you could be my beautiful child. I just want to tell you not to give up hope and there are always better days. Sometimes we can't see past our hurts and however screwed up our experiences have been. You think I don't underdtand but I do. I too felt less than, apart from everyone else. I'd see people laughing when I couldn't even smile because I hurt so much inside. I knew if you knew the real me, you wouldn't like me so I was a "pretender". There was no where for me to go but up when I hit my bottom.I was depressed, hated life and people. I found God. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? Yes. I used to pray to just be able to smile again........and God gave me peace.Not all at once but little by little I learned to reach out. What I gave out, I started getting back.
I see what you are going through and I wish I could take it away but I would only delay your chance to grow. Having an illness doesn't make things any easier but I pray that somehow you reach inside yourself and know that you are loved.
You are not alone....I bet many of the people you think are happy on the outside fele like dying on the inside. I urge you to please, please consider that God loves you and I love you so much and you have a part in this world. You have something to share in this life but please try to take a step.
If you are my child, whom I miss so much, I love you.