Thinking about leaving my husband, but I'm so afraid of never finding live again...

...and you're telling us, why exactly?

Meant to writ "love" again, darn iPhone autocorrect.

Yet you are the one who wants to leave him? You do realize that 2/3 of divorces are initiated by women and that divorce is probably the number one cause of poverty for children.

I suspect your husband wants the marriage to continue. You were just sold a bill of goods with regards to how a woman can achieve happiness.

My suggestion is to stay with your husband, quit your job and start becoming the nurturer God intended you to be, rather than competing like a man in a man's world. You might find this will revitalize your marriage. Go old school, play the role of a wife rather than a roommate. I guarantee your husband will love it.

Are you hot or old and fat?
Not trying to be mean but it makes a difference, for him and potential new lovers

If you let yourself go it's not going to be easy to keep your husband or any other guy interested

Last Edited by Founders Fan on 12/25/2012 10:30 PM

You have no options, if he doesn't love you it's not a relationship. It's two people who live with one another, you will not be fulfilled. You'll die away slowly without love, just like plants need water. You perceive that there is a choice, but truly there is not. Councelling, doctors, talking. If he wants to do any of those things, then it would be your call to assent to try, but if he doesn't want those. GTFO!

what a piece of shit MYSOGONIST reply,. spreading evil on xmas day. unbelievable

I am not old, ugly, or fat. In fact, I still turn heads and am often told I'm very cute by both sexes. I have never strayed from our marriage. I have been a stay at home mom for 19 years, and have always kept a spotless house, made homemade meals, done yard work, helped with homework, and supported his demanding career. I feel very neglected as a wife. Even when he wants to "make love" I ask him to say something nice, and he can't. It's so sad because I feel as though I have given him my soul.
Y

damn op why would you want to find love again? if you already have it but you just dont want it.

I wasn't trying to insult you, really
I've seen this happen with friends who marry cute little girls and they have a kid or two and just don't care anymore. Live in sweat pants and don't take care of themselves

This doesn't sound like you at all. I've been divorced and it really screws with your mind. I haven't found anyone else but I'm happy by myself for now.

Have you tried to tell him that you feel unloved? Maybe he is like most of us guys and thinks that you already know he loves you and he doesn't need to say it often.

If your kids are grown and you want to leave him how are you going to pay bills and live? Can you get a job and support yourself or will you have to find another guy right away?

Are you willing to do what single people do? i don't like the bar scene and you don't often meet decent people there anyway. Do you already have someone else in mind?

All due respect, but would you PLEASE edit your thread title?

I believe you indicated that your iPhone auto-corrected LOVE to LIVE, perhaps if you paid attention to your writing before posting, you would avoid these oversights?

And as far as your presumed dilemma, unless your husband is:

cheating on you,

beating you,

or otherwise abusing you mentally or verbally,

talk to the guy and get over it.

You have a mate that puts up with you. That alone in this world is enough reason to stay with him. If you are looking for a storybook romance, hire a gigolo and get a room at Sybaris.

The role of a Housewife is something to be revered. In the not too distant past, the woman was the glue that held the family unit together. She was there to cook, clean and see that the children were properly clothed fed and educated.

Today's society has seen to it that the family has to have 2 working adults just to make ends meet..the result? A significant amount of attention has been taken away from the kids, their proper upbringing and their education.

A great majority of today's kids are virtually useless when it comes to anything having to do with real life. Everything they know is instant gratification, texting, FaceSpace and the like. Most of them couldn't find their way out of a wet paper bag without the help of their friends or parents. For the most part they are utterly pathetic and incapable of getting through their day without copious amounts of help and assistance.

There is no one else. I would get a sizable divorce settlement, enough to start over. I have a college degree and am also a recently certified paralegal. It's just a very frightening scenario. I've never lived alone, and tend to be fearful at night. I think he might suspect how I feel. I tend to get very quiet and withdrawn when I'm upset. This past year has been a doozy.

OK so far so good. Read him this scripture, from Ephesians 5:25
"25For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.b 27He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30And we are members of his body."

Your husband is commanded to love you regardless of how he feels or whatever is going on in his life. That's right love is a choice, not something we fall in or out of. Tell him that you do not feel this kind of love and perhaps seek marriage counseling. Though I have to warn you most of the so called professionals and many pastors are useless parasites, bent on destruction rather than reconciliation.

Heck I wish my wife were as fastidious as you are, but each person has their own weaknesses and strengths. Jumping out of your frying pan into the fire of the world, via divorce, will not improve your situation, no matter what bill of goods the media has sold you.

You will need to communicate exactly how you are feeling to your husband. Men appreciate directness. Tell him that God says that he is to love you, even more than himself. See the example is Jesus Christ, who willingly died for his bride (the church). That's self sacrificial love.

By the way the other poster who disrespected me for what I posted earlier has never experienced this kind of love I'll bet and is missing out on what God has for her by following the feminist programming like an automaton.

sweetie I am just like you...
been mulling over the EXACT thing for 4 days now.
this past year (since last December) has been the worst.
I also have a college degree but am an at home mom. I am beside myself and have cried for 3 nights in a row. I don't know what to do. There is a disconnect. I'm faithful and honest but I am no longer wearing my ring.
My husband and I spent this Christmas with him sleeping on the couch and I've been camped out upstairs. Alone.
I encourage you to read this [link to www.lipstickalley.com]
and then see what happens. Third post down.
Be well. Life is too short.

^^THIS^^

this all has nothing to do with technology, and television, and xbox, and the fall of the church, our only instiitution of moral teaching. Nope, it has to be that women have finally obtained equal rights, and are capable of choosing their own destinies. Guess what, if you were a man, you would take part in rasing your own child, and cook and clean, cause essentially what youre saying is that women are a lowly creature who should live in a kitchen and serve men and children. if you dont think youre a mysoginist youre fooling yourself, your opinion is ignorant

We can't rely on our spouse to be happy and feel loved, because its in loving yourself and being content in the person who you are that makes the difference.

No need to always try to please him to hope that he will start loving you. Do things that really make you happy out of the goodness of your heart with out expecting any thing in return.

He may notice and change or not but that's not the point.

I'm a guy and my divorce was the most traumatic thing that has happened to me so precede with caution.

Nobody has to stay where they aren't loved and nobody has to be miserable either. If you think you will be happier after some adjustment to being single then go for it,

If you have friends and close family it won't be as bad. I left town for a new job and left all my friends behind but I wasn't in the same town with her and her new boyfriend.

I have no answers but wish you both the best. Maybe try a trial separation and see how it feels before filing for divorce.

I will read the post on lipstick alley, and to the person who suggested I edit my title, I don't know how to on an iPhone. Perhaps you can clue me in. It's a sad holiday for me. Sorry, I'm just venting I guess. I wish life were different for me, but there are always others that have it worse. Glp is like an extended dysfunctional family, with some kind wise souls thrown in with the meanies.

Did ya:

1. make breakfast every day for the last 365

2. do all of the shopping

3. do the laundry and ironing for the last 52 weeks

4. make everyone's lunch for the last 365

5. keep the house neat and tidy for the last 365

6. keep yourself looking decent and pretty

7. not B*tch or nag about anything

8. keep the kids from bugging him when he gets home from work

9. not dent the car

If so, and he still does not love yah, then he's probably a f@g,

but if not, then, well, yah got a list of things to work on don't cha.

You will never have a loving relationship if you believe all of the things you stated, unless you take a time machine back to the 1950s. The lady is a college educated paralegal, how the fuck would she do all the things you listed? if her husband can't take part in housechores and being a father, than he isn't a man. We live in a new world, where women can choose the direction their life takes, not be told what direction it will. welcome to the future.

E.O.A. you're being trolled

Guess he doesn't love a paralegal then. But if she did all those things then he would love her.

But then she couldn't do a mans job then, could she.

Paralegal--lol

She should be doing exactly what I put above.

If not then she pays the concesquences---just like every other man hating divorcee'.

Divorcee's do not get hired at good jobs either, so it's a double whammy of loserville.

I do not use anything by Apple, but might I suggest [link to www.apple.com (secure)]

Also, I was not trying to be an asshole, but understand all the ramifications of divorce.

My mother is currently working on her fifth husband and has yet to have had what she defines as 'love'. In the meantime my half sister and I have had to maintain our familial relationship long distance for the past 30 years as we live in separate countries. I have not seen my mother in 18 years, due to a 2,000 mile separation and a perpetual lack of travel funds and opportunities on both sides. Though we speak on the phone and send email regularly.

You are not the only person in this relationship and unless there are truly compelling reasons for your leaving, exhaust ALL potential solutions.

Much luck and may God Bless you.

Ulysses has a point. Communications is key. Most women play some kind of weird game wherein the guy just has to figure out what's wrong by the woman's 'obvious' social cues. The thinking goes that if he really 'loved' her then he'd get it.

Wrong and doubly wrong! The man never gets it and never will. The male can not possibly understand the mass of seething emotions that a woman goes through nor the underlying logic and in many cases the lack thereof.

So to make it simpler I will provide an outline for your direct communications breakthrough. Here goes:

Honey we have a problem that is really making me feel bad and requires immediate attention if I am to thrive emotionally.
Our problem is that I do not feel loved or cared for by you in recent times because of the following:
1) You no longer express any intimacy.
2) You no longer express any positive reinforcement of your love or your attraction or ..... (fill in the blank)
3) You are no longer attentive to me and are distant....

Modify the above to fit your situation but be direct and specific. Now finally, and this is the kicker, express a willingness to support him and discover his problems as well.

Is there something wrong that prevents you from doing 1),2) and 3) above? Are you specifically trying to hurt me because of some anger or passive aggressiveness? What specifically is the issue that is causing this?

Perhaps your husband has not dealt with and resolved some grievance. Resolve your grievances, forgive and move on. Do not consider divorce over something as petty as this unless your husband is cheating on you. You may have to investigate further to see if that is the cause of his loss of intimacy.

Last Edited by SevenThunders on 12/25/2012 11:22 PM

wow, awesome 1940s retro Judge Dredd sort of philosophy you've got, good luck finding a woman today who agrees. "she pays the consequences" lmao, and so the man is just fine and dandy. he should make no sacrafice becasue hes the superior being right?

I'm sorry to hear you felt like your heart got broken, but did you ever realize that it was probably just no longer fulfilling to her anymore?

It's not always about the man's happiness. Two are suppose to become one. And if your spouse doesn't make you happy you should not be married. Period.

I know that I've done counseling since May. I have done more than my part. My "spouse" is lacking and I don't want to be the "parent" in the relationship, always reminding them what to do and when. They should want to.

That link above is good because it just reminds me that maybe not everyone is compatible. No sense in growing old with someone you hate.

I am a college educated paralegal. I obtained my degree before my children were born, and obtained my paralegal certification while they were in a school. I have kept the house spotless, I like a clean and uncluttered house. I love to cook, and make every birthday cake from scratch. I have been a very supportive wife and nursed my husband back to health after a serious accident. I have given my all to him and my kids. Is it too much to ask for a little in return? I feel like a dog that is starved for attention or a kind word:-(

^^THIS^^

So you became a mum at the age of what 8-9?

That would make you 28, and not old.