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How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.

 
Hales
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12/25/2012 06:20 PM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
*

Last Edited by Hales on 04/05/2013 11:52 PM
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:25 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
..also, flip the script.

Your narrating, not writing.
 Quoting: Hales


I've tried to hate him, but I can't seem to. We had a connection, or what felt like one, but the timing was off I guess? Though who knows if it was mutual or not.

He never broke up with her, and is now engaged. So I guess he just wasn't that into me.

I feel so mopey and stupid. Like I am far too good to be sucked into this. I've liked other guys, but I was always drawn to him more. And the other guys didn't seem to get me like he did.
MONSTER

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12/25/2012 06:43 PM

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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Find someone else, if he wanted you he would have never got engaged or kept his girlfriend.
Stop kidding yourself that he wants you and not the other girl
KINGDOMS, NATIONS AND KINGS HAVE BEEN BROUGHT DOWN TO THEIR KNEES WITH ONE GLANCE FROM A WOMAN.

I WEAR MY SKIN OF ARMOR SO NO ONE CAN GET IN AND NO ONE CAN GET OUT.

HOW CAN I MOURN YOU, WHEN I HAVE NEVER LET YOU GO, monster 1991-2008 RIP
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:55 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Find someone else, if he wanted you he would have never got engaged or kept his girlfriend.
Stop kidding yourself that he wants you and not the other girl
 Quoting: MONSTER


You are right. I just thought I felt something. I feel dumb as hell for thinking it was more than what it was. I can't seem to find someone else.

But I never showed him I liked him back, I always ran. If he liked me enough, he would of pushed through it, right?
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 06:57 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Go for the younger sister ?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 07:11 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Will asking what his intentions were, or what's his deal, or that he confuses me. Would that be inappropriate? Or just cut it off? I want him to just leave me alone, no looking at me either. I thought ignoring him would make him stop. I have to see him at work, and I can tell he still has something for me. But not enough to do anything about it.

Maybe he just wants a side thing...right?
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 07:24 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
You're asking the lunatic fringe for how you should make a measured, emotionally healthy response.

I think that says all that needs to be said.

Good luck anyways.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 07:34 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
You must learn to hate him.

Love entwines, bonds, brings together.

Hate unravels, destroys and pushes apart.

You must create hate.

You made love, affection. Now you are bound to it. That's your doing.

Just as liquid quenches a thirst, hate breaks love.
 Quoting: Hales


hate turns into sadness.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 08:34 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
You're asking the lunatic fringe for how you should make a measured, emotionally healthy response.

I think that says all that needs to be said.

Good luck anyways.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6476436


LOL...I don't know where else to go though.......
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 08:52 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
You must learn to hate him.

Love entwines, bonds, brings together.

Hate unravels, destroys and pushes apart.

You must create hate.

You made love, affection. Now you are bound to it. That's your doing.

Just as liquid quenches a thirst, hate breaks love.
 Quoting: Hales


hate turns into sadness.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27665747


true
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 08:52 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
I feel so mopey and stupid. Like I am far too good to be sucked into this. I've liked other guys, but I was always drawn to him more. And the other guys didn't seem to get me like he did.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


You only want him because you can't have him. You said yourself you detached yourself from. Him even though you had feelings. Now, as he is "taken" your feelings amplified.

You are in love with an IMAGE of love that you have created. Women do it all the time. Fantasy over reality.

Even if he were single and you guys hooked up, there still is no guarantee of a "happily ever after"! The movies are not real and don't show the five years after the wedding. ;)

Let go of you fantasy.

Start with the book Boundaries.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 08:58 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
You must learn to hate him.

Love entwines, bonds, brings together.

Hate unravels, destroys and pushes apart.

You must create hate.

You made love, affection. Now you are bound to it. That's your doing.

Just as liquid quenches a thirst, hate breaks love.
 Quoting: Hales


hate turns into sadness.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 27665747


true
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


Op...you must NOT learn to hate him. You must learn to love everyone. He deserves to be treated with respect. Try to think of him as a friend, talk to him when you see him. Stop thinking only of yourself and you will feel BETTER!
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 09:30 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
OP also, change your prayers.

Ask God to reveal what He wants you to LEARN from this internal struggle you are waging.

James 1:4
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 09:54 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
OP also, change your prayers.

Ask God to reveal what He wants you to LEARN from this internal struggle you are waging.

James 1:4
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25254305


So many people say that...this is a strength builder.

It's just so hard to close the door on this. I have doubt...so much doubt. I thought asking his intentions would be the best to closure, but will it hurt more? Make me look like a fool? I just want him to just leave me alone, stop looking, and for good.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 10:01 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Let's say you ask his intentions and he dumps the fiancé for you. Will you ever have trust with him? Even if you two were to eventually marry, in the back of your mind you would know he broke a commitment to one girl, why not to you?

See, this is why you are not actually in love with him, you are in love with a fantasy.

You want him because he is taken. Because you can't have him.

Every relationship in our lives teaches us SOMETHING, even if it is as silly as you changed your mind about disliking mayo because of a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Just do some searching about what the relationship taught you. You can start with: it has taught you to be more open and communicative in the future.

Others are right, there are millions of men on this earth. God has someone better in mind for you.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 10:10 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Please...anyone?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


I've been there. You need Jesus, the only way to be set free, you were dependent on her for happiness. If one's dependent on anything other than God for happiness, it will leave you empty before you know it. Email me if you have questions or want to discuss further. gimmiethatchedda@yahoo.com
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 10:11 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Let's say you ask his intentions and he dumps the fiancé for you. Will you ever have trust with him? Even if you two were to eventually marry, in the back of your mind you would know he broke a commitment to one girl, why not to you?

See, this is why you are not actually in love with him, you are in love with a fantasy.

You want him because he is taken. Because you can't have him.

Every relationship in our lives teaches us SOMETHING, even if it is as silly as you changed your mind about disliking mayo because of a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Just do some searching about what the relationship taught you. You can start with: it has taught you to be more open and communicative in the future.

Others are right, there are millions of men on this earth. God has someone better in mind for you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25254305


Does he seem like garbage than, it's black and white? I did really like him before I knew he had the girlfriend. My feelings aren't as strong since I found out, then when I found out he was engaged, I didn't know I would care.

So me not showing my feelings up front...I was too late then? My friend thought maybe me pushing him away made him give up and become engaged. But most people think he's crap, and I deserve better.

I don't know why I'm so blind. I need to change my prayers for clarity. I want to move on so badly.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 10:17 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Get 0ver it.....are you stupid????

whatever
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 10:30 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Get 0ver it.....are you stupid????

whatever
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28017433


I guess I am...easier said than done.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 10:33 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Let's say you ask his intentions and he dumps the fiancé for you. Will you ever have trust with him? Even if you two were to eventually marry, in the back of your mind you would know he broke a commitment to one girl, why not to you?

See, this is why you are not actually in love with him, you are in love with a fantasy.

You want him because he is taken. Because you can't have him.

Every relationship in our lives teaches us SOMETHING, even if it is as silly as you changed your mind about disliking mayo because of a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Just do some searching about what the relationship taught you. You can start with: it has taught you to be more open and communicative in the future.

Others are right, there are millions of men on this earth. God has someone better in mind for you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25254305


Does he seem like garbage than, it's black and white? I did really like him before I knew he had the girlfriend. My feelings aren't as strong since I found out, then when I found out he was engaged, I didn't know I would care.

So me not showing my feelings up front...I was too late then? My friend thought maybe me pushing him away made him give up and become engaged. But most people think he's crap, and I deserve better.

I don't know why I'm so blind. I need to change my prayers for clarity. I want to move on so badly.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


Listen to most people, they see with clarity what our emotions blind us to.

To an anonymous coward, he sounds like a player. And if he is not, then he either wasn't that into you OR he is insecure. Neither of which look good. Insecurity in a man is a pain in the ass to suffer!
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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United States
12/27/2012 10:46 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Let's say you ask his intentions and he dumps the fiancé for you. Will you ever have trust with him? Even if you two were to eventually marry, in the back of your mind you would know he broke a commitment to one girl, why not to you?

See, this is why you are not actually in love with him, you are in love with a fantasy.

You want him because he is taken. Because you can't have him.

Every relationship in our lives teaches us SOMETHING, even if it is as silly as you changed your mind about disliking mayo because of a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Just do some searching about what the relationship taught you. You can start with: it has taught you to be more open and communicative in the future.

Others are right, there are millions of men on this earth. God has someone better in mind for you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25254305


Does he seem like garbage than, it's black and white? I did really like him before I knew he had the girlfriend. My feelings aren't as strong since I found out, then when I found out he was engaged, I didn't know I would care.

So me not showing my feelings up front...I was too late then? My friend thought maybe me pushing him away made him give up and become engaged. But most people think he's crap, and I deserve better.

I don't know why I'm so blind. I need to change my prayers for clarity. I want to move on so badly.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


Listen to most people, they see with clarity what our emotions blind us to.

To an anonymous coward, he sounds like a player. And if he is not, then he either wasn't that into you OR he is insecure. Neither of which look good. Insecurity in a man is a pain in the ass to suffer!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25254305


Thank you for your painful honesty.

I no longer care about what he thinks of me. My past has also made it difficult to realize what is normal. I know I can find someone better and single. Prayer has helped heal this chapter in my life.

I don't even want to ask him why. I will cut him out of my life. That's the only answer. I am finished.

Thank you God for opening my eyes. My emotions did blind.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/27/2012 10:48 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Please...anyone?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


I've been there. You need Jesus, the only way to be set free, you were dependent on her for happiness. If one's dependent on anything other than God for happiness, it will leave you empty before you know it. Email me if you have questions or want to discuss further. gimmiethatchedda@yahoo.com
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30607703


Prayer helped in SO MANY ways! :) You are right! :)
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/27/2012 10:50 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Let's say you ask his intentions and he dumps the fiancé for you. Will you ever have trust with him? Even if you two were to eventually marry, in the back of your mind you would know he broke a commitment to one girl, why not to you?

See, this is why you are not actually in love with him, you are in love with a fantasy.

You want him because he is taken. Because you can't have him.

Every relationship in our lives teaches us SOMETHING, even if it is as silly as you changed your mind about disliking mayo because of a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Just do some searching about what the relationship taught you. You can start with: it has taught you to be more open and communicative in the future.

Others are right, there are millions of men on this earth. God has someone better in mind for you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25254305


Thank you....this is a great point.
Anonymous Coward
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12/28/2012 12:08 AM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Please...anyone?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


Most people marry for security. Love always comes when you are not looking for it.
Anonymous Coward
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12/28/2012 12:14 AM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Let's say you ask his intentions and he dumps the fiancé for you. Will you ever have trust with him? Even if you two were to eventually marry, in the back of your mind you would know he broke a commitment to one girl, why not to you?

See, this is why you are not actually in love with him, you are in love with a fantasy.

You want him because he is taken. Because you can't have him.

Every relationship in our lives teaches us SOMETHING, even if it is as silly as you changed your mind about disliking mayo because of a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Just do some searching about what the relationship taught you. You can start with: it has taught you to be more open and communicative in the future.

Others are right, there are millions of men on this earth. God has someone better in mind for you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25254305


Excellent post.

Communication is key. Even if you can't be with a person romantically, if you communicate, you can be friends. Friendships are potential romances with solid foundations of trust and respect. One never knows what the future holds.
been there
User ID: 19554329
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12/28/2012 03:33 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Listen to some Elvis and watch old Groucho Marx movies for inspiration on your act. Then somehow get him alone. Do something so gorgeous and hilarious neither of you will ever forget it so then maybe just maybe he'll make a move for you before he's married and it's too late.
Are you adults? Yes?
Why not ask him pretty please for JUST ONE SECRET NIGHT !!
Open your heart to him - TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM!!
He's a man!
do you have any loyalty to/love for his fiancee?
no? of course not?
then WHAT are you waiting for?
THE MAN IS NOT MARRIED YET, CORRECT???
clock's ticking, time marches on.
GO get yourself a gorgeous new outfit, makeup & a new do.
then have a shot of dutch courage & put on your thinking cap.
HELLO?! knock knock. tick tock. Is anybody home?
hey, you never know.
at least... if you try... you'll feel much better.
Win/Win is how to transform a longtime of pining wondering and kicking yourself into (at least) Just A Memory & maybe more.
Good Luck, and Happy New Year.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25254305
United States
12/28/2012 08:50 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Please...anyone?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


I've been there. You need Jesus, the only way to be set free, you were dependent on her for happiness. If one's dependent on anything other than God for happiness, it will leave you empty before you know it. Email me if you have questions or want to discuss further. gimmiethatchedda@yahoo.com
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30607703


Prayer helped in SO MANY ways! :) You are right! :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24512322


hf In order for prayers to be answered most swiftly, we must first ask the right questions! :)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25254305
United States
12/28/2012 08:51 PM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Listen to some Elvis and watch old Groucho Marx movies for inspiration on your act. Then somehow get him alone. Do something so gorgeous and hilarious neither of you will ever forget it so then maybe just maybe he'll make a move for you before he's married and it's too late.
Are you adults? Yes?
Why not ask him pretty please for JUST ONE SECRET NIGHT !!
Open your heart to him - TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM!!
He's a man!
do you have any loyalty to/love for his fiancee?
no? of course not?
then WHAT are you waiting for?
THE MAN IS NOT MARRIED YET, CORRECT???
clock's ticking, time marches on.
GO get yourself a gorgeous new outfit, makeup & a new do.
then have a shot of dutch courage & put on your thinking cap.
HELLO?! knock knock. tick tock. Is anybody home?
hey, you never know.
at least... if you try... you'll feel much better.
Win/Win is how to transform a longtime of pining wondering and kicking yourself into (at least) Just A Memory & maybe more.
Good Luck, and Happy New Year.
 Quoting: been there 19554329


You should get a job as a script writer. Nice job describing a fantasy written like Hollywood.afro
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 24512322
United States
12/29/2012 11:31 AM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Listen to some Elvis and watch old Groucho Marx movies for inspiration on your act. Then somehow get him alone. Do something so gorgeous and hilarious neither of you will ever forget it so then maybe just maybe he'll make a move for you before he's married and it's too late.
Are you adults? Yes?
Why not ask him pretty please for JUST ONE SECRET NIGHT !!
Open your heart to him - TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM!!
He's a man!
do you have any loyalty to/love for his fiancee?
no? of course not?
then WHAT are you waiting for?
THE MAN IS NOT MARRIED YET, CORRECT???
clock's ticking, time marches on.
GO get yourself a gorgeous new outfit, makeup & a new do.
then have a shot of dutch courage & put on your thinking cap.
HELLO?! knock knock. tick tock. Is anybody home?
hey, you never know.
at least... if you try... you'll feel much better.
Win/Win is how to transform a longtime of pining wondering and kicking yourself into (at least) Just A Memory & maybe more.
Good Luck, and Happy New Year.
 Quoting: been there 19554329


Will asking him be the closure I need? Will rejection be better than regret? He's taken, not married yet.

I am seeking for closure, no happy ending. I don't think he has the character I want in a man. I am seeking for sound mind.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/29/2012 11:33 AM
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Re: How do you gain closure when someone you are in love with is engaged? I haven't been able to move on.
Will writing him a letter to tell him to stop looking at me help and just why he carried on the way he did?

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