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Message Subject Y'all are gunna be mighty confused in a few hours time
Poster Handle Esoteric Morgan
Post Content
I am confused.

When this reset starts, how far back does it go? Are you saying that I could wake up and have to go back, perhaps, a year?

Yikes! I do not think I can bear this. It has been a year of loss, a year in which I have been tested from every angle. My emotions have been sustained only through a sheer denial of ugly truths and unfortunate mishaps that I have yet to be able to deal with properly. My stop-gap of 'glorious denial' has afforded me the chance to breathe a bit easier, while I spent hour after hour, day after day, making certain it never got TOO out of hand. Working seven days a week, sometimes 12 to 18 hours for... no, I can even bear to repeat this past year, much less relive it. I joked that I should change my name to Murphy, since things kept going wrong and breaking down at every turn, despite my best efforts...like my house's "Russian Roulette" electrical system, which is far from the worst of it.

Now I am being told that it's time for a do-over. This is the worst possible scenario. Just when I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I am about to lose EVERYTHING ELSE, that I can no longer 'beat a dead horse'...I MUST face this all over again??

Just when I started to find myself amongst the rubble of six years of Hell on Earth, I have to go back to square one? To face death and loss and things falling apart around me that I needed to sacrifice to repair by myself SOMEHOW, while the rest crumbles little by little? Just when I started to understand that I am not supposed to be a super-woman miracle-worker, that I can let go...

I've been winning against all odds, even as I was swimming through the effluence of broken dreams. Finally, I felt 'whole' for the first time since my husband died 5 years ago. I've been feeling almost perfect...convinced that 2013 will be amazing for me.

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OP, I sincerely hope you are wrong about this one.

I have always considered that I will rise above it all, but, the thought that I could be doomed to facing this all again is almost more than I can bear.

What makes you seem to think this is nothing to be concerned with???

It was just the last few days that I started to feel that there was real hope.

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YIKES! I just realized I have lost my cool in what I've written. But, I won't delete it. I've gotten it off my chest, and, if you ARE correct, no one will remember what I wrote, anyway.

Sorry for losing it.
 
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