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Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor

 
long distance neighbor
User ID: 30888791
United States
12/27/2012 06:09 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
I have an elderly 88 year old Granny that I have made a point to stay in touch with even though we live 1300 miles apart.
He family is gone... her Husband died 35 years ago, son about 5 *hospital/doctors really killed him, but she is too old to fight them, one daughter that got religion and moved away and yet another daughter that has moved on and forgot about her Mom.
At times I even wonder why I stay in touch, she can be very stubborn,controlling,uneducated about the times and protocol, and often has tunnel vision when it isn't her idea ......but I try to see the bigger picture, she is struggling in a time when technology moves at lightening speed and is hard for them (Hell me) to understand and with NO ONE wanting or willing to take the time to lend a hand.
She's sad about the cards she was dealt and life cut you short and also often self made, but she lost a husband early on then her child. Her sisters have passed on and the nieces and nephews don't bother. She's lonely and just wants what we all want, to know that someone cares that you have worth after all these years. Maybe a simple word of advice or a little trick to fix this or that...to help to be part of this world that is spinning so fast.
They/she are just trying to make it through...to have a connection to another living being that just might give a damn ...be kind....see what his needs are in that aspect...company, a friend and lend him a hand in finding that, you'll feel good that you help change a life for the better even in a small way or gesture.
Cheers!
Epic Beard Guy
Constitutional Crusader

User ID: 26240425
United States
12/27/2012 06:28 PM

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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
Back in the day, everyone was much more social. Neighbors were friends, and neighborhoods were likely to throw a big barbeque a few times a year. A lot of older people (including my mother) still try to be that way. Most people today are not all that social and avoid neighbors. It was a simpler time, but over all, it was a better time. My nearest neighbor is over a quarter mile away, but I have to admit I don't even know their name. I've had parties (pig roasts) with over 300 people, but never had one of my neighbors over. We have really lost something by being less social.
Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." -- Claire Wolfe
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9571037
United States
12/27/2012 06:38 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
Here is a idea, go get in your shiney little girly man car, get it up to say 80 or however fast they go now, run it straight into a brick wall.

Fixes his problem and yours dont it. self centered prick.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17743321
Canada
12/27/2012 06:55 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
I'll trade you for mine: continually noisy loud-mouth drunken bullies who have no consideration for anyone or anything.

Wanna? Please?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4545733
United States
12/27/2012 06:57 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
I lost one of the best friends I ever had when my neighbor, who just turned 80, passed away last year. He was old enough to be my father, and I made certain he didn't consider me his girlfriend.

But I know he would have done anything for me if he could. I would take him where he had to be 'cause he had never driven in his life; doctors, grocery, and shopping for clothing if he needed it.

I miss him terribly. You might be surprised if you get to know your neighbor a little bit better. I loved hearing my neighbor tell me stories of his childhood in Norway, his life as a merchant marine, etc.

He was a decent, honest, and honorable man. I'm certain that I got more out the relationship than he did.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1408355
Australia
12/27/2012 07:15 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
This is a lonely old man. I would check to see if there are any organizations that go visit and help old people in your area, and give them his address. He is from the times when neigbours helped each other and talked to each other.
Him Again
User ID: 29591477
12/27/2012 07:36 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
I have an elderly 88 year old Granny that I have made a point to stay in touch with even though we live 1300 miles apart.
He family is gone... her Husband died 35 years ago, son about 5 *hospital/doctors really killed him, but she is too old to fight them, one daughter that got religion and moved away and yet another daughter that has moved on and forgot about her Mom.
At times I even wonder why I stay in touch, she can be very stubborn,controlling,uneducated about the times and protocol, and often has tunnel vision when it isn't her idea ......but I try to see the bigger picture, she is struggling in a time when technology moves at lightening speed and is hard for them (Hell me) to understand and with NO ONE wanting or willing to take the time to lend a hand.
She's sad about the cards she was dealt and life cut you short and also often self made, but she lost a husband early on then her child. Her sisters have passed on and the nieces and nephews don't bother. She's lonely and just wants what we all want, to know that someone cares that you have worth after all these years. Maybe a simple word of advice or a little trick to fix this or that...to help to be part of this world that is spinning so fast.
They/she are just trying to make it through...to have a connection to another living being that just might give a damn ...be kind....see what his needs are in that aspect...company, a friend and lend him a hand in finding that, you'll feel good that you help change a life for the better even in a small way or gesture.
Cheers!
 Quoting: long distance neighbor 30888791


This is the nicest thing I've read this whole month.

hf
Lady Jane SmithModerator
Forum Moderator

User ID: 23410866
12/27/2012 07:40 PM

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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
He's probably just a lonely ol' guy looking to connect with other living beings...It's not like you'll have to "put up" with the guy forever.

If you don't have time for a neighbor who is obviously in need of some companionship try hookin' him up with another lonely neighbor or invite him out to do some stuff where he might meet someone he can spend time with.

Try and see the world from his perspective and it'll help you handle it better...good luck.

hf
 Quoting: ArunaLuna


^^^ That^^^

I had an elderly neighbor with Alzheimers. He always came over to chat when I was gardening.

Yes, he was a bit annoying but, now that he has passed, I miss having him around & am very glad I took the time to chat when he was alive.
Life is karma and karma always reflects both past and present circumstance. Our time here is short, so choose carefully and behave well, for all of your tomorrows are presently being decided.

"Don't die on a small cross..." Saddletramp's Mom

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
-- William Shakespeare, born April 23, 1564.

Killer Bunny mockingjay
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1953668
United States
12/27/2012 08:06 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
I love my neighbors. We look out for one another and each others animals/properties. They are not ever in my face but always there if we need a hand. If tshtf i know they will be there with me when the communication grid goes.

Jmo but these are the relationships to cultivate; helpful and only intrude on what i am willing to give.
Meadow
User ID: 1560850
United States
12/27/2012 08:17 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
Be kind to the old gentleman.

You'll be old yourself one day.

Kindness and compassion are always in style.

Spend a little time with him, this may be what he needs.

Ask him about the "good old days." Learn about the past.

Patience has its own reward, you'll see.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 25567390
United States
12/27/2012 08:34 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
He's probably just a lonely ol' guy looking to connect with other living beings...It's not like you'll have to "put up" with the guy forever.

If you don't have time for a neighbor who is obviously in need of some companionship try hookin' him up with another lonely neighbor or invite him out to do some stuff where he might meet someone he can spend time with.

Try and see the world from his perspective and it'll help you handle it better...good luck.

hf
 Quoting: ArunaLuna


yup, because there may be a time when we are all alone and looking for company
 Quoting: strikeforce


I hope not!

But can you imagine if that old dude is just fuckin with the OP...and knows how agitated he gets by his visits...?

He probably watches and waits...

"oh here comes that sweet little youngin I'mma go get under his skin again" walks out to the yard...shuffle shuffle shuffle..."howdy neighbor!"

*pretends not to notice young neighbor roll his eyes at me while I chuckle inside at my annoyance powahs*

chuckle
 Quoting: ArunaLuna


maybe you should stop drinking wile you post.
LORIEN

User ID: 30983268
United States
12/27/2012 08:49 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
LOL...I thought I was the only one...that's FUNNY! I've got an old man that appears to be a snoop and uses his fucking little jack russel dog mutt for an excuse to just walk right into my yard. Worse, he just moved in the house and he thinks he's gonna be the local community leader, asking me if I want to chip in on some brick mailboxes because he's not happy with the mailboxes that are there. WHAT A FREAK!!!! I HATE HIM.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30953211


Those are the kind of people attracted to deed restricted neighborhoods. That's what you get in those types of communities. Not for me. We leave each other alone. Don't care if you work on your car in the driveway. Don't care if you have a pickup truck parked in the driveway. Don't care how big your shed is on your property, etc....
It's easy to find something worth dying for. Do you have anything worth living for?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30954926
United States
12/27/2012 08:52 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
WHy not ask him to do something for you? He obviously wants to be useful....give him something to do.

And just be freaking honest with him....if it's not a good time for him to come visiting...just tell him KINDLY that it's not a good time and you would rather be alone.

People of his generation understand HONESTY...but not unkindness or rudeness.

Sit down with him one on one and explain how you feel about your privacy and that he is welcome sometimes, but at other times it is best not to come over. Tell him to just ask you before he barges in and that you will be honest with him

Show him that respect as one man to another and everything will be fine.
long distance neighbor
User ID: 30888791
United States
12/27/2012 08:58 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
Thanks "Him Again" Life is so short...love is forever pick one...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17584550
United States
12/27/2012 09:08 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
Why do you have to stop gardening to talk? Can't you multi-task?
Buy him his own little kit of gardening tools. Give it to him as a present. Keep it with your stuff and when he comes by, break it out and hand it to him. He offered to help, right? Give him his own garden gloves, rake & trowel and take him up on it. It'll probably make him feel useful and talk less. Make sure you put his stuff away though when you're done though. Don't want him wandering over with them to work when you're not out there.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17584550
United States
12/27/2012 09:08 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
Why do you have to stop gardening to talk? Can't you multi-task?
Buy him his own little kit of gardening tools. Give it to him as a present. Keep it with your stuff and when he comes by, break it out and hand it to him. He offered to help, right? Give him his own garden gloves, rake & trowel and take him up on it. It'll probably make him feel useful and talk less. Make sure you put his stuff away though when you're done though. Don't want him wandering over with them to work when you're not out there.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17584550
United States
12/27/2012 09:09 PM
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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
sorry for the double post. didn't hit post twice so don't know why. server skip or something.
phoenixe

User ID: 29789169
Germany
12/27/2012 09:17 PM

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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
since i moved in my flat here about 15tyears ago i have an old neighbour, too.
she was very impolite to me(like: look at the youth! all crap! meaning me and many other things..),
whenever i greeted, she was never greeting back (but heard her complaining that youth doesn´t greet the elderly any more...),
very nosy (highlight: telling me it would be ok for her if i have a boyfriend visiting me! i was 30 at that time !) and whatching all day when i am leaving /coming home through window/door.
as she did not greet me back and i gave up doing so after about 5 years, i just waved in her direction everytime i came or left. not seeing her but _knowing_ she was watching.
then someday she stopped watching every step i take, about 2 years ago. when we meet in the staircase, we do not even look at each other, treating each other like air.
i really hate that, but i tried best i can, she did not want to change anything in our neighbour-relationship.

btw, there are many more elderly in this appartment complex, they (except her) sit together when weather is fine and talk, and all of them like me - and i like them, we have a little chat sometimes and when someone needs help, i help - in return, they take my parcel when i am at work so i don´t have to go to the post office to collect it.
works perfectly for all of us since i moved in.

she has not much family left, no husband, all alone on her own. i understand this is difficult and no one should be left alone that way, but if she behaves to her family like she did to me, i understand why it is the way it is.

BUT !
about a month ago, something i would have never thought of happened:
she took a parcel for me (never did before), so i had to ring at her door. and i felt not good, because i expected some bad words.
she openend the door, grabbed my arm ( i thought she wanted to hit me at first!) - and had tears in her eyes and then said: "i am so sorry, i am 85years now, i treated you wrong all the years, can we have a fresh start please?
you know, my son had died a year before, and my grandchild last week told me i am wrong how i treat the people around me, and i realized she is right. please?"

i was completely speachless at first, but then told her, if she really meant what she just said, i am very happy to have a fresh start, that i have really much respect for saying she was wrong all the time and if i can help her with anything, she should feel free to ring at my door.
we even hugged each other ! and since then, she greets me - with a smile (i ever wondered if she is able to smile ! never saw this before!).

so.. i just want to say:
your neighbour is lonely. he needs a duty, and wants to be of use !
maybe you can find him some small duties which make him feel less worthless to the world.

i would try to invite him over to yours for a chat.
tell him, you understand his situation (he will maybe be ashamed of being so needy, so be careful with your words !)and explain yours.
but if you can find a heart, maybe, if he wants to help with reeking up the leaves and think he is fit enough to do so - let him help you. it will make your life easier and his life much more pleasant.
Lindalee

User ID: 28645452
United States
12/27/2012 09:50 PM

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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
There is a saying, OP , that everyone comes into our lives for a reason, try to be kind with the neighbor, and you will feel better too !

hf
Circling the Sun @ 63,000 MPH
<3
ro

User ID: 30498601
United States
12/27/2012 10:40 PM

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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
OP: How sad. Did you ever think you might one day be lonely? A little compassion and unselfish love for others goes a long ways. This post speaks volumes about you and your wife's character! wtf
Ephesians 2:8-10 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Bowyn Aerrow

User ID: 30930370
United States
12/28/2012 12:12 AM

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Re: Looking for some advice on handling a nosey neighbor
I have to say he is lonely and trying to make friends.

He also comes from a time when neighbors were on very friendly terms, this sort of activity his displaying was considered neighborly and not a nuisance.

They didn't have ADT and other electronic services, instead they got to know each others' schedules and looked out for one another.

He is just a relic from an older time which you can't possibly understand. Don't worry, all us old people will die eventually and you can live in your isolation without anyone bothering you.

Have fun with that.
"My Dog, its full of fleas!"
-David Bowwow


“A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. A psychotic is a guy who's just found out what's going on.”
- William S. Burroughs

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