HELP! How to I get rid of this?

Ahhhh

Ye old "Church of negation" quandary

LOL, exactly!

accepting the tenet of rejection is accepting it.

by the way i agree with this tenet up to a point. That is by doing the opposite for what is being called for, you have sharpen your free will. There comes a time when having explored and rejected all previous alternatives, you have acquired enough knowledge and sharpen your free will to point of creating your own unique understandings. this exercise makes you a very hard, fine and sharp point.

The main problem is that this philosophy uses the rejection tenet as a basis for a huge cathedral of imaginary and abstract concepts. When you reject the philosophy, you get a morbid curiosity to research the rest of the concepts, because you think you understood the initial concept, and therefore, you have a key to interpret the rest. But when you go and try, you only get more confused and disoriented, and dumber. So you don't know if you are not understanding because it is nonsense or because you are not worthy, and you always have that nagging doubt about the whole thing.

Tell em to go take a flying leap in a volcano !

all i can tell you is that i started very young and small,
e.g. if my horoscope said one thing i did the opposite.
After a while i stopped placing value in things that were external to my inner core. if something doesn't make sense to your reasoning, it is a good idea to dismiss it and continue on. if something speaks to your inner core, embrace it and grow.

Yeah. My theory is that this philosophy is a mental trap. They start off with basic concepts that are intelligible, then slowly progress towards totally fictitious imaginary nonsense. SO you think that you can figure it out, but trying to do so only harms your reason and mind, trying to figure out what they are talking about.

This philosophy I'm talking about is kabbalah, by the way.

I guess I'm just over thinking it. The whole thing is BS anyway.