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In Love with 2 People?

 
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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12/31/2012 10:37 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
The only feasible solution is for all parties to ride solo.

cool2
 Quoting: ANHEDONIC



I'm thinking that's what is going to happen :(.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Your friend needs to spend the necessary time to sort out that mess of emotions that he's dealing with. Until he takes the time to work through the emotions that he's battling with, he won't be able to make any sound, confident decisions about resolving these circumstances. You kind of hinted at it but could his fear of being hurt (again) make him subconsciously feel noncommital towards both parties?

It seemed kinda odd to me that you said he's only known the other woman for 2 weeks. Aside from the obvious butterflies that people can get when they first meet someone, two weeks doesn't sound like a suitable amount of time for two people to really know the extent of their feelings for one another under normal circumstances. Is he empathetic? Is that why he's so torn up about hurting her feelings? Does hurting her feelings make him identify with those feelings from his past and that's why he's so bent out of shape about this?

Maybe you could take a step back and grant him some space to sort his emotions out and clear his mind. It wouldn't hurt to tell him that's what you want him to do. You know that's what he has to do for this situation to proceed in a healthy direction for all parties. If he doesn't address the heart of the matter then the same emotional 'conflicts' will continue to resurface and manifest in different ways in the future.

Plus in light of recent discussions it sounds like you could benefit from devoting some more time focusing on YOU. That's why I hinted at riding 'solo' for a bit.

hf
 Quoting: ANHEDONIC


Yep, I agree totally. You always give some of the best advice on there. Thank you!!!!

Right, 2 weeks isn't very long, lol. However, he hasn't been happy for a very long time. My fault. He has been trying to show me how much he loves me since I left and I have just made him feel unloved, when that wasn't the case. So, this is the first time in a long time he has had fun with someone. This girl is also really young and fairly innocent, he doesn't want her to feel used and have a messed up view of guys. He is afraid of going back to hell with me. I am also extremely apprehensive, but fear gets us nowhere.

You are absolutely right about that. I definitely lost myself for quite some time and that will be my main focus in 2013...in addition to parenting, of course.

hfhfhfhf
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
LaniJane

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01/05/2013 01:25 AM

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Re: In Love with 2 People?
I see you making all these excuses for him, and blaming yourself for his unhappiness. Guilt is a valuable tool in the manipulation of one's emotions. Lawyers are master manipulators.
"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls." ~
George Carlin
DPoo

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01/05/2013 01:49 AM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
100% yes
 Quoting: Bluepill



Really? So what does one do in that situation?
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


suffer:/
Anonymous Coward
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01/05/2013 05:49 AM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
I'm sorry to say this Indigo, I think he's playing you and the other woman.
 Quoting: LaniJane


this.. and if you go back to him you just end up taking a million steps backwards and start another repetitive cycle of bs.. if you like having drama in your life then go for it.. i really dont like giving advice to women unless they are a certain kind of women because the other kind are the lowest form of whore there is.. that being said.. snap out of it and move on.. find yourself and realize he isnt as good as you make him out to be.. learn to be alone for a bit and learn some new things before starting your next relationship and you will be all the better off for it..
Anonymous Coward
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01/05/2013 05:50 AM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
propoganda
Anonymous Coward
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01/05/2013 05:53 AM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
I'm sorry to say this Indigo, I think he's playing you and the other woman.
 Quoting: LaniJane


this.. and if you go back to him you just end up taking a million steps backwards and start another repetitive cycle of bs.. if you like having drama in your life then go for it.. i really dont like giving advice to women unless they are a certain kind of women because the other kind are the lowest form of whore there is.. that being said.. snap out of it and move on.. find yourself and realize he isnt as good as you make him out to be.. learn to be alone for a bit and learn some new things before starting your next relationship and you will be all the better off for it..
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 3970639


oh and ps- that snake that you claim your in love with doesnt even know what love is nor could he ever be real no matter what.. you are just under his spell but too weak minded to see what a ride youv been taken for all along.. think about the bridges you burnt because of him and think about what you gave up for him.. you girls really need to start waking up cause at the end of the day your gonna be left standing all alone and the ones whom could have helped you in the past are only gonna say i told you so and turn the other way.. anyway do as you please but remember that if you sleep with dogs you will be waking up with fleas..
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/05/2013 11:57 AM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
I see you making all these excuses for him, and blaming yourself for his unhappiness. Guilt is a valuable tool in the manipulation of one's emotions. Lawyers are master manipulators.
 Quoting: LaniJane



Yes. I don't think there is any excuse for what he has done and is doing, but I can understand it since I made him feel unloved. That is true. I've worked with them for 15 or so years.
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/05/2013 11:59 AM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
I'm sorry to say this Indigo, I think he's playing you and the other woman.
 Quoting: LaniJane


this.. and if you go back to him you just end up taking a million steps backwards and start another repetitive cycle of bs.. if you like having drama in your life then go for it.. i really dont like giving advice to women unless they are a certain kind of women because the other kind are the lowest form of whore there is.. that being said.. snap out of it and move on.. find yourself and realize he isnt as good as you make him out to be.. learn to be alone for a bit and learn some new things before starting your next relationship and you will be all the better off for it..
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 3970639



Thank you. What if things were the way they were though because I couldn't just love? If I wasn't as understanding as I should have been? I feel like I have been alone on and off since I left him 10 months ago, but by choice.
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/05/2013 12:01 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
I'm sorry to say this Indigo, I think he's playing you and the other woman.
 Quoting: LaniJane


this.. and if you go back to him you just end up taking a million steps backwards and start another repetitive cycle of bs.. if you like having drama in your life then go for it.. i really dont like giving advice to women unless they are a certain kind of women because the other kind are the lowest form of whore there is.. that being said.. snap out of it and move on.. find yourself and realize he isnt as good as you make him out to be.. learn to be alone for a bit and learn some new things before starting your next relationship and you will be all the better off for it..
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 3970639


oh and ps- that snake that you claim your in love with doesnt even know what love is nor could he ever be real no matter what.. you are just under his spell but too weak minded to see what a ride youv been taken for all along.. think about the bridges you burnt because of him and think about what you gave up for him.. you girls really need to start waking up cause at the end of the day your gonna be left standing all alone and the ones whom could have helped you in the past are only gonna say i told you so and turn the other way.. anyway do as you please but remember that if you sleep with dogs you will be waking up with fleas..
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 3970639


I believe that you are right about that. When I love, it is unconditional...unless they have hurt my kids. That doesn't mean I should stay, but the love will be there no matter what. What if the real lesson is to let go of fear and just love?
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
Anonymous Coward
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01/05/2013 12:11 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
Liked the "Lust/Love" post above!


Yeah ... You can "LOVE" the sexual aspect of a relationship ...

THAT will Wane!

Go with the Loyal and Faithful One ...

They will be THERE ... When the Sexy One is looking for Someone Else!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5943151



Okay, so what if he is saying he loves me (keeping in mind we were together 5 years, broken up for several months, we just going to start trying again and he met someone else almost 2 weeks ago), but he loves her too? He has told her how he still feels about me, but feels awful for hurting her and is says he is very sad to see her go and I've seen him, he is extremely sad. Says no matter which one he decides to be with, he will be hurt. I don't know if he is actually in love with me, or in love with her. He says he thinks he is in love with both of us. I also don't know if you can be in love with someone after a week long relationship.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Sounds like he is trying to setup a threeway Managggggggggi.
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/05/2013 02:09 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
Liked the "Lust/Love" post above!


Yeah ... You can "LOVE" the sexual aspect of a relationship ...

THAT will Wane!

Go with the Loyal and Faithful One ...

They will be THERE ... When the Sexy One is looking for Someone Else!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5943151



Okay, so what if he is saying he loves me (keeping in mind we were together 5 years, broken up for several months, we just going to start trying again and he met someone else almost 2 weeks ago), but he loves her too? He has told her how he still feels about me, but feels awful for hurting her and is says he is very sad to see her go and I've seen him, he is extremely sad. Says no matter which one he decides to be with, he will be hurt. I don't know if he is actually in love with me, or in love with her. He says he thinks he is in love with both of us. I also don't know if you can be in love with someone after a week long relationship.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Sounds like he is trying to setup a threeway Managggggggggi.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30614630


Nah, kinda doubt it. He was with me for 5 years...he knows that isn't me.
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
PENG

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01/05/2013 02:17 PM

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Re: In Love with 2 People?
is it possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time?
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


first you should tell something about yourself! are you a whore?
 Quoting: Sharty Mc Bean



Hell no. This isn't about me. This is actually about my ex, thinking he is in love with me and someone else.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Oh NO he didn't! Uh uh. We call that having his cake and eating too. Unless you are a clone of the other, then I find no way to be in love with two people.

You may both have similar qualities, but not similar enough. Like he loves your looks and sex, but he loves her ideas and thoughts. You know what I mean?

Oh no no no no no. That boy needs to get it right. :))
hf
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
Ladydoom

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01/05/2013 02:19 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
Completely impossible if you ask me. You can lust after people, but if you are really truly in love you wouldn't even notice person number 2 to begin with.
We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/05/2013 02:21 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
is it possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time?
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


first you should tell something about yourself! are you a whore?
 Quoting: Sharty Mc Bean



Hell no. This isn't about me. This is actually about my ex, thinking he is in love with me and someone else.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Oh NO he didn't! Uh uh. We call that having his cake and eating too. Unless you are a clone of the other, then I find no way to be in love with two people.

You may both have similar qualities, but not similar enough. Like he loves your looks and sex, but he loves her ideas and thoughts. You know what I mean?

Oh no no no no no. That boy needs to get it right. :))
hf
 Quoting: PENG



Yes...he has now told her twice in the past 2 weeks that he can't be with her, he loves me, but needs time to sort his head out. Now, he is trying to get her back...again...lol.

We aren't clones AT ALL. She is 21, I am 36. She is a pothead with no kids that works at a convenience store. I am the mother of 3 and I work at a law firm. I have also been raising his motherless daughter since birth. She is 5. as far as looks and sex, I think she and I are equal as far as looks, but she is very young and naive so the sex...lol...most girls would not deal with the things he is into and I'm sure she won't.
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/05/2013 02:22 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
Completely impossible if you ask me. You can lust after people, but if you are really truly in love you wouldn't even notice person number 2 to begin with.
 Quoting: Ladydoom


My thoughts exactly...and what I've been trying to explain to him. To be fair...I have pushed him away for the past 10 months, so even if he was in love, he was trying not to be to save himself. I just don't know if you can kill love in 2 weeks time.
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
PENG

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01/06/2013 09:12 AM

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Re: In Love with 2 People?
...


first you should tell something about yourself! are you a whore?
 Quoting: Sharty Mc Bean



Hell no. This isn't about me. This is actually about my ex, thinking he is in love with me and someone else.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Oh NO he didn't! Uh uh. We call that having his cake and eating too. Unless you are a clone of the other, then I find no way to be in love with two people.

You may both have similar qualities, but not similar enough. Like he loves your looks and sex, but he loves her ideas and thoughts. You know what I mean?

Oh no no no no no. That boy needs to get it right. :))
hf
 Quoting: PENG



Yes...he has now told her twice in the past 2 weeks that he can't be with her, he loves me, but needs time to sort his head out. Now, he is trying to get her back...again...lol.

We aren't clones AT ALL. She is 21, I am 36. She is a pothead with no kids that works at a convenience store. I am the mother of 3 and I work at a law firm. I have also been raising his motherless daughter since birth. She is 5. as far as looks and sex, I think she and I are equal as far as looks, but she is very young and naive so the sex...lol...most girls would not deal with the things he is into and I'm sure she won't.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Well that says it all. He is most certainly not in love with 2 people. Is he really in love with anyone but himself? He sounds selfish.

IMO, he is a fool! You are the clear winner in this. What a shame he doesn't see that. Sounds like you deserve a hell of a lot better than this. Not that you don't already know it, but never settle for one who loves less. Your soul is worth so much more.

hf
"May the road rise up to meet you.... May the wind be always at your back..."
STARLING

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01/06/2013 09:14 AM

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Re: In Love with 2 People?
I read some old proverb kind of thing somewhere that went something like 'The farmer who chases two rabbits will catch neither.'
 Quoting: Shoot straight Johnny

clappa
JustCinnamon

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01/06/2013 04:24 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
I don't really think so, at least not for me. If I'm "in" love with someone, someone else wouldn't even cross my radar. If someone did catch my attention in that way, then I would think I was falling out of love with the other person.

Last Edited by Zuzu's Petals on 01/06/2013 04:25 PM
"I don't have pet peeves; I have major psychotic ******* hatreds, okay. And it makes the world a lot easier to sort out." George Carlin

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JustCinnamon

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01/06/2013 04:29 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
Liked the "Lust/Love" post above!


Yeah ... You can "LOVE" the sexual aspect of a relationship ...

THAT will Wane!

Go with the Loyal and Faithful One ...

They will be THERE ... When the Sexy One is looking for Someone Else!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5943151



Okay, so what if he is saying he loves me (keeping in mind we were together 5 years, broken up for several months, we just going to start trying again and he met someone else almost 2 weeks ago), but he loves her too? He has told her how he still feels about me, but feels awful for hurting her and is says he is very sad to see her go and I've seen him, he is extremely sad. Says no matter which one he decides to be with, he will be hurt. I don't know if he is actually in love with me, or in love with her. He says he thinks he is in love with both of us. I also don't know if you can be in love with someone after a week long relationship.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


After only 2 weeks, he's that upset? If you're in love with someone, it shouldn't be that hard to figure it out. And he fell in love with someone else just 2 weeks ago? If he's that torn, maybe he's not really in love with either...or he's more in love with himself. Also seems to be a word he just throws out there with maybe not too much feeling behind it.
"I don't have pet peeves; I have major psychotic ******* hatreds, okay. And it makes the world a lot easier to sort out." George Carlin

[link to www.youtube.com]

[link to www.youtube.com]
LaniJane

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01/06/2013 06:17 PM

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Re: In Love with 2 People?
How you doing, Indigo? Did you find the answer you were looking for? Seriously, I'm not being an ass. It sucks to be in your situation, been there myself.
"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls." ~
George Carlin
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/06/2013 10:35 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
...



Hell no. This isn't about me. This is actually about my ex, thinking he is in love with me and someone else.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Oh NO he didn't! Uh uh. We call that having his cake and eating too. Unless you are a clone of the other, then I find no way to be in love with two people.

You may both have similar qualities, but not similar enough. Like he loves your looks and sex, but he loves her ideas and thoughts. You know what I mean?

Oh no no no no no. That boy needs to get it right. :))
hf
 Quoting: PENG



Yes...he has now told her twice in the past 2 weeks that he can't be with her, he loves me, but needs time to sort his head out. Now, he is trying to get her back...again...lol.

We aren't clones AT ALL. She is 21, I am 36. She is a pothead with no kids that works at a convenience store. I am the mother of 3 and I work at a law firm. I have also been raising his motherless daughter since birth. She is 5. as far as looks and sex, I think she and I are equal as far as looks, but she is very young and naive so the sex...lol...most girls would not deal with the things he is into and I'm sure she won't.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Well that says it all. He is most certainly not in love with 2 people. Is he really in love with anyone but himself? He sounds selfish.

IMO, he is a fool! You are the clear winner in this. What a shame he doesn't see that. Sounds like you deserve a hell of a lot better than this. Not that you don't already know it, but never settle for one who loves less. Your soul is worth so much more.

hf
 Quoting: PENG



LOL, he is very selfish, that's for sure. Has been for as long as I've known him...I just tried to overlook it and blame it on other things.

Aww, thank you so much for that :).:hf:
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/06/2013 10:35 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
I don't really think so, at least not for me. If I'm "in" love with someone, someone else wouldn't even cross my radar. If someone did catch my attention in that way, then I would think I was falling out of love with the other person.
 Quoting: JustCinnamon



Yep, same here.
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/06/2013 10:37 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
Liked the "Lust/Love" post above!


Yeah ... You can "LOVE" the sexual aspect of a relationship ...

THAT will Wane!

Go with the Loyal and Faithful One ...

They will be THERE ... When the Sexy One is looking for Someone Else!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5943151



Okay, so what if he is saying he loves me (keeping in mind we were together 5 years, broken up for several months, we just going to start trying again and he met someone else almost 2 weeks ago), but he loves her too? He has told her how he still feels about me, but feels awful for hurting her and is says he is very sad to see her go and I've seen him, he is extremely sad. Says no matter which one he decides to be with, he will be hurt. I don't know if he is actually in love with me, or in love with her. He says he thinks he is in love with both of us. I also don't know if you can be in love with someone after a week long relationship.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


After only 2 weeks, he's that upset? If you're in love with someone, it shouldn't be that hard to figure it out. And he fell in love with someone else just 2 weeks ago? If he's that torn, maybe he's not really in love with either...or he's more in love with himself. Also seems to be a word he just throws out there with maybe not too much feeling behind it.
 Quoting: JustCinnamon


Yep, he is. He doesn't say he is in love with her, he says he has feelings for her and she makes him smile. Says he loves me, but can't be with me because I don't make him smile anymore, I just hurt him.

Either way, he keeps going back and forth and I don't know why this girl sticks around for it if she is as new as he says she is, and she just broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years on Dec. 23.
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/06/2013 10:38 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
How you doing, Indigo? Did you find the answer you were looking for? Seriously, I'm not being an ass. It sucks to be in your situation, been there myself.
 Quoting: LaniJane



Hey there :). Oh, I didn't think you were being an ass, lol. I'm looking for absolute honesty, no matter what. I'm not sure, really. Right now, he is back to wanting her and not wanting to speak to me at all. It goes back and forth for him every few days.
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
Anonymous Coward
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01/06/2013 10:41 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
is it possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time?
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


first you should tell something about yourself! are you a whore?
 Quoting: Sharty Mc Bean



Hell no. This isn't about me. This is actually about my ex, thinking he is in love with me and someone else.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


If he loves you, cares about you, then he will control himself and his stupid emotions and only be with you. So of course, he is full of crap.

Best of luck.
Anonymous Coward
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01/06/2013 10:48 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
How you doing, Indigo? Did you find the answer you were looking for? Seriously, I'm not being an ass. It sucks to be in your situation, been there myself.
 Quoting: LaniJane



Hey there :). Oh, I didn't think you were being an ass, lol. I'm looking for absolute honesty, no matter what. I'm not sure, really. Right now, he is back to wanting her and not wanting to speak to me at all. It goes back and forth for him every few days.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


My 2 cents....could be way off but here it is

I'm guessing he likes or loves certain qualities in you, and then some in the other person. Depending on what mood or season he's in, he goes back and forth...this isn't really love, its an insecure codependency.

As soon as things become difficult with whoever he's with at the time he'll no doubt want to reconcile with the other and things will be ok for some time.

He thrives on drama, could be from a broken home of divorced parents, I know from experience, but when things are good, and settled, that will send him into a panic stricken self-destruct mode and he''l break up with one and go to the other.

I could be wrong, and most likely I am. Either way Im sorry your being subjected to this, and nothing anyone says will make it easier. You have to draw clear boundaries, or else you'll risk having this happen again.
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/06/2013 10:49 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
is it possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time?
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


first you should tell something about yourself! are you a whore?
 Quoting: Sharty Mc Bean



Hell no. This isn't about me. This is actually about my ex, thinking he is in love with me and someone else.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


If he loves you, cares about you, then he will control himself and his stupid emotions and only be with you. So of course, he is full of crap.

Best of luck.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 18535219



Well...to be fair, I left him 10 months away and he has really been trying to get me back since then, I just pushed him away.

Although at this point, I do believe he is full of shit :).
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

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01/06/2013 10:51 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
How you doing, Indigo? Did you find the answer you were looking for? Seriously, I'm not being an ass. It sucks to be in your situation, been there myself.
 Quoting: LaniJane



Hey there :). Oh, I didn't think you were being an ass, lol. I'm looking for absolute honesty, no matter what. I'm not sure, really. Right now, he is back to wanting her and not wanting to speak to me at all. It goes back and forth for him every few days.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


My 2 cents....could be way off but here it is

I'm guessing he likes or loves certain qualities in you, and then some in the other person. Depending on what mood or season he's in, he goes back and forth...this isn't really love, its an insecure codependency.

As soon as things become difficult with whoever he's with at the time he'll no doubt want to reconcile with the other and things will be ok for some time.

He thrives on drama, could be from a broken home of divorced parents, I know from experience, but when things are good, and settled, that will send him into a panic stricken self-destruct mode and he''l break up with one and go to the other.

I could be wrong, and most likely I am. Either way Im sorry your being subjected to this, and nothing anyone says will make it easier. You have to draw clear boundaries, or else you'll risk having this happen again.
 Quoting: Drummy


Thank you so much. You are not the least bit off, that is actually right on. He likes/loves me parental qualities, my grown up qualities, the sex qualities, he likes/loves her ability to be irresponsible and available to him at all times, with no stress because she has no responsibilities yet.

I've always told him he is more dramatic than most women I know. It's sick, really.
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach
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User ID: 29358702
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01/06/2013 11:01 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
How you doing, Indigo? Did you find the answer you were looking for? Seriously, I'm not being an ass. It sucks to be in your situation, been there myself.
 Quoting: LaniJane



Hey there :). Oh, I didn't think you were being an ass, lol. I'm looking for absolute honesty, no matter what. I'm not sure, really. Right now, he is back to wanting her and not wanting to speak to me at all. It goes back and forth for him every few days.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


My 2 cents....could be way off but here it is

I'm guessing he likes or loves certain qualities in you, and then some in the other person. Depending on what mood or season he's in, he goes back and forth...this isn't really love, its an insecure codependency.

As soon as things become difficult with whoever he's with at the time he'll no doubt want to reconcile with the other and things will be ok for some time.

He thrives on drama, could be from a broken home of divorced parents, I know from experience, but when things are good, and settled, that will send him into a panic stricken self-destruct mode and he''l break up with one and go to the other.

I could be wrong, and most likely I am. Either way Im sorry your being subjected to this, and nothing anyone says will make it easier. You have to draw clear boundaries, or else you'll risk having this happen again.
 Quoting: Drummy


Thank you so much. You are not the least bit off, that is actually right on. He likes/loves me parental qualities, my grown up qualities, the sex qualities, he likes/loves her ability to be irresponsible and available to him at all times, with no stress because she has no responsibilities yet.

I've always told him he is more dramatic than most women I know. It's sick, really.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Well I'm glad you see through all the drama. It makes things difficult when we have a strong desire to be in relationship with people, and sometime we (myself included) we will stay in a dysfunctional relationship because its better than "no" relationship.

Love is such a nebulous term, and I think a lot of times if gets confused with lust or infatuation. So we have this intense emotional response when we meet or start dating someone, but as soon as that "feeling" is challenged in any way, maybe an argument, our false notion of love is sent on a roller coaster ride, usually ending up with us seemingly "not in love" with them.

So we go searching for the next roller coaster ride of emotion, until the same thing happens, (rise cycle repeat) all over on the crazy train

Hope thats not to impressionist, musicians brains can be a bit out there....
IndigoSerenity76 (OP)

User ID: 29218935
United States
01/07/2013 01:00 PM
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Re: In Love with 2 People?
...



Hey there :). Oh, I didn't think you were being an ass, lol. I'm looking for absolute honesty, no matter what. I'm not sure, really. Right now, he is back to wanting her and not wanting to speak to me at all. It goes back and forth for him every few days.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


My 2 cents....could be way off but here it is

I'm guessing he likes or loves certain qualities in you, and then some in the other person. Depending on what mood or season he's in, he goes back and forth...this isn't really love, its an insecure codependency.

As soon as things become difficult with whoever he's with at the time he'll no doubt want to reconcile with the other and things will be ok for some time.

He thrives on drama, could be from a broken home of divorced parents, I know from experience, but when things are good, and settled, that will send him into a panic stricken self-destruct mode and he''l break up with one and go to the other.

I could be wrong, and most likely I am. Either way Im sorry your being subjected to this, and nothing anyone says will make it easier. You have to draw clear boundaries, or else you'll risk having this happen again.
 Quoting: Drummy


Thank you so much. You are not the least bit off, that is actually right on. He likes/loves me parental qualities, my grown up qualities, the sex qualities, he likes/loves her ability to be irresponsible and available to him at all times, with no stress because she has no responsibilities yet.

I've always told him he is more dramatic than most women I know. It's sick, really.
 Quoting: IndigoSerenity76


Well I'm glad you see through all the drama. It makes things difficult when we have a strong desire to be in relationship with people, and sometime we (myself included) we will stay in a dysfunctional relationship because its better than "no" relationship.

Love is such a nebulous term, and I think a lot of times if gets confused with lust or infatuation. So we have this intense emotional response when we meet or start dating someone, but as soon as that "feeling" is challenged in any way, maybe an argument, our false notion of love is sent on a roller coaster ride, usually ending up with us seemingly "not in love" with them.

So we go searching for the next roller coaster ride of emotion, until the same thing happens, (rise cycle repeat) all over on the crazy train

Hope thats not to impressionist, musicians brains can be a bit out there....
 Quoting: Drummy


Yep, I agree. LOL, nope. That was a perfect explanation :).
"Imagine no possessions"

"As Above, So Below"

)O(
Rach

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