omfg

I just shot a burglar in a red tracksuit coming down my chimney

he already had a big frickin sack of loot the greedy fkr

I shot him right up the arse with a homemade potato gun firing dried acorns - rapid air-fired nut crackers

don't think he'll be back

run back up that mofo chimney like a rat up a drainpipe

I just reported it to the police and the desk sergent thinks I'd be better using a taser next time as he wouldn't be able to get away when under the influence of electric.
he says this time of year is the busiest for home invasion
so take heed - the burglar in red is now a Eunoch