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Salivating over an inheritance that may never be

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26400904
United States
12/26/2012 01:19 AM
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Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
I listened to my daughter-in-law a few years ago discussing with her father what her grandparents would be leaving to him and the rest of the family. At the time they were attending a family function in my home. I was appalled at her and her father's lack of discretion and their unabashed focused on what they would receive. The tone of the conversation struck me as calculating and greedy. I just listened and said nothing.

My 6 year old grandson very recently asked me how much longer I would be living in my home. When I asked him why did he want to know, he said "they" wanted to live here.

My 33 year old son, the child's father, and DIL's husband, also just recently asked me if I had my "affairs" in order. Mind you I am only 58 years old. Given the other conversations, I am taken aback. Obviously, what they might inherit, upon my death has been discussed, even in front the kids.

I am not a wealthy person; however, if I continue to manage well, all of my 3 children should be left with a little something. I am not comfortable laying it all out in front of them at this stage. Partly, because I don't want their spouses to start salivating, and partly, because I just don't know where life will take me and I don't want to set them up for an expectation of an inheritance that might not materialize.

Have any of you dealt with such an issue?
11:11

User ID: 17011760
United States
12/26/2012 01:22 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Maybe you should start looking for a good Charity to donate to.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5648569
United States
12/26/2012 01:24 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Inheritances destroy families, run from the money it will curse your life......
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10743044
United States
12/26/2012 01:28 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Whatever you do, don't tell your kids they'll inherit ANYTHING!

Let them know, in casual conversation, you may move into a retirement community or something, even if you're young and have no intention of ever moving.

If they already plan on living in your house when you're dead, something's very, very wrong with their thinking and you MUST change it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10743044
United States
12/26/2012 01:30 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Inheritances destroy families, run from the money it will curse your life......
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5648569


Amen to that!

It can still be done, but the 'inheritees' need to be SANE for it to work, and that's just not the norm anymore.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5648569
United States
12/26/2012 01:39 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Sorry It's your money, I only read the caption.

My own parents are rolling over in their graves at the greed that transpired after their demise. The division and sibling rivalry which undermined their life's greatest work, their family. I washed my hands of it, the distention the hatred the petty grudges which took over and manipulated to the degree my mother, after my fathers demise, had to hire attorneys to protect herself from her own children. Make your will clear with your family, and legally, even then it won't totally protect from abuses but at least you will have a firm mandate and their conscience, or lack there of , will not to be able to hide.

My father had a clause, he must have known, anyone who questioned the will got $5.00. Only they disputed his dictate and claimed he was incapable and invalidated this clause. I lost many family members in my pursuit to defend my parents and likely $ but my soul is clear, and at least I sleep soundly.

Be astute and trust your intuition someone in your family is noble, find them and give them the golden ticket......
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25781251
United States
12/26/2012 01:44 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
That sucks OP, I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, the love of money truly is the root of all evil.

verysad
CeeLite
Hello!

User ID: 30870262
United States
12/26/2012 02:12 AM

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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
I listened to my daughter-in-law a few years ago discussing with her father what her grandparents would be leaving to him and the rest of the family. At the time they were attending a family function in my home. I was appalled at her and her father's lack of discretion and their unabashed focused on what they would receive. The tone of the conversation struck me as calculating and greedy. I just listened and said nothing.

My 6 year old grandson very recently asked me how much longer I would be living in my home. When I asked him why did he want to know, he said "they" wanted to live here.

My 33 year old son, the child's father, and DIL's husband, also just recently asked me if I had my "affairs" in order. Mind you I am only 58 years old. Given the other conversations, I am taken aback. Obviously, what they might inherit, upon my death has been discussed, even in front the kids.

I am not a wealthy person; however, if I continue to manage well, all of my 3 children should be left with a little something. I am not comfortable laying it all out in front of them at this stage. Partly, because I don't want their spouses to start salivating, and partly, because I just don't know where life will take me and I don't want to set them up for an expectation of an inheritance that might not materialize.

Have any of you dealt with such an issue?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26400904


58 is really young for them to be asking you that. Just my opinion. Does he have HIS affairs in order? He has young children, more important for him to take care of now and oh does he have life insurance? Has he thought about what would happen to the kids if something happened to him? Something is off here, when things get weird and you don't know why your being asked something that is inappropriate ask why they think it's important OR ask them the same question. Best I could come up with:)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30108220
United States
12/26/2012 02:17 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
I'd give it all to something like the SPCA or St. Judes hospital etc.. The vultures are already circling. Not good...not good at all.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30108220
United States
12/26/2012 02:21 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
You should take a cruise OP and let it be known your will be spending on yourself lavishly. Even if you don't spend that much you might enjoy yourself and it will put a bee in their bonnet.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 26400904
United States
12/26/2012 10:42 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
I listened to my daughter-in-law a few years ago discussing with her father what her grandparents would be leaving to him and the rest of the family. At the time they were attending a family function in my home. I was appalled at her and her father's lack of discretion and their unabashed focused on what they would receive. The tone of the conversation struck me as calculating and greedy. I just listened and said nothing.

My 6 year old grandson very recently asked me how much longer I would be living in my home. When I asked him why did he want to know, he said "they" wanted to live here.

My 33 year old son, the child's father, and DIL's husband, also just recently asked me if I had my "affairs" in order. Mind you I am only 58 years old. Given the other conversations, I am taken aback. Obviously, what they might inherit, upon my death has been discussed, even in front the kids.

I am not a wealthy person; however, if I continue to manage well, all of my 3 children should be left with a little something. I am not comfortable laying it all out in front of them at this stage. Partly, because I don't want their spouses to start salivating, and partly, because I just don't know where life will take me and I don't want to set them up for an expectation of an inheritance that might not materialize.

Have any of you dealt with such an issue?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26400904


58 is really young for them to be asking you that. Just my opinion. Does he have HIS affairs in order? He has young children, more important for him to take care of now and oh does he have life insurance? Has he thought about what would happen to the kids if something happened to him? Something is off here, when things get weird and you don't know why your being asked something that is inappropriate ask why they think it's important OR ask them the same question. Best I could come up with:)
 Quoting: CeeLite


Ceelite, you and I must think alike. I did turn the conversation around to discuss HIS affairs. Found out he does not have a decent life insurance policy. Shared my thoughts on the importance of THAT.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. It just makes my blood run cold to think I have a son, his wife, and child, already anticipating my demise. He has always been the most caring and attentive of my children. Comes as a huge shock to me.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30888826
United States
12/26/2012 11:00 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
I listened to my daughter-in-law a few years ago discussing with her father what her grandparents would be leaving to him and the rest of the family. At the time they were attending a family function in my home. I was appalled at her and her father's lack of discretion and their unabashed focused on what they would receive. The tone of the conversation struck me as calculating and greedy. I just listened and said nothing.

My 6 year old grandson very recently asked me how much longer I would be living in my home. When I asked him why did he want to know, he said "they" wanted to live here.

My 33 year old son, the child's father, and DIL's husband, also just recently asked me if I had my "affairs" in order. Mind you I am only 58 years old. Given the other conversations, I am taken aback. Obviously, what they might inherit, upon my death has been discussed, even in front the kids.

I am not a wealthy person; however, if I continue to manage well, all of my 3 children should be left with a little something. I am not comfortable laying it all out in front of them at this stage. Partly, because I don't want their spouses to start salivating, and partly, because I just don't know where life will take me and I don't want to set them up for an expectation of an inheritance that might not materialize.

Have any of you dealt with such an issue?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 26400904


Obviously, you're too late on the above point. May I humbly suggest leaving your estate to your grandchildren, perhaps a trust if the property (real estate and funds) is "significant." Consider a free consult with a CPA or wills/trust attorney. Most importantly, enjoy your life and what you have because "you can't take it with you."

.02$
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17888588
United States
12/26/2012 11:11 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Op, I am very sorry that you are having these issues in your family. Sounds like your DIL is greedy as all get out.
Please take a bit of advice from someone whose family was destroyed over the money issue and distribution.

Go over your finances COMPLETELY and see how much you can afford NOW to give to each of your children without hurting your lifestyle.
Gather them all together or even send them each a letter with a check explaining to them that you prefer to give them their inheritance NOW while you are in your right mind and well.And make it clear that is ALL they can expect to get.

Also, ask them if they would like any particular keepsakes from the house should something happen to you. And make sure it gets put in writing what each person should get. ONE THING ONLY.

You will then be free to spend as you wish and handle your affairs as you wish and any person wishing to show their TRUE COLORS will do so thus alerting you to who is greedy and calculating and who is not.

Should you choose to leave them anything when you die, you still have that option. But you will be letting them know not to EXPECT anything.

You may want to adjust this idea to suit your needs and budget but I am sure you understand what I am saying.

And for God's sake eat your Wheaties so you can outlive them all!!!
anonanon
User ID: 4148733
United States
12/26/2012 11:14 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Set up a special needs trust fund for yourself in the event that you ever need a nursing home or other special care.

Then set it up so that your entire estate and the trust gets set up as trust fund for the 6 year old grandson with a non-family member of the trustee and a trust that he cannot touch until he is 30 years old except for extraordinary medical expenses.

Inform you children that you are putting everything you own into a trust fund for yourself and will likely have to sell the house to pay for any nursing care or assisted living you might need later in life.

Do not tell them anything else.

I once told my once beloved auntie that the only thing she had to leave me was her love. Her husband was a real tightwad so I taught her how to enjoy shopping and putting in a new bathroom and doing whatever else she wanted to do.

The rest of her husband's family hated me as she did spend most of it all on herself.

I will never forget the smiles she gave me each time she did.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 29744172
United States
12/26/2012 11:30 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
College trust funds for all the children in your family. Give them the gift of knowledge, teach them how to fish Op.

moshpitmoshpitmoshpitmoshpit
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1438347
New Zealand
12/26/2012 11:43 AM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Close families discuss issues that effect them, and plan together.

My advice would be to strengthen the family and sit down and discuss the future with all your children, plan with them as equals and allies, not treat them as the enemy, ensure your remaining wealth benefits you and your children, after all what's life all about?

you will notice that rich people set up trusts to ensure their wealth is passed on, where as the working class have been talked into looking after number 1. If you eat all your wealth and pass nothing on you ensure your lineage remains poor working fools, that is how they want it(this is a conspiracy site, obigatory reference to TPTB)

you know the term "old money", the old joke "he made his money the old fashioned way - inherited it."

As a father you should accept your childrens spouses into "your family" make yourself relevant and included,

otherwise what good are you to them... if the only comfort and value you have is your money, then who is to blame if they start to see you in that light?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1280257
United States
12/26/2012 01:15 PM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Stephen knows your pain



5a
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19879137
United States
12/26/2012 01:19 PM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Inheritances destroy families, run from the money it will curse your life......
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5648569
Fear mongering bullshit.

Instead of leaving them money or property as their only inheritance, teach them before your passing to make their own fortunes and then theyh won't be salivating aftor what little you have. Spend what you have while you are alive.\\

But yes.. if you are 50ish you DO need to have your affairs in order. At the very least a solid Will and Living Will.
Setting up a Trust is simple these days to, and makes things very simple for the executor - who should NEVER be a family member.
Smith Jefferys

User ID: 15628045
United Kingdom
12/26/2012 01:26 PM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
My Mum once heard my step-sister saying something similar about her and my step-dad's house.. something along the lines of "All this'll be ours one day" to her then husband, and she wasn't too impressed.

I'll be honest - on paper I would stand to theoretically inherit a fair bit - but that's just on paper.

I want to make my own life and be able to hold it up and say, "Hey, this is mine, created by my own sweat." If I were to get something, then I'd just want it to be an added bonus, but then only at the will of my parents - whatever their decision I would respect it, as they're my parents and that's that. If it ends up going to a cat's home, then so be it. Just as long as there's no con involved, and they make their decisions of their own free will.

When I do see people who live off inheritances, the majority of them appear to have an empty vacuous lifestyle where they have no aspirations.. just doing things day to day, ending up as alcoholics, drug users and married to some other shallow individual.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15840643
United States
12/26/2012 01:33 PM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
OP this should NOT be about YOUR Ego.

This is about your FAMILY'S Survival.

Communication with your Family is Key.

Things to think about

1. Get over your Ego and being "hurt". The problem is that YOU did not set the CORRECT expectations about inheritance with your son from on early age.

2. Your son is asking you about because it is an UNKNOWN to him. YOU did not set the ground rules and importance of FAMILY inheritance to him and the rest of your Family.

3. Blame yourself for your LACK OF COMMUNICATION.

4. Take the steps to let your family know how importance they are to you.

5. Figure out a fair way to distribute your wealth to them.

6. Help them now if they need some help. (What is the point of hoarding your wealth until you die.)

7. Always remember the Golden Rule - Family First
 Quoting: Open Your Eyes


THIS!!!
Secrecy breeds suspicion which KILLS family. Open up cause if you can't do that with blood relatives you don't have a family to begin with...
DarthDickheadus:Ameri​canSith

User ID: 30587851
United States
12/26/2012 01:34 PM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Mooches...
(GLP aka American Jedi)

Listen here you beautiful bitch, I'm about to fuck you up with some truth.
Kenny Powers

If you steal the dreams of others long enough, sooner or later you'll end up in a nightmare.
American Jedi

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.
Albert Einstein

Satis Eloquentiae, Sapientiae Parum....

"The last of the old?"

"No, the first of the new."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30746233
United States
12/26/2012 01:41 PM
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Re: Salivating over an inheritance that may never be
Set up a special needs trust fund for yourself in the event that you ever need a nursing home or other special care.

Then set it up so that your entire estate and the trust gets set up as trust fund for the 6 year old grandson with a non-family member of the trustee and a trust that he cannot touch until he is 30 years old except for extraordinary medical expenses.

Inform you children that you are putting everything you own into a trust fund for yourself and will likely have to sell the house to pay for any nursing care or assisted living you might need later in life.

Do not tell them anything else.

I once told my once beloved auntie that the only thing she had to leave me was her love. Her husband was a real tightwad so I taught her how to enjoy shopping and putting in a new bathroom and doing whatever else she wanted to do.

The rest of her husband's family hated me as she did spend most of it all on herself.

I will never forget the smiles she gave me each time she did.
 Quoting: anonanon 4148733


cool2

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