and always seemed happier when talking to me. He works with the fiancee. She seems controlling, they think. But of course, we don't know. But no one I know gets engaged to someone they don't love.

I can't seem to move on. I talk to other guys, but none of them I like.

Will talking to him help me move on? I just wanted to ask what his intentions were. Everyone could tell he liked me. Even a lady who barely knew English told me she could tell.

Most will say, well, he didn't dump the fiancee, so it's pretty clear who he loves. Is it that black and white? Yes? I have no idea.

How do I gain closure? I have pursued art, volunteered, helped friends out, but I always want to see him. I always wish I would run into him.

tube] [link to www.youtube.com]

Never thought this scene would apply to me...but the ending where he sees the ring...and the whole world turns to sadness...I get it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


This reads almost, if not exactly like a post from a few years ago.
scratching
.
-
.

We all breathe the same air.
.-.. --- ...- . / .- .-.. .-..
(love/all)
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 02:13 AM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
I never really showed the guy I liked him. He showed me shy signs he was interested, but he had a girlfriend. After I found out he had a girlfriend, I cut him out. I stopped talking to him. , I quit looking at him. Then two months after that, he became engaged.

He has tried to talk to me again, but I can't seem to open up. I am clueless on how to react.

He was so kind to me, but I feel sick.

I feel like this guy in this video...like Enough already...I need to move on....but he laid out his cards at least. Will he gain closure from this?

tube] [link to www.youtube.com]

Two co workers think he's unhappy, and always seemed happier when talking to me. He works with the fiancee. She seems controlling, they think. But of course, we don't know. But no one I know gets engaged to someone they don't love.

I can't seem to move on. I talk to other guys, but none of them I like.

Will talking to him help me move on? I just wanted to ask what his intentions were. Everyone could tell he liked me. Even a lady who barely knew English told me she could tell.

Most will say, well, he didn't dump the fiancee, so it's pretty clear who he loves. Is it that black and white? Yes? I have no idea.

How do I gain closure? I have pursued art, volunteered, helped friends out, but I always want to see him. I always wish I would run into him.

tube] [link to www.youtube.com]

Never thought this scene would apply to me...but the ending where he sees the ring...and the whole world turns to sadness...I get it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


This reads almost, if not exactly like a post from a few years ago.
scratching
 Quoting: wisc_natureboy


His behavior is a red flag. When you are engaged, you do not go around flirting and being interested with other people. No integrity, why would you even consider him? He is weak and doesn't know what he wants, a fine protector and father he would be - NOT!

The initial feelings of attraction are nature's little joke to get you hooked up with a member of the opposite sex so you will perpetuate the species, but God help you if you let yourself fall in love with a man of weak character...argghhh. Three months of kissing and thirty years of regret.

THINK!!! Marry a man of good character!! This guy is WEAK.
Alexander

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12/25/2012 02:23 AM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
People run into this type of situation on a regular basis. Sometimes the timing of a relationship is off. You meet someone and they're with someone else or your with someone else. Then a few years go by - you meet again and it clicks - or not. This is what we call life experience.

I've loved someone who loved someone else. Was miserable for a few years over it and eventually moved on. We just don't know what god's plan is. There may be someone else waiting to meet you when you're ready who is a much better fit for a long term relationship. Just let go and let god take over.

Since this person has already made a commitment with someone else the best thing is just release the situation to a higher power. It's already out of your hands.
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.
Winston Churchill
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:08 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
5 stars for the pain
 Quoting: hapless moran


Thank you...it sucks so much. I didn't think it would...but it does.

I just never knew how to show him I liked him.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:15 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
I never really showed the guy I liked him. He showed me shy signs he was interested, but he had a girlfriend. After I found out he had a girlfriend, I cut him out. I stopped talking to him. , I quit looking at him. Then two months after that, he became engaged.

He has tried to talk to me again, but I can't seem to open up. I am clueless on how to react.

He was so kind to me, but I feel sick.

I feel like this guy in this video...like Enough already...I need to move on....but he laid out his cards at least. Will he gain closure from this?

tube] [link to www.youtube.com]

Two co workers think he's unhappy, and always seemed happier when talking to me. He works with the fiancee. She seems controlling, they think. But of course, we don't know. But no one I know gets engaged to someone they don't love.

I can't seem to move on. I talk to other guys, but none of them I like.

Will talking to him help me move on? I just wanted to ask what his intentions were. Everyone could tell he liked me. Even a lady who barely knew English told me she could tell.

Most will say, well, he didn't dump the fiancee, so it's pretty clear who he loves. Is it that black and white? Yes? I have no idea.

How do I gain closure? I have pursued art, volunteered, helped friends out, but I always want to see him. I always wish I would run into him.

tube] [link to www.youtube.com]

Never thought this scene would apply to me...but the ending where he sees the ring...and the whole world turns to sadness...I get it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


This reads almost, if not exactly like a post from a few years ago.
scratching
 Quoting: wisc_natureboy


His behavior is a red flag. When you are engaged, you do not go around flirting and being interested with other people. No integrity, why would you even consider him? He is weak and doesn't know what he wants, a fine protector and father he would be - NOT!

The initial feelings of attraction are nature's little joke to get you hooked up with a member of the opposite sex so you will perpetuate the species, but God help you if you let yourself fall in love with a man of weak character...argghhh. Three months of kissing and thirty years of regret.

THINK!!! Marry a man of good character!! This guy is WEAK.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27352798


I just figured since I couldn't show interest back, it will be a huge regret. I must be blind to not see the red flag. He became engaged after I cut him out, but it might not be related.

I just want to ask him what were his intentions all the time. I need some type of closure, so I can move on.
Hales
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User ID: 12354261
United States
12/25/2012 06:20 PM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
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Last Edited by Hales on 04/05/2013 11:52 PM

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