OP Was there a specific event that flipped you? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 23290196
You mentioned you were one way one day, and then you remembered your vision?
What made such an impression on you?
Im not sure exactly.
But for the last few months..prticularly since Ausgust I had been racing headling to the end of my rope.
I had realised I was all alone. My family had betrayed me..I lost my Job..had nowhere to live and no money.
Through a series of last minute miracles, I always had something to eat..and just enough money to keep going a bit longer.
I found a place to live at the last second...and there living with a stranger the final lessons in forgiveness were taught.(I could not tell my hurts to this stranger..they didnt want to know..so I had NO outlet and no one to talk to)
I was bubbling with anger..hurt..rage..despair..but all along I just KNEW I was being taken care of. Any need I had was always met somehow at the last second.
I began to look up..I told God..who I was not even sure of..all about it. I screamed..ranted..cried..blubbed..you name it..I told him. I told him all my pain..all my loss..all the agony and despair..and all was quiet...
Then one day..alsmost giving up I clearly heard the words deep inside..
"As a man sows so shall he reap"
I stood there stunned..the words kept playing over and over..
For two days I pondered those words.
Then it hit me..
I was responsible..ME..I did it..I brought it all on myself. Yes..I had been betrayed and hurt and treated badly. But I also had been a stinker to others. I had made many bad decisions which led ultimatley to my desperate state.
I had to take full responsability...
I spent a week being utterly honest with myself..I listed all my wrongs on a long list. Everything I had done wrong...it was a long list..all my selfishness..all my anger..my laziness..my arrogance..pride..all of it..every thing..every character flaw I could honestly name.
I presented them before God..I held the list up with tears in my eyes and said "See Lord..I know you must be there..read this..my list of charges...you say you forgive..can you forgive me..because I am guilty as charged."
I spent the next ten minutes feeling sorry for myself then..waiting for some "Zap" of divine forgiveness...
Then I heard that still small voice again...
"Unless you forgive others, your heavenly father cannot forgive you"
Well..I was still mad as heck at all the "hurts" I had suffered...it was not easy..and I said..
"But Lord..they were so unjust to me..I know I did things wrong..but many times they were just plain mean even when I was nice to them.."....on went my "rationalizations" for a while..
Then that small gentle voice again..
"Bless them that curse you..do good to them that hate you..for then you will like your father in heaven"
"Forgive,,and is shall be forgiven you"
All those bits I had read in the bible..all came flooding back like they were marked in flouropen..NOW they had actual meaning.
In other words..I just had to wear it..
So I made a decision..to just wear it..AND..to willingly forgive them.
I spoke each name out loud with an "I forgive such and such for doing such and such"
But that was not the end of my lesson in character building..
Then came the test..a week before christimas..AS the vision stated so long ago (but I still did not KNOW it was part of the vision at this time).
A week before christimas my brother, whom I had always respected and loved, turned on me. My ex wife turned on me..they all got together in some sort of evil collusion to crush me..I was not allowed to see my brother OR my kids for christimas.
My ex had told a whole lot of outright lies about me to my brother and turned him against me..despite the facts and the proof I had that she was lying about me.
I HAD to forgive them..and WEAR it..and trust the results to God.
I failed..sort of..I did get VERY mad at my brother..said some horrible things to him..but then felt bad about it and apolagised..even as he hung up the phone telling me in no uncertain terms to never talk to him again.
I texted him and apolagised again for getting mad..even though I had GOOD reason to be mad..they were my kids he was keeping me from seeing..he did not have the right to do that.
But..I let it go..prayed for him isntead..still choking inside...
The came xmas day...
I went around to the ex wifes place..expecting the worst christmas ever. My dad was visiting from down south and he was there as well. ALl turned out OK..I saw my kids..for half the day..and then they and the ex went to my brothers house..the very thing I was so mad about.
But it didnt bother me..I felt..a release..free..
The next day I got to spend with my kids and father all day. We had a good time..everything I was fearing was just not there..no one said a bad word to me..all was peaceful.
In that peace I was able to really think about things.
The next day I was sitting on my bed..pondering it all..the events of the last few days. I felt lightheded..free..like a weight had lifted from me. I could forgive..I DID forgive..and I felt forgiven as well..and humbled..very humbled..because I KNEW I just did not deserve it..after what I had done over the years.
Then I jumped onto the computer to see if I was unbanned from here yet..see what was going on in the world and all that.
But I was still banned..
So I went to the other site to see if anything was going down. And there was that thread..about a "Christmas vision"..and as I read some of it..POW..the one I had been trying to remeber all those years ago hit me like a ton of bricks.
I sat there stunned for a while..went outside,,thingking..remembering..and yes..I cried like a baby for a good 20 minutes..I WAS loved..it was not all in vain..I was being trained..and that training meant to NOT KNOW I was being trained. It was like a download..all came flooding back.
I just typed it out..as it came, without a break.
Took me about half an hour.
It all made sense now..all those weird occuurences in my life,,the amazing last minute miracles..the times I should have dies but didnt..the close shaves..the trials..the lessons..all of it..made sense.
So Now I just tell of the lesson learnt..to forgive..to trust the Lord no matter what..to wear the insults of others..to do good to those who hate you..to love the unlovable..to bear up under unjust attck and perecution..to see beyond the moment..to eternities shore..the reason we all live now..is for what we really will be..then.
And this is only the start.
I am gaining more revelation each day..deeper levels of love..mercy..compassion..wisdom.
I am NOT the same man I was a few months ago.
I was an angry hatefilled egotistical unforgiving cold hearted ratbag who thought it was everyone elses fault..when all along..it was mine.
Even the things that were not my fault..I had to wear..as a sign of character..to bear the brunt of injustice..and forgive nonetheless.
If God can change my stubborn, hurt, dark, blame everyone else heart, into a compassionate, wise, forgiving heart of mercy and love..he can change anyone.