OP -

I am blessed and encouraged to hear you speak about a wife, marriage and The Lord showing you that He will provide you will a loving partner in life, in strife and in the mission ahead.

I'm divorced and to my great shock (I am one of those girls who always had a boyfriend - one relationship would end just as the next would begin) I have been alone for 15!! Years!!! I really don't like it, yet I've been so busy as a single mom, there's been little time for anything personal. My younger child will be graduating high school soon and I've been praying for so long that The Lord would allow me to remarry - at least have a *partner* - to help me carry the physical, mental and spiritual burdens of this life. I'm SO TIRED - BONE TIRED - from doing it all alone - no family, no friends help (I help them though - and I'm not resentful - it's just the way it is) and not even a steady boyfriend to lean on....and my child's father makes it HS mission to drain me financially, emotionally, physically and attack me/my beliefs spiritually. I pray for him, but as I pray for my enemies - he is deeply entrenched in evil and I've been paying for my mistake, my rebellion, in being with this man ever since we got together. I lost the great love of my life, again because I had not "gotten serious" with The Lord and I literally idolized him (my 1st husband, not the awful 2nd one) and in order for me to truly know the Love and provision and nature of our Abba, He had to strip away everything I was using as a crutch - putting in HIS place. Oh......it was, it has been, so very, very painful......but 100% worth it and I'm grateful my Father loves me enough to do that.

But I continue to pray for the RIGHT man.....a man truly sold-out to The Lord and a real friend and partner. Time is growing so short and I often think that perhaps I ruined my allotted opportunities and that makes me sad. I miss romantic love. My first husband and I nearly reunited after my divorce from the 2nd man and I was so happy yet so scared of losing him again. Then, out of nowhere, this woman he didn't even want to date after their first one .... she swoops in & gets him to propose to her in TWO WEEKS. It shocked Everyone ....but especially me. She made him cut off all contact with me and my daughter without even the courtesy of an explanation or a goodbye. After all we'd been through.....I thought I couldn't deal with my heart breaking over this man anymore. They've been married 11 years now and although we live in the same area, have friends in common and used to run into each other all the time....I haven't seen him since.

There's more to the story, as we have a daughter together - a daughter I gave up for adoption as a married woman because my husband never wanted children & I'd been told I was infertile.....and she was a surprise. He was raised as a lapsed Catholic who felt abortion was like getting a cavity filled & couldn't understand why I would throw away our marriage over "nothing". I faced the public humiliation, self-righteous criticism of friends & family and the boiling wrath of my beloved husband by carrying our daughter to term & giving her up for adoption. (The Lord had given me dreams of this starting as a young child, so it helped me deal with it - though it was still gut-wrenching.). I have been so blessed by The Lord for my obedience, that I can't even begin to cover it all....big things, little things - but all directly recognizable as His reward for my obedience in the face of EVERYONE - even "Christians" - telling me to take the easy way out (abortion).

That daughter is now 19 and looks like my identical twin. I call her "clone", LoL. We just reconnected this past fall and I'm forever grateful for that....plus, that she is a living embodiment of the love I had, and still have, for her father. I thought, long ago, when she was of age & we forged a relationship, that it would bring my husband back to me....but clearly that isn't the Lord's Will. I pray for Him to heal my heart & take away - or better yet, REPLACE, this great love I have for him that causes me so much pain.

But I realize I gave this man a place he should never have: I literally gave up my firstborn child for this man .... I put him where The Lord should be -- and out of hurt & anger & sorrow & despair I went straight into the arms of a truly evil man. Like I said, I'm still paying DEARLY for that regrettable act today (17 years later!).

I wrote out my story in case it touches someone else.

And I want to thank you, OP, for giving me some hope that maybe, before my time is finished here on earth, I might have the relationship I've always wanted. You and I are the same age (either 4 months apart exactly, I think - or it could be 16, you being older - one or the other ) and I'm always told I look so young & I feel so young -- I don't want to be 50 or even 45 and alone. My mom's friend (a lovely truly saved lady who lost her equally born again husband a little over a year ago) just remarried after only be widowed less than a year - and she's 75!!!!! (Beautiful, inside & out, but 75! LoL) Plus, this man is made-to-order PERFECT - clearly The Lord's doing it's so incredible. It takes her weeks (after she began dating) and I've been totally A-LONE for over 15 years. :-(.

Sigh......I can't wait to see how The Lord will use my situation/testimony because I'm ready for a CHANGE - LoL..a MAN! (And that poor man if I do get one .....he's got 15+ years to make up for if you know what I mean....I think I'm a World Record Holder :-D ! )

LoL....gotta find the humor in it somehow.....