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A GLP Wednesday Morning

 
SteveWutabi
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12/26/2012 08:30 AM

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A GLP Wednesday Morning
   Startled by the sharp pain in my gut, I spring out of bed, grab my iphone, and instinctively head towards the shitter.  Passing the sliding glass window leading out onto the balcony, I deduce from the lack of light outside that my melatonin supplement has again failed to provide a full night's rest.  Disappointed, but undeterred, I make my way into the restroom, drop trough, and nestle myself onto the Great Seat of Clarity. 
   The emptying of my bowels takes less than 25 seconds, as most of the work is completed in the first moments of hover, however my work in this place is far from over.  I bring up my Wi-Fi settings, only to swap it off and opt for the slower 3G coverage.  Somehow, I have managed to become an IP adress enemy of the site which I have grown to become addicted to.  
   Over the last 3 months, I have accrued a love/hate relationship with GLP, which has brought forth many new changes in my habits, from Illuminati spotting to monitoring my data plan to make sure I don't hit any overage fees for the month.  One of my favorite changes, however, comes not in the form of information or awareness, but in community. 
   I've probably only posted 10 or so times, but I've spent countless hours recently immersing myself in the background here at GLP.  Many of you have become pseudo-mentors and heroes to me, albeit unknowingly.  Some of you have even become my new sub-set of dream-women, sparked by a hot avatar picture, a propensity for the weird, and a simple claim of "Yes, I'm a woman!"  (One of the hottest phrases a GLP'er can read on this site)
   Finishing up my morning business, I opt for a cold shower over the hot, for 3 new Doom posts have rendered me with a full-on fear-ection.   Maybe today will finally be the day...
   Stepping out of the shower, I smell like a combination of Old Spice and New Spice, the scent of which immediately brings life back into my loins.  Feeling like a million bucks of non-fiat currency, I head to the closet to choose the attire of the day.
   AsI look through my closet for the perfect button-up shirt, I realize that I'm no different than any other GLP'er with one exception;  I put my pants on with no hands, and rarely get my dick caught in the zipper.  Funny, for as different as we all are, we all feel the same pain during accidental gential mutilation.
   The moral of this story is, there is no moral of the story.  That's another thing I've come to learn and appreciate here.  Doom or no Doom, every morning I wake up I expect each and every one of you to be on your best conspiratard behavior, regardless of world events.  Afterall, Doom is not found in Bohemian Grove, Chemtrails, UFO's, or Psy-Ops.  Nay, true unconditional doom lies within the hearts of those who carry its torch.   To be trendy: Keep Calm and Doom On.
   If I wasted a few minutes of your morning, I sincerely apologize for your poor decision to not cut and run from this thread after reading the first few sentences.  As much as I love pissing people off, I wrote this in an attempt to make each and every one of you smile and feel special.  Even when the shills come out in full force, and you feel obligated to refresh your thread every 60 seconds to defend your position against a half-retard, just know that there is someone out there like me, taking a very meaty dump, and anxiously awaiting your reply.

Much Love to you all, I hope you all wake up inspired today.  
   
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dikkie

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12/26/2012 08:33 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
hf
A Friend
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12/26/2012 08:34 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
bmup

;-)
I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is. -Albert Camus

My 3 new books with some art and photography being original works, enjoy... [link to www.slideshare.net]

fnecsm
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12/26/2012 08:52 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
Very colorful. You should write more often. rose
SteveWutabi (OP)

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12/26/2012 09:02 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
Thanks! I've always loved to write, however I've always been my harshest critic. I woke up this morning rejuvenated, alive, and with a purpose in mind: I have a gift, I need to share it. Even if it's talking about taking a morning glory, it's refreshing to know my words and thoughts can alter someone's day in the positive. I hope everyone that reads this gains some joy, entertainment, or inspiration, because that's what you all provide me day in and day out.
jchashtag.wix.com/hashtagtheblog
InTune4529

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12/26/2012 09:03 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
Very entertaining...you're a fine writer :)

peace
Anonymous Coward
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12/26/2012 09:07 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
+1

thanks for the entertainment, OP, but nothing, NOTHING!, beats waking up to some awesome Roger Whitaker...


OVRANALYZE

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12/26/2012 09:09 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
chuckle
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12/26/2012 09:11 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
Kermit Smoking
Life is karma and karma always reflects both past and present circumstance. Our time here is short, so choose carefully and behave well, for all of your tomorrows are presently being decided.

"Don't die on a small cross..." Saddletramp's Mom

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
-- William Shakespeare, born April 23, 1564.

Janebroom
Killer Bunny mockingjay
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12/26/2012 09:12 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
PINNED for some morning fun.
Life is karma and karma always reflects both past and present circumstance. Our time here is short, so choose carefully and behave well, for all of your tomorrows are presently being decided.

"Don't die on a small cross..." Saddletramp's Mom

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
-- William Shakespeare, born April 23, 1564.

Janebroom
Killer Bunny mockingjay
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12/26/2012 09:12 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
It stems from the conscious self contempt in our self aware co-operation with our own slavery; it is our awareness as we sign our name on the line that is dotted, knowing beforehand that we are indeed fucking ourselves... yet we still sign.

It is the ritual of putting on the suit and tie; and hating what we have become; it is the awareness of our own pussification and submission to things that dont even exist. We submit to money that has only a perceived value, we submit to laws that are in fact fictional representations of political bribery i.e. the will of a few corporations that seek to make our lives lesser; their dominance a purely maladaptive and anti compettitive condition that condemns us to a future of mediocrity and a mundane character. We submit to an elitist captured system that now surreptitiously plots to kill us...

Therefore, by all means, Doom on.

Last Edited by Intergalactic Diplomat on 12/26/2012 09:24 AM
SteveWutabi (OP)

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12/26/2012 09:16 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
Thanks for the pin! Who says Wednesday mornings have to be drab?!?!
jchashtag.wix.com/hashtagtheblog
DeadBeacon

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12/26/2012 09:25 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
That was truly one of the best reads I've wasted my time with here on GLP!

Well done sir/madame/it/thing/alien....fellow GLP'er!

coffee4
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"Misunderestimating is only 5/4 th's of the problem"!

"Some choose to hear, few decide to listen".

"Question what you know and know why you question".

"GLP will never be the sane...uhhh...same".

"The markets will determine the fate of government intervention, not government intervening in the market".
SoundCurrent

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12/26/2012 09:30 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
That was really just so perfect. Even though I am female and not harangued by constant "hard-ons" I so appreciate what you said about this sight and all of our apparent addiction to it.

Thank you for an excellent after Christmas (which by the way was not so funny) laugh.
"The elixir of the Shabda Flow is so overwhelming, so incandescent, that to be brushed by the strokes of God leaves an imprint for eternity."
Sri Gary Olsen
SteveWutabi (OP)

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12/26/2012 09:38 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
As much as I would have loved to leave the weiner references out of it, I felt, in the spirit of GLP, you all deserved the unobstructed version. To quote from one of my inspirations, "Excuse me, Lord. Lustful thinking, but that was the way we was brought up. Sneaking to watch Playboy at night, we all must be caught up in worldly ways." - Antwan Andre Patton

Seriously though,

Thanks for all the love this morning. I can't find the words to describe all the energy I'm feeling from you all.

Last Edited by SteveWutabi on 12/26/2012 09:38 AM
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Anonymous Coward
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12/26/2012 09:41 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
broccoli

Love this.
Angelic_Warrior

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12/26/2012 09:42 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
Thanks! I've always loved to write, however I've always been my harshest critic. I woke up this morning rejuvenated, alive, and with a purpose in mind: I have a gift, I need to share it. Even if it's talking about taking a morning glory, it's refreshing to know my words and thoughts can alter someone's day in the positive. I hope everyone that reads this gains some joy, entertainment, or inspiration, because that's what you all provide me day in and day out.
 Quoting: SteveWutabi





applause2
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
I Corinthians 2:14

God doesn't choose favorites.. They choose HIM

It is not the greatness of my faith that moves mountains but my faith in the greatness of God
Michael_

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12/26/2012 09:43 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
well written :)

seal
Angelic_Warrior

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12/26/2012 09:44 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
laugh Hilarious laugh

Kermit Smoking
 Quoting: Lady Jane Smith

But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
I Corinthians 2:14

God doesn't choose favorites.. They choose HIM

It is not the greatness of my faith that moves mountains but my faith in the greatness of God
Angelic_Warrior

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12/26/2012 09:46 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
My favorite line ----> "Feeling like a million bucks of non-fiat currency" rockon
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
I Corinthians 2:14

God doesn't choose favorites.. They choose HIM

It is not the greatness of my faith that moves mountains but my faith in the greatness of God
Anonymous Coward
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12/26/2012 09:47 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
PINNED for some morning fun.
 Quoting: Lady Jane Smith


You were an excellent choice for mod LJS!
Anonymous Coward
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12/26/2012 09:49 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
you typed this while on the 'seat of clarity' didn't you? You have a creative skill, keep it going.
SteveWutabi (OP)

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12/26/2012 09:58 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
you typed this while on the 'seat of clarity' didn't you? You have a creative skill, keep it going.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1469248


Haha I did! I swear, I should build an IKEA desk in my bathroom and just work from there full-time.

Thanks for the love again, y'all. Doom is a dish best served on a buffet line with little frilly toothpicks.
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YaRight
Peace, Love and Chicken wings

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12/26/2012 10:05 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
Well I do admit I have check on Doom from the shitter … rock on OProckon
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
samanthasunflower

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12/26/2012 10:10 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
bounceb blwkss

"Yes, I'm a woman."




girl_happy_brown
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12/26/2012 10:11 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
PINNED for some morning fun.
 Quoting: Lady Jane Smith


You were an excellent choice for mod LJS!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28604765


Scary Monster Ki
Life is karma and karma always reflects both past and present circumstance. Our time here is short, so choose carefully and behave well, for all of your tomorrows are presently being decided.

"Don't die on a small cross..." Saddletramp's Mom

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
-- William Shakespeare, born April 23, 1564.

Janebroom
Killer Bunny mockingjay
A Friend
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12/26/2012 10:21 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
PINNED for some morning fun.
 Quoting: Lady Jane Smith


You were an excellent choice for mod LJS!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28604765


Scary Monster Ki
 Quoting: Lady Jane Smith


My husband, who passed away, used to call his sister Lady Jane and their last name is Smith. From the very first moment I saw you on GLP, you reminded me of them in a very good way.

kittyhugs
I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is. -Albert Camus

My 3 new books with some art and photography being original works, enjoy... [link to www.slideshare.net]

fnecsm
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12/26/2012 10:24 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
PINNED for some morning fun.
 Quoting: Lady Jane Smith


You were an excellent choice for mod LJS!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 28604765


Scary Monster Ki
 Quoting: Lady Jane Smith


My husband, who passed away, used to call his sister Lady Jane and their last name is Smith. From the very first moment I saw you on GLP, you reminded me of them in a very good way.

kittyhugs
 Quoting: A Friend


Hiding 2
Life is karma and karma always reflects both past and present circumstance. Our time here is short, so choose carefully and behave well, for all of your tomorrows are presently being decided.

"Don't die on a small cross..." Saddletramp's Mom

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
-- William Shakespeare, born April 23, 1564.

Janebroom
Killer Bunny mockingjay
CrimsonBleu
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12/26/2012 10:29 AM

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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
"Keep Calm and Doom On"...

I want that on a TShirt! :)
Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup........



"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- WOW-- What a Ride!"
Hunter Thompson "Gonzo"
Angelic_Warrior

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12/26/2012 10:32 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
bounceb blwkss

"Yes, I'm a woman."




girl_happy_brown
 Quoting: samanthasunflower




2 Funny ... This thread is cracking me up banana2
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
I Corinthians 2:14

God doesn't choose favorites.. They choose HIM

It is not the greatness of my faith that moves mountains but my faith in the greatness of God
MultiStrada

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12/26/2012 10:40 AM
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Re: A GLP Wednesday Morning
Right on right on right on.

hf

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