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Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28683353
12/25/2012 06:09 PM
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Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
Im 31 and have an only child that is 7 and lives 3 states away. I dont have a good career yet but Im still in school. I myself am an only child and would be leaving my mother who is single and approaching 60 if I moved closer to my son.

It stresses me out everyday thinking about what to do. I feel like somebody is going to get let down one way or the other. My father kinda just started over when my parents got divorced and I didnt want to do that to my son, so I figured I would break the chain of long distance relationships between father and son in our family.

I do have the money to make the move but I dont know. I know it can be a bad idea to ask GLP for life advice sometimes but a little outside perspective cant hurt.


Merry Christmas and enjoy your loved ones as much as you can.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
12/25/2012 06:11 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
Is it possible for you mother to move also, so she can be close not only to you, but also her grandchild?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:13 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
It could be possible down the road yes.
goodmockingbird
In the Heart of the EF 5 Tornado Belt

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United States
12/25/2012 06:13 PM

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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
A lot of your decision must rest upon how good of a situation is your child in now with his or her custodial parent.

If the child is well taken care of, surrounded by wise and loving role models, and stable -- your presence is less critical, and visits may suffice.

If the child is in a precarious or unwholesome situation, your child definitely needs you there!
In Memory of Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty: American Heroes, Abandoned and Betrayed.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:14 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
She is on disability now so finding work could be hard. I have to find one hell of a job asap though.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 06:14 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
Also, if you child is a girl, I think girls really need their daddy. They look for that love that a daddy can give them from the wrong places.
But boys also need a strong, good man to look up to and learn from.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:15 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
A lot of your decision must rest upon how good of a situation is your child in now with his or her custodial parent.

If the child is well taken care of, surrounded by wise and loving role models, and stable -- your presence is less critical, and visits may suffice.

If the child is in a precarious or unwholesome situation, your child definitely needs you there!
 Quoting: goodmockingbird



I would say that he is overall well taken care of but his mother has streaks that worry me. She is now remarried with a newborn though.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:16 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
Also, if you child is a girl, I think girls really need their daddy. They look for that love that a daddy can give them from the wrong places.
But boys also need a strong, good man to look up to and learn from.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29933092


It is a boy and I moved there before, but ended up broke and damn near homeless cause of fueding with his mom.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
12/25/2012 06:19 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
I'm sorry.
As long as you make an effort in his life, do the best you can, just keep going like your going for now.
Sucky situation
Anonymous Coward
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United States
12/25/2012 06:24 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
Also, if you child is a girl, I think girls really need their daddy. They look for that love that a daddy can give them from the wrong places.
But boys also need a strong, good man to look up to and learn from.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29933092


It is a boy and I moved there before, but ended up broke and damn near homeless cause of fueding with his mom.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28683353


If you've already tried this once, what's different this time?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:36 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
The first time me and his mother made a mutual business agreement to live there and watch him while she went to school and vice versa, this time I would be moving without her even knowing at first.
Anonymous Coward
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12/25/2012 06:54 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
I applaud you for being so caring!

I'm approaching 60, divorced, and on disability but would never wish for my only child to NOT live her life to the fullest because she felt an obligation to me.

Your child is your first and foremost obligation. I feel that once you settle closer to your child, your mom will probably move nearer to you (it's what I did!). I think you're feeling intuitively that your son really needs your emotional support and physical closeness now that his mom is so busy with a newborn and this could be a crucial point in his young life. You come in to be near him; it could change his life.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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12/25/2012 06:59 PM
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Re: Im in a huge dilemma at this point in my life.
I applaud you for being so caring!

I'm approaching 60, divorced, and on disability but would never wish for my only child to NOT live her life to the fullest because she felt an obligation to me.

Your child is your first and foremost obligation. I feel that once you settle closer to your child, your mom will probably move nearer to you (it's what I did!). I think you're feeling intuitively that your son really needs your emotional support and physical closeness now that his mom is so busy with a newborn and this could be a crucial point in his young life. You come in to be near him; it could change his life.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5542489


You pretty much interpreted how I feel about the situation to be honest. Maybe I can go there, bang out two more years of school in St. Louis and then move my mother. I dont have a great job here in N.E. Ohio so why not?

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